Chapter 3

THE DIARY OF KIM JONGHYUN

CHAPTER 3

DATE ENTRY: 3 JANUARY 2013

"Dear diary, do you wonder how was my day today? Its HORRIBLE. I still remember this morning where I met him again and her. Owh yes, the guy that I told you about...Lee Taemin and I also meet Krystal. I can believe it that Krystal would be friend such a mysterious guy like him. That guy really creeps me out...I don't really know why. The worse of all is not that...I think I'm going crazy...you know why? .......I have been hearing voices since I meet him...why is that. What is this voices it seem like a dream or memory? It feel so real, so close like it is inside me. Krystal...she seems warmer...um I mean she seem friendly now then the first time I saw her. You remember when I write about her? Huh...again talking with you just useless. I saw her smiles and she's really gorgeous upclose now that I saw her today. This is the worst day of my life...but maybe not so bad because I can see her again.

JONGHYUN POV

I sighed heavily after done writing...I feel empty and I didn't hear those voices again. That's a relief. 

Flashback

 

"Come on now...let's hang out with us." Taemin asks and he really want him to stay to hang out with them.

"Yyeah sure..." I answer hesitately and I just watch Krystal starting to look really serious. She hates me.

She doesn't hate you, silly. She hates me.

My eyes made contact with deep brown eyes belong to Taemin. My eyes seems to focus on Taemin right now like I was being possess. 

Who are you? I thought I was just talking to myself in my head.

I drifted my eyes from the young man and look at the Krystal that somehow now show relax expression.

Don't you remember me? I'm your friend...

"Let's go to my apartment...I will made breakfast for you guys." Krystal said calmly and she give a small smile.

"Owh really? You're so kind." I heard Taemin said playfully. Seems he really like it. Hmph...acting like a child. 

Oh my, are you jealous?

I heard the voices again. What the hell? Is this my imagination? I waited for a reply but none.

The three of us walk through the hall and pass by Taemin apartment 1404 and went to Krystal apartment just next to Taemin apartment, which is 1405. I waited patiently as Krystal enter her passcode and open the door to her apartment. She invited both of us inside and I can see how lovely her living room is. The sofa is red in color with white roses patterns. There a some sense of roses surrounding the living room. It is a nice smell really. I watch her walk to the kitchen to prepare the breakfast. I thought of helping her but before I could enter the kitchen she told me to sit down with Taemin to watch TV or chat or something. She said she can do it alone. I sigh and saw that Taemin already seating at the sofa and his knee against his chest. His seating position is weird too. 

Who are you? L from Death Note? Hah...so childish. I said in my head.

Who are you calling childish? Me? 

What the hell? I cursed in my head. I seriously had a slight heart attack when I heard the voice again. I look at Taemin thinking maybe he play trick on me and making those voices. But that impossible unless Taemin can read my mind! 

I took a sit besides him and he seems to focus on watching TV. I stare at the TV. So boring...I said again in my head unconciously.

Do you want to play a game? 

Again, I have another heart attack. Seriously...what's going on? I think I'm going crazy...Am I crazy? I ask myself.

Hahaha, you're not crazy, Jonghyun hyung.

What? The voice said my name...how do do you know? I ask again.

What...now you talking to me. Aren't you scared, hyung? 

The voice seem dark now, I feel a shiver until it reaches my spine. I am scare right now seem like it is so real and close to me that voice.

I don't know how long I was spacing out in space...but I feel soft hand touching my cheek gently brushing against it.

"Jonghyun? Are you okay?" I heard a girl voice. Krystal?

"Krystal..." I said faintly.

"Yes...are you alright? You look pale." She ask me with concern look in her eyes. Our eyes met and her face are close to mine since she kneel in front of me. I was sitting at the sofa. 

"I'm fine." I said slowly took her hand away from my cheek holding it gently. 

"Are you sure?" She ask again and her hands is still in mine.

"Yes...sorry I was just thinking about work." I lied and let go of her hand.

"Alright then...the breakfast is ready. Let's eat." Krystal said and she stand up.

Taemin already seating at the dining table with his both hand resting on table holding up his chin. He was watching both of us and the way he look at me was weird. Why he look at me like that. 

I took a sit besides Krystal and she was facing Taemin. I look at the food and I feel hungry. It looks really delicious, she cook Omelet rice and stew kimchi. She pour me orange juice that making me thirsty. I took a sip of the orange juice and my lips after I'm done. It tastes so good. After that, I took my spoon to have a taste on my omelet rice. It taste delicious. 

After a while, we still eating and Taemin start the conversation.

"What do you do for a living Krystal?" He ask her.

"I'm a student and figure skating." She said simply.

"Figure skating huh? Wow...I would like to watch you skate sometimes." Taemin said and he seem interested. 

"How about you?" I ask him suddenly.

"Ah...well I'm a student too and I'm a writer." He answer me and give me a mysterious smile.

"Owh really? Have you write a book or publish it?" I ask him again.

"I did wrote a lot of story." He said again giving me the same smile.

"What kind of story do you write?" Krystal turn to ask.

"Hmmm...I like writing about ghost story or mysterious story." He answer.

"I hope I could read one of your book." Krystal said.

"I have pen name for all my book, it is a secret. Maybe someday I will give you my books." Taemin said.

After that the conversation end and we already finish eating. Now, I was with Taemin washing the dishes together after Taemin been suggesting to Krystal that we will be washing the dishes as payback for the delicious breakfast. I just stay quiet the whole time until suddenly ask me something.

"Since when you start being a singer?" He ask me and it seem his voice is low and his expression is more normal.

"Its been six months since I debut as a singer." I answer him.

"Finally, your dream come true right Jonghyun hyung." His voice was not that high and he said it with low and sad voice. I heard what he said clearly but somehow I just ignore the weird feeling I'm having right now.

We done the dishes and I thought of heading back to my apartment since I did come out to eat breakfast now that I'm already eat at Krystal apartment there's no need for me to go outside. I bid my goodbye and I feel uneasy seeing Taemin still seating just like earlier watching TV. Krystal send me to the door and then I leave the apartment. It bother me now that Taemin and Krystal are together at the apartment. Am I feeling jealous? I said to myself.

Ow...hyung, are you jealous.

The voice that bugging me earlier is still there. I stop for a moment to took a deep breath and calm myself down. I walk faster to the lift. Ugh...I need to sleep and relax myself or I will go crazy for real.

End of flashback

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This is just short updates...hahaha I'm having hard time thinking what to write next. Please subscribe and comments. Thank you very much for reading.

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pinboo #1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: I think the preliminary information is actually sufficient to lure readers in, especially mystery lover. There's nothing much I can tell about the plot, and most likely because the story is incomplete. However, based on what you've written, there are some things to point out.

The concept is actually kind of engaging, I think because you managed to hide some part of the plot and the mystery element still remains in the fiction. I cannot say much about plot development, and so far, I'm only able to say that the plot has not really moved anywhere aside from Jonghyun having these two neighbors –who are either weird or secretive. On the flow of the plot, you actually surprise me in the sense that I don't exactly mind nothing has really happened so far –like, despite anything, I actually can enjoy the little bouncing game you take to elaborate on the mystery elements of the fiction (subject to my comments on the style section below). This is notwithstanding the fact that in the end you still need to finish the plot because otherwise, the current plot is kinda disrupted.



Characters: There are some traits seen to the characters, which is good –but what I want to point out is that you get the character traits by telling it to the readers instead of showing it to the readers. This way, the readers might get to know the characters, but do not exactly feel/understand them. In the end, there's a less sympathy that a reader can have to the characters. It is important to be noted that you want the readers to care for your characters, instead of only knowing them by the descriptions you conveyed.
pinboo #2
Firstly, Jonghyun. What kind of bugs me is the fact that he actually writes a diary. This may be a minor issue to some people, but well, on a general matter, I don't really see how a guy actually write that kind of diary. Another thing that I want to point out is that you have a lot of chances to show Jonghyun's characteristic because you often use 1st POV in the story. But the fact is, I don't exactly catch anything meaningful about Jonghyun aside from the fact that he's a superstar, he has a crush on Krystal, and he thinks Taemin is creepy. Sure there are other things, but these are not actual traits or characteristics. They're just information –and characterizing a character takes more than that.

Taemin actually manages to maintain the creepiness –which is good. The caveat is, this impression comes from the fact that he smirks in a weird manner and seems to have this... stalker-ish tendency towards Jonghyun. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're trying to portray Taemin as the psychopath element of this mystery story. If you read/watch lots of mystery, you might realize that psychotic's characteristics are not displayed that blatantly. Psychopath, despite their weird tendencies, have other personalities aside from being weird. This is what I think you need to incorporate. Thankfully though, you manage to insert a little background about Taemin and his mother or something –this, I think gives better dimension to his character.

Krystal is still bland and 'undetected' as a character, but I actually like this secretive aura about her that you revealed in your 5th (7th) chapter. I expect her to be more developed than a mere pretty cold girl that Jonghyun seems to like.
pinboo #3
Style: Before I go to the substance of your writing stylistic, I'd like to point out that unfortunately you have actually violated one of the rules. There are numerous 1st POVs in the story –which are not allowed in this contest. I can understand if it's a couple of lines or something, but your 1st POVs actually loiter the fic a lot.

But anyway, even putting that aside, there are some other issues about the style that I'd like to point out. Firstly, often time, you repeat the same plot/storyline, only told in different POV (either Jonghyun's or Taemin's). I have no problem with that generally, but the thing is, there is no actual meaningful difference of plot/storyline between the version in, say, Jonghyun's POV and Taemin's POV. This leads to a rather repetitive/redundant storyline, and you might actually bore the readers that way –because there's a lack of substantial different information on the different character's POV. You also have the tendencies to circle around flashback. Some of your flashback are informative and they actually bring something new to the table. These ones are fine. However, some of your other flashbacks, again, are just repeating the same information.

You also still fall to the "tell not show" trap occasionally. In addition, you also need to have the flair to your writing. At this rate, I personally still think that your writing style is rather bland and not really engaging. Another point is your tenses. I'm certainly not the best when it comes to grammar and stuffs, but even in my level, some of your tenses are not correct.
pinboo #4
Suggestion:
• Choose the scene appropriately. If it has been told, you don't need to repeat the scene. Or else, your plot is not moving anywhere despite the fact that your fic already has 5 chapters.
• Don't just blatantly tell us who Jonghyun, Krystal, or Taemin is. Characterizing takes more than mere telling background information of the characters. Remember, a writer needs to ensure that the readers to care about their characters, instead of only briefly knowing them.
• Don't be discouraged and continue on with the plot.

Favorite Parts:
• I like the air of mystery that the fic still manages to create so far.
• Despite my comments on the character sections above, I like how the characters, especially Taemin and Krystal, have this secret yet to be revealed. It keeps the readers on the seat –wanting to know who and what they are actually up to.
• Despite the comments on plot, flow, and redundancy of plot, somehow, I still don't mind reading it.
kuromi_hanami91 #5
HWAITING! HOPE TO FINISH THIS BEFORE DATELINE.
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