Chapter 5

THE DIARY OF KIM JONGHYUN

CHAPTER 5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hahaha, young man

You're scaring him

Such a scaredy cat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

JONGHYUN POV

 

 

It was Taemin. He look at me with his emotionless expression for a while before a gruesome smiles appear at his face. I suddenly feel cold and my breathing getting heavy. I was panicking and I could see smoke coming out because of the sudden cold temperature. 

"Hyung..."

I could hear his faint voice calling me...my eyes widen and I feel my heart beating at crazy pace. What the hell is going on.

"Jonghyun hyung...sorry to bother you at time like this." He said afterward.

"Its okay...what do you need?" I sigh and ask him what he want. I think I was overreacting earlier.

"Well...can I come in?" He ask me. I stare at the monitor looking at him. His expression wasn't that scary anymore. He look like teenager that sulking about something.

"Sure, come in then." I said and then I open the door. 'Seriously, I am an idiot.' I said to myself in my head.

"Thanks hyung." He said and he enter my apartment. He took a sit at the couch looking at my snack like a kid.

"Are you hungry?" I ask him. I feel bad for him.

He just nodded still looking at my snacks. 

"You can eat that. I will make another for myself." I said to him and walk back to kitchen after I lock the door.

"Really? Thanks hyung." He said while smiling brightly like a child. Somehow I feel he has double personality. Physco and little child. Physco is a bit harsh. Okay, maybe maniac? Huh...that's doesn't make me feel safe at all. But right now I feel safe as long as his other personality doesn't show up.

It takes me about 10 minutes preparing my snacks and after finish I took a sit besides Taemin. 

"I was planning to watch movie, you can watch too if you want." I said to him grabbing the remote control. I just watch Harry Potter. I could see Taemin was interested. His eyes just lock to the TV. I wonder what he want anyway, so I ask him.

"So...why did you come to my apartment at time like this?" I ask him.

"Owh...I almost forgot." He said and he look at me. He look troubled.

"I have an argument with my mother." He said and I saw some dark expression when he said mother. 

"Its normal having argument with family sometimes...everyone does." I said to him.

"Its different...I never been so angry with my mother." He said again.

"What did she do?" I ask him and I feel like we are getting close like best friends since we talk about personal things.

"My mother being so hateful sometimes. Its troublesome." He said again this time he look at me with cold eyes.

"Hateful about what?" I ask him again.

"About my friends." He said and then he look away continue watching the movie.

I wonder what he means. Is his mother hate his friends? Is that it. I guess he just want to talk about that, that's why he came to my apartment.

"Hyung, thanks for listening." He said to me.

"Your welcome." I said to him and continue watching the movie too.

"Hyung...we are friends right?" He ask me suddenly. I look at him.

"Yeah, we are." I answer him and I could see he smile at my answer. We are friend I guess. 

*********

KRYSTAL POV

"My name is Krystal Jung. I am an orphan, I don't have parents and I have been alone for quite some times. It took me a lot of efforts to be a figure skater. I train hard everyday to fulfill my dream. My dream is figure skating. Maybe people view me as successful dreamer and perfect figure. But I think they are wrong in so many ways. They don't know me at all and nobody does. I am a dreamer of course but I have always desire of one thing only. It was to find someone. It was my first love and my everything. I would do anything to find him. I said I do anything but that doesn't mean I will get crazy for him, no. He was my precious, my life, my friends, my family, my enemy, my love and my only one."

I stare at my journal after I write my feeling. It was my first time writing. I just let it at the table and went to my bed. I lay myself at the bed staring at the ceiling. I been searching for my first love since I end my high school and enter college. I become a figure skater and I receive a lot of attention. I don't intend to be figure skater for my whole life. It was just mere hobby and I took suitable course for myself at the college I attend. I still favor figure skating than studying but I wouldn't stop studying. I intend to be a psychologist in the future. I took psychology in my college. I could be an excellent psychologist if I want. I had an ability and the knowledge far greater than any normal people do. I have a secret and I won't share it with anyone. I hate being socialize and I hate interacting with new people. 

"I'm glad I choose to live here." I smile by myself.

"I have found him...my first love." I said again. I then wake up and sit at the bed. 

I know it will not be an happy ending for me if I don't do anything. I have to help him and solve the riddle. Something going to happen and it will not be pretty. I have a bad feeling. I always have those feeling sometimes since I stay at the apartment. I'm not really a psychic but like I said earlier I have a secret. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is your secret, young lady?

Can you solve the riddle?

Sure I can...with my secret

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
pinboo #1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: I think the preliminary information is actually sufficient to lure readers in, especially mystery lover. There's nothing much I can tell about the plot, and most likely because the story is incomplete. However, based on what you've written, there are some things to point out.

The concept is actually kind of engaging, I think because you managed to hide some part of the plot and the mystery element still remains in the fiction. I cannot say much about plot development, and so far, I'm only able to say that the plot has not really moved anywhere aside from Jonghyun having these two neighbors –who are either weird or secretive. On the flow of the plot, you actually surprise me in the sense that I don't exactly mind nothing has really happened so far –like, despite anything, I actually can enjoy the little bouncing game you take to elaborate on the mystery elements of the fiction (subject to my comments on the style section below). This is notwithstanding the fact that in the end you still need to finish the plot because otherwise, the current plot is kinda disrupted.



Characters: There are some traits seen to the characters, which is good –but what I want to point out is that you get the character traits by telling it to the readers instead of showing it to the readers. This way, the readers might get to know the characters, but do not exactly feel/understand them. In the end, there's a less sympathy that a reader can have to the characters. It is important to be noted that you want the readers to care for your characters, instead of only knowing them by the descriptions you conveyed.
pinboo #2
Firstly, Jonghyun. What kind of bugs me is the fact that he actually writes a diary. This may be a minor issue to some people, but well, on a general matter, I don't really see how a guy actually write that kind of diary. Another thing that I want to point out is that you have a lot of chances to show Jonghyun's characteristic because you often use 1st POV in the story. But the fact is, I don't exactly catch anything meaningful about Jonghyun aside from the fact that he's a superstar, he has a crush on Krystal, and he thinks Taemin is creepy. Sure there are other things, but these are not actual traits or characteristics. They're just information –and characterizing a character takes more than that.

Taemin actually manages to maintain the creepiness –which is good. The caveat is, this impression comes from the fact that he smirks in a weird manner and seems to have this... stalker-ish tendency towards Jonghyun. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're trying to portray Taemin as the psychopath element of this mystery story. If you read/watch lots of mystery, you might realize that psychotic's characteristics are not displayed that blatantly. Psychopath, despite their weird tendencies, have other personalities aside from being weird. This is what I think you need to incorporate. Thankfully though, you manage to insert a little background about Taemin and his mother or something –this, I think gives better dimension to his character.

Krystal is still bland and 'undetected' as a character, but I actually like this secretive aura about her that you revealed in your 5th (7th) chapter. I expect her to be more developed than a mere pretty cold girl that Jonghyun seems to like.
pinboo #3
Style: Before I go to the substance of your writing stylistic, I'd like to point out that unfortunately you have actually violated one of the rules. There are numerous 1st POVs in the story –which are not allowed in this contest. I can understand if it's a couple of lines or something, but your 1st POVs actually loiter the fic a lot.

But anyway, even putting that aside, there are some other issues about the style that I'd like to point out. Firstly, often time, you repeat the same plot/storyline, only told in different POV (either Jonghyun's or Taemin's). I have no problem with that generally, but the thing is, there is no actual meaningful difference of plot/storyline between the version in, say, Jonghyun's POV and Taemin's POV. This leads to a rather repetitive/redundant storyline, and you might actually bore the readers that way –because there's a lack of substantial different information on the different character's POV. You also have the tendencies to circle around flashback. Some of your flashback are informative and they actually bring something new to the table. These ones are fine. However, some of your other flashbacks, again, are just repeating the same information.

You also still fall to the "tell not show" trap occasionally. In addition, you also need to have the flair to your writing. At this rate, I personally still think that your writing style is rather bland and not really engaging. Another point is your tenses. I'm certainly not the best when it comes to grammar and stuffs, but even in my level, some of your tenses are not correct.
pinboo #4
Suggestion:
• Choose the scene appropriately. If it has been told, you don't need to repeat the scene. Or else, your plot is not moving anywhere despite the fact that your fic already has 5 chapters.
• Don't just blatantly tell us who Jonghyun, Krystal, or Taemin is. Characterizing takes more than mere telling background information of the characters. Remember, a writer needs to ensure that the readers to care about their characters, instead of only briefly knowing them.
• Don't be discouraged and continue on with the plot.

Favorite Parts:
• I like the air of mystery that the fic still manages to create so far.
• Despite my comments on the character sections above, I like how the characters, especially Taemin and Krystal, have this secret yet to be revealed. It keeps the readers on the seat –wanting to know who and what they are actually up to.
• Despite the comments on plot, flow, and redundancy of plot, somehow, I still don't mind reading it.
kuromi_hanami91 #5
HWAITING! HOPE TO FINISH THIS BEFORE DATELINE.
Back to Top ↑