Chapter 1

THE DIARY OF KIM JONGHYUN

CHAPTER 1

DATE ENTRY: 1 JANUARY 2013

" Dear diary... We meet again. How long its been? Huh...I think its almost six months and I haven't write anything since then. Come on now? Don't you remember me? Hahaha, I'm Kim Jonghyun."

 

JONGHYUN POV

I tap my pen on the my diary as I wrote my first entry for today. Its been so long and I have abandon my diary because I was busy with my new career. I am singer now and yes I am famous. My hand was softly touching the cover of my old diary. I can feel the rough cover brushing the palm of my hand. The diary already with me since I was a kid which is like 17 years ago. Still my diary is still intact can be use. My diary is pretty thick a lot thicker than any book I own right now. Today, I am on vacation and I'm staying at my apartment now. I look around my spacious bedroom and my head already analyze what I want to write in my diary today. I grab my pen and start writing again and smile as I feel a spark of excitement to write again after such a long time.

"You remember me now? Hahaha...I must be crazy that what's you think right? Anyway, I am a singer now and I become famous. I think I am lucky man...what do you think?" 

'What the hell I am doing right now? Talking with my diary...hahaha I must be crazy.' I said in my head and then continue writing. 

"So, as I was saying I am famous now...still my fans drive me crazy a little bits. Since my debut as a singer they have been chasing me everywhere I go...how crazy right? I did got lot of stress back then but now I am more relax...because I am Kim Jonghyun so yeah. I'm gonna chill and handle my fans coolly now. Did I just wrote that? Hahaha, never mind. Now I can take a break from my schedule and I gonna stay at my apartment the whole week. Let's not talk about my work ugh I gonna get a headache if I keep thinking about it. Er...since its been long time I don't know what to write...its end here then. Bye. "

I put my pen aside and close my diary. The front cover of the diary written my name in english...The Diary of Kim Jonghyun. I design it myself when I was like 15 years old. How nostalgic. 

I put my diary inside the closet and lock it. I took the key and put it in my locket necklace. I lay on my bed watching the ceiling and thinking about lots of thing such as my dream. 

"I accomplish my dream...wow." I said that and smile happily because I am happy that I achieve my dream my goal. I can feel my eyes starting to doze off. I close my eyes and went to dreamlands. 

 

********

AUTHOR POV

Kim Jonghyun...his name can be heard throughout the lobby area of the luxurious apartment. 

"Jonghyun Oppa!!!!!" 

"Oppa, I love you!"

"Please Oppa! Look here!" 

Screaming of fans girl can be heard and the famous singer just flashes his bright smile and wave to the fans. He just went for grocery shopping and he wear some disguise. When he leave the apartment his fan weren't there and when he is back they were there and they notice him. Amazingly his manager already inform the bodyguard to control the situation at the lobby and hundreds of screaming fan girls were dissappointed because they cannot come near him at all. He walk to the lifts and bodyguard just holding the fans from following him. 

Kim Jonghyun turn around and flashes a bright smile to his fans. He wave them goodbye and then walk straight to the lift. He push the lift button and lift open. He enter the lift and push the close button. He was pretty sure nobody was following him but a hand that pushes the lift door from closing startled him. 

"Hoho...I made it. Hi." A young and handsome man said. 

"Hi..." Jonghyun reply still a bit startled but he calm down. He look at the young man and he notice the way he smile is a bit creepy and he can feel that he was watching him.

"You live here?" Jonghyun clear his throat and ask the young man.

"Yup...just move in yesterday. My name is Lee Taemin." The young man said giving another smiles that almost forming a smirk. 

"Owh...I'm Kim Jonghyun, nice to meet you." Jonghyun try not to think much about the young man disturbing smiling face. 

"Ah...the famous Kim Jonghyun isn't? Eh..." Taemin said with playful and excited voice which sound kinda annoying to Jonghyun.

"Ne...you know me?" Jonghyun said.

"Owh...I know you." He said to Jonghyun with serious voice and his face shown no emotion at all. 

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He was a bit strange...when I first meet him I feel a shiver and the way he smile is a bit creepy. Maybe I'm paranoid or judging too much. 

He is strange.....I can't shake off the uneasy feeling since then. 

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Jonghyun walk out his apartment and almost arrive at the lift but he got startled. Not again.

"Hi, how are you? Jonghyun sshi." A young man wearing white T-shirt and black jeans said. His hair is a bit messy almost covering his eyes. 

"Oh God, what the..." That's the only word that come out from his mouth as he suddenly saw Taemin. 

"Taemin sshi...where did you come from? I didn't notice you at all." Jonghyun said and he try not show his uneasy feeling toward the latter. 

"I was here just now...don't you see me?" Taemin said as he titled his head to the left showing his cute expression. 

"Owh really...I didn't notice at all." Jonghyun said to Taemin. 

"You must be surprised...hahaha...I always has lack of presence in me." Taemin said as he look at the lift door open and both of them went inside. 

"Where are you going?" Jonghyun ask him as they enter the lift.

"Some secret place." Taemin said mysteriously. 

"Ah....hahaha. Alright." Jonghyun just show the what look in his face and laugh awkwardly. 

"You can come if you want..." Taemin said again this time eyeing Jonghyun straight in the eyes. 

"Thanks but no thanks...I'm not interested." Jonghyun let out a sigh and answer him straightly. His voice sound serious showing he really not interested to follow the latter. Deep down Jonghyun keep thinking the young man is weird and creepy. He kinda have like weird personality which really disturbing somehow he was curious about him also. Probably because the aura that he feels from the young man. 

"You are no fun at all." Taemin said in serious voice.

Both of them stay silent after that. No words coming out from their mouth until both of them parted ways at the lobby area. 

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Owh young man...how you feel?

Excited of course.

The excitement just begin...

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pinboo #1
Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: I think the preliminary information is actually sufficient to lure readers in, especially mystery lover. There's nothing much I can tell about the plot, and most likely because the story is incomplete. However, based on what you've written, there are some things to point out.

The concept is actually kind of engaging, I think because you managed to hide some part of the plot and the mystery element still remains in the fiction. I cannot say much about plot development, and so far, I'm only able to say that the plot has not really moved anywhere aside from Jonghyun having these two neighbors –who are either weird or secretive. On the flow of the plot, you actually surprise me in the sense that I don't exactly mind nothing has really happened so far –like, despite anything, I actually can enjoy the little bouncing game you take to elaborate on the mystery elements of the fiction (subject to my comments on the style section below). This is notwithstanding the fact that in the end you still need to finish the plot because otherwise, the current plot is kinda disrupted.



Characters: There are some traits seen to the characters, which is good –but what I want to point out is that you get the character traits by telling it to the readers instead of showing it to the readers. This way, the readers might get to know the characters, but do not exactly feel/understand them. In the end, there's a less sympathy that a reader can have to the characters. It is important to be noted that you want the readers to care for your characters, instead of only knowing them by the descriptions you conveyed.
pinboo #2
Firstly, Jonghyun. What kind of bugs me is the fact that he actually writes a diary. This may be a minor issue to some people, but well, on a general matter, I don't really see how a guy actually write that kind of diary. Another thing that I want to point out is that you have a lot of chances to show Jonghyun's characteristic because you often use 1st POV in the story. But the fact is, I don't exactly catch anything meaningful about Jonghyun aside from the fact that he's a superstar, he has a crush on Krystal, and he thinks Taemin is creepy. Sure there are other things, but these are not actual traits or characteristics. They're just information –and characterizing a character takes more than that.

Taemin actually manages to maintain the creepiness –which is good. The caveat is, this impression comes from the fact that he smirks in a weird manner and seems to have this... stalker-ish tendency towards Jonghyun. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're trying to portray Taemin as the psychopath element of this mystery story. If you read/watch lots of mystery, you might realize that psychotic's characteristics are not displayed that blatantly. Psychopath, despite their weird tendencies, have other personalities aside from being weird. This is what I think you need to incorporate. Thankfully though, you manage to insert a little background about Taemin and his mother or something –this, I think gives better dimension to his character.

Krystal is still bland and 'undetected' as a character, but I actually like this secretive aura about her that you revealed in your 5th (7th) chapter. I expect her to be more developed than a mere pretty cold girl that Jonghyun seems to like.
pinboo #3
Style: Before I go to the substance of your writing stylistic, I'd like to point out that unfortunately you have actually violated one of the rules. There are numerous 1st POVs in the story –which are not allowed in this contest. I can understand if it's a couple of lines or something, but your 1st POVs actually loiter the fic a lot.

But anyway, even putting that aside, there are some other issues about the style that I'd like to point out. Firstly, often time, you repeat the same plot/storyline, only told in different POV (either Jonghyun's or Taemin's). I have no problem with that generally, but the thing is, there is no actual meaningful difference of plot/storyline between the version in, say, Jonghyun's POV and Taemin's POV. This leads to a rather repetitive/redundant storyline, and you might actually bore the readers that way –because there's a lack of substantial different information on the different character's POV. You also have the tendencies to circle around flashback. Some of your flashback are informative and they actually bring something new to the table. These ones are fine. However, some of your other flashbacks, again, are just repeating the same information.

You also still fall to the "tell not show" trap occasionally. In addition, you also need to have the flair to your writing. At this rate, I personally still think that your writing style is rather bland and not really engaging. Another point is your tenses. I'm certainly not the best when it comes to grammar and stuffs, but even in my level, some of your tenses are not correct.
pinboo #4
Suggestion:
• Choose the scene appropriately. If it has been told, you don't need to repeat the scene. Or else, your plot is not moving anywhere despite the fact that your fic already has 5 chapters.
• Don't just blatantly tell us who Jonghyun, Krystal, or Taemin is. Characterizing takes more than mere telling background information of the characters. Remember, a writer needs to ensure that the readers to care about their characters, instead of only briefly knowing them.
• Don't be discouraged and continue on with the plot.

Favorite Parts:
• I like the air of mystery that the fic still manages to create so far.
• Despite my comments on the character sections above, I like how the characters, especially Taemin and Krystal, have this secret yet to be revealed. It keeps the readers on the seat –wanting to know who and what they are actually up to.
• Despite the comments on plot, flow, and redundancy of plot, somehow, I still don't mind reading it.
kuromi_hanami91 #5
HWAITING! HOPE TO FINISH THIS BEFORE DATELINE.
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