Authors note:

BEFORE EVERYONE HATES ME! I'm sorry that this is not the chapter you were expecting!!! I'm still working on it but I needed to delve a bit deepere into Kyungsoo's backstory. Sorry to dissapoint you readers but hopefully you will like this mini chapter! 

“Ugh seriously my mom needs to stop” sighed Jongdae as he slammed down his large package on the table, it was the third one he had gotten in less than a week. “I think I have enough thick socks for an entire army.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol started to snicker as they looked through the package which was full of sweaters, socks, first aid and other camping equipment. “And I thought my parents were bad,” said Baek holding up a pair of orange long johns.

“Shut up,” said Jongdae trying to snatch it from Baek. “I didn’t know my mom was going to go psycho on me when I told her about the trip. Anyways at least she’s letting me go. She started to freak out when I told her we were going on some survival trip.”

“I don’t think your mom realizes that the school provides us with everything we need,” said Lay smiling as he started to help Jongdae carry his stuff back from the dining hall.

Jongdae rolls his eyes “You know mom’s, they always worry. My mom is especially bad.” Jongdae glanced back at Baek and Chanyeol “Yo guys hurry up! And Chanyeol can you please stop waving that orange monstrosity around.”

As expected Chanyeol ignored Jongdae and started to wave the orange thermal underwear like a flag. Jongdae gave his package to Baek and tried to grab the underwear from Yeol. But because of the large height difference between the two boys it was futile.

Jongdae was just about to knee Chanyeol in the balls when a familiar drawl interrupted him. “Nice underwear Jongdae,” said Kyungsoo with a smirk. He and Jong-in walked over to join the group from the soccer field. “I didn’t know orange was one of your favorite colors.”

Jongdae sighed in defeat and turned around to glare at Kyungsoo, “It’s not Kyungsoo. And before you ask no I won’t lend them to you. I don’t think they make any that short.” Replied Jongdae sticking out his tongue.

Chanyeol snorted as Baek ran over to not only comfort Kyungsoo but to also stop him from jumping on Jongdae. “Haha babe don’t mind him. You’re the perfect height and also it’s not like Jongdae’s that tall. I’m pretty sure you’re taller than him.”

Jongdae scoffed in disbelief. “Am not. I am definitely taller than that penguin.”

Kyungsoo grinned evilly “Please Jongdae. You’re a miniscule scrawny little thing.”

“Better than a chubby penguin.”

Before Kyungsoo could charge at Jongdae, Baek stopped his boyfriend “Don’t mind him. He’s just angry that his mom keeps sending him old people stuff for the trip. You know how mom’s are with their worrying.”

Chanyeol, Lay and Jong-in stopped talking as Kyungsoo visibly stiffened. Baek let go of his boyfriend wondering what he had said. Jongdae with his back turned failed to notice the change in atmosphere and finally succeeded to grab the underwear from Chanyeol who had also stopped jumping. Continuing with his normal exchange of insults with Kyungsoo he said as he turned around, “Worried? Please if I was Kyungsoo’s mom I would hope that he get lost on this trip.”

Jongdae’s smile quickly froze as he saw Kyungsoo staring at the ground, his bangs covering his eyes. Uhhhhh what’s going on? Jongdae thought as he finally noticed the looks of everybody around him. Baek looked confused while the other three stared at either the ground or off into the far distance.

What did I say? Before Jongdae could ask, Kyungsoo shrugged Baek off his shoulder and turned around, walking off without glancing back at any of them.

Jongdae was extremely confused. What the heck just happened? We’ve definitely said worse insults to each other and he should know we were just joking.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Lay giving him a small smile. “We should go. We need to start packing for tomorrow.”

“What just happened Lay? Why did Kyungsoo just walk off like that?” asked Jongdae. He glanced over at Baek who looked like he was about to burst into tears. “Baek do you know what happened?”

Baek slowly shook his head as two tear drops fell down. “It must have been something I said,” he softly whispered. “b-but I don’t even know what I said wrong to make him so angry at me.”

Lay walked over and slowly hugged Baek while Chanyeol went over to awkwardly pat him on the back.

“It’s not your fault Baek. You didn’t know,” said Jong-in suddenly. He sighed and rubbed his face. “I keep forgetting you guys are new and Soo never likes to talk about it.”

“What do you mean?” said Jongdae.

“Soo- Soo doesn’t really have a good relationship with his parents,” replied Jong-in cautiously.

Chanyeol shook his head with disgust. “I wouldn’t even call it a relationship.”

“Don’t say that Yeol. They’re his parents.” Scolded Lay softly.

“I mean it Lay. They don’t even act like his parents. They don’t call or visit. They sent their damn driver to drop off Soo when he first came here. Who does that?” replied Chanyeol angrily.

Baek gasped softly “B-but why? T-they’re his parents. They’re supposed to love him.”

Lay shook his sadly “I-I’m sure they do. I think they’re just really busy you know? I think they travel a lot for work.”

“Lay stop trying to see the best in people. They are s.” Chanyeol said angrily. “Ugh I-I swear to god I hate them.” Sighing angrily Chanyeol walked into dorms.

“I-I should go apologize to Soo,” said Baek as he wiped away his tears. “I’m such a terrible boyfriend. I didn’t even know and I said something so t-terrible!”

Lay pulled Baek into a hug and started to slowly walk the other boy back into dorms comforting him. “First we need to freshen you up. You’re eyeliner is all over your face.”

That left only Jongdae and Jong-in at the doorway. Crap now I feel like an thought Jongdae furiously. I said that his mom probably wishes he got lost and now who knows if that’s actually true.

Jongdae smacked his forehead. “Ugh I am such an !” he exclaimed. He glanced over at Jong-in. “Can you please just smack me! Me and my big fat mouth!”

“Stop Jongdae. It’s not your fault. You guys didn’t know. Soo will understand, he just needs time to cool off.” Said Jong-in kindly. “Anyways I’m going to go see if he’s alright and you should go pack. You’re lucky your mom sent you so many useful things. It’s going to be freezing at night in the mountains.”

“Ah don’t even remind me. Sigh You’re right I should go. Thanks Jong-in!” replied Jongdae with a smile. Jong-in felt his heart skip a beat when he saw that smile so he quickly excused himself and walked in the direction where Kyungsoo had gone.

Jongdae giggled as he saw Jong-in run off. Seriously so adorable. He suddenly frowned though when he thought of Kyungsoo. I hope he’s alright. I didn’t really want to hurt Pororo’s feelings. Sigh Do Kyungsoo, you’re so puzzling. 

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Kyungsoo pulled his hair in frustration as he sat down on the bench. He stubbornly tried to rub the tears from his eyes, cursing himself for being such a baby. Why are you like this! It's been years. It shouldn't effect you so much anymore. But no matter how many times he willed for the tears to stop, they kept on coming. Groaning he leaned his head back staring up at the sky, trying to blink away the damn tears. He thought to himself bitterly Mom hasn't even had a proper conversation with me for years. How would she even worry? Jongdae's probably right. She probably wishes I did get lost from her life. 

Kyungsoo stared up at the darkening sky. She won't even look at me. She-she won't even h-hold me thought Kyungsoo sadly. All because I was weak and dumb and....... a coward. 

He tilted his head until he could see his favorite star. Hyung's favorite star thought Kyungsoo as he found Polaris, the North star. Looking at the star always comforted him. He knew that it would always be there even during the cloudiest of nights. It was unmovable and always shone brightly. When he used to sit and cry softly all by himself in his room, looking at the star always made him feel better. It reminded him of his hyung and he was grateful that the star would always be there even if his hyung wasn't. 

He stayed still breathing softly as he stared up into the night sky. He didn't know how long he had been like that but he heard Jong-in calling his name. He knew Jong-in must be worried about him so he slowly got up and wiped the remnants of his tears on his sleeve. Tears are for babies and you are no baby. Grow up! Man up! He thought back to what his dad said to him over the phone as he arrived at SM academy for the first time at the age of 10. You are no longer a child Kyungsoo. Don't be a dissapointment and embarass your mother and I. 

Kyungsoo laughed bitterly at the thought. If there was one thing Kyungoo had learned from a young age, it was that he would always be a dissapointment to them. He would always be the son that should have died. 

Authors note:

Just wanted to remind everyone that all the characters right now are in 9th or 10th grade so they should all be around 14-16 years old :)

PPS: the next chapter will be about the 9th grade annual trip! I PROMISE! :)))

Comments and questions are always welcome! or I can make an ask.fm if people would be more comfortable! let me know what you think!