"I need you" (age 17)
18 vs 30Almost everything about Kim Sungkyu's upbringing was old-fashioned, even down to the aged estate he lived in with his family and the archaic code of morals that his family abided by. And Sungkyu wasn't necessarily a rebel. He was just a product of his own age, and that progressive age rebelled against his traditional family.
He also loved music. His parents used to take advantage of it, even providing lessons for the piano and even the geomungo. However, as he grew older, Sungkyu began to lose interest in classical and traditional music, but his love for music did not fade. Instead it grew into an obsession ever since he discovered rock. He loved it more than sleep and spent several nights awake, either listening to it or practicing on the guitar that he borrowed from his classmate. He also loved it more than his schoolwork, and his ranking at his school dropped several positions, which didn't make his parents happy at all. They had a dream for Sungkyu, to become a professor at a university, a nice, respectable, and steady job.
But Sungkyu had a dream of his own, to become a musician of a rock band, living from paycheck to paycheck rather than a steady salary...until he hit it big, which he was confident that he would do. It was a baseless confidence, but it was one that drove him towards his goal, and subsequently out of his house.
And so, at the fresh age of 17, Kim Sungkyu ran away from home. He went to Seoul, the big city, to pursue his dream. He had several auditions lined up, a room at a hostel, and that baseless confidence that assured him that everything would turn out for the best. He only had enough funds to last a month, but he wagered that a month would be more than enough time. No one else at his school matched his passion and knowledge about music. He had expected that to hold true once he reached the capital city. However, Kim Sungkyu was just a drop in the sea of dreaming musicians, many of which had been trying to break into the industry for years.
After failing several auditions, and after seeing one too many familiar faces at those auditions, Sungkyu grew disheartened. He gradually lost that baseless confidence and instead gained an increasingly pessimistic attitude. His allotted month was coming to a close soon, and now he was faced with a critical decision to make: should he get a job and stay in Seoul or should he give up his naive dream and just go home.
He went with the latter. So Sungkyu packed up his bags and moved out of the hellish hostel and away from the city that crushed his rocker dreams. But sadly for the poor and downtrodden teen, he couldn't even get back home without heaps of trouble. He used up the very last of his money for a bus ticket back home and some food for the long trip. He had splurged a bit on the food, which in hindsight was his third biggest mistake. His second biggest mistake was falling asleep on the bus for the entire ride. His biggest mistake was getting onto the wrong bus entirely at the terminal.
Sungkyu didn't know that it could happen, but it did. He was now in a strange town, pennyless, with nothing but his coat and his duffle to his name. Things couldn't have been worse. He thought that he'd giving hitchhiking a try, but then after second thought, hitchhiking meant riding with complete strangers and there would be no gaurantee that he'd make it home alive. His mind went wild with horror like scenarios that would happen after he'd get into the car. No, he wasn't planning on making his day worse by dying so he went for the next best thing, pan-handling in the park.
A handsome teen like himself with a decent voice should at least earn enough for a bus ticket a few towns over, but the moment he opened his mouth, no sound would come out. He'd lost his confidence in his voice, in himself. He'd become entirely self-conscience. So now, he was just sitting on the park bench with his hat in one hand and his pocket knife in the other. He was scratching a sad face into the wooden bench, much like the deep frown that was on his own. If worst came to worst (and it was starting to seem like it was heading in that direction) and he disappeared and was kidnapped or murdered, at least someone would find his traces here. Kim Sungkyu was here and alive and depressed.
There's a pond right there, Sungkyu thought as he raised his head and sniffed. Maybe I should just walk in and...no, the water is too cold. And scary. He closed his eyes and leaned back. "Aish, I just want to go home," he lamented under his breath. Tears were already clouding his eyes. Right, no one knows me here. I have nothing to lose by crying. Nothing at all.
"Hey, isn't that Jonghwan? Jonghwan?" Sungkyu stiffened. The tears in his eyes dried up at the sound of the girl's voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her approaching him, long black hair tied up in a ponytail with a red ribbon. She was pretty, prettier than all of the girls from his town. Sungkyu faced forward again, afraid to be caught leering and trying his best to look normal, stoic. But instead of just walking past him to her friend (or boyfriend), the pretty girl only came closer to him. Sungkyu became more nervous with every step she took, and even more so when he realized that he was the only guy in the vincity and she had meant it. "Yah, Jonghwan-ah!" the girl yelled, staring straight at him. Sungkyu finally turned towards her and smiled apologetically. For some reason, he shared in her embarrassment. The girl blushed and immediately stammered, "Oh, sorry. You looked like someone I know. I'm sorry."
"Ah, no that's okay," Sungkyu stuttered back, bowing his head. His face was growing hot.
"I could've told you that it wasn't him." Sungkyu raised his head again. It was a different voice and a different girl, standing next to the pretty one with the red ribbon. In comparison, the second girl was much plainer. Her hair was in a sloppy bun, slowly slipping down her head. The second girl looked Sungkyu up and down, but didn't meet his eyes. "He's way smaller," she remarked. Sungkyu frowned, wondering who was supposed to be smaller, him or this Jonghwan guy.
"Why didn't you?" the pretty girl whined to her friend, her cheeks pink with embarrassment. The second girl shrugged and then gave her friend a sheepish smile. The first girl just shook her head at her friend and sighed. Then she turned to Sungkyu again and bowed. "Anyway, I'm really sorry."
"Don't worry about it," Sungkyu dismissed, giving the girl a friendly grin.
The girl with the ribbon gave one in return. "Well then...bye!" she said cheerfully as she waved. She then wrapped her arm around her friend's and dragged her away. The second waved farewell to him as well, but with a stern expression on her face. The small smile that he had fell from his face. What's her problem?
Whatever was going on with the girl, Sungkyu didn't think much of it after the two vanished from his sight. He had his own problems to think about, like how to get home. It was possible to look around town and offer help for a small price. And if he managed to do so, he'd probably still have to spend the night in town after working. What was to be his bed? This splintering bench? Sungkyu gripped the edge of the bench with his hands. He'd be exposed and cold the whole night through, but what other choice did he have? The bus station? Maybe he could stay there after he bought a ticket. But he still didn't have any money. It was starting to become a circular problem.
Then in the back of his mind was another thought nagging at him: if he ever got home, what would he say to his parents? 'I'm sorry'? Was he truly sorry or would he only say that so he could be welcomed back in? Sungkyu didn't know. But he knew that he'd regret not giving his dreams a shot, and he wasn't sorry for taking the chance. 'I missed you'? That would be true. Whenever he saw a family sit down to a meal, Sungkyu would be reminded of his own. He never hated his parents. They just didn't understand him; they didn't understand his passion. He wished that he could've left for Seoul with their support rather than rebelling against their wishes and running away to the city. He loved his parents. He didn't want to disappoint them. He missed them, dearly.
This time, the tears actually fell, pouring down his face in streams. And he let them, not even bothering to wipe them away. The tears cascaded down his chin and dripped onto his shirt. He didn't think he could stop crying even if he tried. He was just that sad and forlorn.
"Oh!" a familiar voice gasped. Well, that did the trick. Sungkyu suddenly went from sad and bitterly crying to embarrassed and red. He quickly tried to mop up any traces of his tears as the two girls approached him once again. They must've just come back from a convenience store. They were both carrying black, plastic bags. Sungkyu smacked his lips, imaging what kind of delicious treats rested inside. "Not-Jonghwan is still here," the pretty girl whispered to her friend, but not lowly enough for Sungkyu to miss it. He caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. She looked genuinely worried. Was she worried about him or...
"What do we do? That's our bench," the second girl spoke back in hushed tones. Or the girls could be entirely worried about their bench and didn't even care for the boy who had been caught crying. This day can't get any worse, Sungkyu thought.
The pretty girl shrugged and then led her friend to the bench next to his, overlooking the pond. As they sat down, Sungkyu could feel her eyes gazing at the side of his head. "Do you think he's waiting for someone?" she mused to her friend.
"Like a girlfriend?" The second girl immediately suggested as she pulled out her ice cream and opened it. Then she suddenly gasped. Sungkyu tried his best to remain calm and still, but he couldn't stop from jumping up a little. "Maybe he was stood up?!" the girl spoke animatedly, her messy hair flying all over the place, sticking to her ice cream (as if it needed to be any messier). "Maybe they broke up." The girl leaned forward, looking past her pretty friend. "He looks so sad," she said in a piting tone, pouting before eating her ice cream, all the while still watching Sungkyu as if he were a drama.
These girls, Sungkyu cursed in his head. Why can't they mind their own business? There's nothing interesting about me. Nothing at all. Sungkyu turned his head, staring straight at them and was about to give the two gossiping girls a piece of his mind. However, one of them still had a sense of mind.
The pretty girl pulled her friend back and put her finger to her lips."Sh! I think he can hear us," she reprimanded the other. Then the two of them turned to Sungkyu and bowed apologetically."Sorry."
However, the messy one with ice cream, now dripping from her lips onto her chin, didn't stop at a simple apology. "Are you waiting for someone?" she asked as she wiped .
"Yah!" her friend exclaimed, hitting her shoulder.
Sungkyu sighed. The girls' curiousity was insatiable. Maybe if he fed it a little, they would leave him alone. "Not really. I'm waiting for something not someone," he answered as vaguely as he could, but the two girls just stared at him blankly, waiting for him to continue. "My bus," he added to his lie.
"Oh," the second girl muttered and leaned back onto the bench. She then tilted her head towards her friend and spoke lowly, "What bus goes by here?"
The girl with the red ribbon pursed her lips as she thought. She shook her head when she arrived at a conclusion, "None that I know of."
The second leaned forward a bit, narrowing her eyes on the lonesome boy on the bench. She continued to eat her ice cream as she stared, and Sungkyu continued to lose his patience with her. "He's suspicious," she muttered.
"I can still hear you," Sungkyu finally snapped at her.
"You're suspicious!" the messy girl replied back, louder this time for the whole park to hear. Her pretty friend just hung her head, embarrassed by the other. But the girl had also embarrassed herself. After she shouted at Sungkyu, a nervous smile appeared on her lips, and she broke out into an anxious laugh, trying to ease the tension that had quickly formed between her and Sungkyu.
Sungkyu's frowned deepened. He was perplexed as to what to do with these girls, the messy one in particular. Should he yell at her? Take out all of his grievances on her? But could he really blame her for her natural (and aggravating) curiousity? He was being suspicious. Should he just get up and walk away from their scrutiny? Where would he go then? Or maybe...his gaze lowered from her face to the ice cream in her hands. He'd thought about taking that ice cream as retribution and just eating it. Also because he was starving, and the way she was eating it made it look delicous.
And the pretty girl noticed. "Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No." Sungkyu might've lied, but his stomach betrayed him, growling loudly.
The messy girl dropped her gaze to Sungkyu's stomach and smiled cheekily. "He's lying again," she teased.
"Eung," was all her friend said in reply about the matter. It seemed like she knew that they'd ate away at Sungkyu patience, like the messy one had scarfed down her ice cream. The pretty one lept off the bench and goaded her friend, tapping her on the shoulder. "Come on. We have to give Coach the money and get home before it gets dark." She then whipped her head to look at Sungkyu, her ponytail and ribbon hitting the side of her face. "You should go home soon too," she urged time with a stern, almost motherly smile. After that, the pretty girl spun on her heels and began to walk away. Her friend, however, remained on the bench, searching her coat pockets for something, and then continued her search through her plastic bag. Sungkyu scoffed. Everything about this girl was sloppy. Her hair was practically undone now, her bun slipped down past the nape of her neck. And now she probably misplaced something, maybe her wallet. This girl. Eventually, her pretty friend realized that the other wasn't following her. "What are you doing? Come on. Let's go."
"Hold on. I'm coming!" the messy girl called out, jumping off from the bench and scurrying after her friend.
And of course, she left the black plastic began behind on the bench. "Oh, wait! You left this!" Sungkyu yelled out, pointing at the abandoned bag.
The girl turned around as she was back-peddling to catch up with her friend. "Keep it! I'm stuffed," she shouted back to Sungkyu. Her hands then flew down to her stomach as she grimaced. "Ah, I feel like I'm going to explode," she groaned, and it seemed a bit forced because she immediately grinned afterwards and waved at Sungkyu before spinning back around and running after her friend. "Unnie! Wait up!"
Sungkyu didn't need to be told twice. He rushed over to the bench next to him and rummaged through the bag, examining the goods inside. There was more ice cream inside, which was better than nothing to have for dinner. As he was wondering how much ice cream that girl could eat, he found something else in the bag, something flat and colorful. Money. "Oh," he gasped as he pulled it out, raised his head, and searched for the girl. And at that moment, the messy girl was looking back at him. He lifted his hand, showing her the money that she left behind. She just smiled and gave him a thumbs up.
This girl. She was more than just sloppy and messy. Sungkyu's impression of her drastically changed from the pretty girl's plain and nosy, loud friend to one of an angel, rescuing him and giving him means to get home. Even her whispy fly-aways morphed into a halo around her face. And over time, she became more idealized, more perfect. He had forgotten her face and her voice over the years, but he'd never forgotten her gesture. It was etched into his mind and heart.
Back then, when it came to Fate, Sungkyu was agnostic. He didn't claim that it existed, but he also never said that it didn't. He simply just didn't know. However, that day, he might have believed in the existence of Fate a little more than usual. He felt like he needed to be there, stranded in that small town, sitting on that particular bench in that exact park. Even the circumstances that lead him to that place seemed ridiculous and orchestrated, as if it came out of a drama. But he needed to be there, and he needed to meet those silly girls. He needed, especially, to meet the messy haired girl because after meeting her and accepting her 'gift,' Sungkyu realized that he had luck. Even though the world seemed to be against him at the moment, crushing his spirit, there was still something, or someone, looking out for him. He started to regain the confidence in himself that he'd lost over the past month. And with that confidence, he was able to go home and face his parents again, who were just happy to be joined once again with their son, so much so that they became less strict and gave Sungkyu the freedom he needed. And even though he now had the freedom to do what he pleased, Sungkyu ended up fulfilling his parents' dream for him and became a teacher. But it was a path and career that he chose on his own, and that made all of the difference in the world.
For years, that's what Sungkyu believed were the only consequences of his rebellion. But nearly 13 years later, Fate would reveal that it had more in store for Sungkyu, and he was starting to believe in Fate more than just a little.
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