I stand up from my chair, my spine has cramped from sitting too long. Strolling tiredly to the balcony, I support my hands on the rail. Breathing the fresh afternoon air, my head clears a bit. The wind blows my ponytail hair, making it dancing gracefully behind my back.

‘water?’

I hear a voice coming beside me and a glass of water being shoved to me. I smile, looking to the voice’s owner before taking the glass from his hand. I sip it slowly.

Looking into his eyes, I become more curious about himself, his life. Without a minute hesitation, I ask him.

‘Who are you….?’

He lets out a small chuckle. He smiles, beautifully and cutely. Wait! Cute?? I confuse myself.

‘Though you would never ask that…’ he begins. ‘I’m Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong.’

I nod, taking another sip of water.

‘You are?’

‘I’m Clara Rousseau.’

‘hurmm.. foreigner….’

I laugh, facing him. ‘Do I look like local?’

He looks at me in the eyes, and observes my complexion. Then, he smiles again.

‘Yeah,, to look at it, you don’t look like one. But your Korean is good, for a foreigner.’

‘Seems like you look down upon me, Mr. Kwon jiyong.’ I look at him with small eyes.

‘No, it’s not. It just…’

‘I have been staying in Korea for almost three years. So, I learn a little. I’ve got my Korean class before coming here and lots of friends are helping me.’ I explain, facing him.

‘Three years…..’ he stops. ‘So, do you know me?’ he asks.

‘Errr…’ I hesitate. Why does he asking such question. Have I met him before? Kwon jiyong.. Kwon…Jiyong…Jiyong….

He laughs, looking at my expression.

‘You are funny. Haven’t you heard of Bigbang?’

‘Of course I know. It is the theory of the prevailing cosmological model that describes the early development of the universe.’ I answer confidently. Of course I know about it. It’s a general knowledge. But, the weird thing is, my answer seems like a gag to him. He is laughing like a mad person. Wait, what is happening here? I don’t understand.

‘Why are you laughing?’ I ask him, clueless.

‘Haha.. No, not that bigbang… I mean the band, bigbang band. Oh! Come on… haven’t you exposed to civilization?’ he flicks my forehead.

Okay… I begin to be more confused. Wait… I remember something… Bigbang? Bigbang … band?

I run to my computer and begin to open my search engine.

OH MY ING LORD.

He is ……..

He is……….. KWON JIYONG!!!!!!!!!

He is………….ING G DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Damn! Damn! I curse myself. Damn. I have invited myself a big problem. Damn.

I steal a glance to the so-called Kwon Jiyong, outside my balcony, and I compare it with the Kwon Jiyong on my computer.

Oh My God.

Oh My God.

I freeze on my chair. What have I done? If anyone, ANYONE ever found out that he is in my house right now, I will be cursed by the entire citizens and my face will be all over the internet around the world. The worst thing is, I might be dropped from my studies.

.

I curse again. What have I done?

Unconsciously, I make my way to the living room, and sink myself between my knees. I don’t know how long I have been in that situation till I feel a tap on my shoulder.

‘Are you okay?’ a voice slaps my eardrum.

I lift my head, daring myself to look at the owner of the voice in the eyes and say, ‘I will be damned!’

Seeing his face changes, I feel guilty for saying such bad words.

‘I’m sorry.’ I apologized for my bad mouth.

‘It’s okay,’ not looking into my eyes; he turns his gaze into the empty air.

‘That’s why I said thank you….’ He stops before continuing after some moments.

‘I could not imagine what will happen to me if the paparazzi or reporter found me on the street in that….. hurmm….condition.’ 

I watch his face. It turns sour. I wonder what he is thinking.

‘That day….’ He begins to tal, ‘I mean yesterday, I went to see my president to ask permission to have a vacation. He asked me why and I said I wanted to have a break. I was tired. He said my excuse was ridiculous and forces me to make song to my other members. Why can’t he understand? I am so tired of working. I need a rest. I need to calm my heart. I need a space for myself. For years, I have been working and working, taking myself for granted. For once, I ask him and he refuse me. So, I left the company and went straight to the club. I… I drank and drank and smoked so many. And there was paparazzi there, he shot me being wild and I was so pissed off I punched him back till he bleed. I cursed him and ran and ran and ran as far as my feet could bring me. The last thing I remember is, I am sleeping on your bed.’

He pauses for several minutes and I could see his eyes in tears.

‘I am so sorry for troubling you. I know I could harm you by staying at your house, but I don’t know what to do.. I am lost.. I don’t know.. I feel like dying inside… I feel like killing…..’

I hug him before he could finish his words. Instead of being mad at him, I poor him. I understand his feeling, his tiresome. I hug him tight around his shoulder and I caress his head.

‘Everything’s gonna be okay.’

I whisper at his ears and I could feel my arms are wet of his tears. And, I could feel my eyes are hot of delicate, clear water too…

*******

‘I’m hungry.’

I hear a voice behind me. Turning my head around, I could see Jiyong sitting on my bed, pouting his mouth and looking at me with me puppy eyes. I smile to him and take a glance of my watch. It is 8.45 in the evening. No wonder he’s hungry. He doesn’t eat anything since this morning. Standing up, I walk and sit beside him. Then, I fall down my body, trying to close my eyes due to weariness.

‘Are you tired?’

‘hurmm…’ I answered him slowly. Seriously, I am not able to talk right now. Writing pages of academic papers makes me tired emotionally and physically. Then, I feel he lies down beside me. I don’t wanna open my eyes, so I turn my back to him. I hear he laughs and suddenly I feel a hand wraps around my waist.

Unable to pull over the strange hand, I say to him.

‘Is it your habit hugging a person without their permission?’

He laughs again. His breath feels warm behind my neck.

‘I, honestly, occasionally hug a woman.’ He says with a soft voice.

Ahhh~ Jiyong!

‘Liar!’ I pout and hurriedly get out and disappear myself to the kitchen.

Huh! ‘I occasionally hug a woman.’ I repeat the sentence with sarcasm. I know you date a lot Kwon Jiyong. I have done a research about you. I know things about you. I know you write songs for your previous girls.

Strangely, my heart feels pain, knowing he is like that.

Shuuusshh! Shhuuusshh bad thought! I try to ignore those negative thinking and busy myself preparing for dinner. Opening the refrigerator, I take out several vegetables and walk to the sink.

*****

‘Do you often sleep this late?’ asks Jiyong when I am reading a book entitled Language: Its structure and Use.

‘Yes, I am.’ I answer him without looking at him.

‘What do you study?’ he asks again.

Oh, come on Jiyong. Suddenly I feel annoyed by his endless. Doesn’t he notice that I am studying right now?

‘Do you seriously wanna know and continue to disturb me?’

He laughs and nods his head.

I smile. Unable to resist his innocent and cuteness, I close my book. I rub my forehead for nothing. Frankly speaking, Jiyong is awfully baby-faced and cute. I have never met in my life such a cute and adorable person like him.

‘Okay,,,,,,’ I say while taking a small pillow to hug. ‘What do you wanna know about me?’

He gets up and takes his place beside me, near me. I don’t know whether it is his habit or what but he seriously like to sit closely to person. Feeling uncomfortable, I stay a little away from him. He smiles, noticing that I make a space between him.

He flips his head over the sofa and asks me, ‘What’s your name?’

I let out a sarcasm laugh, ‘You know already.’

‘Clara Rousseau,’ he says. Creepy, the way he says my name makes me chill.

‘Tell me about yourself.’ He says again.

Getting annoyed, I ask him, ‘why do I need to tell you about me?’

‘Just tell me… I wanna know you deeper so that I could remember my saviour better.’ He winks at me.

I turn myself from him and stare at the air. Somehow, I feel not comfortable seeing him behaving like that. For sure, I am not the only person he used to flirt like that. Annoyingly, I hate that.

‘Hurry up……’ he insists with a flirty tone.

‘Okay…Okayy.. as you already know, I am Clara Rousseau. People call me Clara. I’m French. I live at Orleans. I am currently continuing my doctorate degree in Phonology and Phonetics at Seoul National University. I am in my third year and…. I am quite busy as you see..’ I pretend to open my book again when he snatches it from my hand.

‘Jiyong!’ I scream his name. He just laughs like usual.

‘I am not finished yet.’ He says with an evil stare. ‘How old are you?’

I keep myself shut before answering, ‘How old do you think I am?’

He stares blankly at me before lifting his shoulder.

’30 something?’

I laugh.

‘why? Why do you laugh? You must be old to take doctorate course…’

‘well, you don’t need to be old to take it but you just need to be smart enough.’ I laugh again. Do I look old? I ask myself.

‘so?’ he asks me with a serious tone.

‘I’m 26’

‘liar!’

‘no, I’m serious….’ I look into his eyes, wanting to tell him that I’m telling the truth.

‘How come you …so young… hurmm…in doctorate programme?’

‘I told you I’m a genius…’ I pause a moment before continuing my explanation.

‘I finish my high school when I was 17. Then, I was sponsored my local company to take my bachelor degree in English studies. So, I finished my foundation just half of the year and then I graduated from my first degree in only three years times. Then, I took my second degree in Phonology for only two years and now, here I am, doing my doctorate degree for five years. Well, it may be five, may be four, depending on my result. That’s why I am struggling days and nights doing my research paper so that I can submit my thesis earlier. I am a special enrolment student so, I don’t need to follow the schedule allocated by the ministry of education or the university. That is why I have my own apartment as my study spot.’

‘Wow…so complicated.’ He said with a amazed tone.

‘No.. not that complicated. It’s simple. I am good in my area and yeah, I need to dedicate my life in my study. Besides, I like it. I like being clever. I like knowledge. I love to know something that I am not aware of before. People might say, I am a loner or, freak, or nerd, but I just love knowledge. I don’t need to be exposed to outside world to know thing. I can just simply read and have my enlightment.’

I continue, ‘that’s why I understand when you broke down, telling you are tired. I understand that feeling. There’re so many, many times I feel like tired, and give up. But then, I realise, the happiness that I taste out of my preference only temporary. I want permanent happiness that what keeps me on this road.’

‘Jiyong… I understand your situation.. but it is not the excuse for you to run away. Face it like a big man. You can do it. You have done your music before me, before most of the people. You are now, like a professor in music. You shouldn’t give up. People depend on your music…’

‘I don’t know….’ Jiyong says with a small voice. I know he’s thinking about it.

‘I am tired. May I sleep in your bed?’ he asks my permission.

‘Sure….’

Only just I finish my word; he stands up and makes his way to the bedroom without wishing me goodnight. I look at him in disappointment.

I take my book again and resume my reading.