Part two
Wallflower
"Hey, nice tattoo." I was sipping my latte when he complimented my 'tattoo' on my right hand, that's only written two-digit numbers.
"Uh..thanks." I replied with a crooked smile.
The tattoo isn't really a tattoo. It's a mark on how many days do I have left in this planet. The numbers changed when Kyungsoo didn't confessed to me yet. At first, after the accident, it was written 50. But for four weeks, it turned to 22 and it stayed there when me and Kyungsoo became a couple.
The number remained for almost eight months. Yes, we're already eight months and it was always so blissful to be with Kyungsoo. Everyday after class, he would always buy me strawberry shortcake, that I soon liked after he introduced me to it, from his Chinese cousin Yixing's bakery.
We were a bit awkward at first since we're classmates in all of the classes we took. It was surprisingly awkward to our classmates but thanks to that, the bullying stopped and they wanted to be friends with me just because I'm with Kyungsoo. I never wanted that so I still kept my old attitude to my other classmates. We still remain to our old seat but we glance to each other from time to time. He would bring me to different botanical gardens in Seoul but I loved the ones from outside Seoul, like in Pyeongchang. He would schedule us trips during our semestral break to go to Gangwon-do with the others at first but he would start make trips for just the two of us.
What's interesting about Kyungsoo is, he has knowledge about flowers as well because his parents are botanists and they have their own greenhouse for study and Kyungsoo makes trips to his parents' greenhouse to take care of the plants. That's why he knew about the flowers' meaning, that he sent before. Whenenver we are at the botanical gardens, he would point out a flower and would tell me what it means. That's when I started knowing the meaning of almost all of the flowers that Kyungsoo shows to me.
During the eight months, my greenhouse was already done and the flowers that I planted were moved there so they would feel comfortable. Also remember the Wisteria I planted? I moved it outside the greenhouse since it actually means welcome as well. I took care of the Snowdrop that Kyungsoo gave to me and I placed the lavender roses in a vase, placed my room. Though it would wilt in a few weeks, Kyungsoo gives me more lavender roses if it dies. The Snowdrop that I planted grew beautifully and the Daisies that Hyosung gave to me bloomed as well.
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Finally, me and Kyungsoo finally graduated college and we're off to catch our dreams. When the ceremony ended, my friends have started crying because they said that their 'baby' is finally graduated. If you guys didn't know, they graduated a year ago and I was the last one. When my parents approached me, they hugged me so tightly since I was the eldest in their family and they presented me a bouquet of Yellow and Red Roses for me.
"It's beautiful." I remarked and thanked both of my parents with a kiss on their cheek.
"It means congratulations by the way. We're so proud of you." My father said and I gave them a warm smile. I told them that I had to find someone and knowing who that person is, they allowed me to go.
I walked to the crowded of graduated students and I was calling for Kyungsoo a lot of times since I only just saw him walk to the stage to get his diploma. I kept finding and calling him but he was missing. Did he left the ceremony after?
Just when I was about to give up, someone covered my eyes.
"Surprise." A familiar deep-voice from someone came and when I removed his hands, I saw Kyungsoo already removed his toga.
"Where have you've been?" I whined then pouted but he just had to chuckle.
"I have to wait for my brother to give me flowers."
"For who?"
He brought out two bouquets of flowers, Iris which means congratulations as well, and Purple Tulips which means forever love.
"My...these are so lovely! Thank you so much Soo-oppa!" I kissed him to the cheek but he made a snarky move and made myself kiss Kyungsoo in the lips instead. The flowers were still wet so I guess this was just recently bought.
He's everything I could have for. I'm just so happy.
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Few months have passed and we're still heavily attatched. My family decided to live in the countryside because of my father's work but I was left here because of a job I had plus I don't wanna abandoned my flowers. After graduation, I got a job opportunity from SM Entertainment and though it wasn't a trainee opportunity though I don't want to, I was happy to get a great job. But since I was just a fresh graduate, they allowed me to train for my job in SM itself. I was chosen to be a director for SM because they saw my works from my storyboard class, directing class and filming class. As for Kyungsoo, he continued to learn singing outside along with Baekhyun and Jongdae.
More months passed, and the three of them are now currently trainees in SM. I'm so glad that he decided to train here, so we could see each other during work. But sadly, we cannot do PDA and reveal our relationship with each other or else it will put our jobs on-the-line. My training days in SM are almost over and I will finally become a real director because I was signed to a deal with SM for a teaser for a group that will debut soon. They said this 12-member group will leave a huge impression to the Kpop lovers worldwide so I do my best to think for a theme for the teasers, though I won't direct it all since the dance teasers will be done by someone else. But the members are yet to be revealed to me though because the members weren't chosen yet and filming date isn't decided yet.
Kyungsoo is still a trainee while I'm already working. During those months, Kyungsoo's parents died in a car crash. It was devastating for him to be left alone, since his brother left Korea to support their family. Since Kyungsoo has no one to be with and his brother couldn't go back to Korea because of his work but he still send him money so he couldn't support himself until he debuts, I decided to let him stay with me in the house. Though he lives in a dorm, he always comes home during the weekends so he could spend time with me. He makes surprise visits too during weekends so he could cook for me especially if I gotten sick.
Since it wasn't the period that I'll shoot the teasers, I involved myself in part-time jobs and since Yixing is now a trainee in SM as well (he's one fine dancer~ sorry Jongin LOL), I got a job at his bakery so I could help him. Luckily, my friends got a job as well in the bakery so we could preserve the place even if Yixing is gone.
Everything was going smoothly until our first anniversary came.
No, it's the cliche type that Kyungsoo forgets our anniversary or Kyungsoo dies at the day of our first anniversary. Of course he came. He kept blabbling about it for almost a week. He was so excited as I do.
For the whole day, he would bring me to a mall and buy me a lot of stuff toys since I was a hugger dear God. I would hug Kyungsoo a lot because he looks so squishy and he is MY squishy~ :3 then he would buy me ice cream but the ice cream he would by me is the 32 cm one and we often make bets to see who would get brain freeze in one shot. The most loses is Kyungsoo though he could keep a straight face, his expression is like an owl who would break down any second.
It was already late and Kyungsoo drove us back home. While he was driving, he placed his hand on top of mine and gave me an assuring squeeze that he had the best day of his life. But when I looked at his eyes, I saw his tears brimmed in his eyes, threathening to fall.
"Soo-oppa, are you okay?" My voice might have broke his thoughts and he gave an eyesmile to me thought I heard him sniffle.
I kept looking at Kyungsoo because something about him today bothers me. He wasn't the Kyungsoo I know when are together. He was super sweet and he's too protective earlier though I'm just wearing the sun dress.
When we finally arrived back home, everything happened so fast. By the time I opened the lock, he pushed me to the wall near the door and gave me the most darkest glare he could give to me. His hypnotizing glare made me turn into a victim. But even though I was the victim, his pain towards me is the thing that keeps us awake this night. Hours passed and I thought that Kyungsoo was possessed by some lust demon that it kept his fuel full until he was already exhausted.
Our clothes were scattered all over the house and the atmosphere was just different. I was just a but the demon that possessed Kyungsoo passed on to me so we ended up doing it all night, in different places in the house.....yeah, that was a bit extreme.
When we finally gave up, Kyungsoo fell beside me in the bed and he never forgets to cuddle me beside him. He knew about what happened to us tonight so from his eyes, I think he's telling he is sorry. I kissed his swollen pink lips and scooted closer to him.
"I'm okay Kyungsoo, in fact, I enjoyed it though it's a bit unexpected." I gave him an assuring smile.
"Are you sure? I might have over done it." He moved the strands of my hair to see my face though my eyes were about to close soon because I was so exhausted.
I chuckled. "I'm sure."
Soon there was silence, so I let my close. "Happy anniversary _________. I love you."
"I love you too Kyungsoo, happy anniversary." I whispered then let sleep take over me.
It was the best anniversary I could ever get. Of course, I have to be prepare for the worse if something happens.
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"This can't be happening Eunji." I was seating on the floor and leaning on the wall while I was calling Hyosung.
"Aegiya, what's wrong?" She said in a panicked manner though from how she speaks, she just woke up.
"Unnie...I don't how to say it.." I was already crying while pulling back my hair.
"______-ah, you have to tell me what's wrong so I could give yo--"
"I'm pregnant." I said immediately.
There was silence in the other line, implying that Eunji was shocked to hear that. I didn't want to talk to anyone else so I hunged up, so I could continue sobbing my worries away. How could this happened...I never wanted this...I'm suppose to die after I marry Kyungsoo. But I don't want the baby to die as well. This is just so unfair.
"_______! OPEN THE DOOR!!" A loud voice of a girl knocked the door so hard that it's about to break. I don't what else to do so I just opened the door and Eunji ran towards me and gave me a tight hug. I didn't care if it's sudden, I just need a hug so I could remove this painful feeling.
I found out that I was pregnant, two days after our anniversary. I might have forgot the lessons from education class but Kyungsoo might have forgot to put protection. I tried calling him but he wasn't answering. The next morning after that night, he wasn't by my side anymore. He left me with a note saying that he had to do something first but he'll come back.
Thank God the number hasn't changed yet. It was still written as 22. Dear Lord, I hope it doesn't move.
I visited the doctor with the help with my friends plus Yixing and Yifan. I was confirmed pregnant and I was told that I have to be careful for now on or else complications might happen to me. So my friends took turns to take care of me especially Hyosung and Eunji, who are aware of what's gonna happen to me. They took care me and the flowers in the garden. Thank God it hasn't wilted yet. I often walk around outside so I could get a little sunlight and exercise for the baby to be healthy...of course, if they allowed me to stay alive to give birth.
It was more than week since Kyungsoo didn't come home and here we are right now. He just barges to our house and he acts like nothing happened the night before.
He showed a warm smile and he tells me how much he misses me. He looks so happy. While me, on the other hand, is devastated from the events that I had to hide from the others that I'm alright.
"______ I missed you." He hugged me so tightly but I couldn't make myself hug him because I'm carrying someone's life inside of me. He might have noticed that, so he pulled away slowly so he could read my face. "Is something wrong?"
With that, I hugged him tightly and kept on sobbing. "Oppa I missed you so much." I kept on muttering that between my sobs. He kept shushing me and he rubbed my back, assuring that he's fine.
"Don't cry anymore." He pulled back and he wiped my tears away. "I don't want you to see you cry so much. It hurts me." He smiled, but his smile looked sad. He went to the couch to give me a new bouquet of flowers. It's a huge bouquet of Red Roses, it was 50 so I guess he wants to apologize.
"Kyungsoo, you don't need to apologize. It's alright, I know you're busy."
"I know but, there's also one thing I want to apologize." He said sadly and he grabbed my hands so he could play with it and he does that to ease his nervousness. "I'm leaving."
I felt the whole world stop when he said those words. But why...couldn't I make him stay? Was I worried that he might knew that I'm carrying his child or I'm just afraid to see his face if my life will be taken away along with the baby?
"..why?"
"SM gave me a scholarship in Berklee so I could improve my vocals. It supposed to be two months from now but I have to adjust first to the environment. If I love the environment, I'll study there for four years. If I don't, I'll stay in Korea and I'll debut immediately so I don't need to improve myself." He explained but why would he decide already before I even knew it.
"Why telling me this now? Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I didn't....want to worry you."
"But still, at least tell me beforehand! The results will be the same if you told me."
"I'm sorry, I just don't want to see you sad again. I don't want you to turn into a wallflower again, this time because of me."
I haven't told you yet why I become a wallflower before. When I was in high school, I've dated a guy named Kim Joonmyeon. He's sweet, loyal, understanding, caring and kind as Kyungsoo. We dated for three years. Then one day, he said that he will continue his studies in another country. Of course, I don't wanna interfere with his dreams because he wanted to be a lawyer so he could be a 'guardian' to everyone, so we continued our relationship, until he wanted to break up with him for no reason. That's when I found out that he was lying that he wanted to be lawyer. In fact, he just transferred to a performing arts high school so he could be a singer. And also he was scouted by SM Entertainment, so seeing him everyday in building is like bitter moment for me but since I had Kyungsoo, I chose to ignore those thoughts. I found out I was dating a lying so I learned not to associate with other people and for them not to approach them, I had to hide my face so they'll think I'm 'ugly'.
"Kyungsoo, I know you care but....it's just so unfair for me." Actually what's happening right now is just like what happened before. "I'll support your decision, okay? All I want is for you to achieve your dreams." I smiled though it wasn't sincere.
"________.." Tears were threatening to fall again in my eyes until Kyungsoo suddenly kneeled in one foot. "Since I'll be gone for awhile, I wanted to do this now before someone takes you away from me."
"Kyungsoo.." No don't, please don't say those words.
"________, I have gotten a bit crazy because of you, but I'm crazy because of our love. So....w-will you marry me?" His heart-shaped mouth turned into a smile and I was already shocked by his words. But it was just a proposal. I just don't want to die yet. No...I don't want US to die yet. If I say yes, they said my heart will go weak and when I say 'I do' at the altar, my heart will have a countdown until I finally rest in peace. I don't want it yet. Though it would break Kyungsoo's heart, I had to say it.
"Kyungsoo....I'm sorry, I just...couldn't." I shook my head a lot of times until I slowly backed away. From Kyungsoo's face, I could see that he's hurt from what I said. I'm sorry Kyungsoo, I don't want your child to die yet. He stood up, with tears already falling in his face. He looked at me, and gave me a broken smile.
"I might have rushed you. I'm sorry." He walked towards me. He held my left hand and slipped a ring on my ring finger. "It's not an engagement ring! I was supposed to give you that during our anniversary but I forgot." He laughed dryly.
He was about to say something else but he looked a bit tongue-tied. "I have to go now, my flight is an hour from now." He looked at the greenhouse from behind me and he muttered. "I'm gonna miss the field of flowers in the house." Then he looked at me, like he was using his last strength before he was about to give out. Instead of kissing me in the lips, he kissed me on the forehead. He kept that position for awhile and I felt him shaking, like he was about to have a breakdown anytime soon. He pulled away and he walked towards the door. In every step he makes towards that door, regret was building up in my system. Like I should stop him and I should accept the marriage proposal or begged for him not to leave me alone, but I had no choice. I just hoping would just stay the same.
He opened the front door and he looked at me, one last time and told me: "I love you. See you soon." With that, he left for good.
I now finally regret what I have done just to protect our child from harm. Oh my baby, I'm sorry you're still in there but I don't want you to see you mama cry, it really hurts.
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The next day after Kyungsoo left, my eyes were swollen from all the crying last night. Wow my eyes have gotten more sensitive this time.
I'm supposed to get used to Kyungsoo not being here beside me because he's always at the dorm but, it felt so empty now that he's gone. I wanted wash off the Morning Star in my eyes so I went to the bathroom immediately. When I was done washing my eyes, especially those near the eyes, I was about to leave until I noticed the 'tattoo' on my right hand.
It's now 21. It started counting down once again.
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