Will I see oppa today? 

It's Day 1. The YG Academy is looming in front of me.

Ping!

I have a direct message.

@IBGDRGN: @followingGD baby girl, I may see you today. Hyunsuk-hyung called me to help him welcome new trainees today. Are you already in the building?

@followingGD: @IBGDRGN oppa! We are already entering the perimeters of the Academy. I don't think I can do this. 

@IBGDRGN: @followingGD just show them what you want them to see. I believe in you. ^_^

@followingGD: @IBGDRGN thanks oppa! Be my strength!

@IBGDRGN: @followingGD fighting! my love!

Communicating with oppa helped ease my anxiety a bit. I'm rereading his DMs now and again. I wonder how many of us will be entering YG Academy at the same time.

"Miss Park, you are to enter the building and go directly to Practice Room 103 on the ground floor. You can ask for assistance from the people at the reception desk." The chauffer told me.

I got out of the limo with trepidation. I don't know what to feel. Do I really want to do this? I used to want this with all my heart. It was my dream. But circumstances changed. I wanted to enter YG Academy to be near GDragon. But I now intimately know Kwon Jiyong. He's my boyfriend, the other half of my existence.

But on the other hand, I will get to see Ji-oppa on the Academy's events. But then again, maybe not. Being a trainee is hard, I heard. There will be long hours of practice that will literally sap the energy out of our bodies. No exceptions will be made.

I won't shy away from hard work. But Ji is a busy person and if I will be busy too, will we ever have time to see each other? I already miss him.

My real eomma told me that on the first day at the academy, I have to show YG my talent so he'll know where to place me.

But which one? I can't perform in front of people, especially famous people. I can sing and dance, but I'm shy. I make my own choreography. Only twin saw me dance, not in person, but in my video recordings. Maybe I should just ask YG to put me in PR. Lol! Or make me a composer or lyricist. I can try. I am so not ready. 

I know everyone will expect me to act when they hear who my mom is. But I can't act even at gunpoint. What to do? Even Ji-oppa still doesn't know the extent of my abilities.

----------------------------------

I am waiting nervously inside Room 103 with Hyunsuk-hyung, Teddy-hyung, Choice-hyung, Jinu-hyung, Sean-hyung and the rest of Big Bang. I wonder what she will do today. I know she was told by her birthmom about the activities for day 1. I know she's a talented girl and a very bright one too. 

The gift she gave me when she became my girlfriend was a video of her reciting a love poem for me. She was wearing a high-waisted mini white dress with pink and white leaf-like fringes for sleeves. She's standing barefoot on leaves that have fallen on the riverbank. Her hair was adorably disheveled and she has no make up except for the soft pink color of her lips. She looked so ethereal.

One starry night
As I stare into the heavens
From my humble earthly abode
One particular light 
Caught me by surprise
And awed me 
As no one ever had

A fire lit inside me
Igniting a passion
So intense and free
I know happiness then
Only gazing even from afar
Seeing how my star
Shines the brightest

I was, again
Caught by surprise
As I look up
A shooting star
So hot,so lovely
Rapidly coming down to me
Frightening yet exciting

My star, I confess
You are my world
My eyes will forever be
Following your light
Destined to love you
Giving you my all
My thoughts, my efforts and my emotions

Saranghaeyo Ji-oppa

I wonder if I can use those words in my song. I was so touched and emotion-filled with that video of hers. She looked so lovely, so serene and sincere. She has a very nice voice too. I always asked her to join me in a duet but she is always spazzing when I sing in front of her. My lovely dork. One day we'll sing together. I'll mentor her if she doesn't have the talent. But with that fresh and angelic voice, I doubt she cannot sing.

Coordi noona came into the room.

"YG sir, we have 5 new entries this time. Park Dara, Park Bom, Lee Chaerin, Go Hye Sun and Lee Donghae."

Crap! She is here as a trainee? She already has a management contract in LA. I thought she is here for a collaboration. This is bad.

I saw Dara meekly walking in the room following HER. 

All my band members looked at me surreptitiously. I ignore them. SHE was looking at me too. What the heck is up with Hyun Suk-hyung?

"Guys, you know the drill. Introduce yourself and tell us what you will do." HyunSuk-hyung said.

My eyes are only for two people. I should shoot myself. I should look only at one. But I can't help it. I am really trying but she looks divine as always. Stop it Ji! I told myself and looked back at Dara. She's wearing tight black leggings and a checkered top. She looks frightened to death and keeps her head bowed. C'mon baby, you will be great.

The first one to start was the handsome boy who I noticed keeps on glancing at Dara. Back off man or I'll kick your sorry ! He danced and sang. Hmmm... good dancing and a passable voice. Maybe he can be a part of a boy group. The next one acted then did a bit of singing. Not bad in acting. In fact, she has great potential. She also has a good singing voice. Then the next one did nicki minaj's super bass. OMG, she was bad and she can groove to the beat too. Then it was HER turn. Should I excuse myself and go to the men's room? Then I heard her sing what she used to sing to me.

No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I’ll promise you
That I’ll never let you go

You
When I fall down
Help me up again and again
Without ever wavering
With your strong gaze

And you
When it’s too much for me to handle
At the edge of the cliff with sadness
You find me again without fail
To you, who held my hands

*I’ve never done anything for you
And although I’m poor
I sing this song for you today
Tonight, in your eyes
I see the pain that you hid for my sake
Behind that smile

You and I together
It just feels so right
Never say break up
No matter what anyone says
I will protect you

You and I together
Don’t let go of my hands
Never say goodbye
Because you’re the only one in this world for me*

Like many other people
As expected, our love will change gradually
But please don’t be sad
So that you can trust me, lean on me
Just like a close, old friend
I promise you that I’ll be right here, baby

*Repeat

When a lonely night finds me
I close my eyes softly
When your breath embraces me
I am not afraid of anything
No one in this world can replace you
You’re the only one
And I’ll be there for you, baby

You and I together
It just feels so right
Never say break up
No matter what anyone says
I will protect you

You and I together
Don’t let go of my hands
Never say goodbye
Because you’re the only one in this world for me

Just you and I
Forever
And ever

I am close to crying. You did let go and left me bleeding. This is the voice that I used to love so much that hearing it now pains me as much. This is the voice that used to soothe me but hurts so much now. I was so engrossed in the pain that I was jolted by surprise upon hearing a soulful voice reaching out to the deepest crevasse of my heart and soul. It has a soothing effect to the pain I was feeling only moments ago. This is the voice of my butterfly. I look up and she is soulfully looking at me.

Heart beats fast, colors and promises
How to be brave, how can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away
Somehow, one step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still, beauty in all she is
I will be brave, I will not let anything take away
Standing in front of me, every breath
Every hour has come to this, one step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more, one step closer, one step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

"I guess that's it. I think we have two that will be fighting for the soloist spot this year. Do you agree Ji?" I almost didn't understand Hyunsuk-hyung.

"Right. I'll be right back hyung." I choked on the words as I hurried to the men's room. I am really about to let go of the tears I am holding back.