Or maybe Sungjae wasn’t as innocent as he wanted to be. He was going crazy, and there was nothing he could do to stay away from Minhyuk. As time kept going, his desire had only increased, and he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He needed Minhyuk. He needed everything Minhyuk could give him. More than that. He needed Minhyuk to be his. It didn’t matter that night if he was engaged or not. That night… Sungjae had never felt so alive.

       His girlfriend’s grandmother was making her wedding dress, and she had gone to stay with her for the weekend. Sungjae didn’t feel lonely like he should. He felt like an opportunity had been given to him. Without thinking, he let his heart guide him to Minhyuk’s apartment. The older man was surprised to see Sungjae standing at his door, completely drenched. It was raining, and he had been careless enough to walk in the rain the whole way to Minhyuk’s place, which wasn’t close to his own. Only when Minhyuk stated he was completely soaked, had he realized it. The whole way, he could only think of having Minhyuk, and his heart almost exploded, if it wasn’t for the fact that he had blurted out something like ‘Spend the night with me’. Minhyuk stopped whatever he was doing and looked at Sungjae.

     “I’m going to prepare a hot bath for you” and with that he left to the bathroom. His heart was aching with need of being with Sungjae, but part of him told him not to. He would end up getting hurt like always, and Sungjae just wasn’t like the others. He knew that what he felt for Sungjae was way stronger. Way more real. And it scared him. Besides, Sungjae was engaged. And from what he had told him, Sungjae was still untouched. He couldn’t stain the poor guy and ruin his dream of getting married to that girl. He just couldn’t…

     But Sungjae couldn’t deny it any longer. He took off his wet jacket and followed Minhyuk, just to hug him from behind. As the oldest gasped, he pressed their bodies closer. He was sure Minhyuk could feel his heart beating faster and faster. He was so close to him, he would’ve been able to feel Minhyuk breathing if the latter weren’t holding his breath unconsciously.

     Lips trembled as he kissed his the back of his neck, sending shivers down his Hyung’s spine. Minhyuk was trying to control his body and not give in to Sungjae’s kisses. As much as he wanted to turn around and give himself to the man he loved, he knew he couldn’t have him, and that Sungjae was going to regret everything.

     “Please…” Sungjae pleaded, blinded by lust. His voice was husky and sent the right message to Minhyuk. Sungjae was frustrated. He needed Minhyuk’s body at the moment, and the latter wanted to give in. He wanted to feel Sungjae’s touch, but it wasn’t right. His girlfriend didn’t deserve that.

     “S-Sungjae, s-stop…” He tried to struggle from his hold, but it only got tighter. He could feel how Sungjae’s body shook slightly, shyly asking Minhyuk to be his. And either couldn’t handle it anymore. Sungjae kept pleading as a whisper on his ear, eyes half lidded, and Minhyuk turned around.

       He wanted to regret it, but he couldn’t. Sungjae had been gentle. Well, Minhyuk actually had taken the lead in the start, since the younger one was lacking experience. But waking up next to Sungjae sure was a dream. It felt so right for both, but they were conscious of the consequences of their night. They tried not to think of it, as they kissed eachother goodmorning and ended up staying in bed for longer than they should’ve.

       His fiancé had come back, and Sungjae had to visit her. His hand, though, was betraying him, not wanting to let go of Minhyuk. He needed that man’s presence so badly he made him go with him. Just to keep him company before he had to go back to reality. He felt bad for cheating on his girlfriend. He would blame himself forever and take guilt with him to his grave. But he feared that he was already in love with Minhyuk. He didn’t know when it changed, nor why it changed, but he no longer felt the need to make this girl his wife. It suddenly felt meaningless. He wished he could take Minhyuk as his husband instead. But two guys just couldn’t get married. If not because of the country they lived in, their families would never accept it. At least, not Sungjae’s.

     He let go of Minhyuk’s hand halfway. The warm breeze was freezing his hand as if trying to worsen things by making them need eachother’s heat again. He was turning hopeless, and as he made his way to her house, leaving Minhyuk watching behind, he felt the steps getting heavier. He didn’t know how to face her, but he had to make an effort. For her, for their families, for the promises they shared.

     And Minhyuk turned around as well. He wanted to turn his back to Sungjae permanently. To say goodbye for the last time and run away. He wanted to start over with his life. He knew he couldn’t love anyone else anymore. He had a lot of experience in being in love, and he just knew Sungjae was the love of his life. They could even be destined to be together, but clearly they couldn’t. And Minhyuk couldn’t help but want to disappear. And he would’ve done that. He would’ve. If Sungjae didn’t insist on being friends anyways. Despite their feelings. Despite Minhyuk had told Sungjae he loved him. Despite Sungjae never saying it back. Not that he didn’t feel the same. He did. But he knew that was taking things to a level they both knew they couldn’t. If they did that, everything would be lost.

     Even if Minhyuk tried hard, he just couldn’t forget Sungjae. He couldn’t simply say ‘no’, when he too wanted it.