My normally calm and pleasant demeanour slowly changed and my face contorted in an all - consuming anger; my nostrils flaring, my eyes flashing and closing into slits, my mouth quivering and drooling, words that were unintelligible came spewing into mind like a volcano releasing its pent up emotions into the darkness. 

I felt my hands closed into fists as I moved forward, daring him to repeat once more the words that had torn my heart into fragments. “What, you want to fight, instead?” he asked, a sardonic smirk playing on his lips. He lifted his clenched hands and threw a punch on my face. With a throbbing eye, I let go of my hand with a right uppercut to the head that sent him flying from one side of the room to the other at, what seemed like, the speed of light. His body made contact with the opposite wall and he slid to the floor like a sack of potatoes. 

I turned around to the class and started with my wise words, “What’s wrong with being gay? Is it a sin? I don’t think so. Yah, Kyudong-ah! You have a girlfriend, right? What you feel for her is real love, right? That feeling! It’s the same as the feeling a gay person feels. How can you dear call that disgusting or disgraceful? If that is, then your feelings are no different!” I scoffed and glared at the so-called bully, who was trying to get back on his feet. “What did you say to him? ‘Are you still gay? Do you want to die?’ What nonsense. Yah, I don’t know for sure but psychologist say that people who bully gay people, who show their true colour, are actually gay themselves. Are you gay? You might be. If so, I’m begging you, don’t do this. It isn’t right! Teachers who act as if they don’t care, people who laugh along like retards, and some that bully others because they need to get their anger out. Let’s not do any of it, ok? To tell the truth, I was one of those people who just sat back and watched but this time, I couldn’t. This time, I just couldn’t. Watching someone spec-,” I paused and swallowed in some air. “Watching someone get beaten up like this, I just couldn’t.”

A look of brief sadness flashed across the faces of the listeners.

My head sunk and then rose as I heard footsteps nearing me. Bang Da Sung. He still wanted to fight, after all I said. I turned to look into shining bright eyes of Sungjong. I entangled my fingers with his and dragged him out of the room, leaving everyone in a shock. 

We walked up the stairs of the school building in silence, still hand in hand. Perspiration beaded on my forehead as my aching eyes made my heartbeat sound louder than our footsteps. My pupil went to the corner of my eyes to sneak a peek at him. He wore a deep frown on his face and his eyes were still moist.

Without a warning, he glanced up at me, his fringe slapped across my wound. I crouched down, in pain. I covered my eye with my free hand and bite into my lips, preventing myself from screaming.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said with a tone of panic. He let go off my hand and knelt down in front of me.

I took small steps back, it was difficult in that position, but he drew closer. Once our faces were inches apart, to a point where my nose lightly touched his, he began to, softly, blow on my agonizing eye. His breath had a scent of chocolate, which made things more perfect than it already was. I closed my eyes for a brief second, inhaling the image. Reopening them, I realized how amazing his face was. There wasn’t a single flaw.

He looked up at me than quickly got up, moving back. Smiling to myself, I followed his steps and continued walking up the steep staircase. 

Eventually reaching the top, I pushed the door to the rooftop open. “This is the second best place to come to when you’re sad, lonely and want to escape. You’re the second special person I brought here after my mum,” I said, looking down, digging my toes into the invisible sand. 

“You brought your mum here? That’s cool,” he smiled innocently. I pulled on a weak smile and nodded. 

I dialled my mum’s number that afternoon but it went to voice message. I redialled it couple of time but the words ‘Mrs Kim here, sorry can’t answer the call at the moment please leave a message if it’s urgent,’ kept replaying again. Not knowing what was happening I left a message, ‘Mom, where are you? You are supposed to pick me up today! I’ll wait for you in my school’s rooftop!’ 

Hours past but mum never came. I, suddenly, heard the door opening behind me. I turned, hoping it’ll be mum but it was a teacher with a worried expression. My confusion just increased greater. “Myungsoo,” she called her tone sad and thick. “Myungsoo,” she called again. 

“Yes, miss,” I answered, running towards her. 

“Myungsoo, your mum wouldn’t be coming to pick you up,” she said, a tear running down her cheek. I tilted my head with puzzlement. My bottom lip coming out, as my frown deepened. “Your mum passed away a few hours ago,” she breathed out. My mind took a moment to digest the information before my legs became weak and I fell to the ground. 

I took my phone out and tried my mum’s phone repeatedly, not wanting to believe it. ‘Mrs Kim here, sorry can’t answer the call at the moment please leave a message if it’s urgent’ it said.

‘Mom, where are you? You promised to collect me on the first day of high school! I was about to show you the rooftop, it’s so pretty and amazing here. I was about to show it to you but you just left me!’ I screamed, throwing my phone to the ground. 

The teacher helped me up and we sat on the bench together. “Your mum did see it, don’t worry,” she reassured, my hair whilst I made her trousers damp with my tears. “You brought her here with your cry. She must’ve gone heaven by now and will always be watching over you,” she continued. 

“I’m sorry,” Sungjong whispered. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated. I shook my head and waved it off before sitting down on the bench. “Who was that teacher, by the way? There aren’t any teachers here that nice,” Sungjong said, turning around from the fence, quite fascinated about the fact there was actually a person that cares. 

“She got transferred to another school a few months later. You must know her, Ms Im?” I said as a strong lust of wind rushed past us, as if a mother was going to see her son. My eyelids closed over my pupil, imagining my mum standing in front of me. I reopened them to see Sungjong crouching down shivering. My legs, without my permission, walked towards him, I gently placed my blazer over his and stood beside him, looking at the view, as the memories of my first day came running into my mind.  

I stood in front of the empty campus rich with greenery, and adorned with towering oaks, which showed its long-standing history. The school chapel stood proud, gazing over the oval that lay before it. Its rich mahogany bricks reflected the school's character. The central glass plaque had the names of all the fallen students killed in wars overseas. As years pass, the list grows with more names engraved into the window piece. 

Behind the chapel lay the memorial of the Old Boys, students whom have graduated and passed away either too young or having led a fulfilled life. 

In the centre of the campus was the school quadrangle, enclosed by red bricks wrapped in vines. The northern section was the entrance, and the southern section was the dining hall. The western wing bore the academic subjects and the amphitheatre, which served as the assembly hall. Strolling down the eastern end that hosted arts, I became aware of that fact that I wasn't the only one in the building. I was hoping that wasn't true as I needed time to explore, alone. I even told Sungyeol not to wait for me.  

In the distance, there was a small creature crouched down, shivering as though it was bathing in ice-cold water. The closer I drew, the clearer the image became. That creature was actually a little skinny boy with his head nestled on his knees, which were wrapped with his arms. His fragile body shook under his blazer. An urge to lift his head up and see who he is hit me but he looked like a doll that would break with a light touch. I quickly covered him with my thick jacket and hurried off as the eager to wonder around grew.

That same day, Sungyeol returned my coat informing me the boy said thanks. From that day, Sungjong and him became close friends. I sometimes think if I stayed with him that day, would things have turned out differently. 

"Ah, I remember her and you." Sungjong's words brought me back to reality.

I tilted my head, wondering if he really remembered.

He stood up, pulling on both ends on the blazer's collar to stay warm, and stared into my eyes. "First day of school, you put that jacket on me, right?" I tried to prevent the smile was creeping up my face but it was unstoppable. "You've changed a lot. I never really realized it was you."  

In an instant, that smile was whipped off my face and the heart of mine clenched. He doesn't remember me at all whilst I spent the past few years thinking about him. 

"That day, I only saw your back," he continued. "Sungyeol said he knew who the jacket belonged to so I handed it to him," he explained with a smile. “If I saw your face I would’ve remembered you till the day I died,” he reassured. 

“Are you and Sungyeol close?” The words slipped out of my mouth, curiosity was evident in my tone. I have no idea why but I needed to confirm something, even if my heart is bound to be destroyed by the end of the conversation. 

“Yes, we are very close,” he mumbled. “Closer than a flower and its roots.” Streams of salty water threatened to come out when the realization, his feelings for Sungyeol couldn’t be changed, kicked in. Trying to cut through them will be inhuman and selfish.  

“Can I your hair for a bit?” I randomly changed the topic, tilting my head upwards to prevent the tears from flowing down.  

I always wanted to do this, his hair always seemed so smooth and warm, and this might be the last time I get a chance like this. A brief look for confusion washed over his face but after looking into my eyes, he realized I had my reasons so nodded. I ran my index finger down the back of his head. His hair was waves so lustrous that moved like the ocean to the soft wind that surrounded the rooftop. 

"Why were you shaking a lot?" I broke the silence, as I tousled his hair. Sneaking peeks at him, every few seconds, I realized that I could never get enough of him or his hair. 

"Let's just say I had a difficult past and when something stimulates it, I shiver the way I did back then," he whispered with a downcast look. He lifted his head and forced on a smile but his eyes remained melancholic. That moment I became aware of how strong Sungjong was. He is weak on the outside but his heart is very strong and shadowed. 

My silence was needed this time. I never know what to say or what to do when a friend or someone special is sad so I usually stay quiet. Some people cry, some smile, and others just stare into blankness, like Sungjong. Different people need different kind of comfort but the only type I can give them is my ears and presence. My mum always said that was enough. 

Time went by in a single heartbeat. Sungjong and I grew closer as friends with every joke, we pulled. Most were a fail but, that made it funnier. “Should we head back to class?” I casually inquired, with a faint smile playing in the corner of my lips. I, myself, wanted to spend more time alone with him because after Sungyeol returns I wouldn't be able to.  

"No, the class president isn't here to pull us back to class so forget it," he said. I stared at him with aghast, not expecting such an answer. "Did I say something wrong? Did you want to go back to class?" his bottom lip stuck out a little as he frowned. I giggled under my breath and shook my head. He was one extraordinary boy.