Filled with nervous excitement in the midafternoon hour, Yifan remained still behind the tree he was using his hiding space from when Yixing came back to the stream.  The young man had taken the gift Yifan had left him, more mushrooms and a few hard to reach fruits from one of the trees deeper in the forest, but he’d also left a small token in its place.  While Yixing had been gone for quite some time already, Yifan had yet to make a move on it.

                I don’t know if you’re still here or not or if you can even hear me, but it’s for you.  I hope you’ll accept it.  Whoever you are.

                It was nothing more than a necklace of twine, adorned with one of the pretty stones Yixing often fished from the stream.  And supposedly it was for him.  Nervously, Yifan drummed his fingers against the trunk of the tree and stared at it, vacillating on whether he should actually go out and retrieve the item as Yixing suggested or leave it be.

                Taking it would mean what exactly?  In leaving the food for Yixing, he would know that Yifan had returned, albeit reluctantly, but nothing else had changed.  He hadn’t tried to find him this time or said anything more than his parting words when he’d left his own token of appreciation.

                Yifan sank down lower and squatted near the ground, chewing on his rough, short thumbnail as he mumbled to himself.  Why was he even hesitating?  It was just a necklace.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  It didn’t mean anything if he took it, did it?  But it did…

                He pressed his hands together and brought his index fingers to his lips, glaring at the gift.  If he took it, he would be accepting something he didn’t deserve.  He hadn’t earned Yixing’s kindness.  In point of fact, the only thing he’d managed to do was spook the young man on more than one occasion.  And yet… he kept coming back.

                Despite Yifan’s running away and lack of response, Yixing returned to the same spot he’d first seen him in time and time again.  Even after he knew he was being watched, instead of avoiding the place like… well, anyone else Yifan knew, Yixing returned and purposefully sought him out.  And now he was leaving him gifts as well.

                Swallowing with a mouth that had suddenly gone very dry, Yifan leaned forward and crept from his hiding spot, looking everywhere to make sure he was still well and truly alone.  Every sense in his body told him it was the perfect setup for a trap, but he’d watched Yixing long enough to know the young man didn’t resort to underhanded techniques in anything that he was aware of.  It was practically impossible to imagine the gentle villager trying to trap any living thing, much less a man.

                The forest was quiet in the growing gloom of day and the only thing he could hear clearly was the sound of his own heartbeat drumming in his ears.  Easing forward on all fours, poised to jump back if anything came upon him, Yifan edged closer to the item in question.  It was lying exactly where he’d left the food for Yixing, the stone itself resting on a leaf the other male had managed to find so it wouldn’t be on the ground.

                Hardly daring to breathe, Yifan reached one tentative hand out and picked the twine up between his fingers with care, staring at the stone dangling in front of his face.  Irregularly shaped and somewhat rough, the opal and earthy brown tones of the thumbnail sized decoration swirled together in a very attractive pattern.  The thread was more than large enough to slip over his head too, especially now that most of his hair was gone.

                It had been so long since he’d received any sort of gift and it felt strange to even think about accepting this one.  Then again, if he didn’t take it, he could very easily imagine Yixing’s face falling into a sad expression and that was something he wanted to avoid even more.  He never wanted to make Yixing unhappy…  Not after all the joy he’d managed to make him feel just by his very existence.

                Nodding once, Yifan determinedly looped the twine over his head and let the stone rest against his bare chest, the adornment cool against his flesh.  He gripped it between his fingers and stared at the tiny rock, mouth quirked to the side curiously.  “Will you smile if I take this?  Would that make you happy?” he asked, blinking quickly before he let the stone drop and turned to stare down the way the young man usually arrived.

                With the day growing late, he knew no one would be approaching any time soon.  It was too close to when predators prowled in the twilight hour before full dark, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t go to see them.  He pressed his hand against the necklace and slipped back into the cover of the forest as he made his way to the edge of the village, staring as they went about their routines before the last of the light was lost.

                A smile lit up his face when he saw Yixing emerge, hurrying around to the side where a rain urn held a bit of water for them to drink.  He filled a small bucket with a decent sized scoop and hurried back inside, oblivious of everything else, as per usual.  The sight of the young man wearing a loose, long sleeved shirt called to mind the fact that it was getting colder and a chill ran up Yifan’s spine, making him grumble at the effect.

                “Stupid weather.”  He’d be alright for now, but it would be dangerous for him to not find something else.  His eyes scoured the village for anything that he might be able to snag to bolster his body against the elements and then turned his back on it entirely, filled with a terrible sense of guilt.  What the hell was he thinking?  Stealing from the village that Yixing was a part of?  That was like stealing from Yixing…

                His gaze fell back upon the necklace resting on his chest and he sighed.  No.  He’d just have to find something else.  For now, leaves could be used to contain his body heat while he slept but beyond that…  Well, he’d figure it out when he got there.  With his mind working furiously, Yifan retreated back into the forest, in search of food and a resting place for the evening.  Maybe Yixing would be in the area tomorrow?

                Just to make sure he wouldn’t potentially miss him if he happened to go by, Yifan woke up early and set himself at the edge of the village, watching it stir in the predawn light.  He remembered there had been a time that he could sleep through just about anything, but after having been a soldier for a couple years and then living out here… it was a commodity he never got much of anymore.  In this instance, he considered that a good thing.

                Yixing had never actually shown up in the morning hours, but still, Yifan didn’t want to risk missing him.  Raptly, he watched and took in the sights of the peaceful village.  He chuckled to see the blurry eyed Minseok and Luhan emerge from the houses of those he knew first.  They were followed shortly thereafter by their wives.  He’d finally managed to puzzle that out when he’d overheard them called as much by the men when they were with the rest of the guys.

                A chuckle escaped when he noticed Yixing trudging along in their wake, rubbing his eyes with balled fists and nearly walking into the side of the house when he didn’t pay attention to where he was going.  He waved tiredly after his sibling and hurried to catch up, moving to the communal food storage area where their mother was already present with several older women as they prepared the morning meal.

                Yifan had to move to get a better view but it was like magic watching them work.  They made a strange sort of flour from one of the roots they’d harvested from the forest and then turned them into a semblance of hot cakes.  Those were then cooked on flat stones over the communal fire and fed to the rest of the village.  It was supplemented by whatever dried fish or meat in their stores and it constituted a far better breakfast than Yifan ever had out here…

                His mouth watered at the smell and he leaned forward before he caught himself and jumped back, smacking his head in mute disappointment.  Giving his body a shake, he took a deep breath and turned around to watch some more.  Zitao rubbed one of his palms against his eyes with a hot cake in his mouth as he waved at Luhan and Minseok with his other hand, trying to get their attention for something.

                Yifan saw that Yixing was not among them, which wasn’t surprising.  He was near his mother, helping her cleanup with the rest of the women and children before he accompanied her to the small plots of tilled earth they tended for those foods they couldn’t harvest from the forest.  Yifan still wondered why Yixing was stationed with the rest of the womenfolk.  Glancing around, he noticed that Jongdae too was with another small group of women and older children who looked to be ready to tackle another part of the forest nearby, woven baskets on their backs as if they were going to be looking for additional supplies.

                Entirely self-sufficient, the village also had a small pen of what he figured were chickens for eggs and even a couple goats.  His mouth watered when he saw a trio of women heading over with buckets to milk the latter creatures.  It had been so long since he’d had anything other than water.

                In the forest, it was easy to forget a great many things.  Out of sight truly was out of mind and watching the village only served to remind him of that fact.  Obviously, they did all the main work in the early morning hours before the day got warm, leaving the rest of the afternoon for taking care of whatever else was left.

                And that meant Yifan had a fair bit of time on his hands before he might see Yixing later that day; if he saw him at any rate.  There was no guarantee he would but another glance at the necklace on his chest made him wonder.  Wouldn’t he be curious to see if his watcher had accepted it?  Yifan knew he would be if the situation had been reversed.  And that was pretty much the sole reason he had for retreating to find some sort of breakfast for himself before he took up his vantage point near the area Yixing frequented.

                Yifan’s pulse quickened when he finally heard the telltale sounds of someone approaching his hiding location.  They weren’t trying to be quiet and that alone was almost enough to guarantee it was Yixing.  One glance through the trees confirmed as much and he smiled to himself with a peek through the leafy canopy overhead to check where the sun was: early afternoon.  Idly, he wondered if Yixing had already eaten and then berated himself for not having anything prepared.  He would just have to make up for it next time.

                The thought was comforting as he crouched low behind the trees and brush, hiding his tall and lanky form with the ease of practice.  He watched intently as Yixing made his way closer to the spot he’d left the gift, expression pensive.  A smile pulled at his lips when the other looked quizzically around the area, searching for it.  He even got down on his hands and knees, crawling over the ground to make sure he wasn’t just overlooking it.  When he finally paused and sat back on his knees, Yifan’s breath caught in his throat at the smile that rivaled the sun when Yixing realized someone had taken it.  His gift had been accepted.

                Looking around in wonder and joy, Yixing got up carefully, making no sudden movements as he called aloud, “Hello?”  He knew it was probably useless and even if the person was nearby, it was just as likely they wouldn’t say anything, but he had to try.  “Are you still here?” he hoped aloud, turning in a slow circle while he looked into the woods for some sort of signal, anything to let him know he wasn’t alone.

                Yifan held tight to the tree, short nails digging into the bark as he warred with himself.  Yixing’s voice was always soft and soothing, begging for some sort of response.  He wanted to answer.  He really did, but he feared to do so.  He was terrified of revealing himself and yet… maybe he could.  To Yixing at least…  Didn’t he deserve as much for coming back day in and day out?  He held his breath when he heard the next question.

                “If you’re here… you don’t have to show yourself, you know.  Could you just, maybe give me a sign or say something to let me know you’re there?” he murmured, leaning this way and that as he continued searching from the middle of the area.  No more climbing trees and possibly cornering whoever it was.  That had been a bad idea on his part.  “Anything?”  Yixing gasped in surprise and hopped back when a small stone came bouncing from the underbrush to stop near his feet.  “Eh?”

                Torn between being completely terrified and absurdly excited by what he’d done, Yifan pressed himself even further to the ground, watching to see how Yixing would react while his heart hammered against his ribs.  He had to be out of his mind but he didn’t say he had to show himself.  They could still exist in the same space at the same time, right?

                Yixing knelt to pick up the stone and held it close as he bit his bottom lip and stared in the general direction it had come from.  He took a hesitant step closer and then stopped, taking an excited breath as he sat down on the ground, facing the wilderness.  “That was you, wasn’t it?” he asked with a bright smile on his face, all of his attention straining to hear if there would be another response.  He didn’t get one but his excitement refused to diminish as he looked at the stone again.  Whoever they were, he knew they were there.

                “I’m sorry for scaring you the other day.  I didn’t mean to,” he apologized earnestly, his lips.  “And I hope you like the necklace.  It’s not much but it’s the least I can do for the gifts you’ve left me.  And…  It’s just…  I wanted to see you.  To meet you is all,” he smiled, looking to make sure he hadn’t missed the stranger.  “Okay,” he laughed at himself, dropping his gaze to his hands before he threaded his hair behind his ear and tried again.  “My name’s Yixing by the way.  Though I suppose you may already know that,” he shrugged.  With as many times as his name had been called in this area, it wouldn’t be hard to figure it out…  “What’s yours?” he inquired, the question hesitant, as if he didn’t wish to offend or frighten the other person.

                It took almost all the courage Yifan had to swallow with a mouth that was suddenly sandpaper dry and give a raspy answer.  “Yifan,” he responded, the title almost less than a whisper and he winced, feeling a strange sense of fear mixed with relief at even managing that much.

                Yixing turned his head to the side and his expression turned quizzical.  He thought he’d heard something but it was so faint…  “Did you…  Did you just say something?” he asked for clarification, leaning forward slightly to listen better.

                Yifan took another steadying breath and sat up this time, the leaves of his hiding place rustling at the motion, drawing Yixing’s attention immediately.  They both froze and an eternity passed in those few seconds that he felt as if the other male could see him, though he knew his form was concealed by the brush.  “Yifan,” he tried again, louder and with more force this time, enough to startle his listener.

                “Oh!” Yixing laughed, blinking quickly at the definite response.  “Yifan,” he repeated, trying the name on his tongue.  So he was male if the name and the sound of his voice was any indication.  And he was absolutely there and real.  The others could joke about the ‘phantom man’ all they wanted to now, but he knew he was real.  “Well, Yifan.  It’s nice to meet you,” he smiled, giddy with his revelation.

                For his part, Yifan felt fairly light headed himself.  Coming from Yixing’s mouth, his name sounded so much better and the warmth in his tone directed at him was undeniable.  He wanted to say more, to hear Yixing speak in that tone, but he just didn’t know what words to offer and they died on his tongue before ever making it far enough to speak.

                “Yifan?” Yixing called, making sure he was still there before he tried to go on.  He got a verbal hum in response which was better than nothing.  “Do you live out here?” he asked, feeling dumb for the question.  Of course he did.  He had to since there was no reason for him to be making trips from the nearest village, which was several days journey on foot, just to hang around.

                “Yes,” Yifan murmured, pressing against the tree while he felt his pulse gradually slow down and the fear fade as he relaxed the more Yixing spoke.

                “How long have you been here for?”  It had been a couple months now since he’d first noticed Yifan’s existence and who knew how long he’d been watching before that.  It was a somewhat uncomfortable thought but then again… he’d never once tried to hurt him or do anything other than to watch and leave the occasional gift.  What made him stay out there and not join the rest of them in the village?

                How long had he been out here for?  Yifan didn’t actually know anymore.  Over a year.  Probably.  It hadn’t been cold yet when he’d first fled from the fields of battle.  It felt far longer though…  “I don’t know,” he admitted quietly.  It didn’t really matter anyway.

                “Oh,” Yixing responded, brow furrowed in concern.  “Is it just you out here, Yifan?  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t pry,” he waved off the question and looked away.

                It took Yifan a moment to answer.  He didn’t think the other male was prying and part of him desperately wanted him to continue asking questions because he didn’t know what else to say to keep the words coming.  The only thing he could do was respond and hope he asked another, anything to let him hear the voice that had him completely under his spell.  “Yes.  It’s just me,” he clarified, afraid Yixing might think he was referring to him prying.

                “Really?  Wow,” he responded in honest surprise.  “You must be pretty amazing then, Yifan,” he smiled.  “I mean, not everyone can live out here.  I can’t even hunt,” he laughed at his own expense, hoping to prompt more of a response.  Maybe, if he could keep him talking, he might be able to get him out of hiding.

                Yifan almost coughed at the comment.  Him?  Amazing?  Not hardly.  He found nothing of his ability to survive amazing.  “That’s not a bad thing,” he sighed after a moment, turning his back on the expression of amazement on Yixing’s face.  It was almost impossible to believe he was having such a mundane conversation with him.  He could imagine he was dreaming the whole thing and any moment, he would wake up to find it a figment of his imagination or the precursor to another nightmare.  “It’s better if you don’t hunt,” he added after a moment.  Hunting always ended in death, whether it was food or other reasons…  Not being a hunter meant you didn’t kill things.

                “My brother says we need to be strong in place of our father.  That he would want us to be ‘good hunters’, among other things,” he stated in a mimic of Luhan’s voice, the expression slightly sad.

                “He’s wrong,” Yifan responded before he even had time to think about what he said, cringing after the words had left his mouth.

                “Luhan?” Yixing asked, confused and slightly taken aback by the immediate response.

                “Yes,” Yifan confirmed, resting the back of his head against the trunk of the tree as he stared up at the foliage.  Being a good hunter alone didn’t make one strong.  “You…” he started to say and the words got stuck in his throat as a wave of emotion flooded over him, making it impossible to continue speaking for a moment.  How could he not see that he had strength in so many other ways?  That he held others up and bolstered their reserves, when they were sad or hurting, without ever thinking anything of it, absolutely amazed Yifan.

                “What is it, Yifan?” Yixing asked in a soft whisper, using his name as often as possible, hoping to establish a sense of connection and the beginnings of trust.

                “Yixing,” Yifan sighed, feeling the muscles of his face shift as merely saying his name aloud made him smile.  “Your brother’s wrong because… you’re perfect exactly as you are.”  Did that really sound as corny as he thought it did?  Groaning inside, he wanted to beat his head against the trunk but then he wouldn’t be able to hear what his response would be.  When he didn’t get an answer, he blinked several times and tilted his head to the side, listening.  “Yixing?” he called, shifting so that he could peek through the underbrush again.  His eyes widened when he saw the other sitting on the ground with his hands covering his mouth, shoulders shaking gently as quiet sobs traveled through his frame.

                He was crying.  Yixing was crying…  Panic welled in Yifan as he saw the shimmering tears trail down his perfect face, staining his hands before they fell further onto the fabric of his thin pants.  He’d made Yixing cry…  What had he said?  !  He was a terrible person.  He didn’t know what but he’d done something to make him cry and that was inexcusable and unforgivable.

                “I’m sorry.  Please don’t cry,” he begged, reaching his hand tentatively out towards the other male before he jerked it back and bit his knuckle hard enough to leave marks, though just short of breaking the skin.  Stupid, stupid, stupid…

                Mad at himself for crying, Yixing sniffed and wiped at his eyes.  “I’m sorry, Yifan,” he hurried to say, voice thick with tears and emotion as he tried to get a hold of himself.  “You didn’t do anything,” he laughed and cried at the same time, still unable to see for the tears that continued to come despite his attempts otherwise.  “It’s just,” he murmured, wiping at his face again while he took a shuddering breath.  “No one’s ever told me that before,” he explained, unable to stop the laughter or the tears that continued to follow.

                Yifan felt like he’d been hit in the head with a brick.  That was why he was crying.  Briefly, he fought a war against useless anger and a bizarre sense of euphoria before he forced an uncertain laugh and swallowed harshly.  “Well… everyone else is stupid,” he stated definitively, feeling the fear and tension drain from him as he shifted to sit against the tree trunk again, running a hand over his face.

                The only thing Yixing could do at that point was laugh.  It was so strange and unlike him to fall apart like he was.  He didn’t even know Yifan, never mind the other thought he knew enough about him to say he was perfect.  And yet… there was no denying the sincerity in his tone.  He had been called many things by many people but even his mother had never said as much about him.  “Thank you, Yifan,” he sniffed, getting a handle on his emotions.  He wiped at both eyes with the heels of his hands again and took a deep calming breath.

                “You’re welcome,” Yifan replied softly, keeping his gaze averted while he continued to hope this wasn’t just a cruel dream, because if it was, he was going to be pissed off when he woke up.  “This isn’t a dream, is it?” he asked out loud, not sure if it was for his benefit or a genuine question for the other male.

                “I was actually wondering that too,” Yixing laughed, shifting in place, the ground crunching underfoot.

                “How do we know it’s not?” Yifan asked, tilting his head to the side, not enough to look around the trunk but he waited for a response.

                “Wait until we wake up?” Yixing offered in a joking manner, smiling when it made Yifan snort.  “Yifan.”  He went on when he heard a grunt of inquiry, “Can I come closer?”  Yifan froze, breath caught in his throat.  “Maybe on the other side of the tree you’re behind?” he suggested, staring without blinking at the tiny expanse of skin he could see through the underbrush.  He’d never have spotted it if he hadn’t been scouring that area but he knew where his watcher was.

                Did he dare let him come that close?  And for what reason?  As much as it frightened him, his curiosity won out and he exhaled slowly, forcing air to move through his lungs again.  “Yes,” Yifan responded at last, listening to every sound that Yixing made as he finished standing up and walked towards him.  His feet moved slowly, the steps cautious and careful.  At least he was wearing some sort of shoes today, the leather scratching on grass and leaves in a different way than his bare feet did.  His heart pounded in his chest when he heard Yixing reach the tree, the sound of his hand sliding over the bark as he sat down unmistakable.

                “I know you don’t want to be seen,” he murmured on the other side of the tree.  “I don’t know what you’re afraid of or why but…” he paused, sliding his hand against the ground, fingers carding through the grass and leaves as he eased it behind him and around the side of the tree, palm facing upward.  “I hope it’s not a dream either,” he admitted while he waited to see what Yifan would do.

                For a long moment, Yifan just stared at the soft palm within easy touching distance.  There were some calluses present on the fingertips but his hand was otherwise free of blemishes.  It was a far cry from his own dirty… stained… scarred ones.  Yifan stared at his hand, cursing it for the blood it had spilled and then peered at the pale palm next to him.  His fingers shook as he finally reached for it and ever so lightly placed his palm against Yixing’s.

                Slender fingers wrapped around his in a gentle clasp and Yifan felt the beginnings of tears prick his eyes.  “Thank you… Yixing,” he whispered as he curled his fingers around the slender hand in turn and took a deep shuddering breath.  He knew he shouldn’t have let Yixing know he was there; he shouldn’t have started actually talking to him, and he damn well shouldn’t have just touched him with his tainted hand, but… all of it made him feel as if maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t an irredeemable monster.  And that was a miracle he hadn’t thought possible.

(a/n: I should be able to finish up in the next post but I really wanted to sort of expand on the huge disparity between their current lifestyles.  Up until now, Yifan hasn't actually seen a day in the life of Yixing.  Not in the early morning when everything happens and you sort of see how the village functions.  They're not a large gathering of people so they use more of a communal approach.  Of course you still have your family units and they take care of core members first but you can be sure that no one here would starve even if the rest of their family wasn't there.  And while their life isn't complex or complicated the way city life would be, it still holds a lot of the comforts Yifan has forgotten about in his isolation.

Then too, their conversation took a different route than I intended, but their relationship has been by no means conventional up to this point.  I saw no reason for their first exchange of words to follow any such pattern, especially since neither of them really knows exactly what to say but both are desperate to keep the other speaking.  So you get an awkward, honest response to everything in lieu of anything even remotely suave or charming.  heh

Aside from the fact that it was getting particularly lengthy, I also wanted to end it right where it was: at the simple affirmation of existence for Yifan.  It was a powerful moment for him in particular.

I hope you've enjoyed this latest installment!  Thank you for reading!  <3)