The shadows... Ever since he left the world of humanity behind, the shadows had been his friend.  They offered protection from the eyes of those who would see him for the monster he used to be… the monster he still was, no matter how much he denied it.  The shadows gave him solace from the judgment of others and provided him a measure of protection, hiding other such predators as himself in an existence that was solitary but bearable.  Days blurred into weeks and months so that he no longer had any idea of how long he’d been by himself but it was better than the alternative.

                Endless solitude was far better than the madness and treachery of the fields of slaughter where he had stained his hands permanently red with the blood of countless enemies.  Maybe allies too…  The lines of sight became blurry in the fading rays of light, when all you had left was the desire to draw one more breath and you couldn’t recognize the visage of the man before you.  Nameless, faceless creatures that fought in the same mindless battles he had.  Used up pieces of fodder for a fight that was never theirs. 

                He didn’t deserve to live really.  Not after everything he had done to survive.  But…

                The same thing that drove him to destroy anything in his path that rose up against him, refused to let him just lie down and die.  It wasn’t in him for such a simple, peaceful death.  So he lived, in the shadows of the forest, with his solitude, never knowing the touch of another or the sound of a companion’s voice.  It was a miracle he didn’t go mad.  Or maybe he did.  Maybe that was what led him to follow the sound of an unfamiliar voice one afternoon when he was wandering again.

                Drawn by the melodic notes of someone humming to himself softly, the bedraggled, ex-guerilla soldier crept towards the sound.  It emanated from near the stream he frequented for water and food, making him wary.  Predator and prey alike used the same source after all, but he was unable to resist investigating the pleasant voice so at odds with his own – a deep tone more alike to gravel crunching underfoot.

                Familiar to the area, he traveled further downstream than usual and stumbled upon an oblivious, beautiful creature he had not seen in far too long: a young boy… no.  A young man stood in the water, splashing in the clear liquid as he tried, and failed, to catch a fish by hand, a dimple appearing in his cheek when he smiled.

                Perplexed and no small amount amused, the ex-soldier simply watched, drinking in the sounds of the man’s clear voice as he laughed at himself, getting drenched in the process.  The stranger was shorter than him, he was sure of it; he was also slender and had a face almost too pretty for a male.  His dark brown hair was long enough to fall into warm brown eyes, not that it seemed to bother him much.  Even in the short time that the ex-soldier watched him, the carefree boy lapsed for whole moments into a thoughtful stare, his gaze distant and far off.

                For a little while, he was tempted to think the stranger had fallen asleep standing up – it was possible, he would know – but then he blinked and shook himself free from whatever daydream he’d been frolicking in to resume his almost childlike antics.  Eventually, the young man gave up on actually trying to catch anything and resorted to picking out pretty stones from the water instead, humming in contentment under his breath.

                “What are you doing?” the observer mused quietly, stealing away into the trees for a better vantage point.  In truth, he doubted the need to hide from the boy since he was terrible at noticing his surroundings.  Was he from a village nearby?  And did they actually let him go out and about by himself?

                Curious now, he purposefully broke a smaller branch from the larger one he was resting on, resulting in a very noticeable crack, just to see what would happen.  Startled, the younger male froze and looked up, his small cache of stones held protectively against his abdomen while the other hung in the air in front of him, droplets of water falling from his fingertips.

                “Hello?” he called softly, almost as if he was afraid his voice would be heard.  Looking around like a rabbit caught in the open, he edged towards dry land and his bottom lip nervously.  “Luhan?  Minseok?” he called out, craning his neck to see better.  He very nearly tripped over his own feet in his distraction when his toes dragged in the long grass.  “Yah!” he yelped, flailing to catch his balance and dropping the stones.  “Aww…” he groaned, bending to retrieve them, the potential danger forgotten.

                In the trees, the watcher smiled, a genuine grin that pulled at his lips and made him feel a sense he hadn’t experienced in a long time: happiness.  His smile faded in an instant when he noticed someone else approaching, catching sight of a figure moving closer from further downstream in the tree line.  All his senses sharpened at the possible threat until he realized he was no soldier come to threaten the peace here, just another villager if his appearance was any indication.

                “Yixing?” the newcomer called, loud and clear as the shorter, dark haired male cupped his hands around his mouth to project the sound.  “Hey, Yixing!” he tried again, making a face when he received no immediate response.

                “Eh?” the apparent Yixing chirped, brow furrowing when he stood up to look around.  “Is that you, Min?” he cried in response, turning in a circle and then grinning broadly when a sharp whistle from downstream drew his attention.

                “There you are,” the shorter male with chubby cheeks rolled his eyes and laughed, hurrying to close the distance between them.  “What are you doing this time?” he asked with a wry smile, noticing the stones in his friend’s hand.

                “I was fishing,” Yixing laughed, glancing down at his most recent treasures and grinning sheepishly before he hid them behind his back.

                “Ah huh,” Minseok agreed skeptically.  “You are hopeless,” he sighed, tugging on the taller boy’s sleeve to get him moving.  “Come on then.  Your brother sent me to find you, as usual.”

                “Oops…” he grimaced, following along repentantly.  “I really was fishing this time,” he murmured with a downcast expression, staring at the water sadly.

                “And you’ve nothing to show for it either,” Minseok reminded him.  At the continued crestfallen pout on Yixing’s face, he groaned and let his shoulders slump while he stopped where he was.  “Aish.  I can’t let you just get scolded again can I?  Come on then,” he waved, kicking off his thin sandals as he pulled the legs of his worn pants above his knees.  “At least you’ve got the drenched part right,” he grinned, standing in the shallow water with his hands poised above the surface, an expression of focus on his face.

                “Really, Min.  You don’t have to do that,” Yixing assured him, setting his pretty stones down while he watched in wide-eyed wonder.

                “You’re right, but it’s almost painful watching you mope around after another scolding,” Minseok winked, eyes smiling as he looked up at his companion before he resumed his task, hands disappearing into the water to return with a wriggling, shiny fish in tow.  “Get it, Xing!” he laughed, tossing the flopping creature towards the bank where it hopped around madly while the taller male tried to catch it.

                “Yah!  It won’t stop wiggling!” he yelped after it slipped free again, forcing him to practically fall on it so he could use the fabric of his shirt to get a better grip.

                “Here comes another!” Minseok warned, sending a second flopping fish to Yixing’s side.

                In the tree, the stranger stared and felt the wholly uncharacteristic urge to laugh.  Very much bemused, he stretched out on the limb, ignoring the knots and twigs that jabbed him through his threadbare pants and against his unclothed torso, most of the fabric already worn through with nothing remaining of his original shirt anyway.  His pants were only relatively intact and even those were full of holes and coming apart at the seams.

                He’d opted not to go with the Tarzan approach and forwent the loin cloth, but he was definitely on the shabby side.  His once short, dark blonde hair hung about his shoulders in clumpy, knotted strands he knew would be impossible to comb out.  If he had any ability to grow facial hair, he would’ve had an admirable mustache or beard but both his upper lip and chin remained bereft of any sort of stubble which was kind of a relief actually.  At least it wasn’t hot or itchy and the forest was more than humid enough already without the burden of additional layers.

                He was pretty sure he may have somewhat resembled a wolf man too, save for the occasional dousing in the river.  Bathing wasn’t exactly a high priority since it was impossible to maintain and he was bothered more often by the local fauna and insects when he was clean…  While he didn’t specifically have a home, there were several trees and the occasional log he knew about where he could seek shelter from adverse weather if need be.  If worst came to worst, he still had his combat knife to help cut limbs to build a shelter though that was time consuming and left very obvious remains which he tried to avoid as much as possible.

                Lost in his musings and thoroughly entranced by the pair acting like siblings in front of him, he lost track of time entirely and blinked in surprise when they started to head away with their spoils as the sun made its way across the sky.  Talking animatedly, Yixing used his shirt to hold a small pile of fish close at hand while Minseok picked a way for them to travel that would be easy and free of the majority of debris.  Apparently Yixing had forgotten his shoes when he headed out…

                Falling out of the tree effortlessly, the tall stranger loped after the two, hiding behind whatever cover there was nearby.  Not that he really needed to.  Both were completely absorbed in their own conversation and had no idea they were being followed.  That suited him just fine.  After all the atrocities he’d committed against his fellow man, he did not deserve to be among them anymore.

                Although… following the pair and hearing human voices again stirred memories in him he had almost forgotten in his isolation.  They had names and he distinctly remembered having one himself, before he’d discarded it with the rest of his humanity.  He had no need of one in the forest after all, but it had been something with a Y.  Frustrated by his inability to remember, he frowned and slipped along behind them until they reached an opening in the forest that led to what appeared to be a small village.  Consisting of wood and thatch buildings, it was alive with men and women walking to and fro: villagers going about their daily lives.

                “Oh!  Luhan!” another boy at the edge shouted as he pointed at the forest while he looked back over his shoulder.  “Min found him!” he flailed, both arms waving animatedly while he ran into the village to one of the closer huts nearest the trees.  The short, dark haired male pulled out a taller young man with dirty blonde locks that sat on his head in lazy waves, his innocent face smiling out.

                “Yeah, I found him,” Minseok laughed, guiding his companion along by the elbow.  “Xing was fishing,” he winked, waving away Luhan’s concern.

                The stranger got close enough to listen in on their conversation, tall form scrunched up as much as possible behind the brush.  Once again, he had to brush his matted locks out of his face to keep them from obscuring his vision.

                “Thanks for covering for him again, Min,” Luhan sighed, throwing his arm around Yixing’s shoulder.  “Come on, Xing.  Mother will be glad to know you didn’t get swallowed up by the woods,” he rolled his eyes.  “Even if you do smell like fish.

                “Sorry, Lulu,” Yixing apologized, shoulders hunched in worry.  “At least they’re fresh!” he exclaimed proudly, grinning appreciatively at Minseok who laughed at his response.

                Brothers then?  Well, they did share some similar characteristics at least.  Scratching his dirty hair, he frowned as they distanced themselves from him, their pleasant voices drawing away in turn.

                Did he have a brother at some point?  No…  He did have friends once before though.  If he thought hard enough, he could actually see their faces, even if their names eluded him.  Like his own.  Yi something…  “Think,” he whispered, patting his forehead with the heel of his palm as he pressed his back against a tree.  “Yi…  Yif…  Yif… an!” he gasped, eyes opening wide when the name came to him.

                Immediately, he clapped his hand over his mouth and glanced around to make sure no one had heard him.  Stupid.  He’d only seen people again for a short while and already his defenses were crumbling.  With a final glance back, he stared at the group of four with a sense of longing before he fled back into the forest… back to the familiar shadows that provided him the anonymity he needed.

                Determined to avoid coming into contact with them again, he moved further upstream and passed the days by existing in the forest as he had before.  There were no wordless tunes to draw his attention or back and forth banter that might make him smile.  All that existed out here were predators and prey.  Weaponless except for his combat knife and whatever improvised spears he could come up with, his diet tended to consist of mostly plant stuff.

                He had learned early on hunting was problematic as he couldn’t keep or eat all of a large kill since the rest of the food would draw other predators and scavengers, and it almost wasn’t worth starting the fire to cook something small.  In the end, he was almost always hungry out here but nature provided enough to live on and his once developed, muscled frame had long since become wiry and thin.  He was still quite strong but it was all whipcord and sinew with no excess fat to speak of.

                The boys had been thin too, but they’d looked happy and at least decently taken care of…

                Running from the memories that watching them dredged up, Yifan drifted through the forest, never staying in one place for too long.  He slept above ground where snakes, smaller scavengers or other hunters wouldn’t get to him easily, secured in place by whatever vines he could use in lieu of rope.  It felt wrong to sit still for any length of time except for when it was too hot to do so comfortably.  As scantily clad as he was, heat exhaustion was still a valid concern and he had no desire to faint because of it.  Not when it made him easy prey or sent him forcibly to slumber he still hated to endure.  Because of those dangers, he made he was always near water. 

                No matter how far he traveled though, Yixing’s voice and his smiling face refused to disappear from Yifan’s memory or waking thoughts.  Even when he had another nightmare of mutilated corpses as he often did these days, the innocent visage of the happy young man pierced through the awful memories and gave him a strange sense of peace.

                They didn’t know the horrors of war.  That was what it was.  From the looks of it, none of them had ever fought a day in their life.  Peace and life encompassed their existence and Yixing in particular seemed to find joy in everything.  Mostly.  He acutely recalled the pout he wore when he feared a scolding but even that was far better than any of the faceless bodies Yifan often saw when he closed his eyes.

                Against his better judgment, he eventually made his way back to the village, bypassing natural prey and predator alike.  The large cats left him mostly alone and those that didn’t, rarely walked away from the encounter.  So far, he’d been the stronger of the predators in the forest, though he too bore marks of combat along his arms and legs with fading scars down his torso and back from his first few weeks in the forest alone.  While they were smaller than him, the large felines had wicked claws and dangerous teeth, both of which took forever to heal.

                But he was still alive and though he was the greater monster, he couldn’t help but want to see the village, and Yixing in particular, again.  Entranced by their exuberance for life, Yifan stayed when he knew it was best to keep moving.  Of course he remained in the shadows, hiding from their sight, but he kept an eye on the village and especially Yixing who made regular forays into the forest, despite the protests and warnings of his friends and family.  He was fortunate that this close to his home, few creatures were brave enough to wander into the area.

                It felt almost like Yifan was stalking him when he followed the boy, save he had absolutely no intention of harming him in any way.  Far from it.  Yifan took an endless amount of pleasure in just watching him simply be.  As the days passed, he got to know Yixing and his brother Luhan from afar.  The former wasn’t as painfully innocent as he first appeared, showing a teasing side among his friends, though the infrequent moments of zoning out seemed to be petty commonplace.

                Luhan appeared to be the intelligent one of the group, preferring to use his head over actual physical labor.  It wasn’t that he lacked strength either since he had a surprising flair for climbing trees when the urge struck, but if he could think his way through something, he would.  When Minseok traveled with them, Yifan noticed they deferred to the baby-faced male as the eldest.  In appearance, he was a walking contradiction, but the young visage hid an admirable agility with a strong sense of responsibility.  If they disturbed an area, he made sure it was set to rights before they left.

                As for the last two of their entourage, Yifan easily recognized the smallest of their group as Jongdae.  Another walking contradiction, he was incredibly gentle in form with a snarky side the ex-soldier did not expect and a voice that could rattle the eardrums.  Seriously… the first time the boy yelled at Luhan for something, Yifan had very nearly fallen out of his hiding place.  That event could have been particularly disastrous in the presence of Zitao, a sleepy-looking young man with dark circles under his deceptively keen eyes and agility enough to rival both Minseok and Luhan.  Ironically, he was the one that Yifan had to watch out for the most in terms of being sighted.

                Still… his own gaze landed most often upon Yixing and there were days now that he ached to join them, to be among their group and to talk with them as if he wasn’t the monster he knew he was.

                In this place of life and gentle coexistence, he had no purpose.  He was covered in the stench of death and he couldn’t imagine staining their paradise with his soiled presence.  There was nothing he could offer them that they didn’t already have except violence and death.  So he watched from afar and yearned for something he thought he’d forsaken for good: the company of another person.

                Eventually swayed by his own want, Yifan decided to try something new, and possibly very foolish.  He started to collect a small trove of nature’s gifts to surprise Yixing with.  Fresh fish was hard to come by, but nuts, berries or mushrooms were all too easy to have on hand and leave where Yixing was sure to find them.

                Peering from behind one of his customary hiding spots, his large hands splayed against the rough bark, Yifan smiled to see the other boy eye the gift warily, looking around to make sure none of his friends were trying to prank him.  The first time Yifan left such an offering, Yixing actually walked away from it, convinced it was a trick at his expense.  Much to Yifan’s disappointment, Yixing had retired early, certain that Luhan or Zitao were going to surprise him.  At least it had been a tasty gathering all the same.  No sense in it going to waste after all.

                Yifan had to wait a couple days to try again, but his next offering was more successful.  Still cautious, Yixing took the wrapped bundle of mushrooms and peered within while Yifan danced with joy inside.  There was no mistaking he was still wary about it being a trick as he inspected each mushroom intently before he held them close and headed back to the village.  When he left though, Yifan could see a smile pulling at Yixing’s mouth from the side and he couldn’t help the mirrored response on his lips, easing the tension in his face effortlessly.

                As he often did, Yifan trailed behind the younger male, keeping his distance until they reached the tree line where he stopped outright.  He avoided the clear spaces and the open light of broad day with every fiber in his being, but it was also where he saw Yixing the clearest.  His only wish was that he might be able to do more for him, but that would also mean risking exposing himself and he couldn’t bear the thought of that beautiful, dimpled smile disappearing in disgust.  Or worse… fear.  No.  It was better for them both if he continued to remain ignorant of his existence.  It was safer.

                His promise to remain isolated and in the shadows became harder and harder to keep the more he watched Yixing though.  The young man could make almost everyone around him smile or feel at ease.  It appeared to be his gift.  While some could hunt, farm or build, Yixing made them happy.  He could cook too, which Yifan figured was the main reason why he headed into the forest since he was always looking for something, but his real strength lay in how he was with other people.  Yifan couldn't even think of a single time yet where he'd seen the other boy actually angry either. 

                And even when the young man didn’t come into the forest, by himself or with his friends, Yifan found himself stationed in the shadows of the tree line, beginning to wonder what it would be like to actually walk out and…

                No.  He knew what it would be like.  He’d seen it too many times before on the fields of battle when the enemies he’d killed cursed him for their death.  He’d seen them run screaming from his blood soaked person, had cut them down like dogs when they’d begged for mercy for fear they would kill him if he but turned his back, had watched the light go out in their hate-filled, fearful, accusing eyes.

               His equally stained gun and armor had been lost to the wilderness a long time ago, but they would see.  They would see the stains on his hands, the murderous beast inside that had kept him alive when he should have died with everyone else…  So he stayed in the shadows, where it was safe - where they couldn’t see him and know the weight of his sins... and his guilt.

                It was safer there because if they didn’t know he existed, they couldn’t reject him.  They couldn’t hate him for what he’d done.  They couldn’t fear him for what he was still capable of.  He looked at his dirty hands and grimaced.

                It was safer in the shadows because in his solitude, he didn’t have to face his own nightmarish fears.

(a/n: So yay for the first update!  Thank you for reading and I'd love to know what you think so far.  ^_^

There will probably be a couple more interactions between Yixing and the rest of his little band as well, but the focus is still definitely meant for him and Yifan.)