Story Title + Chapter Titles [2/5]
The story title is not too cliched but not so catchy either.
Foreword and Description [6/10]
The description was short and nice, but it will be better if you put the Characters in the foreword. Also for the second and third chapters, I didnt really get the title because ithad nothing to do with that chapter, nor the next chapter.
Poster/Trailer/Background [5/10]
Poster was too plain and was too simple. It would be better if it was a cute and bright poster.
General Story Plot [16/20]
The idea was good, and you use that idea well.
Character Portrayal [6/10]
You portray the characters pretty well.
Grammar/Spelling [5/15]
There were a lot of spelling and grammar I have found in every chapter. Here are some mistakes I have found.
Chapter 1
You spelled Charackters but it is supposed to be "Characters"
You spelled Appaerence but it is supposed to be "Appearance"
Chapter 2:
"Sara please come over!" Turned to the mother in me "why?can't we talk here?" I replied offended
Correction: "Sara, please come over here!" I turned to my mother and asked her offendedly, "Why? Can't we talk here?"
"And you know not that something happened in your past is relationship Dad left you shortly after we were born for a younger woman, you've learned nothing?"
Correction: Do you not remember that something happened in the past about your relationship with dad? He left you after we were born to be with a younger woman, and you still didn't learn anything?
"We will join him to Korea"
Correction: We will gowith him to Korea
"WHAT? you aren't serious right?! that... you can not mean it!"
Correction: "WHAT?! You aren't kidding and don't mean it right?!"
"I'll fly with him and Organize everything, and in March you'll come after with Suou when the new school year begin you will go to the same school as Min-Jee she is the daughter of Jung-Hwa, she is very loveable you will like her"
Correction: "I'll go with him to Korea to organize everything, and you will come after in March with Suou, when the new year begin. You will also be attending the same school as Min-Jee, the daughter of Jung-Hwa. She is a very loveable girl, so you will like her"
"What that sounds so as if it's already decided?"
Correction: "Why does that sounds like it was already decided?"
"I will marry him so I want to live with him together!"
Correction: I will mary him, so I can live with him! or "I will marry him, so we can live together!"
"But ... what? how did you actually met him? "I asked irritated.
Correction: "How did you even met him?" I asked irritated.
"You and Suou gave me to my last birthday a three-week stay in a spa hotel in Berlin, he was there with a new band, it was on the first day when I was there, i checked in, I'm going with my suitcase, then someone bumped in me and my things are scattered everywhere, I bent over me and wanted to pick up things and then he has helped me and took one of the suitcases and put him in my room. He then made me an invitation to dinner!"
Correction: On my last birthday when you and Suou gave me a three-week star in a spa hotel in Berlin, he was their with a new band. It was on the first day when I was there. I was checking in, holding my suitcase, when someone bumped into me. My things from the suitcase scattered eveywhere, so I bent down and picked it up. He helped me picked up my things, and offered to bring one of my suitcases into my room, so I agreed. Later, he asked me out for dinner!"
Well, there were more mistakes, but I'm only doing it up to here.
Originality [4/10]
Not so original, I've read many stories like this one before.
Captivation [3/5]
It was captivating to read, but the writing style (how it's all bunched up together) makes me force myself to read it.
Flow and Entertainment [4/10]
The story has no flow, and wasn't really easy to read. Every sentece is a run-on, and I had to reread it many times to understand. It did kinda entertain me, but not so much
Bonus [2/5]
I like how you made the story more entertaining by making Min-Jee the bad character, so there will be more twists +1 bonus point.
How you didn't rush the story +1 bonus point.
Total [54/100]
C- Sorry if I was being too harsh. I just hope you will fix run-on sentences, and make it clearer for me to understand next time.
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