A Man In Love

“When I’m in love, I want to give everything in my life to you
With just one expectation, your heart
When I’m in love”
 

Sometimes I like to dream that you liked me too.  When we are practising I wish you’d look at me like Dongwoon looks at Hoya (I swear those two are in love, OTP for life!).  That when you walked up to see me you too can’t do anything but smile that beautiful gummy smile of yours.  That I can also be your night light that guards you in your darkest moments. You know when this song was released Hyukjae all I could think of was how it described my feelings for you.  However, despite how I desperately wanted nothing more than to have the courage to confess to you, I couldn’t because you were hopelessly in love with that girl.  No matter what Hyukkie, even if you and Jieun sart to date nothing makes me happier than you being by my side.  I want nothing more than to be with you Lee Hyukjae and maybe one day I’ll get my wish.  Until then I promise not to be angsty about my feelings.  I’ve spent too long moping.  We are in our last year I’m going to take advantage of them.  Then, who knows if we get scouted but I hope it is two different companies. My heart prefers dreams to reality these days and I need to focus on becoming an idol.  So maybe separation is what is best, so at least I can achieve one of my dreams and make my father proud.  Until then, I’m going to enjoy your every gummy smile, enjoy those rare moments when you get flustered and rub the back of your neck and laugh at all your jokes even if they aren’t particularly funny.  Lee Hyukjae, I’m in love with you.

To say that fateful day at the Norebang was a turning point would be in an understatement.  It was like a tidal wave had swept of everything he everything leaving nothing but the broken wreckages of his heart.  The little self-confidence Donghae had when it came to Hyukjae was utterly shattered.  He had put himself completely out there only to be completely and utterly rejected.  It was safe to say Lee Donghae had given in, Hyukjae was truly an impossibility in his eyes.  Getting with his best friend was nothing but a distant dream, something that he thought of while staring out at the stars from his bed room window.  The light from the stars was comforting, despite the fact it was millions and billions light years away from him.  It was a constant reminder of Hyukjae or Eunhyuk as he called himself now, always shining comforting him but completely out of reach. 

Whenever he was alone and angry at the world he imagined that Eunhyuk was his imaginary boy friend.  He was a little old for this he knew but it didn’t stop him from imagining the possibilities.  Like when his mum called him demanding to know whether he had changed he wanted nothing more than Eunhyuk to wrap his arms around him as he cried himself to sleep. He wished when he achieved a particularly hard dance move imaginary Hyukjae congratulating him with a kiss on the forehead.  Whenever Henry and Amber were out having fun he imagined what would they do if they were to date.  Would they go and play soccer out in the field?  Go and eat icecream together? Or a simple movie date? Imagination and escapism were Donghae best friends as he wondered through the streets at night with only his headphones and stars for company.  He was drowning himself in the blaring hits of Infinite.  The songs were his best friends and everytime he’s listen to their songs it was as if the members were there always to comfort him.  To tell him that it was okay to have this imaginary Hyukjae figure that he wasn’t going slowly insane by the fact his best friend was never the same person towards him since that day at the Norebang nearly a year ago now. 

It was nothing but a depressing cycle and it had gotten so bad that real life Hyukjae wasn’t enough for Donghae anymore.  Without meaning to he pushed Hyukjae out of the way, preferring the company of his other friends.  Especially Yesung, they were a heart broken pair that never really talked whilst in each others company, Donghae would merely look on twitter for updates for infinite wondering just when they’d make a come back as a group again and Yesung would be studying music theory. When Donghae asked why he was doing this Yesung would merely shrug.

“I want to find a way to have perfect pitch, so I’ll never be flat again.”  Donghae guessed this might have had something to do with Kyuhyun but he didn’t press the issue.

So maybe Donghae’s entire friendship group was a bit of a mess on the emotional front.  However, in terms of their success as a cover group there popularity had sky rocked over night.  Their youtube covers of Infinite’s songs started go viral within the Korea and the world.  Soon, they became sponsored by youtube and they began earning money, which Kyuhyun more than gleefully said he’d manage.  In a couple of months they were going to have their first performance on a new idol talent quest whose aim was to search for the next big thing.  Donghae liked to think he was one step closer to achieving his dream of being an idol with Hyukjae.  If they couldn’t be together at least they could dream together.

Little did he know that Hyukjae too was lately feeling a little depressed himself.  Ever since that day at the Norebang something had changed within his best friend.   A guilty feeling had been eating away at him.  Hyukjae had known he had done something wrong back then, he just couldn’t figure out what.  In fact it was a common occurrence that he dreamed of that day, of Donghae’s expression as he laughed at him.  It went mostly unnoticed as Hyukjae began his transformation into Eunhyuk (his stage name), the flirty, larger than life and talented dancer.  When he was Eunhyuk everything wasn’t confusing, the fact he felt himself missing his best friend despite seeing him every day wasn’t confusing he could be a jerk that only cared for himself and was loved for it. There was someone who did notice this though.  It came in the form of Hyukjae’s twin sister, Krystal.  With no love life of her own she couldn’t help but fiddle with others.  She was sick of the constant angst, the constant forlorn looks and the dull atmosphere lately.  The Princess was about to expand her responsibilities within the group to become matchmaker extraordinaire.

“Krystal, I thought I came here for free food.” Amber said annoyed her best friend had pulled her out of the canteen line just to leave her to starve.  Krystal had dragged them to an empty classroom, which seemed to be the home of many spiders, dustmites and broom sticks.

“No listen to me.  We have to get Donghae and Hyukjae together.” Krystal growled.

“Why?” Amber asked, whilst inhaling a mouthful of dust causing her to splutter.

“Cause my brother is an idiot and I can see that they belong together it is so fricken obvious and I can’t take it anymore.”

“Are you sure it’s not just bromance? I know that Donghae has strong feelings for my brother, but it’s been a year since that norebang incident and Donghae hasn’t managed to convince.  Hyukjae lately has been excited about finally asking Jieun out finally.”

“You don’t see Hyukjae when Donghae isn’t around.  You don’t see when he’s truly depressed and jealous.  I see everything Amber including to the to die for between you and Mochi cheeks which you refuse to acknowledge.”

“I don’t like him, I’m friend zoned at any rate cute guys like him don’t belong with girls like me.”

“Your almost as annoying as your brother.” Krystal laughed. “But seriously if Hyuk gets with that git Jieun I’ll shoot something.”

“That’s the real reason isn’t it?”

“Okay you’ve caught me.  But really those two should just make babies together.”

“So what do you propose we do?”

“Gather information first then we attack there weaknesses.” Krystal grinned mischievously, before screaming as a spider landed on Amber’s nose.

“What Krytal? What’s wrong?”

“Sp-spi.”

“Syp? You want me to spy on Donghae?”

“YOU HAVE A FREAKIN SPIDER ON YOUR NOSE!”  Amber looked at Krystal before simply squishing.

“Ew.. Now I have spider on my nose.” Krystal face palmed, why was she surrounded by idiots?

It was this that led Amber to Donghae’s diary.  To reading it and discovering just how intertwined those two were.  How much in love her little brother was with his best friend.  Donghae had been through too much in his life, his own mother had broken off all contact with him after.  She picked up the phone and called Krystal.

“Princess we need to sort this issue out! You are right it is getting out of hand.  I think Donghae is slowly loosing his anity over it.” Amber said, incredibly concerned over the contents of Donghae’s diary.

“Gimmie a sec, Heechul wants in on the action.” Krystal smiled.

“Heechul?”  Amber said already thinking that it might be the best idea.  However all she called.

“What’s the snitch.”  Amber could swear that she could hear Krystal rolling her eyes.

“Amber wants in on our plane.”

“Excellent.”  Heeechul chuckled. “This has been a year in the making, I was hoping that idiot monkey would have worked it out by now but it is obviously he’s still in the stone ages.”

“Jelousy.”

“So we need Eunhyuk to get jealous, I’ve got just the ticket.”

“Who.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Cho Kyuhyun.”

Donghae looked at Amber in confusion as she ran up and down the stairs.

“I’ve lost my hat!” She almost squawked in panic.

“We need to go forget the hat.”  Donghae was thoroughly confused at his sister’s behaviour.   “Borrow one of mine, c’mon Krystal and Hyuk are waiting for us!”

“Just go.” Amber shoved him out the door. “I need to know where the hat is, Henry lent it to me.” Donghae rolled his eyes.  Of course Henry was involved, why else would his sister actually panic about something?

“Oh hi Hyukjae where is Krystal?” Donghae asked awkwardly.

“Hey.”  Hyukjae greeted with a a small wave, he looked thoroughly confused though, “She said that she is having a Princess fit so to get the hell out of the house before she eats my brains.”

“Lovely.” Donghae chuckled.  After that, an awkward silence resounded. Neither knew what to say as they walked down the street.  So to save himself Donghae simply put in his headphones softly listening to Infinite H’s mini album.  He smiled as the familiar beats in his head.  He sighed as he felt the light spring breeze bush his senses, the way the morning sun touched the surrounding.  The cherry blossoms on the numerous trees lining the streets were about to bloom.  He stole a quick glance to Hyukjae, whose side profile never failed to take his breath away.  He felt his heart beat a little faster, and he scolded himself for being so weak in his best friend’s presence. However, to his shock one of his ear pieces were taken out of his ear.

 “Hyuk what the actual heck?” Donghae said, annoyed that his peaceful time was disrupted.

“I want to listen to what you are listening to.  You were smiling so brightly, what were you thinking about?”

“I was just thinking, it’s nice how the sun fall on the buildings, I never realised the buildings were so pretty.”

“Wow getting all cony over some buildings!”  Hyukjae chuckled ruffling Donghae’s hair.  “You are so cute sometimes.” Donghae nudged him in the ribs, a little embarrassed.  “But I guess you are right.   It is a lovely day.  Let’s enjoy it while we can.” 

Around the corner the three onlookers (stalkers) tried to get a look at the budding romance between Donghae and Hyukjae.

“They making out yet?” Krystal growled.

“Be patience my young one.”  Heechul chuckled.  “Before you know it they won’t stop making out.”

“Eh~ just annoyed they are moving too slow.” Krystal puffed out her cheeks in frustration.

“Too slow? We’ve only just started!” Amber exclaimed.

“Shut up the both of you! We are going to get caught!”  Krystal hushed.  Amber rolled her eyes maybe her brother was moving too slowly, she wasn’t sure for how long she could put up with Krystal being like this.

“KRYSTAL!” Hyukjae screamed as he slammed his fists on the door to the apartment. 

“Yes brother dearest.” His sister replied. 

“You fricken locked me out of the apartment!”

“I know~ I’m enjoying being an introvert.  You shouldn’t have left the key at home!”

“I’m going to kill you.” Hyukjae screamed at his younger sister.

“Don’t care.”  Hyukjae huffed.  He knew his sister all to well that door was not going to be opened.  Fine if his sister was going to be stubborn he could be too.  He marched off to Donghae’s place.  Halfway there he realised he hadn’t been there in nearly 6 months.  This confused him endlessly.  What had happened between them?  What had caused them to drift apart this much?  To be awkward, he missed his best friend who used to every morning great him with a hug, which used to literally knock him off his feet.  Now he was lucky to get a wave.  How could he apologize for that incident? Was it to late, he would be lying to himself if these thoughts didn’t strike him everyday, causing endless sleepless nights.  As he stood outside the front of Donghae’s apartment building he stood there, it was then he realised that tears were streaming down his cheeks.  He rembered every promise he’d made to Donghae he’d brocken.  Everything, he’d ruined their precious friendship which was the something that was closest to his heart.  The realization was too much for Hyukjar, he couldn’t move he was frozen in a state of shock.  He couldn’t even move when he saw Donghae exiting out of the apartment block, the worry flash in his best friend’s eyes.

 “Hyukjae ? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”  Donghae panicked, running over to him. 

“How can you even talk to me.”  Hyukjae sobbed, wrapping his arms around his friends form.  “Really how can you when I’ve acted like this for the past year or so.” 

“Hyuk-“ Donghae whispered, his voice muffled against Hyukjae’s chest. 

“No Donghae, I’m sorry, it’s my fault I miss you.” Hyukjae whispered, clinging onto Donghae for dear life. 

“I see you every day dummy.” 

“It’s not the same.” Hyukjae said. “I’m sorry I’m going to make it up to you.” That night the two bonded somehow making up for the past year.  As Hyukjae closed his eyes to go to sleep that night he couldn’t help but think that Donghae’s smile was the most beautiful sight in the world.

Donghae groaned as he had the most thumping headache in the world.  It consumed him and it made it difficult to open his eyes.  What had caused him to be in such a state?  Well it was all Krystal’s fault.  He struggled to remember what has actually happened that night and in a rush of coulours and confusion it all came back to him.

“I’m organizing a sleep over at our house.” Krystal announced.  “We need to prepare for the competition and stuff right?  Why don’t we pull an all nighter and just stay over at ours since it the closest to the studio?”

“Sounds like fun.”  Donghae said looking to Amber who simply shrugged. 

“It’ll be a quiet night, nice relaxing and some bonding~” Krystal smiled.

Little did Donghae know it was anything but quiet.  As soon as he collapsed on the coach for the sleepover Heechul burst through the door.

“I brought alchohol!” The senior said proud of himself. “Now this can be a real party.”

“Alcohol really Heechul?”  Eunhyuk groaned.

“Heechul I don’t think alcohol is the best idea.” Amber agreed.

“You guys are no fun, live a little won’t you? Hyung do you have wine there?” Kyuhyun said brightly.  The eldest nodded with a sly smile and soon Donghae found himself with some kind of beer in his hand. 

“I’m not sure about this.”  Donghae said.  He had to admit he was a bit curious about alchohol, he always wondered what the big deal was about it.  He didn’t however think his first encounter would be so early. 

“C’mon Donghae it doesn’t taste that bad.”  Eunhyuk encouraged already on his second glass of whatever alcohol he was having.  Donghae looked at it, before taking a deep breathe and swallowing the glass in one go. 

“I don’t think you are meant to drink it that fast.” Henry said in broken Korean.

“Is it good?” Amber asked.

“It tastes weird.”  Donghae said feeling heat rush to his cheeks.  But before he could say a word Heechul filled his glass up again.  It was at that point Donghae realised he didn’t have that much tolerance for alcohol.  Especially when he didn’t object to a game of spin the bottle.  Giggling whilst clinging onto Hyukjae’s arm, his best friend was in a similar state as what he was, he watched Krystal spin the bottle only for it to land right on him.

“Yay! My turn!” Donghae celebrated.  “Hyukkie don’t you see the bottle is on me.”

“Calm down Donghae, okay what would you like truth or dare?”  Krystal smiled.  Donghae probably should of taken the hint from Krystal’s absolutely diabolical grin but in his drunk state he splattered out with a giggle,

“Dare.”

“I dare Donghae to kiss Hyukjae.” Before Donghae could even react Krystal grabbed him by the collar and shoved him in Hyukjae’s room and an equally confused and stumbling Hyukjae soon joined him.

“You are not getting out until you guys make out! Record it on your phone! I want evidence.” Krystal snickered.  Being completely drunk Donghae latched himself onto Hyukjae’s shoulders. 

“Let’s kiss!” Donghae giggled.  Hyukjae who was slightly more sober knew somehow the situation was a little serious, despite his sudden urge to kiss those lips that were already puckered in front of his own.

“We gotta record this.”  Hyukjae gulped, pushing Donghae away slightly. 

“Spoil sport, I’ve always wanted to.”  Donghae mumbled under his breath.  Hyukjae fumbled with his phone, he had no idea why he was agreeing to kiss his best friend, it seemed like the only option in his current situation.  Some desire had come over him, something unexplainable and it had to be the alcohol.

“Hae, we can just record it in a way that looks like we are.”  Hyukjae said nervously holding the phone out to record it.

“Nah, too much effort.”  Donghae said with a cheeky grin.  Next moment Hyukjae felt Donghae’s lips flush against his own.  With that he lost all reason as he kissed his best friend back.  The kiss didn’t stay innocent for long, Hyukjae overcome with need and the feelings within the simple kiss.  Not even caring for the welfare of his phone he dropped it to the ground, and used that arm to pull donghae closer to his own body.  As his desires raged he lightly bit Donghae’s bottom lip causing the brunette to gasp in shock.  Hyukjae used this opportunity to deepen the kiss.  The kiss was suddenly filled with emotions that were indescribable to Hyukjae but he wanted more than to feel them for longer, to make the kiss go on till he worked out what was driving him to do this.  Eventually, they broke the kiss, they had no option but to as both needed to breathe and as he did so Hyukjae stared into Donghae’s expressive eyes somehow something felt incredibly right about that moment.  What was that? What was these feelings? What was with the pounding in his chest?

“You two done yet?”  An impatient Krystal said through the door.

“Yes!”  Donghae smiled bouncing towards the voice, leaving Hyukjae in his state of shock.  Didn’t Donghae feel anything from that exchange?  Anything? Hyukjae slumped his shoulders, picking up his phone in confusion.  In his drunken state something had happened, something had changed in his heart and he wished that tomorrow when he opened his eyes he’d know the answer. 

The next morning Donghae was the first to wake and what he awoke to was the blinding need to throw up.  Hand over his mouth he ran to the toilet and he promptly threw up the contents of his stomach.  He groaned as the vomit stung his throat.  Never again would he drink that much. 

“Donghae?”  Came a worried voice.  Donghae turned around to see Kyuhyun rush to his side.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m currently throwing up what do you think.”  Kyuhyun smiled rumbing his back soothingly. 

“Well my dad always said it is better for the contents to be out of your stomach than in it.” Kyuhyun chuckled.

“Any other useful pieces of advise your dad give you.”  Donghae groaned. 

“That the best thing to do when you are hung over is to go and get some fresh air.”  Kyuhyun grinned pulling his hung over friend to his feet.

“Kyuhyun I just want to curl up into a ball and die!”  Donghae said his head thumping even more.  Kyuhyun was having none of that though as he dragged Donghae out of the stuffy aparement block into the gardens surrounding it. 

“Feeling better.”  Kyuhyun asked after they had been walking for a bit.

“Yeah kinda.”  Donghae mumbled unwilling to truly admit Kyuhyun had been right.

“Last night made me realise something Donghae.” 

“What?”

“I know that,” Kyuhyun gulped and Donghae saw a rare flash of nervousness in Kyuhyun’s eyes, “I’m going to lose you.  If I don’t find a way into your heart now he will end breaking you even more.”

 “I don’t understand Kyuhyun? Explain things clearly.”

“Do you remember anything about last night Donghae? The video?”

“No, not really.” Donghae shrugged. “Last thing I remember was Heechul giving me that second drink.” He looked over to Kyuhyun in confusion however the other was merely looking into the distance.  There was a completely resolute expression on his face.

“Donghae, will you go out with me?”

“Kyuhyun what?”

“I’m asking you seriously Donghae.  I want nothing more than to protect you for the rest of my life.”  Donghae stared at Kyuhyun for what seemed like the longest time.  What was he meant to say? 

“I’m so sorry but I like someone else Kyuhyun.”  Donghae whispered, upon finally deciding the best course of action was to tell the truth.

“Hyukjae?”  Kyuhyun asked and Donghae could only nod in response.  “Donghae can’t you see!”  Kyuhyun growled. “Why do you want something that you can’t have so badly!”

“Kyuhyun what do you expect me to do?”

“Go out with me Donghae, I’ll help you forget everything he makes you feel.  I’ll protect you!”

 “ I’m sorry Kyuhyun, I can’t do that.  Don’t worry though give me a few years I’ll be able to love someone else, I need my space from Hyukjae, I need to, get away from him.  Maybe then after all of that you can ask me again.”

“WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DONGHAE?”  Kyuhyun shouted.

“Exactly what I meant, I’m going to find a different agency to join even if we get recruited in the competition as a group.”

“Didn’t we want to debut together?  Donghae you! You can’t do this!”

“I’m sorry Kyuhyun, I guess the universe hates me.”

“Why can’t you fricken well love me! I’ll take care of you, I’ll love you.  I’’ll be always by the side.  When you look to the night skies, and dream like you always do with that wistful expression on your face, I want nothing more than to be holding your hand.”

“Stop it Kyuhyun.”  Donghae said between tears.  He couldn’t do it, even wit the promise that maybe going out with Kyuhyun would mean he’d still be able to debut with Hyukjae.  He could never hurt Yesung like that.

“Go out with me, I’ll make you forget him.”  Kyuhyun pleaded but Donghae was hearing none of it.  He ignored the taller boy and walked back to the house, tears streaming down his face.  Life wasn’t fair.

“You know it is so difficult to get a hold of you on the phone these days Donghae!” Yesung groaned.  “I almost didn’t come and meet you for lunch.”

“Yeah sorry it’s been iffy.”  Donghae said inwardly cringing because he just told a blatant lie to his friend. Ever since that day Kyuhyun officially asked him out he had been bombarded with text messages from the younger.  He wanted nothing more than to tell Kyuhyun to shut up, that he should like Yesung instead.  It wasn’t only the text messages, it turned out that Kyuhyun had taken to leaving him flowers in his locker, to waiting on his every need.  But Donghae couldn’t bring himself to break Kyuhyun’s heart, he had the guts to confess and that was honestly something that Donghae admired.  To top it off Donghae’s attempts to make Kyuhyun see that he liked Yesung had all but failed and had only succeeded in making the younger more intent on dating him.  The two heart broken friends ate in a comfortable silence a strange awkward atmosphere had arisen between them.  Feeling himself almost drown in it Donghae excused himself to the bathroom, he wanted nothing more than to just splash some water on his face to shock himself into getting a grip on reality.  But when Donghae came back from his short trip he certainly did have a reality check.  In his frustration he’d left his phone in the room and of course Cho Kyuhyun would have texted him again about dating. It was just his luck that Yesung had seen the text message and now was staring at Donghae’s phone like it was a monster.  Sighing he whisked the phone out of Yesung’s hand, a rude gesture but he was doing it for the older boys good. 

“Ignore that Yesung I’m not going out with Kyuhyun.  Don’t worry he’s just a bit confused at the moment.”  Donghae assured his frowning friend with a smile as he sat down beside him.  “Yesung?” Donghae asked when he felt his friend tug on his shirt wordlessly.

“Go out with Kyuhyun.  I saw everything you don’t need to hide it from me.” Yesung said shocking him.

“Huh? I don’t get it aren’t you in love with him?” Donghae replied, completely and utterly flabbergasted.

“He loves you.  As long as he loves you I’m fine with it. You just have to promise me one thing.”

“Yesung stop that don’t you dare even.”

“I’m being perfectly serious with you Donghae.  Maybe this is what you need in order to get over Hyukjae.  Maybe it’s what I need to get over Kyuhyun.”

“I can’t go out with someone I don’t like.”

“Do it for me.”  Yesung pleaded.  “Please make Kyuhyun happy.”

“Yesung you are creeping me out in not a good way.”  Yesung narrowed his eyes stealing Donghae’s phone from him.  “Yesung what are you doing?” Donghae screamed, desperately making a grab for his phone.  Too late, by the time he had wrestled it out a text had been sent.

Kyuhyun, I will go out with you

“Make him happy.”  Yesung whispered before walking away.  Donghae felt his heart burst at the seems.  Why was Yesung like this?  Why was love like this? Why was it so incredibly depressing, why couldn’t it be the magical situations that he dreamed of.  Reality was harsh, cruel and cold.

Hyukjae looked up at his sister incredulously.  “WHAT? Donghae is going out with who?” He exclaimed, he was beyond shocked, it had to be a sick joke his sister was playing on him.

“He’s going out with Kyuhyun.”  The revelation rocked him too his core. Why did the very thought seem to bother him so?  Why did the thought of Donghae being with Kyuhyun seem like the end of the world?

“I- I thought Donghae didn’t like Kyuhyun like that.” Hyukjae stammered, feeling his fists clench into tight balls of anger. 

“I think he caved, I mean Kyuhyun has done nothing but care for him and praise him since he met him.  Dating is for testing the waters out to see if you love them too?”

“Not for Donghae, Donghae always told me that people should only date if you like.  He wouldn’t unless he like Kyuhyun he doesn’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m his best friend of course I know.  I know Donghae doesn’t like Kyuhyun, I can just feel it.”  Hyukjae said staring intently at anything that wasn’t his sister’s face.  He just felt so vulnerable under her scrutinizing stare.

 “Hyuk, I think he is more than a best friend to you.”  Krystal replied, this time not a hint of her usual haughtiness.  For once she was being serious and Hyukjae knew that meant trouble.

“What do you mean more than a best friend?”

“I don’t know whether you have a ridiculously low tolerance for alchol or you are just ignoring what happened.  At any rate I’m going to force you to say it. Do you remember what happened the night we had the sleep over?”  Hyukjae looked at Krystal, her face was blank, giving nothing away apart from her obvious concern. 

“To be honest, not really, all I remember is having to get up in the middle of the night to throw up.”

“That would explain a lot.  Look on your phone.” Hyukjae stared at her a little perturbed what this exactly was going to lead to.  Nevertheless he did and on the phone he saw a video he had no recollection of taking.  He pressed it tentatively and before his eyes he saw himself kissing Donghae, what the actual hell?  The phone then became very shaky, before finally dropping to give him a view of the cieiling.

“What did I just watch?”

“On of the many make out session you had with Donghae that night.”  Krystal said.  “Man you really do have a low tolerance for alcohol.”  Hyukjae struggled, desperately trying to remember even a fragment of what happened.

“Krystal… what, what does this mean?” Hyukjae stuttered, everything wasn’t making sense in his brain at the moment, it was a confused mess of thoughts, confusion and a poignant feeling of realization.  “I’ve always like girls you know the amount of I own!  I- I don’t get it, at the same time I feel this pull to Donghae,”

“Let me make it easy for you, have you been thinking about Jieun lately?”

“Jieun?” Hyukjae thought for a second and he realized he hadn’t even given the girl a passing thought.  Which was strange he was certain he was in love with her, well at least that he used to be in love with her.

“You have been thinking about Donghae only is that why?”

“No!” Hyukjae protested, “I was just sorry for being a git a year ago.”

“You sure? Cause for a moment their it almost seemed like you were jealous of Kyuhyun?”

“I’m not I just want to make sure that Donghae doesn’t get into that jerks trap.”  

“Hyukjae, I’m being serious here, stop being an idiot.  Denial is not a good thing, it is a horrible angsty feeling that annoys the hell out of me.”  Krystal growled, the little sympathy in her eyes before had evaporated, replaced by an ice-cold stare that he knew all to well.

“Donghae is friend. I don’t feel that way about him, what ever happened that night, I was drunk and frankly I don’t think Donghae remembers a thing!”

“But Cho Kyuhyun does remember and if you ask me he is simply desperate to get with Donghae before you realise you are freaking in love with him.”

“I’m not!” Hyukjae yelled back.

“Say that again but look into my eyes and say it like you mean it!” Krystal replied with a deathly tone.  Hyukjae couldn’t say a word, he simply couldn’t, they were stuck at the back of his throat.

“Do yourself a favour, listen to that new Infinite song that Donghae’s obsessed with, listen to it properly.  Maybe that will help you sort out your feelings.”  Krystal slammed the door shut, leaving Hyukjae to his confusion.

The next few days were interesting for Donghae.  He and Kyuhyun were still dating; he made that clear that they were not boyfriends.  But, for once the usually relentless Kyuhyun just smiled sweetly saying, “Donghae, don’t worry I’m going to make sure that you have the best time on our dates.”  He’d text Donghae before bed, wishing him goodnight and that he loved him.  It was just so much pressure for heart brocken  Donghae, who wanted nothing but for someone else in his life to be that sweet.  The object of his affections was acting plain weird, one minute he’d be all over him, praising him, smiling and joking.  Next minute he’d be cold, distant and bratty demanding more of Donghae’s time and complaining that Cho Kyuhyun was always around. 

It was so confusing and Donghae couldn’t bring himself to face Yesung he locked himself in the dance studio to practise for his first solo.  Yes, a solo Donghae’s worst fear.  He’d always been performing duets and when he was knocking himself out on the kitchen bench over who to choose his father suggested that maybe it would be a good idea for him to go solo.  So he did, somehow he wanted to become a Donghae that they didn’t know.  To show everyone what he was capable of, he was going to try once more, then that would be it.  If this didn’t impress Hyukjae he promised himself he was going to give up on him, somehow and even give up on imaginary Hyukjae.  He’d go to Kyuhyun’s arm like everyone seemed to want him to.  Maybe that was best, he’d give Hyukjae one more shot, and at the back of his mind he was already preparing himself for the worst.

Hyukjae was going insane, more than insane he was slowly becoming senseless.  Donghae was avoiding him, there was no doubting that.  Before when he wanted his friends attention he found it easily.  He never realised just how much he depended on Donghae for assurance, like the simple fact when he cracked a joke he was clapping like a seal in approval, in fits of laughter.  Now, there was mere silence when his jokes were lame.  It was more that, it was Donghae’s smile it was something that got him motivated every day to do what he did best.  He did what Krystal said and that made him even more confused.  He found that he could identify with the lyrics, he wanted nothing but to stay by Donghae’s side and protect him and his precious smile.  Maybe Krystal was right, maybe he did love Donghae and all this time he wasn’t in love with Jieun.  It confused him endlessly and he felt like he was walking around with a heavy heart.

“Have you seen Donghae?” Kyuhyun asked during a break between classes, snapping him out of his daydream. It was odd that Kyuhyun even approached him in the first place they had an unspocken agreement to simply not talk to each other lately.  He was glad for it but the fact Kyuhyun broke that made him a little confused.

Nope? I thought he was hanging out with you?” Hyukjae replied a little more spitefully then he intended it to be.

“He hasn’t turned up to school yet.  We have the school talent show today!”

“He’s probably chickened out of his solo performance.”  Hyukjae laughed.

“No, Donghae wouldn’t do that he’s been working really hard on this.”

“Right, do you know what song he is going to perform.”

“Do you know what song he is going to perform?” Cho Kyuhyun said. “No, you don’t know. Don’t you dare when he does come to school.”

“Coming from you Cho that is really rich.”

“I never tease Donghae and make him feel terrible about himself.”  Cho huffed, “This is why he has ended up with me not you.”

“What did you say Cho?”  Hyukjae shouted nearly, he tried to control his temper but he could almost feel the blood boiling under his skin.

“Donghae is my boyfriend and it is going to stay that way.” Kyuhyun smirked. “I’m going to treat him right if that is what you are worried about.”

“Listen, if I wanted Donghae to be my boyfriend he would be.”  Hyukjae said, riled up.  He had no idea what he was saying though, what exactly he meant by it.  It was like a gear was stuck in his brain, refusing to let the others freely function.  He was on autopilot and for some reason it felt incredibly good to vent his frustrations. 

“Well, you are too late Lee Hyukjae, go date that girl.”

“There was a reason why Donghae was making out with me that night not you Cho, enjoy your time while you can, cause you don’t know when I’m going to make Donghae mine again.”

Hyukjae ran around the school in desperate search for his best friend.  He called him, none stop but there was not a reply.  Hyukjae was worried, this wasn’t like Donghae.

“Hyukjae.”

“What? Where are you Donghae.”

“Behind the stage.”

“Wait their I’m going to come get you.”

No, don’t I want this to be a surprise.  Can- can you do me a favour.”

“Huh?”

“Make sure you watch me, I’m going to show you that, that I can do things by myself.”

“But Donghae you don’t have to! Please I love doing thing with you I love it when you nag me to perform with you.”

“Hyukjae, please, let me do this.”

“Donghae. Donghae you are going to be great.”  Hyukjae found himself wanting to say he liked him at that point but he was still a little insecure about his feelings.  What happened if he said it and Donghae said he was with Kyuhyun? What if he couldn’t return his feelings? It would be his own fault for being an idiot and only realising now, when Donghae was dating another guy.

The stage was dark, surprisingly so when it came up to Donghae’s turn.  Hyukjae was a little startled when an electronic beat rang through out the theatre.  What was this?  This wasn’t the start to any Infinite song?  When realisation hit what song Donghae was actually was singing, Hyukjae had found himself almost drooling.  Lee Donghae was covering Wooyoung from 2pm’s ‘y Lady’ a song filled with hip ing and seductive lyrics.  He had always perceived Donghae as innocent, sweet caring and a hard worker.  But before his eyes Donghae had transformed into a confident performer, y, manly and mysterious.  He now knew why Donghae hadn’t turned up at school, his hair was now back to that gorgeous strawberry blonde colour he had dyed a year ago (which to Hyukjae’s disappointment a mere 2 days after he had changed back to his usual brown).  He was clad in nothing but a simple white wife beater that showed off his toned arms and chest which were usually hidden under his school uniform or baggy tshirts he used to practise in.  Had Donghae usually been this toned?  Had his always looked good in incredibly tight pants? Hyukjae was entranced and when Donghae smirked at him during the performance Hyukjae couldn’t help but gasp.  His best friend had yet again donned black guy liner, which added to his appeal.  Hyukjae found himself not only unashamedly checking Donghae out but admiring Donghae’s talent.  Who knew all it took was a y performance to make him realise that he was utterly obsessed with his best friend?  Maybe he wasn’t attracted to any other guy but he was definitely drawn to his best friend.  Donghae was his, and Cho Kyuhyun was going to have to fight to the death for the now strawberry blond’s affections.  Hyukjae was about to take back what he always believed was his.

Donghae panted, completely exhausted after his performance.  There was a thin sheen of sweat that patterned his forehead.  He simply stood there backstage basking in the adrenaline rush, he was proud of himself that he was able to do that.  To sing and dance by himself on stage and hopefully executing a performance no one would ever forget.

“Donghae?” Came a shout from the corridor.  It looked like Kyuhyun had literally ran back stage to greet him. “Well done.” The younger congratulated him, pulling Donghae into a hug.

“Thanks Kyuhyun.” Donghae smiled.  “If it weren’t for you I would have never been able to go through with it.”  Donghae laughed as Kyuhyun blushed in embarrassment, though this quickly turned to a look of worry.

“Though, I have to admit that I don’t think that performance suited you.

“Huh?”

“I don’t know Donghae how to say it but I don’t like it when you expose yourself like that.”  Donghae was confused, no Kyuhyun was wrong, yes he was innocent but he loved nothing more than to be the centre of attention when he danced.  He had a lot of fun on stage, he wasn’t forcing himself at all.

“But Kyuhyun-“

“Shhh Donghae, don’t apologise just promised me next time you won’t try so hard but do a performance that is, more you I guess.  Like sing a fun song or sing a sweet ballad, I think that is more your style.”  Donghae couldn’t find it in himself to protest.  How do you tell someone that you like ing your hips and dancing ily? He was nowhere as good as Hyukjae at it but it didn’t stop him from enjoying it.  “Though you were amazing on stage.”  Kyuhyun smiled, if you don’t win this years talent show, even with Yesung and myself competing I’m going to complain. 

“I don’t know Kyuhyun, you have an amazing voice.” Donghae smiled shaking his head.  “There is no way I can compete with that.”

“I may have the voice but, I don’t know you have such a stage presence when you dance.  Heck Yesung and I wouldn’t even have the physical endurance to dance to that song let alone sing to it at the same time.”  Kyuhyun smiled.  Donghae felt himself take a deep breath as he felt Kyuhyun’s face near his own.  Kyuhyun’s large dark brown eyes bore into his own, overwhelming him with emotions. With a simple whisper of “Donghae I love you,” there lips met sweetly.  Little did the pair know, they had an audience.  As fate would have it Yesung and Hyukjae witnessed the moment.  Hyukjae turned to see tears flowing out of Yseung’s eyes but all he could do was stand there in horror.  There was no doubting it, now that foreign feeling he’d been experiencing all week was jealousy.  He was in love with his best friend and he had every intention in getting him back.

It was a little over a week later.  Donghae had lost hope in Hyukjae ever having feelings for him, apart from a shy “You did well.” He hadn’t had a response.  He wasn’t sure what he was hoping for, well at least he didn’t laugh at him.  But he was bombarded with weird questions from his best friend.  Simple ones like “what is your favourite flower?” and “Your favourite colour is still blue, right?”  Surprisingly though, Donghae couldn’t even find it in himself to mourn over his broken heart.  Kyuhyun was giving him the opportunity to.  The younger bombarded him with gifts, waiting on Donghae’s every need and he took him on sweet dates.  But, as much as he enjoyed Kyuhyun’s company he couldn’t bring himself to get over Hyukjae.  Donghae felt guilty and honestly he needed some space.  He wanted nothing more than to practise his performance of ‘y Lady’ again but Kyuhyun wouldn’t have it.  Somehow Kyuhyun had installed ‘find my friends’ on his phone, Donghae being technology illiterate couldn’t work out how to turn it off.  So Kyuhyun always found him, even when he went to try and practise in the damned abandoned classroom that was fraught with spiders and creepy crawlies. So, yet again Donghae found himself desperately trying to practise, to lose himself in a dance and Kyuhyun was nagging him to practise singing with him.

“No Kyuhyun, I want to dance.” He said finally putting his foot down.

“Donghae, why can’t we do something together!  You know I can’t keep up with you dancing.”

“We’ve been doing stuff together all week! Can’t you give me a break, I just want to dance Kyuhyun!”

“But boyfriends are meant to be hanging around each other.”

“Dating Kyuhyun we are only dating.”

“I’ll be your boyfriend eventually.” Kyuhyun said cheekily, sneaking an arm around Donghae’s waist and he leant in to kiss the smaller.  However, he was defiantly on breaking point and he simply turned his head to avoid it.

 “Why are you resisting my kiss!” Kyuhyun said frustrated.

“I don’t want to kiss you.  I’m annoyed.”

“C’mon Hae~ don’t be mad!” Kyuhyun said trying to do aegyo and looked plain creepy. 

“Kyuhyun just let me go.”

“I wanna hug you though!” Kyuhyun protested.  “Why are you being so damned difficult today?”  Donghae was about to argue back when he heard the door slam open.  Donghae turned, shocked to see Hyukjae standing there, he looking deadly furious. 

“Kyuhyun get away from him!” Hyukjae hissed.

“What are you to say about it?” Kyuhyun said pulling Donghae closer to him.

“Everything.” Hyukjae replied and Donghae gasped, what exactly had gotten into Hyukjae? Why was he being like this?  His heart was going a hundred a mile an hour in anticipation, though in the back of his mind he noted how hot Hyukjae looked like this.  That was it, Hyukjae was only doing this because he felt Donghae was being forced by Kyuhyun to hug and kiss him! That had to be it. So he took a deep breath and tried to be calm despite the fact he felt the crack in his heart slowly becoming deeper.

“What you are just his best friend.  Stay out of this Hyuk.”

“That’s where you are wrong, I’m a best friend but I’m in love with him and I know he likes me too.”  Hyukjae said and Donghae felt like fainting.  He must of heard wrong him wrong. He must have! There was no way Hyukjae could like him. That was it, Hyukjae was only doing this because he felt Donghae was being forced by Kyuhyun to hug and kiss him! That had to be it. So he took a deep breath and tried to be calm despite the fact he felt the crack in his heart slowly becoming deeper.

“Hyukjae shut up I don’t think you know what you are saying.”  Donghae said, feeling tears of disbelief brim in his eyes.

“Donghae stay out of this.”  Hyukjae whispered, his emotions were unreadable. 

“What?” Donghae said enraged. “Of course I wouldn’t stay out of this.”  Eunhyuk turned around.  “Hyukjae do you know what you are implying? You only love me as a best friend nothing more, please you’ve hurt me enough, don’t hurt me anymore.”

“You heard him,” Kyuhyun replied his voice harsh and filled with resentment. “Get the hell out of here Hyukjae.”

“No, Donghae! Please hear me out.  Kyuhyun doesn’t really love you he thinks he does but doesn’t.  Why would he stop you from dancing?  Cho for someone so smart, you know what I think.  You are in love with a Donghae that you’ve made up in your head! You said his performance at the talent show isn’t him? To hell with that, if you saw the amount of passion in Donghae’s eyes you would know that he put every inch of his soul into that performance.  You know what you are just scared that your whole fantasy of Donghae will be brocken! That is why you are making him sing.”

“Eunhyuk stop.” Kyuhyun growled, “Don’t talk about things you can’t even fathom!”

“Don’t call me that at the moment, because I am Hyukjae now, the real me not the stupid idiot that I’ve been for the past three years.”  He proclaimed.  “Donghae I mean every word that I said. Please, please believe me. I-“ and then Hyukjae began rapping.

I can’t escape because I’m in too deep
The letters in my book are dancing as they form your name
As if you’re the main character of the movie, as if you’re the moon in the sky, I keep seeing you
I draw you out every day – my heart will rest only when you come into my arms
I’ll be your resting place that will never cool down

He listened in shock as Hyukjae kept going, nothing but pure emotion in his eyes.  “I- I can’t sing very well or I’d sing that song for you over and over till you realised just how deeply I feel for you Hae.  I want nothing more than to keep that promise from when we were kids, from when your mum left and in the future.  I want nothing more than to see your smile everyday.”

“Hyuk I-“ Donghae tried to say, but his throat was stuck.  Tears of pure happiness were rolling down his cheek, his heart, which was torn only moments before had magically been stitched up.  It was almost like a healthy new heart, ready for a new love and direction.

“Donghae, get out of here.”  Donghae turned around to see the usually strong Kyuhyun in tears. While Donghae had been crying tears of joy, Kyuhyun’s were the complete opposite they were tears of sadness, fear and loss.

“What Kyuhyun please I’m sorry I-“

“Get out Donghae both know this, what Hyukjae just said is what you’ve always wanted to say.”

“Kyuhyun, I can’t leave you like this-“

“LEAVE!” Kyuhyun shouted. “Just go, I get it ! Just be happy.”

“Thank Kyuhyun for everything,” Donghae whispered as Hyukjae pulled him out of the practise room.  He was ecstatic, blissful and yet the moment was bitter sweet.  The suffering he had put Kyuhyun through tainted the moment Donghae had wished and dreamed for.  When Hyukjae finally let go of his arm, they were under the cherry blossom trees at the back of the deserted school.  The petals were swirling down, as if crying with Donghae and Kyuhyun.  It was bitter sweet, whilst the petals raining down were beautiful the fact the trees were losing them was undeniably sad.  But as Donghae turned to take a good look at his best friend he realised that it wasn’t only himself and Kyuhyun shedding tears.

“Hyukjae why are you crying?”  Donghae said wiping a stray tear from his friend’s cheek.

“I bought you a present and I wanted to confess to you whilst playing that new Infinite song on the piano.  I wanted to make it special and I ruined it all by getting angry at Kyuhyun.”  This brought a smile to Donghae’s face.

“Hyukjae, Hyukjae.”  Donghae said.  “Are you saying what I think you are saying?”

“Huh?”

“Do ,do you like me?”

“I don’t like you Donghae I love you.” Hyukjae smiled and honestly, it was one of the most breathtaking sights he’d ever seen in his life.

“Wow, Hyuk that was kind of corny.” Donghae said, yet he felt his own tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“I’ve screwed it up again! I could of still have surprised you!” Hyukjae berated himself. “I’m an idiot!”

“Shhh.. Hyukjae, this, this is good enough for me knowing that you like me.”

“Huh?”

“Just shut up and kiss me Hyukjae.”   Hyukjae looked at Donghae in shock.  The latter rolled his eyes throwing his arms around Hyukjae’s neck.  It was nothing short of an explosion of emotions as they kissed under the cherry blossom tress, the flower petals raining upon them.  It was something out of a drama a sensation that could only happen in his imagination.  But at this moment, with Hyukjae’s lips pressed sweetly against his Donghae knew how Hyukjae felt about him.  How it felt like to have the man he love to like him back. How to have the Hyukjae of his imaginations be the real one.  As they broke there kiss Donghae felt a rush of blood flood to his cheeks.

“I love you too Hyukjae.”  Donghae whispered. “So very much, you have no idea.”

“I’m sorry Hae, for not realising before.”

“Don’t apologize, this moment, it was worth all those times when I was down.  I’d trade it for nothing.”

“So this it what it feels like to be in love.”  Hyukjae chuckled, leaning in again, brushing their foreheads together.  Donghae closed his eyes as Eunhyuk leant in again but they were rudely interrupted by a shout.

“Finally!”  The pair turned around to see their people behind him.  It was none other than their two sisters.  Wow, that was embarrassing.

“You, you guys were watching.” Eunhyuk whimpered.

“Of course I needed to see the fruitarian of my hard work.”  The new couple blinked in confusion, before realising exactly how their respective siblings had been pushing them together.

“You orchestrated the whole thing?” Hyukjae said.

“You two are idiots.”  Krystal chuckled.  “Idiots that can’t even kiss properly.” 

“Krystal.” Hyukjae said in a warning.

“Couldn’t you use at least a bit of tongue? You have before, do I need to slip you alchol Hyuk again?”  Hyukjae rolled his eyes pulled Donghae close, boy tried to protest but as soon as his now boyfriend’s lips pressed firmly against his own he lost all will.  He also lost track of his surroundings as he enjoyed the kiss which was becoming more intimate by the second.

“EW NO I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THAT!” Amber screamed. “KRYSTAL MAKE IT STOP! PDA! NO GO!”

“You are jealous it’s not you.” Krystal chuckled noticing that the new boyfriends were too busy to even notice Amber.  “Get used to it cause it looks like they ain’t going to stop any time soon.”  She smiled as she dragged Amber away from the new pair. Who knew all it took was music and a touch of meddling to solve the problem?

Author's NT

Wow okay what a lame ending.  I’m terrible with endings which is why it took me ages to post this :3 Also this chapter was rather long too (eeeek 9000 word oops), was very tempted to split it into two chapters but I thought I’d spare you all the cliff hanger :P I hope you enjoyed it !  For anyone curious Kyuhyun and Yesung’s side  story is That Man.  There you will get Kyuhyun’s reaction to EunHae becoming exclusive and how Yesung deals with Kyuhyun briefly dating Donghae.  Also how KyuSung eventually get together ;)

Thank you so much for reading!! <3