Tao lingered beside Kyungsoo’s bedside eyes tentative as the bubbly nurses attended to him, he’d been like this since Kyungsoo had woken up. Suspicious and unsatisfied of any other attention for Kyungsoo except his own. He hoped this was not what all the medical personnel had to deal with when Kyungsoo was unconscious. Kyungsoo frowned at Tao knowing he had a shift at the bakery in half an hour,

“Don’t you have to leave?”

“I’ll leave after I send you to the psychiatry wing,” Kyungsoo shook his head,

“I can go alone,” he told Tao, “you’ll be late if you don’t leave now,”

Tao pouted,

“Fine, I’ll leave,” he whined ducking forward for a quick kiss when the nurses turned, he ran out letting out a mischievous wink before Kyungsoo could reprimand him. He let out an exasperated sigh, the nurses smiled to themselves and helped him into a wheelchair despite his embarrassed protests,

“We don’t want you to strain yourself dear, your body’s still weak,” Kyungsoo conceded only to halt their fussing, he would walk back later.

“Do you need us to wheel you to the psychiatry wing?” Kyungsoo shook his head vigorously denying their help. He wasn’t used to being babied and cared for by so many people.

“I can go alone,” he said quickly, “please,” he added when one opened to argue. They sighed in unison, it wasn’t often they got to baby a young patient,

“You’re so stubborn, but we’ll let you off because you’re cute,” Kyungsoo hid his red cheeks behind his hands trying to ignore their pleased giggling.

“You all should go attend to your other patients,” he told them trying to shoo them away, never in his life did he think he’d have to fend women away from him. They laughed at his uncomfortableness and left promising to come back later.

Kyungsoo tested the wheelchair, wheeling himself out of his room door. So far, so good, he thought before asking a male nurse the way to the psychiatry wing.

Kyungsoo maneuvered the chair around another corner, in just a few minutes he had managed to control the wheelchair skillfully. He was almost at the entrance of the psychiatry offices when a door opened hitting his chair. Kyungsoo yelped skidding sideways more out of shock than pain, the person who opened the door ran to his side,

“I’m so sorry,” a nervous voice cried as shaking hands came to straighten Kyungsoo up, “are you okay? I’m so sorry!” the hands pulled away playing with the ends of the sweater the other person was wearing, a panic habit Kyungsoo also suffered from.

“It’s okay, I don’t even use-“ Kyungsoo looked up trailing off in shock, the person looking down at him wore an anxious expression looking as if he could burst into tears any second, “Kai?”

Kai’s eyes widened as he took a step back, the anxiousness was replaced with shock and, to Kyungsoo’s surprise, terror. He shook his head, eyes lowering to the floor.

“My name’s not Kai, you’ve got the wrong person,” he said quickly voice trembling along with his body, Kyungsoo tilted his head studying the boy. He was exactly the same from head to toe, it couldn’t be a coincidence. The only thing different was his hair colour, clothing and attitude. Gone was the confident, nonchalant air that hung around Kai. This Kai made Kyungsoo look brave.

“You dyed your hair… got tired of being blonde?” he asked gauging Kai’s reaction carefully, the other staggered backwards looking so wounded it made Kyungsoo worry. He reached out for him,

“Kai! Are-“

“I’m not Kai!” he yelled startling Kyungsoo and a few people in the hallway, he bowed to Kyungsoo wet eyes apologetic before running off hands wrapped around his upper body protectively. Kyungsoo watched him disappear round the corner in shock. The door beside him opened admitting a tall comfortably dressed man, he peered down the hallway,

“Did you just call Jongin, Kai?” he asked turning to Kyungsoo curiously, Kyungsoo gave a hesitant nod. The man let out a small thoughtful ‘hmm’.

“Are you perhaps Do Kyungsoo?” Kyungsoo gave another nod, “great! Come in, you’re my next appointment.”

Kyungsoo wheeled himself into the room still slightly stunned,

“So,” Dr. Shim said as he took a seat, “tell me why you wanted to kill yourself,” Kyungsoo’s jaw dropped at the other’s direct calmness. Dr. Shim smiled,

“My dear boy, there’s no use beating round the bush. I want to help you, will you let me?” Kyungsoo recovered quickly nodding once again, he wanted to get better. He voiced out his thought,

“Why do you want to get better?” Dr.Shim asked eyes holding contact with Kyungsoo’s,

“To stop hurting people-“

“No,” Dr. Shim cut in shaking his head,

“N-no?” Kyungsoo repeated confused,

“No,” Dr. Shim said firmly leaning forward, “why do you want to get better?” he prompted again making Kyungsoo realize he wasn’t satisfied with Kyungsoo’s first answer. Kyungsoo thought about it,

“For myself,” Dr. Shim grinned leaning back in his seat,

“That’s right,” he said slowly making Kyungsoo feel relieved with answer, “before caring for others one must first care for themselves. Do you understand what I mean?” Kyungsoo nodded, Dr. Shim picked up a pen, “Your mindset Kyungsoo, must change,”

“From now on, your health comes first. If you’re unhappy about something let it out. Similarly, if you’re happy show it. Many things happy because of miscommunication and repressed feelings,” he glanced at the quiet Kyungsoo, “am I right?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo agreed thinking of his situation with Tao, Dr. Shim nodded.

“Okay, now we’ve gotten that over and done with, tell me Kyungsoo. Why did you attempt suicide?”

-

Kyungsoo stood up thanking Dr. Shim, just one session in and he felt as if a burden had been lifted. It really made a difference to talk to someone, Dr. Shim stopped him before he reached the door.

“Kyungsoo, can I ask a favor from you?” Kyungsoo nodded thinking it had something to do with his therapy, “if you ever cross paths with Jongin, please keep on addressing him as Kai,”

“But-why?” Dr. Shim grinned,

“I’m afraid that’s confidential, I’ll see you in two days,” Kyungsoo left even though he was curious. As it turned out he met Jongin sooner than he expected, the boy was standing in front of the floor’s elevator looking distressed. When he saw Kyungsoo he bowed repeatedly making heads turn, Kyungsoo grabbed his shoulders stopping him,

“I’m really sorry for bumping into you then yelling at you!” he blurted out, Kyungsoo’s brows knitted together,

“You waited out here for an hour just to apologize to me?”

Jongin nodded playing with his sleeves again.

“You didn’t have to do that, Kai,” Kyungsoo said following Dr. Shim’s orders, Jongin’s eyes widened,

“My name’s not K-kai,” he said trying to control his voice, “it’s Jongin,”

“I’m Kyungsoo-“ the elevator doors opened, Tao eyes lit up when he saw Kyungsoo. He got off smile shrinking as he caught sight of Jongin,

“I came to get you,” he told Kyungsoo eyes never leaving Jongin who started to fidget nervously under Tao’s intense stare, Jongin bowed quickly.

“Once again I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-shi,” he slipped into the elevator barely getting through as the doors shut behind him. Kyungsoo stared at the closed doors silently feeling Tao move behind him for a back hug,

“Who was that?” he asked tone unhappy as he rested his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“A friend… I think,”

-

Tao swallowed the noodles in his mouth, looking doubtful as he processed what Kyungsoo told him,

“So you’re telling me while you were in a coma you met that guy, but he acted different and was called Kai instead of Jongin?”

“I’m serious, Tao. They could have been twins…” Kyungsoo trailed off as a thought hit him and apparently, Tao who frowned,

“Do you think this Kai could be his twin who for some reason passed on? Maybe that’s why Jongin is in therapy…” Kyungsoo shrugged at Tao’s plausible yet far-fetched theory, Tao cleared his throat pointedly,

“Were there any other guys I should know about?” he asked suspiciously, Kyungsoo smiled sadly as he remembered Luhan. He shook his head, was feathered floor even real? Or was it all just a dream? If it was real, Kyungsoo thought feeling immensely guilty suddenly, then Luhan had just lost a friend.

“You know,” Tao said cutting off Kyungsoo’s line of thought, “If that Jongin kid really did have a twin called Kai, wouldn’t your doctor be really mean for asking you to call him, Kai?”

Kyungsoo glanced at Tao thoughtfully, before telling him he’d ask Dr. Shim about it.

-

‘Do you ever hear voices,’ Luhan’s eyes were distant an almost longing look filling them as he asked Kyungsoo the odd question out of nowhere. Kyungsoo thought of Tao’s voice always calling out for him and nodded.

‘Yes,’ he replied once he noticed Luhan still had a faraway look on his face,

‘Are they nice voices?’ Tao’s sweet voice entered his mind.

‘Yes,’ he repeated willing the ache in his chest to go away.

‘Are they familiar?’ Luhan continued,

‘Yes,’ Luhan finally looked at him broken out of his stupor, eyes alight with curiosity,

‘Who do you hear?’ he asked,

‘Who do you hear?’ Kyungsoo shot back defensively. Luhan shrugged,

‘I don’t know but I wish I did, he sounds-‘

“Up~ Wake Up~” Kyungsoo moaned trying to roll away and almost pulling out his IV, a hand held him in place as his dreamlike memory faded away. Tao grinned as he opened his eyes,

“I bought your favorite pastries,”

-

“Have you spoken to Zitao?” Dr. Shim asked halfway through their session, pen rotating between his fingers skillfully and distractingly. Kyungsoo tore his eyes away from the pen and shook his head guiltily,

“I don’t think he’s ready to hear it,”

“Is it he who is unready or you?” Dr. Shim asked, as usual painfully accurate.

“Both,” Kyungsoo admitted, “I just- I just don’t want to hurt him again,”

“Keeping it in will only hurt you both,” Dr. Shim said, “believe me I know,” he muttered making Kyungsoo’s brows knit together,

“Wha-“

“It’s fine I won’t push you to talk with Zitao,” Dr. Shim cut in deflecting Kyungsoo’s query, “but the sooner you do it, the faster we can progress forward,”

“I-I’ll try,” Kyungsoo said weakly, Dr. Shim smiled,

“That’s good enough for me,” he said uncharacteristically kind, “now, let’s quickly test your mindset,” He put down his pen.

“Tell me Kyungsoo, if your parents came through that door,” Kyungsoo’s heart leapt in his chest at the mention of his parents, “and they told you they forgave you what would you feel?”

“Thankful-“ Kyungsoo stopped as Dr. Shim’s eyes narrowed,

“Wrong, assuming all you’ve told me in our previous sessions are true then you’ve done nothing wrong for them to have to forgive you for anything,” he waited a few seconds for it to sink in. “Kyungsoo, there are no bad children, only bad parents,” Kyungsoo lowered his eyes mood sinking. Dr. Shim clapped his hands startling Kyungsoo into looking up,

“No destructive ‘I’m not good enough’ thoughts in my office please,” he said warningly, “Let’s change the scenario, this time your parents are sorry. What would you do?”

“Forgive them?” Dr. Shim sighed burying his face in his palms,

“Why should they be forgiven? They threw you out knowing fully well that you were still a minor and that you had no place to go and no one to turn to. It’s been almost five years if they were truly sorry they would be here right now, not me.”

Kyungsoo shut his eyes at the harsh truth,

“We are not saints, Kyungsoo. All those people who bullied you, who put you down, you selflessly justify their actions by blaming yourself. You let them belittle you and hurt you, you let them convince you that you’re nothing. Tell me what makes you think they deserve your forgiveness?”

Kyungsoo remained silent,

“Did you like them beating you up? Shattering and tearing up your confidence for fun?” Kyungsoo’s hands shook at his side at Dr. Shim’s cruel words.

“Did you like losing all your friends and having to hide like a criminal all day? Or was it the words they called you that you found pleasure in, did you like being called ‘que-“ Kyungsoo shot up, eyes ablaze with tears and anger.

“Don’t call me that!” he snapped, he deflated just as quickly unnerved by Dr. Shim’s grin. Was the man a psychopath?

“Great, so you can feel anger. For a moment there I thought you were broken or something,” he grabbed his pen writing something down in Kyungsoo’s file as the younger gaped uselessly before slumping back into his seat. Dr. Shim’s eyes flickered up.

“I apologize for being so crude,” he said quietly,

“It’s fi-“ Kyungsoo paused his automated response as Dr. Shim’s brow rose, “I’ll think about it, you were quite mean,”

“Quite mean?” the doctor repeated tone teasing, “is that the best you can do?”

Kyungsoo held back a childish huff,

“Fine you were a jerk, riling me up with hurtful word just so you could get a rise out of me,” Dr. Shim grinned,

“Not quite the word I’d use to describe myself, but I don’t want your boyfriend suing me for teaching you vulgar words so I’ll accept being labeled as a jerk.” Kyungsoo’s cheeks heated up,

“I forgive you though,” he said as Dr. Shim continued to jot down notes, he paused to look at Kyungsoo inquiringly, “because you only did it to help me,”

-

“Dr. Shim,”

“Hmm,”

“About Jongin, does he have a twin?” Dr. Shim shut Kyungsoo’s folder before looking at him searchingly, wondering why he asked about the other boy.

“No, he doesn’t. He’s an only child.”

“Oh,” well that ruled out Tao’s theory.

-

Kyungsoo entered his ward, Dr. Jung waved him over to the reception table,

“Kyungsoo ah, we’re moving you to another room for observation. I’ve already informed Tao about it, he said he’d come over as soon as possible,” Kyungsoo nodded, “I’ll show you where it is after I see to my other patient, just wait here for a few minutes,” Kyungsoo eyed the nurses suspiciously before asking Dr. Jung if he could come with him instead.

“Of course you can,” he answered happily gesturing for Kyungsoo to follow him,

“So how are you finding Changmin?” Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed at the unfamiliar name, “ah, I meant Dr. Shim,” Dr. Jung said correcting himself,

“Oh, he’s..” Kyungsoo trailed off unsure of how he could describe his blunt therapist. Dr. Jung chuckled,

“His methods are very unconventional aren’t they?” he said,

“I guess… but he means well,” Kyungsoo said quickly, Dr. Jung smiled as he opened a door to a room,

“I know,” the intern facing the bed turned at Dr. Jung’s voice, “is your conversation with Mister Lu finished?” Dr. Jung asked teasingly making the intern’s cheeks flush lightly. Kyungsoo smiled,

“I know it’s weird-“ the intern began before Dr. Jung cut him off,

“Of course not Minseok, it’s good that you talk to the patients. They can hear you, you know. Although, it’s not fair that you favor Mister Lu over everyone else-“

“Dr. Jung!”

Dr. Jung chuckled at the intern’s scandalized look not noticing Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he stepped aside giving a better view of the patient. Dr. Jung peered at the charts,

“So,” he began, “how is our Luhan doing today?”

A//N: Dundundunnnnnnnnnn :) <3<3<3