Luhan walked circles around the quiet Kyungsoo, the latter had been like this for days, absentmindedly staring into space lost in silent thought. Luhan wondered what it was the other thought about when a smile would take place on his lips before it faded away just seconds later, leaving tears threatening to slip from his eyes instead.

Kyungsoo let out a heavy sigh, the memory of Tao was strong, even here he could feel the phantom touch of Tao’s arms around him. Just like they were every time Kyungsoo returned from his job to find Tao waiting for him arms wide open to walk into. Tao knew everything about Kyungsoo, how he liked to be held, how he liked to hear Tao speak mandarin even if he didn’t understand and how much Kyungsoo liked him even if he never said it.

Kyungsoo knew a lot of things about Tao as well, he knew the boy liked sleeping over because he didn’t like to be alone. He knew the boy loved strawberries and the beach. He knew Tao came to Korea with a purpose, one that kept him occupied after school when Kyungsoo was at work. His heart clenched temporarily stopping Kyungsoo’s thoughts.

“What’s the use of dwelling on the past?” he questioned himself, the room suddenly felt two sizes too small. His chest felt heavy as memories of the night he had finally slipped away rose up for the first time. Even then he had chosen the least messy way to leave, choosing to drown himself in medication not wanting Tao to find him drenched in his own blood or submerged underwater. He couldn’t do that to Tao, the other deserved the best and that’s what Kyungsoo was giving him, an easy way out.

“It’s time to move on,” he whispered repeatedly trying to convince himself more than anything, but every time he said it, a catlike grin filled his vision and a soft voice filled his ears, calling out for him lovingly. Kyungsoo in a shuddering breath and stood up,

“I have to go,” he gasped out as realization hit him harshly, he didn’t want to be dead. He wanted Tao. Luhan’s brows furrowed as Kyungsoo began to hyperventilate,

“I have to go,” he repeated brokenly, “I want to go, I want to go back!” Luhan flinched at the crazed look in Kyungsoo's eyes before shaking his head sadly,

“It can’t be done Kyungsoo, it just can’t,” he steadied Kyungsoo’s trembling figure, patting his head softly, “why don’t you go visit, Kai,” he suggested gently trying to make his tone calming, Kyungsoo looked at him for a moment before nodding dejectedly.

-

Kai lifted his head as Kyungsoo sat across him, he blinked sleepily before forcing himself to sit as he took in the fatigued look the other was supporting.

“You know you’re probably the first person I’ve seen in this place that looks unhappy,” he commented offhandedly, he frowned when Kyungsoo remained silent, “did you and lover boy Luhan have a fight?”

Kyungsoo’s head whipped in his direction eyes narrowed,

“Luhan is not my lover, I have a boyfriend!” he hissed surprising Kai with his abrupt anger, Kyungsoo let out a huff deflating just as quickly, “had a boyfriend,” he corrected lower lip trembling.

Kai shut his eyes and leaned back against the trunk of the tree shading them, trust Luhan to send a mentally unstable Kyungsoo to him.

“Is that why you’re here? Did your ex cheat on you?”

“No, he would never…" Kyungsoo whispered tone half scandalized at the thought, "he’s a good guy, but he liked someone else,” Kyungsoo paused as Kai opened an eye interestedly, “I would wake up sometimes and hear him cry out repeatedly, I didn’t understand at first, but it wasn’t a one night occurrence and I found out soon enough that he was crying for someone to come back to him and that he loved him. He was always sad the following mornings and tried to brush it off as being home sick, but I knew better,” Kyungsoo played with the feathers by his feet absentmindedly,

“It was easy at first, pretending not to know, but after two years it got tiring having to hear him call for someone that wasn’t me. I kept on asking myself, why wasn’t I enough to make him happy? Why was he with me when it was clear he longed for someone else? I questioned every ‘I love you’, every ‘you don’t know how happy you make me’, was it real?, “ Kyungsoo’s voice gave away as his emotions escalated, he rubbed his misting eyes,

“Despite all this I couldn’t find it in myself to hate him,” he shook his head, “the fault always was with me, I was a bad son, it shouldn’t have surprised me that I was a bad boyfriend as well. It was just easier for everyone for me to just disappear and so I did, and here I am…”

"Do you really believe that?" Kai asked, eyes once again shut as he relaxed against the tree,

"Yes," Kyungsoo answered quietly,

“You’re an idiot,” Kai finally said after a beat of silence, Kyungsoo’s eyes widened at the harsh statement before an uncontrolled laugh left him at the hilarity of it all, hearing it verbalized now he did sound like an emotional idiot. Kai let out an amused snort as Kyungsoo calmed down eyes shutting,

“I just wish it didn’t hurt so much, I thought we couldn’t feel pain once we died you know,” he commented, Kai stiffened beside him,

“Died?” he asked tone hollow, Kyungsoo nodded once body feeling lighter due to laughing, the corners or his lips lifted as he started feeling drowsy. A hand wrapped around his squeezing tightly,

“Kyungsoo, we’re not dead,”

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo hummed distractedly as his mind clouded over,

“Kyungsoo,” Kai called out voice echoing,

Kyungsoo’s brows furrowed, he opened his heavy eyes with difficulty. Instead of black feathers he found himself staring at a white ceiling, he blinked. Had he fallen asleep? A dull repetitive beeping sound filled the air, he frowned. What was Luhan up to?

He lifted his hands to rub the sleep out of his eye but only one complied the other remained at his side clasped in another hold. Kyungsoo turned his head and froze as wide eyes stared at him in complete disbelief,

“You’re awake?” Kyungsoo’s lips parted but no sound came out, his throat was burning, “you’re awake...” the other repeated clearly in shock.

He stood up towering over Kyungsoo’s bed, he released Kyungsoo’s hand and reached out to his cheek. Kyungsoo leaned into the trembling touch wordlessly, Tao’s eyes watered before he threw himself at the bewildered Kyungsoo.

A//N: Hey y'all just a short update :D Hope you enjoyed reading it <3