You missed Chanyeol as soon as he had left, but he was never far from your thoughts. The moment you came back home, you realised there was a note and papers on your desk…

 

You read the note carefully;

 

‘Yah don’t forget application day is coming up, make sure you fill it in and send it off – Good luck _____-ah, Love, Channie~’

 

You’d almost forgotten all about it.

 

It was so unlike you to forget something so important.

 

How had you forgotten?

 

You rolled your eyes knowing exactly who had made you forget…

 

The application dates for applying to Law schools in the states were coming up.

 

Since you were so keen, you had completed all the extra reading and already finished writing your CV, it was now just a matter of filling in the front sheet and sending it off…

 

You were so keen a few months ago.

 

But now…

 

==============

 

‘SEND THAT RIGHT NOW.’ Luhan exclaimed, jerking a finger in your face then pointing at the letter.

 

The orange sun was setting as the class emptied once more for after-school activities.

 

‘Sheesh fine.’ You mumbled wafting his hand away, leaning back from your desk.

 

‘I’m so surprised you hadn’t sent it off already to be honest.’ Kris agreed with Luhan, your jaw dropped staring at both of them. 

 

‘Yeah send it!’ Tao said stapling the two pieces of paper together since he enjoyed the clicking sound the stapler made so much.

 

You knew they’d make such a fuss about it, hence why you tried to hide it for so long, but the stupid application form slipped out your bag without you noticing; resulting in Luhan picking it up and reading it, thus leading to the angry reaction witnessed earlier. 

 

You neatly folded and tucked the forms into the envelope.

 

‘Oh my gosh, double tape the envelope so it is really, really secure in there!’ Tao squealed watching you seal the envelope.

 

‘Yeah jeez I am.’ You said wafting Tao’s breath away since he was practically breathing all over you he was so close, leaning on the chair and staring at you while you wrote the address in English on your envelope.

 

Your eyes wandered to Luhan before you sealed the envelope.

 

Why did he look so…

 

Sad?

 

His lips curved down slightly, his eyebrows furrowed, he ruffled his hair and looked out the window, watching the orange sun set…but he wasn’t really watching it. You could tell there was some sort of internal struggle going on within him.

 

‘-Duizhang knows English too!’ Tao exclaimed proudly, showing Kris off who was absentmindedly mopping the same spot on the floor over and over again. 

 

‘You do?’ You asked shocked.

 

Kris shrugged his shoulders and pulled out his earphones;

 

‘Yeah I know a little.’ He replied in perfect American-English. 

 

‘Oh wow, what else can you say?’ You asked still in Mandarin, but Kris kept replying in English, your conversation continued.

 

Luhan watched you intently, but you were too busy talking to catch his expression.

 

He looked….torn.

 

But the mask was back on straight away the moment he spoke;

 

‘Well that’s done, go post it and we’ll keep tidying this place up!’ He exclaimed jumping off the desk and rolling his sleeves up.

 

The breath caught in your throat regardless watching him act so…boyish rolling his sleeves up.

 

‘You sure? I can stay you know and post this-‘

 

‘No, no you need to go post that, it’s too important.’ Luhan smiled pushing you out of the classroom. You scrunched your eyebrows up in confusion but let out a deep breath.

 

‘Is that ok with you guys?’ You asked looking over at Tao and Kris who already continued to mop the floors after shuffling the desks away.

 

‘Huh? Yeah we’re fine don’t worry, we’ll see you tomorrow.’ Kris said giving you a grin.

 

‘Wah good luck!’ Tao exclaimed pumping his fist at you.

 

You straightened out your skirt and readjusted your bag over your shoulder.

 

Luhan chuckled and turned around as you got to the corridor.

 

‘Luhan.’ His name rung throughout the corridor – but Kris and Tao barely noticed you call his name.

 

‘Yeah?’ Luhan asked turning around again.

 

He smiled and watched you, wondering what you were going to ask.

 

You bit on your bottom lip before speaking unblinkingly;

 

‘Thank you.’ You breathed.

 

 It was all you could say. You hoped…you hoped somehow he’d understand what you meant.

 

Then you saw it.

 

It cracked.

 

For a split second it had cracked.

 

Luhan stared at you wide eyed before hiding again.

 

‘Mm, no problem.’ He nodded, nudging you on the shoulder and giving you a toothy grin. You rubbed your arm where he’d nudged, he didn’t know his own strength.

 

You shrugged your shoulders, letting out a grin before walking away…

 

…He heard you walk away slowly, trudging down the corridor as usual.

 

Luhan let out a sigh.

 

He didn’t want to be distant.

 

His stupid brain kept replaying the scene over and over again.

 

He noticed and remembered all your little quirks; how you bit your lip, how you sighed, how your eyebrows furrowed, how your hair changed colour in the sunlight.

 

But he’d never know what was going on inside your head.

 

Why did you thank him?

 

What did he do?

 

That you hadn’t already paid him back by tenfold?

 

Just by existing.

 

Just by acknowledging his existence.

 

Uh he was doing it.

 

Acting like a fool.

 

He could hear himself.

 

He knew how he looked…

 

Nonetheless.

 

It took every ounce of energy to keep that façade up…

 

But he knew he had to figure out how he was going to do it.

 

This was the easiest way.

 

To stop being selfish.

 

To let you go…

 

======================================

 

You stood by the post box.

 

But why were you like this?

 

You just stood.

 

And stared.

 

Put it in…

 

But you couldn’t.

 

You lifted the enveloped to the mouth of the box and stared at the address, clutching to the paper tightly.

 

It was his face that was stopping you.

 

That stupid

 

Sad

 

Face.

 

But why?

 

He wanted you to post it.

 

‘UHHHHHHHHHH.’ You sighed dropping the letter in.

 

This was what you had always wanted.

 

And you weren’t going to let anyone hold you back from achieving your dreams.

 

‘Aish.’ You growled before rubbing your head and trudging away.

 

============================

 

‘I’m hungry.’ Tao whined patting his stomach straight after dumping a desk on the other side of the room.

 

 It was another day of the after-school cleaning club (Tao had named it that excitedly and no one bothered to argue).

 

‘Actually…I’m kinda hungry too.’ Kris agreed scratching the back of his head with the end of a mop.

 

‘Could do with a drink.’ Luhan said pondering over a bubble tea drink that was his favourite flavour.

 

‘Well I’m fine. You guys just go buy some snacks from town and come back.’ You suggested shrugging your shoulders.

 

‘Come with us!’ Tao said shaking his head at your suggestion.

 

‘Nah I can’t be bothered to walk the whole way, besides someone has to stay here in case any teachers walk past. It’s fine seriously.’ You said rolling your sleeves up and continuing to clean.

 

‘Well I can stay with her.’ Luhan said standing next to you. His hand rested on your shoulder.

 

You knew your heart was pounding stupidly.

 

‘Look all three of you go – if you feel so guilty leaving, just buy me a strawberry milk.’ You said shrugging Luhan’s hand over determinedly, turning him around and pushing him out the door.  

 

‘Ok, ok fine.’ He chuckled tucking a hand into his pocket.

 

‘We’ll get you strawberry milk.’ He said flashing you a grin before ruffling the top of your head.

 

‘Who knew someone like you would drink something so…girly.’

 

‘Wh-WHATEVER….besides I am a girl you know.’ You pouted stubbornly correcting your hair.

 

‘Haha….yeah…I noticed.’ He muttered so you could barely hear.

 

‘See you ____-ah!’ Tao waved as he lead the way.

 

‘Don’t do all the work while we’re gone, don’t strain yourself.’ Kris said patting your head.

 

‘Ok, bye.’ You said waving them away.

 

You couldn’t help but smile…

 

Finally you would have some peace and quiet to yourself!

 

==================================

 

You lifted a desk with great difficulty to the other side of the room, having to stop to regain your breath momentarily, wiping the imaginary sweat off your forehead.

 

You breathed in and out slowly; the setting sun had caught your eye through the windows.

 

It was beautiful as usual.

 

But there was something so…lonely about the whole scene.

 

You felt empty…or heavy…maybe it was a mix of both?

 

As if there was something missing in this scene, you didn’t know why.

 

You were expecting some loud whining or yelping from Tao…or some freestyle rapping to just pop out of Kris in the corner…and even…

 

Your fingers wrapped around your shoulder, you rubbed it slowly and continued to watch the sunset.

 

It was then you realised.

 

This was so unlike you but;

 

You had enjoyed the peace and quiet long enough.

 

You usually loved being able to relay thoughts and memories but nowadays your mind wandered to certain memories and thoughts that you just didn’t want to cope with or figure out, company managed to stop your mind from working itself out.

 

What were those boys up to?

 

‘We’re back!!!’ Tao exclaimed rushing into the classroom before you could experience another thought.  

 

You couldn’t help but smile, trying hard to suppress it and failing.

 

Tao held a card in his hand and the convenience store goods in the other.

 

‘Look what I got!’ He said wafting the card at you, purring like a cat.

 

You watched Kris and Luhan enter with equally confused and yet astounded looks.

 

‘What’s this?’ You asked taking the card from Tao and inspecting it.

 

‘Some woman, gave these cards to us.’ Luhan said surprised at it.

 

‘Well what is it?’ You asked reading the logo.

 

‘A card with some scouts name from SM entertainment – she said something about auditioning-‘

 

Your face dropped.

 

‘-OH. MY. GOD. You have to do that!’ you exclaimed snatching the card off of Luhan who was just as surprised as Kris and Tao were at your reaction.

 

‘Really?’ Luhan stared at you, eyebrows raised. Kris stared even more confusedly.

 

‘Yes oh my gosh, guys do you realise how awesome that would be?? You could make so much money, and besides, you get to do what you love!’ You said pointing at the card with wide eyes.

 

No one had ever seen you this excited before.

 

‘And don’t roll your eyes Kris; I know you join in with Tao when you’re off doing your own underground street rapping~’

 

‘Zitao I told you never-‘

 

‘-I didn’t tell her!’ Tao lied shaking his head, Kris pursed his lips together, for once he looked embarrassed and unsure of himself you couldn’t help but grin at producing this expression from such a cool guy.

 

‘Luhan this is what you wanted; a chance to sing! You could do it.’ You said encouragingly.

 

Luhan looked down, it was clear he was working out something in his head.

 

‘But if we go to SM, we won’t see you as much~’ Tao mumbled sadly, looking at the floor.

 

‘Fine. I’ll audition, but I’m not doing it if you two aren’t, it kind of seems sissy doesn’t it?’ He asked flipping the card and scratching his head.

 

‘No it’s not – it’s so cool.’ You slapped Luhan’s arm feeling offended at the thought of wasting such a golden opportunity.

 

‘If you love it so much, why don’t you audition?’ Kris chuckled loving your expression.

 

‘Yeah audition with us!’ Tao exclaimed jumping up and down with you; you felt dizzy and shrugged him off.

 

‘No way! I would hate to be in the spotlight, besides, I’m applying for law remember?’

 

It fell silent for a second.

 

‘So we won’t see you if we get in?’ Tao mumbled.

 

Your eyes darted to Luhan.

 

He refused to look up.

 

‘But I’m going to be there every step of the way while you audition and send applications!’ You exclaimed slapping Tao’s arm and smiling at the three of them.

 

‘Ok let’s do it! It’s just an audition, we may not even get in.’ Tao said nodding his head at the others.

 

‘Yeah alright.’ Kris replied shrugging his shoulders and opening a can of coke.

 

Tao stuck a lolly in his mouth and , feeling content.

 

‘Luhan?’ You asked waiting for his answer.

 

Luhan finally looked up at you.

 

You felt a pain in your chest you would never be able to express.

 

Right before the mask was put on.

 

It made you nearly sick.

 

The look of pain in Luhan’s face.

 

You would never forget it.

 

What had caused it?

 

You would never know.

 

Because it was gone in a flash.

 

‘Mmm, yeah let’s do it.’ He grinned nodding his head. 

 

He was torn.

 

He knew his family wouldn’t support this.

 

But hey

 

It was another shot

 

Another shot at a dream.

 

A dream you were supportive of….

 

=============================

 

The whole process was awesome.

 

Filling in applications was something you were used to doing. It was especially fun poking the boys for personal information that had to be given since they were so unwilling to do it…except Tao.

 

‘And my favourite colour is…gosh I don’t know I love every colour!’ Tao exclaimed pointing at the sheet of paper.

 

‘Aish they’re not going to ask you what your favourite colour is, this isn’t a Miss World pageant!’ Luhan tutted shaking his head.

 

‘Hey Luhan you still have to fill in your extra talents; I look forward to reading that.’ You said laughing internally and smirking. Luhan pursed his lips together and scrunched his eyes up before covering his paper and scribbling more information in.

 

‘I ticked every box; might as well let them know I can do everything.’ Kris said waving the paper in the air.

 

‘You can’t do that.’ Tao said raising an eyebrow.

 

‘Actually that’s smart, cuz then you’ll have more options to get picked for.’ You said nodding your head and giving Kris a thumbs up.

 

It was a happy blur.

 

It was strange.

 

But watching these boys get actually excited about something.

 

And watching a fire begin to burn in Luhan.

 

To see him begin to become passionate about something.

 

To see him actually have a dream, a goal, an aspiration.

 

It made accompanying him to the auditions worth it.

 

-------------

 

‘Nervous?’ You couldn’t help but smile over how sick Luhan looked, it was a nice contrast to the cocky-brat he usually acted in front of you.

 

‘Mmm.’ He nodded gulping hard while pressing his reference number onto his shirt so the judges could see it clearly.

 

‘Don’t be. I’ve heard you sing Luhan…’ You didn’t know how or why but your hand slid into his securely.

 

Luhan’s eyes widened as you leant in and whispered encouragingly;

 

‘You have nothing to worry about. Good luck.’

 

You quickly let go and pushed Luhan forward as his name had been called by a lady with a clipboard.

 

Luhan gulped hard this time. His heart pounded far too hard in his chest.

 

But your encouraging smile gave him hope.

 

He didn’t need anyone’s support.

 

He didn’t need his family’s approval for what he was about to do.

 

Because

 

Because

 

He had you.

 

--------------