Ugh…not again.

 

But unfortunately for him, it was happening again.

 

The same sunset landscape with the same orange and purplish-pink tint hue on the sky and the water beneath his feet.

 

The dream came into him again.

 

Or rather, he might be the one who came into his own dream.

 

Boring? No, he was far from bored. But not even the slightest glint of happiness shone in his dark brown eyes.

 

He sighed and walked to…again, nowhere.

 

He was getting nowhere anyway because this seems endless scene was indeed unreachable to the end point. Maybe the point end was never existed after all.

 

Oh great, another confusing and frustrating thoughts to add into his poor brain.

 

Another sighs.

 

Long strides of his legs brought him into…what he guessed was the edge of the water-concreted place. So there was an edge after all, but no point end.

 

He didn’t know if this information could give him any answers for his confusion. But he guessed there was nothing wrong with exploring his own dream right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

…so young.

 

 

 

 

 

Wait…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beautiful…

 

 

 

 

 

 

That voice again.

 

 

 

 

He craned his neck to his left. Nothing.

 

To his right…

 

......nothing.

 

What was with this voices in this unclear dream?

 

Every words…they’re never the same as before. Surely these weren’t his thoughts right? He couldn’t have been thinking all of…these…puzzling words.

 

 

 

 

 

…pure…

 

 

 

 

 

 

He shivered lightly when he felt a warm breeze, blew gently by the calm wind. For unknown reason, he felt an urge to turn his body around. Almost having a second thought, but his conviction finally came into a definite decision when he caught a glimpse of his own reflection beneath him.

 

Only to have his breath hitched ever so slightly as he turned.

 

 

A figure, no…he guessed there were two figures.

 

The man in black and…the messy haired male…?

 

What were they doing?

 

 

He could only see a slight view of the messy dark brown hair on top of the broad shoulder. Apparently, the male in hood was at least a head taller than the messy haired male. They looked like they were standing pretty close.

 

Too close perhaps.

 

He was about to ignore them and walked away because this seemed did not took his interest at all until he saw the male in black suddenly craned his head to stare at him beneath the dark hood.

 

He froze.

 

He couldn’t the male in hood’s eyes but he was sure that they were staring right into his.

 

He felt an emotion running through the stare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What…?

 

 

“What?” he whispered unconsciously.

 

 

 

But before he could hear the answer, a sound of faint mewls lulled him to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

“……and I get the second highest score today!”

 

He chuckled at his son’s exclamation while bouncing on the couch. They were watching some documentary about…well he didn’t exactly watching it.

 

Perhaps they both were too absorbed in their own world.

 

Him in his own mind while his son was busy talking excitedly about how he got the highest score in his class.

 

“Appa! Appa! I get to beat Sehun in Math this time!”

 

He guessed Jongin was really ambitious especially when it comes to rivalry. Not to mention he was competitive too. He reminded himself not to encourage the boy to be overly competitive, fearing the boy might do anything to be number one. It would never end nice.

 

“Really? How many times you beat him, baby?”

 

Then the bouncing child suddenly lay down on his small back, his small head on top of the father’s lap while his mouth puckered slightly.

 

“Only two,”

 

Ah…sensitive topic, he assumed.

 

“And how many times has he outnumbered you?”

 

The child looked up at him with his brows furrowed cutely. While still pouting, the young one extended his arms upwards.

 

“Seven?”

 

The pouting child nodded feebly.

 

He laughed at this then blew on his son’s nose bridge as he bent his upper body down. Jongin’s eyes fluttered close and whined softly as he did that.

 

“I’m sure you can beat him again one day, baby. You need to study more, but don’t overwork yourself alright?”

 

He plopped the younger on his lap, those small arms wrapped around his neck while his long arms around the child’s waist and back. Jongin’s legs planted snuggly on his sides.

 

The young cub nodded once again but the child’s sparkling eyes went dim slightly and they didn’t meet his wise ones. The older blinked slowly and ducked his head down while his eyes searching his son’s.

 

“What’s the matter, baby?”

 

“……you won’t leave me right, Appa?”

 

 

 

……what?

 

 

 

 

Where did that came from?

 

 

Something was wrong.

 

 

 

“Jongin?” he tried gently.

 

He watched as his son ducked his head even lower and bit his lower lip.

 

“You’re not going to…leave…right?”

 

The soft whisper of the child suddenly sounded so loud in the suddenly quiet room. The television went ignored. The sounds of grandfather’s clock ticking crystal clear in his ear just as he could hear the thump thump sound of his heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Thump.

 

 

Thump.

 

 

 

 

“Baby…what– I don’t think Daddy understand that,” somehow he just couldn’t talk in Korean when the situation was like…this one. Having a comfortable conversation or small talks such as this one was always important for him and when in time he felt things would went awkward; he would switched automatically into his second mother language. He knew though, what the child was talking about. He just... wasn't sure why would Jongin say anything like that.

 

But the younger didn’t make any movements or any intention to respond him. They both just sat there on the couch, breathing evenly in and out.

 

 

 

 

Inhale…

 

Exhale–

 

 

 

The silence was diminished by the sound of his cell phone blaring none to lowly.

 

He patted his pockets on only to realize that he was wearing boxers that night. He cursed silently, hopefully Jongin didn’t hear that. His eyes scanned his couch and on to the table behind Jongin.

 

 

Oh, right.

 

Don’t blame him, he rarely play with his phone because he had better things to do, such as pampering his son. He exhaled a soft breath through his nostrils and carried Jongin off of his lap. He put the child down on his feet in between his owns as he leaned over the young cub’s head to grab the blaring device.

 

“Yeoboseyo?”

 

“………”

 

He furrowed his brows when the person on the other line didn’t give any respond. He was about to check the caller ID when he heard something cracked then a soft curse.

 

Wait…he knew that voice.

 

“Luhan?”

 

“Yifan!?”

 

 

He had to flinch when his brother yelled right in his ear.

 

“Luhan, seriously. What do you want?”

 

“Yifan umm…hey! Eheheh…How are you little brother?”

 

“Fine…you?” he answered lazily “I’m guessing you tried to burn your kitchen?”

 

“No! No of course– ahaha!–“ he heard a faint clang then a loud crash.

 

“……”

 

“……”

 

“……uh, Luhan?”

 

“Yeah– yeah? Sorry I was– uh…umm, nevermind. Anyway, how are things?”

 

He shook his head slowly while his unoccupied hand Jongin’s chubby cheek. He sighed in content when the child leaned into him and hugged him snuggly. He tucked the younger’s head beneath his chin as he tapped his hand on the child’s bum.

 

“If you were asking about Jongin than he’s fine,”

 

He heard the other laugh lightly. His brother’s voice somehow had a hint of calmness in it every time he laughed. Felt like bells chiming.

 

“No, I was asking about you and your lost spouse but yeah, I’m more curious about my cute little nephew– damn I’m still wondering why you’re the one who get married first,”

 

He chuckled along with his older brother. He was the type who always serious in going through a relationships. While Luhan was a man who always took his time for himself and flirt here and there. But once the pretty male made a commit to do something, nothing could stop him. Oh well, they shared the same blood so it was no different for him.

 

“Yifan…”

 

He was breathing into his son’s hair softly and let the scent of mint with a small hint of apple calmed his nerves. Jongin looked up to him and blinked cutely as curiosity shone in those mesmerizing eyes.

 

“Yeah?” he stared back with his own dark brown eyes and blew into Jongin’s nose bridge softly while the child whine quietly and hid his small face into his chest.

 

“Are you fine now?”

 

He sighed impatiently, “Luhan, didn’t I told you I was–“

 

“You sure?”

 

 

His brother’s gentle voice made him stopped talking. He knew where this was going.

 

“I –…”

 

Funny, one second his decision was standing tall and thick and the next second, the wall was crumbling down instantly. He was gaping while he stared at the glass table on front of him, his voice chord somehow didn’t work that moment. All his thoughts and words were scattered messily inside his brain.

 

He failed to notice Luhan was sighing until he heard the older called his name softly,

 

“Yifan…I know what I’m about to tell you for the next seconds will not faze your hope of waiting for Junmyeon, but…little brother, how long…How much longer will you wait and suffer like this?”

 

He did notice though a slight squeeze on his sides. He guessed Jongin heard their conversation all that time.

 

“Tell me, how much longer Yifan?”

 

His eyelids fluttered slightly and he stuttered,

 

“I…I-I…”

 

 

 

How much…longer…?

 

He had waited for two and a half years. He was sure he could wait longer than that, he was very sure of it.

 

But…

 

…could he really?

 

“Yifan…*sigh* I know you’re capable taking care of Jongin alone. But have you ever think about Jongin’s feeling about losing a mother?”

 

“Luhan, he–“

 

“Do you ever ask him whether if he need one?”

 

 

And once again, he could only sit there with no words coming out from his mouth.

 

Jongin…he– of course he missed Junmyeon, he was their son for Christ’s sa–

 

…son?

 

 

……goodness, why didn’t he realize such simple thing?

 

He was too blinded by the fact Jongin was mature than his friends at his age. It made him forgot that Jongin was only…a child.

 

A seven year old child…with no mother…

 

 

He looked down on top of the young cub’s head and a heavy weight settled itself on top of his shoulders.

 

 

Jongin was only a child.

 

 

“Yifan…just– I want you to think, for Jongin’s sake. For your sake, at least…try to look someone else? I’m not going to ask you to throw Junmyeon away from your life, God no. I know how much he means to you. But– I’m not good at this. ,”

 

 

He felt useless.

 

 

“I just don’t want to see you so helpless, little brother. You and Jongin need someone to mend your hearts,”

 

 

…find someone to be Jongin’s…mother?

 

But…how could he?

 

How could he when all that ever stay in his heart was Junmyeon and Junmyeon only?

 

“Luhan…I, I-I don’t think I…could,” he whispered almost inaudibly.

 

“I know, Yifan. I know, I’m sorry if I sounded like I was pushing you. I just…I’m worried about you. I don’t want to lose my only family, I can’t, Yifan. Mama and Baba were enough,”

 

A shaky sigh fell from his lips and the puffs of his warm breaths ghosting over Jongin’s soft hair.

 

“Luhan…don’t think like that. I’m not going to die that easily you old deer,”

 

A small smile made its way onto his face as his brother laughed whole heartedly. He wished he could be like Luhan. The older could forget and ignore his problems, which were looming over his back, so easily.

 

“You better be because I won’t attend your funeral if it happened, BenBen”

 

He sighed, “Enough with that name already Luhan”

 

“Yeah yeah…anyway, about what I said. Think about it. I just want you to be happy– but if living like this make you happy, I won’t forbid you to live it on. That’s all I want to say,”

 

He felt Jongin shifted on his embrace when he inhaled deeply through his nose slowly.

 

“…I will,”

 

“Alright, I have to go now. I need to buy ramen because I’m hungry as ,”

 

A soft chuckle rumbled in his chest.

 

“Go on then. Don’t blame me if you'll have a stomachache,”

 

“Uh huh, yeah… just shut the phone already, bastard”

 

Another chuckle fell freely from his small lips. He ran a hand through his now messy blonde mane as he did shut the line. They both never needed a ‘thank you’ for what happened just now because they couldn’t stand the awkwardness. They were both a hard-headed person who had high dignity. So, they never needed a ‘thank you’ or ‘you’re welcomes’ or even ‘sorry’ and such things along those lines because they knew each other well enough.

 

But now…as he stared at Jongin’s small and fragile looking figure, his dignity suddenly didn’t feel so important right now.

 

He put away his small device beside him on the couch as he pulled the cub away from his hold, just about half of his arm length, and stared at his son with an unreadable expression.

 

 

“Appa?”

 

 

He gulped down the saliva which was pooling in his throat nervously and he stared at his son’s eyes deeply.

 

If he was standing right now, he’d bet his knees would be shaking ever so slightly by the child’s innocent stare.

 

“Jongin…”

 

He smiled a little bit when his son tilted his head to the side cutely.

 

“What’s wrong, Appa?”

 

He could’ve just distracted the child by telling him how uncle Luhan missed his little nephew. He could’ve just taken the child and tuck him in his own bed instead the one in his parent’s room. He could’ve…he could’ve not apologize to his son.

 

But he was not a coward man.

 

Jongin was his responsibility now. Jongin was under his care. Jongin held special place in his heart.

 

His light.

 

His happiness.

 

His…his son.

 

Yes they were not related by blood and yes he could’ve just ignored the child’s presence if he wanted. He had the freedom to deny the child in his life.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

Because he didn’t know…

 

…he didn’t know...

 

............what would happen to him if he ever lost Jongin from his life.

 

He couldn’t lose his precious bundle of happiness.

 

 

Jongin was…

 

 

 

……Jongin......was…

 

 

He huffed in surprise when he felt his chest bumped into something warm and solid. A pair or small arms wrapped around his stomach while his arms unconsciously wrapped themselves around the small and solid body of Jongin’s.

 

“Appa~”

 

That cute whine again.

 

“J-jongin?”

 

He felt his cub nuzzled his chin using his head then looked up to him.

 

“You’re not going to cry right, Appa?”

 

“What? No!”

 

The child grinned widely then blew the underside of his chin. He shivered in surprised because of the cold air while the child laughed earnestly.

 

“Good then! Pretty boxes and fried chicken for you!”

 

Not a single word could he uttered by the innocent actions. He sat there, staring wide eyes at the child’s grinning face and blinked a couple of times in bemused.

 

And then he felt the child hugged him on his neck while muttered,

 

“I want Appa to be happy,”

 

If he were a woman, he would’ve bawled his eyes out.

 

But he was a man. A tough and strong man, he would not cry although his heart fluttered by the honest and innocent words, sweet as honey and pure as snow.

 

 

He chuckled as he shook his head slowly. He then hugged the child back and embraced the younger tightly yet gently into his body. He bumped the side of their heads gently, golden and dark brown mane tangled here and there messily. The older swayed their body from side to side just to channel his emotions.

 

“I love you, Appa”

 

A kiss on the side of the child’s head was what he gave. His big hand rubbing the cub’s head affectionately as he muttered back,

 

 

“I love you too, baby”

 

 

No words exchange between them as they welcomed a pleasant silence. A similar smile painted on their faces as their eyes were closed, savoring the moment.

 

They understood each other more even by only a very slightest bit. The older knew that Jongin knew his matter. The child didn’t know his lack capability in communicating certain things such as these.

 

But somehow he felt like Jongin understand him, even though the child may not realize it. He was grateful for this.

 

He was very grateful to have Jongin in his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin was...... one of the parts of his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…beautiful…………pure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

A/N : Hi there! So yeah, here is chapter 4. This was only about Yifan and Jongin's moment, father and son bonding time. Don't worry, Suho will be up on chapter 5......perhaps. (.___.

And who would've thought Luhan will have such a colorful words lol. That innocent deer khe khe khe, but seriously. These days, I see Luhan as a man. A real man I mean. Or as you would say, he fits to be a seme or top. Especially after he changed his hairstyle and participated on playing soccer, lol I'm so random, but really...who else think of him like that?

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter which contains father and son bonding moment.

And 104 subscribers!? THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL TwT

 

Forgive me for typos and grammatical errors.

 

 

 

 

Christian_Wu