Story Title : A Beauty's Mask 

Author : cherrybloss21

Genre : romance, school life

On-going, six chapters

~ REVIEW ~ 

1. Title :   5/5 points 
 

2. Foreword and Description:     2/5 points 
 

The description of the story is blunt enough to know that the story will be focused on a girl who transformed from a queenka to a nerd.

The foreword, however, has some issues. There are grammar and spelling errors strewn throughout the page. You said that you're fluent in English, so I'm afraid I'll have to dock a point or two for that. 

Jessy wanted to escape the queenka life, right? Then why are all the other characters popular, kingkas, queenkas, ex-kingkas, etc? She has no nerd or normal friends? 

It says you had someone edit it for you. I'd suggest that you pick someone else to edit for you, or ask him/her to go over foreword again. 

3. Poster/Background/Trailer/Graphics :    3/5 points
 

While the poster is simple and cute, I feel like it's a bit random. The poster has no relation whatsoever to the story, except that the characters are on there. But then again, most Romcom posters are like that... The bordering lines are also a little pixelated. 

( This is just my opinion, but I would've gone for the literal "mask" theme. )

4. Plot :   10/20 points
 

In my opinion, the base for the story is a little weak. She used to be a queenka, but hated the attention, so decided to become a nerd. Why a nerd, of all things? She could've just reverted back to a normal high school girl. Did she really have no choice but to change into a nerd? 

Since there are only 6 chapters at the moment, and all of them insanely short, I can't exactly give my opinion about the plot, as there is none yet. 

5. Grammar, Spelling, and Vocabulary :    10/15 points
 

There are some grammatical errors here and there, and your vocabulary is average. It's a bit like mine, actually, haha. I'm trying to build my vocab atm. :3 

6. Originality :    5/15 points

I've read many, many fanfics that are similar to yours. Often times a school life fic will be about nerds falling in love with the kingkas/queenkas, especially if the theme is romcom. I personally really like school life romcoms, but I'm afraid I can't give you points for originality. 

7. Characterization:   4/10 points

To be honest, I feel that your characterization needs some work. Do the characters all suffer from multi personality disorder? 

Some issues: 

L. Joe was betrayed and is no longer friends with Jessy, right? Why did he feel a pang of jealousy when she was talking with another guy, then? 

Baekhyun kissed Jessy on the forehead the very first day he met her? Unrealistic. 

Yuko is supposed to be sweet towards others, while she has a deep dislike for Jessy. However, Yuko was bullying and attacking Jessy in public. Surely some other people at school saw. 

8. Flow :   3/10 points

I had a lot of trouble understanding some parts. In chapter 3, what did you mean by "No one's POV" ? If it wasn't the point of view from a specific character, then it must be omniscient or the narrator's point of view. And it doesn't specify who was talking during that scene at all. 

Overall, the chapters were extremely choppy. I feel like you were trying too hard to make something happen EVERY single chapter. Sometimes, it's best to let things go at their own pace, instead of trying to satisfy the readers by coming up with a new event each chapter. This isn't a TV show or a drama, it's a story. It's crucial for a story to transition nicely. 

9. Overall Enjoyment :   8/15 points

I think if you go through your chapters, add some things here and there, clean up the grammar errors, and work on the characterization&flow, your story can be really great ^^ 

Overall :  50/100

I apologize for the low score :\ If you want to fix some things and resubmit an application, I'll be more than happy to redo the review (: