Story Title : Do I love you?

Authors : Bunnymoo,Kiddomae

Genre : Romantic Comedy

On-going, 7 chapters

~ REVIEW ~ 

1. Title :     2.5/5 points 

The title is definitely unoriginal and overused. I typed the title into the AFF search bar, and got quite a few different story results. Still, since this is a RomCom story, I feel that the title doesn't require as much originality as those darker and more sophisticated stories. 

2. Foreword and Description:     5/5 points

The foreword and description are both cute and short, yet blunt at the same time. I love the fact that you guys don't beat around the bush. The summary is to-the-point and rather interesting as well. 

It's also nice that you included a list of Thank You's to the places you requested at. Not many people are nice enough to leave those there. (: Most people actually feel uncomfortable sharing the fact that they requested advertisements (which is nothing to be shy about, you know?). I applaud you for crediting them. 

This may be a little irrelevant... but I found Luna/Park Sun Young's description hilarious. The second to last bullet point reads: "has nice thighs".  I found myself laughing at that. (:

3. Poster/Background/Trailer/Graphics :     4.5/5 points

The background is really light and fluffy. It sets a cute, romcom mood, which is really great, since your story just happens to be RomCom! Both your past and present posters are really cute as well. The only problem I have (and this REALLY irks me) is that D.O says, "I'm so confused?" in the poster, and that cannot be used as a question! I thought that perhaps you meant for it to be an exclamation mark or a period, but the punctuation mark in the description is a question mark as well! I shall dock only half a point for that, since it's just a really small error. 

4. Plot :    12/20 points

The plot is mediocre. It's nothing special. Two people work together to make the ones they love notice them, but eventually start to fall in love with each other. I've watched/read this storyline many many times over. 

The brother, Dongwoo, leaves his sister to rot because he decides on a whim that he will be living with Infinite. What a nice guy. It is also unrealistic, as he cannot just LEAVE his sister alone. If he really hated his sister, then perhaps that would happen, but he seems to be quite fond of her.

5. Grammar, Spelling, and Vocabulary :    12/15 points

There are a few grammar mistakes here and there, and sometimes you forgot to punctuate the end of a sentence (or you guys do it incorrectly). There are also cases where the quotation marks aren't there. Your guys' vocabulary can use some improvement, though. Overall, the grammar, spelling, and vocabulary is not horrible. I've read a lot worse before. 

6. Originality :    6/15 points

Well, obviously you guys won't be scoring many points for originality, since the entire plot is based off of Toradora. However, there are a few differences I watched it a long time ago, so I don't remember everything, but I don't recall the main girl having a brother. I also do not remember an ice cream scene. Since there are a few differences ( there probably are a lot more, I just don't know) I gave you guys a few originality points. 

7. Characterization:   7/10 points

LOL D.O WOULD HAVE A WHISTLE. Oh goodness. 

The characterization is okay. D.O seems to have a really sweet and caring personality, although he seems a bit weak in terms of personality. He shakes Ji Min's hand immediately when she tells him to make Kai fall in love with her. 

There are also times where D.O is strong. He insisted that Ji Min follow him to dinner, and then to his house. 

I find Ji Min just a tad bit bipolar. She's angry one moment, and a blushing mess the next. Also, she is not at all as you guys described in the foreword. She is neither insecure nor inarticulate. 

8. Flow :   7/10 points

Like the characterization, the flow of the story is simply average. It's a bit fast for my personal liking, and sometimes it's a bit choppy and awkward. The P.O.Vs are a bit tricky to keep up with, since time seems to rewind a bit every single time there's a P.O.V change. The less important scenes (such as going to school, or D.O cleaning, or eating ice cream) seem to overpower the more dramatic ones (when Ji Min confesses to Kai). Since her confession to Kai was a huge deal for her, I would suggest adding in a lot more explanation and detail. Perhaps you could include more of her nervous thoughts, or Kai's explanation why they must remain friends. I feel like it all passed way too quickly. 

9. Overall Enjoyment :   11/15 points

I think that this story can use a little improvement, but I was able to read it all in one go, which is always a good sign. I'm very glad that D.O was chosen as the main, since he does not recieve as much love as he deserves!! D.O is a little cutie. 

Kai and Ji MIn annoyed me a bit at times, but I suppose no one's perfect. 

Many (most) stories have spaces in between lines, and yours has none. Obviously, it's okay, since that seems to be your personal preference, but it definitely messed with MY overall enjoyment. I kept on losing track of where I was, and my brain would start to hurt a bit after a while. 

In additon, the font size annoyed me a tiny bit, since it is enormous. Again, this is your personal preference, and I understand. I won't dock any points for this. However, I will dock for the font size difference between Chapter 1 and the rest of the chapters. There are also random indentation differences throughout the story. I'm a huge perfectionist, so seeing the changes threw me off a bit. 

Total : 67/100 points

Your story isn't bad. The main reason why the score seems so low is because

of Originality and Plot. However, that's to be expected, since the story is

based off of Toradora. If I wereto remove the Originality and Plot from the

score, then it would result in 49/65 (: Which is basically 75%. So if

you're feeling a bit sad, don't! It's just because the story is based off

of Toradora. Don't worry ~