Story Title : The Last Teardrop

Author: MatsuoMiyuki

Genre: Angst, Tragedy

Completed, 5 Chapters

~ REVIEW ~ 

1. Title :   5/5 points 

I love the title! I absolutely love it. 

2. Foreword and Description:     3/5 points

The foreword and description are both very, very short. While it's brief and to-the-point, I think that maybe you should change your description a little bit. After all, readers basically have a general idea of the entire plotline, except for the ending, of course. I like that you end it with a question. However, seeing as the story is tagged as "angst" and "tragedy", it's pretty obvious that the two won't have a fairy-tale ending. Perhaps you should change your description a bit, so that readers can't already predict the ending. 

Also, there are some grammatical errors in the description. 

3. Poster/Background/Trailer/Graphics :  N/A 

Hmm. You don't have any sort of graphics. I know that your story is already completed, but maybe you should think about getting a poster. People are naturally more attracted to stories that have posters. ^^
 

4. Plot :  17/20 points

The plot is very fast, but you managed to outline the main points nicely. I just feel like feelings don't actually last that long, you know? After Sehun was rejected by Hyeji, they continued to love each other for the next four months, even though they never saw each other.  I understand that Hyeji might've felt the same way, as she doesn't interact wtih any other males. However, Sehun sees girls on a daily basis, and should be able to easily forget Hyeji. In addition, they didn't really know each other that long before falling hopelessly in love. 

Overall, though, the plot is alright. I didn't feel much sympathy for the two when Hyeji died; there wasn't enough time to feel involved in the story. They meet and immediately fall in love, but Hyeji rejects Sehun, and four months later she dies. That's basically your story, summed up in one sentence. xD I think maybe you should include another chapter or two to elongate the story. You should include chapters that actually contains their conversations, dates, etc, so readers can squeal over the fluffiness, and feel completely heartbroken later. 

5. Grammar, Spelling, and Vocabulary :    10/15 points

For someone who wasn't born speaking English, yours is pretty great! :) Of course, it's not perfect (no one's is), but with a little improvement your writing could be really amazing. Your main problem is with grammar. If you have extra time, I'd suggest learning the grammar rules or something.

Here's an example of one of your errors. (Chapter 1) 

"Roars of thunderstorms could be heard with constant strike of lightning, and most of the windows were tinted."

Okay, I had some issues with this sentence. The first phrase in your sentence - roars of thunderstorms could be heard with constant strike of lightning - doesn't quite make sense. You're saying that Hyeji could hear the roaring of the thunderstorm, but could also hear the constant strikes of lightning. Lightning can't be heard! 

In addition, you use "and" incorrectly in this sentence. "And" is used to link or compare two or more similar subjects. However, in your case, you mention that Hyeji could hear the thunderstorms and the lighting, and the window was also tinted. What? The window is on a totally different topic. It's like saying: "I could see the y Oh Sehun walking alongside Chanyeol, and the sky was blue." Do you kind of see what I'm saying? It doesn't make a lot of sense XD 

6. Originality :   10/15 points

To be honest, I don't usually read angsty stories, but when I do, this is a common storyline. Of course, every story has its own ring, and yours is no different. Still, it isn't exactly original. 

7. Characterization:   8/10 points

I thought that Hyeji's character was great. I could tell she was kindhearted, and unselfish at the same time. After all, she rejected Sehun so that she wouldn't hurt him. In my opinion, that was the best part of the story. I got some feels when I read that part. :P 

Sehun's character is a little weaker, as he falls hopelessly in love after meeting her once. In fact, he seemed a little like a jerk to me, because he basically only wanted her number due to her beauty. At the same time, he's secretly a romantic, and cannot forget the girl he fell in love with, even after she told him they were no longer friends. It's a bit ... strange, I guess? 

8. Flow :   5/10 points

Woah, Sehun and Hyeji met & exchanged numbers so fast! If it was me, I'd never ever give my number out that fast :3. Oh also, in Chapter 1, you accidentally wrote "Chanyeol" instead of "Sehun" at the bottom. Sentence reproduced below: 

"Both Chanyeol and Hyeji had a smile on their faces." (This also has a grammatical error. They can't both have ONE smile together, right? Therefore, you should say "Both Sehun and Hyeji had smiles on their faces." or something.)

Yeah I think the flow is a little too fast for my taste. Their friendship starts in chapter 3, Hyeji rejects Sehun in chapter 4, and she dies in the 5th and final chapter. I just think that there wasn't enough time for me to become absorbed in the story. And there was no room to fall in love with the couple, either.

Your story kind of gives me an "elongated oneshot" feel. It's not exactly a lengthy chaptered story, as it's a little fast & short, but it's not a oneshot either! This is a great story for the people who like long oneshots ^^ It's just a liiiitle too fast paced for me, though. 

9. Overall Enjoyment :   13/15 points

To be honest, I really liked your story. (It was just a little too fast!) I love Sehun so much, and imagining my bby crying is just too much TT ^ TT You should totally write more! 

Total : 71/95 points

Great job on the story, and keep up the great work! Hope you can improve even more in the future! ^^ Sorry for taking so long on the review! I've been busy lately. 

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