Story Title : Shipwrecked

Author : Baekyeollie92

Genre : Romance

On-going, 15 chapters 

~ REVIEW ~ 

1. Title :   3/5 points 

Personally, I like this title. I always like one word titles, because that single word can hold so much mystery in it, that I cannot help but click the story. When I first heard "Shipwrecked", I instantly thought.. Lord of the Flies, Island of the Blue Dolphines, The Cay, Titanic, etc.

I've been noticing for a while now that title with a lot of words in it are typically RomComs, while the shorter (one word) titles are darker, more serious ones. Therefore, (I feel that) your title seems to hint at a darker/tragic storyline. However, your story does not have any dark themes tagged, and only Romance.  Basically, I thought your story would have murder themes when I first saw the title, and it doesn't. 

2. Foreword and Description:     1/5 points

This may just be my own personal preference, but when I read stories I like to know what the OC and other characters will look like. I also enjoy reading some character descriptions, as well as background stories. 

The fact that you don't have any graphics also means that your foreword and description must be absolutely amazing. However... your description feels somewhat irrelevant to the story. Also, of course being snobby isn't "good". However, some may differ about the rich portion. Is it better to be drowning in opulence or living on the streets? I'd choose the wealth any day. 

"Meet Sol Hwa" is a very sophomoric way of starting your foreword. These kinds of intros are typically used in a more RomCom-type story, so I'd suggest that you change that, or people may get the wrong idea. Also, "subscribe to find out" should be taken out, because people don't actually need to subscribe to read your story. When people read a good story, they automatically want to subscribe. You can't insist for people to subscribe, because then they won't want to.  It's psychology. 

The grammar and word usage is.. not that great. Go back and reread the entire thing, and fix the grammatically incorrect areas. Or, you could always hire an editor! I think that it is EXTREMELY important for your foreword and description to be flawless, because this is what draws people in. If your foreword , then no one would want to read your story. I think you could work on this portion a bit, and more people would be interested when they stumble across your story ^^

3. Poster/Background/Trailer/Graphics :  N/A 
 

You have none. Therefore I cannot criticise, comment, or approve. I shall just remove this from the final score. :3 

4. Plot :  15/20 points

The plot has quite a few irrelevant moments. I know that you're trying to portray Sol Hwa's flawed personality, but honestly, that can be done ON the cruise, or AFTER they get shipwrecked. There's seriously no need to keep them in school for so many chapters, when the story is titled Shipwrecked. Overall, though, the plot isn't too bad! It's pretty unique compared to many stories I have read before. 

5. Grammar, Spelling, and Vocabulary :    10/15 points

There are a lot of grammar issues :\ There are also some punctuation and sentence fragment problems. The vocabulary is okay, though. While some parts seem a bit more immature, you throw in a few adjectives here and there that add effect to the story. 

6. Originality :    13/15 points

While the high school "queenka" theme is definitely not original, I think that everything else seems pretty unique. I don't think I've ever read a story on AFF about a cruise before.. ( I have seen a movie about it though) and I don't recall any shipwrecked stories either! ^^ Nice story idea. 

7. Characterization:   4/10 points

The characterization is pretty weak. Sol Hwa's father shouldn't be qualified to be a principal...

Mi Young? Wait. Min Young? You should probably check that out. Either Sol Hwa has two best friends with very similar names, or there are a lot of typos. 

Daehyun just got humiliated, beat up (by a girl, too!), and hospitalized. He does not show any, hatred, sorrow, or even guilt. 

Sol Hwa is probably your strongest character, which is a good thing, since she's the main character. However, I don't find her  likable at all. She also has some flaws... 

By the way, Daehyun can't call Sol Hwa "eonnie" unless he's a female... and younger than Sol Hwa. If Sol Hwa is older than Daehyun, then Daehyun should address her as noona. But then again, since Sol Hwa is so mean, she probably wouldn't like it if he called her noona, since it's a more affectionate term. She'd probably want him to call her sunbaenim... wait. No. She'd probably prefer " princess " or "queen" or something like that.

8. Flow :   5/10 points

It was a bit difficult to differentiate between the thoughts and speech. Also, when Sol Hwa is speaking, you shouldn't skip a line for her to continue talking, since it's supposed to be a continuation of the previous sentence. There's no need to start a new paragraph. 

 In chapter two, the font randomly changed, which irritated me a bit, since I am a perfectionist. Also, the rest of your chapters have a font that is different from the first two. Please fix that. Also, in chapter 6, what's with the random "Day 36"? Day 36 of what? 

Sometimes, it is really choppy. You would suddenly fast forward a few days, and then flash back to the day before. 

Aside from those few errors, though, the flow is mediocre. 

9. Overall Enjoyment :   8/15 points
 

I really don't understand why you have the "1 count. 2 counts. 3 counts" thing in the first chapter. If you're trying to make the story dramatic by making it kind of like... seconds, it's not working. I didn't like that at all. 

Also, you have two chapter 11's, and two 13's as well. 

No offense, but I didn't really find myself engrossed in the story. To be honest, I skimmed through quite a few parts. 

Total : 59/95 points

I guess this story isn't really my "style", but don't worry! I'm only one person out of 6 billion. There are a loooooooot of people out there who love your story, I'm sure. (:  If you'd like, you can resubmit a review request after you fix a couple things (if you want, it's really your own choice) and I can re-review your story :)

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