Out of all of the many awards I’ve received in my life….out of all of the places I’ve been to and all of the recognition I’ve gotten….I don’t believe anything will ever compare to my wife.

No, I don’t think. I know that nothing will ever compare to my wonderful Kim Ae Ra.

I remember the first time we met and I fell instantly…even though I’ve never been the type to blindly rush into anything.

But Ae Ra, there was something different…something so enticing, enthralling that I couldn’t help myself.

We met while doing volunteer work in Cambodia. Instead of returning to normal life after my discharge from the military, I decided to dedicate my time to others instead of just donating money like I had done during my idol days.

It was the most fulfilling type of work I’ve done. Giving back to all of those poverty-stricken children brought me much inner peace and satisfaction. To see their lives improving through my and tons of others’ efforts…it cannot be described in words.

Then of course this is where my Ae Ra was when we met. And after our year in Cambodia, I made sure to not to let her slip away from me. I found her in Itaewon not long after coming back home to Korea.

After a short eight months of dating, I asked her to marry me.

Thankfully, she said yes.

The most wonderful thing about Ae Ra is how she’s always supported my passion for music. She even told me she was a bit of a fan of B.A.P when we were still together and of course, to this day she teases me and tells me that Himchan was her favorite member.

Aish, this woman.

We’ve been married for almost seventeen years now.

Looking back, not all fifteen years have been purely bliss. There have been fights, tears, misunderstandings….

Married life is not easy at times.

I think the hardest thing Ae Ra and I ever faced was our attempts at starting a family. I don’t think I ever felt so hopeless in all of my life.

Ae Ra and I struggled to conceive a child even though we tried so hard after getting married. Both of us wanted to have kids more so than anything. Sure, our families told us to enjoy being married before starting a family, but we didn’t listen.

After four miscarriages, though, things weren’t easy.

We were both feeling guilty…I know this now. I felt like less of a man for not being able to do one of the few things that man is supposed to be able to do: procreate.

To this day, I’m sorry for the four children we lost. I’m sorry that I wasn’t always able to hold Ae Ra when she was hurting over this because I was hurting just as much and didn’t know what to do.

After miscarriage one, we were heartbroken but still hopeful. That loss was early enough in the pregnancy that it wasn’t as painful.

After miscarriage two, we felt heartbroken and discouraged but again, still hopeful.

After miscarriage three, it was too much to bear. She was progressing well…then lost the baby. It wasn’t quite far enough along to be a stillbirth but far enough that she had to be checked out more thoroughly by the doctor than the previous two times.

After miscarriage four, there were hardly any tears. Just anger. Anger at the world, at each other, at God.

We didn’t speak to each other for a few weeks after that last one…it was so hard. I sometimes still wonder what would’ve happened if we were able to conceive a child, but I don’t dwell on it too much now.

My three children are the most amazing things. They impress and surprise me each and every day.

When our issues were resolved, Ae Ra and I decided that our losses were God’s way of telling us to start a family in a different way, so we decided to adopt some of our nation’s own.

“Dad!” a voice interrupted the father of three’s thoughts as per usual. “We need to go or else I’ll be late to practice!”

“Arasso, arasso. Let’s go.” Yong Guk replied before lifting his pen and jotting down one final thought for the day in the composition book he had taken a liking to recently.

A father’s work is never finished.