-----

“Forget about it.” T.O.P. tilted his head to face Bom and smiled at her. “It’s nothing.”

 

It… It’s nothing?

 

Bom repeated his words in her mind.

 

Her heart stung intolerably, and her eyes felt like they were on fire. Out of shame, Bom unthinkingly grabbed a clean cup nervously from the refreshment table and slowly poured water from the dispenser onto the cup.  

 

Was she the only one making a big deal out of what happened?

 

Her mind spun out of proportion. She furrowed her brows to focus her thoughts, but there was no refuge to the gut wrenching feeling she had just taken a blow from. It took a while before Bom had noticed the water overflowing from the cup.

 

“Hey.” TOP uttered to get Bom’s attention onto the cup. He slowly rose from his position and threw the dirty cup he cleaned into the trash bin.

 

“A-aigoo, I’m so clumsy.” Bom pretended to sound casual, but her anxiety got the better of her. She got the wet cup and threw it in the trash bin without taking a sip.  

 

Her actions warranted for concern from TOP, who looked puzzled at Bom’s incoherent actions. Despite knowing better, the guy had to ask weakly. “Are you alright?”

 

Bom was silent. Of course she wasn’t.

 

“Hyung, noona, it’s time to start rehearsals. Come on in.” Seung-ri called from inside the rehearsal room.

 

“Oh, thanks. Just a second.” TOP replied, sending the maknae back to the rehearsal room. He studied Bom who appeared pale and confused. “Do you want to sit this one out? You don’t look too well.”

 

If she were in her right mind, she would have punched the guy there and then for his consistently poor choice of questions and remarks. However, the situation did not even warrant her to switch on to her Bominator self. She was too flustered in front of TOP.

 

Rehearsal was no safe haven either. Bom found herself constantly avoiding TOP’s gaze—which proved to be an intricate task considering that he seemed to stare at her every excruciating time her gaze fell upon his direction. Well at least the routine gathered her thoughts away from the embarrassing moment with TOP a while ago.

 

Be strong, Bommie. She gave herself a bit of well needed encouragement.

 

She tried to follow the dance routine with the rest of the 2ne1 members but inevitably could not keep up. There were still much clutter in her head that prevented Bom from focusing on the dance. By the third hour of practice, even Shaun Evaristo, the YG resident choreographer, had proposed for Bom to take a leave from rehearsals.

 

 “Take five.” Shaun announced, sending the dancers to the refreshment area outside the rehearsal room. He was left with 2ne1 and Bigbang. “Bom, do you want to skip this out first? It’s fine with me, I won’t take it against you.”

 

“I’m sorry, Shaun.” Bom was well aware of her nuisance.

 

“No worries, happens to the best of us.” Shaun replied sympathetically. “Get some rest, and come back when you’re fit to dance like yourself.”

 

“Bommie, want me to take you home?” Dara offered worriedly.

 

“No it’s alright. You guys go practice what you can and I’ll catch up next time.” Bom answered perfunctorily. She walked towards the bench to get her bag.

 

“Hyung.” Jiyong called TOP’s attention, seriousness in his voice.

 

“Yeah?” TOP asked, glancing at Bom as she left the rehearsal room. When the girl finally got out of the room, he turned to face Jiyong. “What is it?”

 

“Whatever problem or issues you have with Bom noona, fix it.” The Bigbang leader said imperatively. “And don’t let it interrupt with our work like today.”

 

TOP was annoyed at the fact the GD had a point. 

 

“Fix it now.” GD commanded.

------

Bom was walking aimlessly at the YG agency, letting her feet drag herself from floor to floor.

 

“Why am I like this?” she asked herself as she paced to the rooftop garden. “So what if it was nothing to him?”

 

Even as she asked those irrelevant questions, Bom knew why she was affected by the indifference she got from TOP. She was just too scared to admit it to herself.

 

“Bommie. Forget about him.” Bom prolonged her monologue as she looked down at the Seoul skyline. At the street opposite to the YG building were streams of fan boys and girls holding placards and other paraphernalia. She chuckled softly as she saw some of her pictures being waved relentlessly by some of her fans. A year ago she wouldn’t even have known of KPOP and Bigbang or YG entertainment or the latest dance craze by Psy. Now she has become a part of it.

 

“Look at yourself, Bommie. Thousands gather to see you perform, yet you can’t even get yourself together for dance rehearsals.” she reminded herself.

 

“At least you know what you should work on.” Another voice came from behind her. Of all people, it had to be YG who had seen her speech. “So, ‘forget about him’ huh? Boy problems.”

 

Bom was gob stopped. How do you explain to your boss that you’re not working because of some man in the company? Well, without getting sacked?

 

“I made sure this building had a garden…” YG started to light a cigarette. “Because I thought you artists would sometimes need a place to breathe… This is the place where I can reserve my judgment from the office downstairs and be your friend. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”

 

“Sajangnim…” Bom still felt uncomfortable.

 

“You and TOP… Well you guys haven’t been exactly acting normal lately.” YG stated as he puffed his cigarette. “Not that you two were ever normal to begin with.”

 

“A-aniyo.” Bom looked away. “If you’re suggesting that it’s TOP sajangnim…”

 

“Don’t fool yourself, Bom.” YG was persistent. “I was a single, hopeless romantic once. Everyone goes through that phase at least once in their lives. Just so happens you’re in it with TOP.”

 

Bom stared farther into the horizon so as not to meet YG’s eyes. Talking to him about TOP was similar to talking to your dad about your period: it was too awkward for life.

 

“Bom, TOP is like a special son to me.” YG said. “Because he’s gone through a lot these couple of years. Did you know what happened to him five years ago?”             

 

“Deh?” Bom uttered, hoping he would tell more.

 

“You see, I failed him in his first try out for the agency.” He sat on one of the wooden benches. “He got mad at that time, saying that he had to be a famous Korean entertainer. In fact he wasn’t that bad of an artist as a whole, but he was too fat at that time. The industry would just have crushed his self esteem. I didn’t want to see such a golden boy be tried by the temptation of plastic surgery or be under the critical eye of judgmental fans, so I failed him. I thought that it was the best decision then.”

 

“But then…”

 

“That night after the auditions, he was pissed off.” YG’s voice became weaker with the length of the story. “And crashed his car into his best friend.”

 

“His best friend?” Bom repeated. “Who… was it?”

 

“Do you know Nichkhun?” the president asked Bom, who now turned her gaze at the old man who looked regretful as he sat on the bench. “TOP’s cousin?”

 

Flashback

“Aigoo that cute little cousin of yours even said he’d get revenge even if it meant his life, but ended up being your bestfriend right? How is he nowadays?”

 

“He passed away.” TOP uttered briefly, looking down at the pot. “Five years ago.”

 

Bom was surprised. She saw sadness fill TOP’s dark eyes. “Oh… I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah.” TOP said. “Me too.”

 

 

“He… Nichkhun…” Bom finally made sense of it all. “Oh God…”

 

“What’s worse was that the boy was about to get married that year.” YG added; bowing his head and staring at the sun kissed floor. “The girl survived, but she was distraught. She wouldn’t believe him when TOP told her Nichkhun was gone. You know what she kept saying?”

 

“What did she say?”

 

“She said TOP was Nichkhun.” Hyun-suk pursed his lips. “Perhaps due to trauma, or to denial, but she thinks TOP is Nichkhun.”

 

And then it dawned on to Bom, that perhaps this was what Seung-ri meant when he said TOP didn’t deserve the woman he had now. “Is her name… Victoria?”

 

-----

The tall baritone rapper sighed audibly as he searched for Bom in the YG entertainment agency. Whenever GD was in his perfectionist leader mode, he forgets about who’s hyung and who’s not. Work just has to be done, and if there were any hindrance to their efficiency, they’d have to eliminate it.

 

But how does he eliminate this hindrance when he had caused it? He knew perfectly well that Bom acted weirdly because of what he said, and he cannot undo what he had said on purpose. Bom needed to stay away from him and if that meant hurting her again and again until she became numb…

-----

Bom lingered at the rooftop after her conversation with YG. What she had learned that afternoon made her respect TOP, and worse, it had made her grow the feeling she has been trying to avoid for the past month.

 

“Bommie, bommie, bommie do not get involved with him!” There she was again, starting her personal monologue as though an audience were conveniently close by. She leaned towards the railings of the balcony, watching the sun set on the horizon with streaks of orange retreating from the darkness of the night sky. “He has already been through enough.”

 

She continued to wonder about how he has been able to keep everything to himself. Why didn’t he tell her from the beginning? To whom did he run to when he faced this problem years ago when she wasn’t there by his side? Bom felt awful. She wasn’t even in America that time. She might have even been in the vicinity when the accident happen.

 

Flashback

 

“Since when have you been back from America?”

 

“Oh, about four years ago.” Bom lied. “After I graduated from high school.”

 

In all honesty, Bom had been back in Korea far longer. It was all lies that she went to America and finished high school, although that was the original plan. Truth was that two months in the foreign country and Bom found out that her parents were cheating with each other left and right. It was a win-win situation for the two of them, as they found happiness in the arms of new people—yeah right, and they left Bom, young and frail then, alone in a country she barely knew.

 

The situation was too disgusting to behold. Both of Bom’s parents were explicitly ready to throw her away. Depression engulfed Bom then. She stopped eating, meeting friends, going to school. The environment she had in America was nothing short of toxic. This prompted her grandparents to take Bom back to Korea. At least she had a normal life there.

 

But she couldn’t tell TOP that. Not after knowing what happened to Nichkhun.

 

“Nappeun yeoja, you never told me you were back.” He looked at Bom, hoping for an explanation.

 

 

Would it have made a difference if Bom was there to give him support when TOP needed a friend the most? Was it alright to think that if she were there, she would have made a difference?

 

TOP stood silently in the rooftop—where YG had opportunely told him to go to, observing Bom carefully as she continued to straighten her thoughts out.

 

“Tabi…” Bom uttered, slumping her shoulder as though she now felt the burden TOP carried. “So this is how you’ve been… I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

 

His furrowed his brows and drew nearer. What did she know? Did YG tell her everything?

 

Thoughts continued to remain in Bom’s head. About Nichkhun. About Victoria. About TOP. Everything made sense now. Even her feelings seemed settled. She sighed slowly, for what appeared to be the nth time since she got in the rooftop, and uttered words on the top of her head. There were just some things she needed to get out of her system.

 

"Please don't let him be in love with someone else." Bom prayed audibly, closing her eyes and feeling the cold gust of wind passing her face.  "Please." 

 

TOP’s eyes widened with what Bom had just professed out loud.  He made his steps on the wooden platform loud enough for Bom to realize that he was there. “Park Bom.”

 

Bom’s heart went to overdrive at the sound of his voice. Bom knew that voice all too well; Did he hear her? His presence made her unmoving as a concrete statue. She continued to stare at the horizon, though her emotions were all over the place. “T-tabi! What are you doing here?!”

 

He ignored her question and inched closer.

"I am..." TOP said; loud enough for her to hear. "I always have been..." 

 

Tears welled in her eyes at his response. Was he publicly refusing her affections? 

 

"I always have been... in love... with you." He thought, and in a gradual motion, pulled Bom to face him. They were now face to face.

 

Bom looked down, ready for the next words which were invariably going to lead to her rejection.

 

“You know you’re not my type… But since you plead so much.” TOP said jokingly, lightening the dead heavy atmosphere between them. “Then court me.”

 

“W-WHAT?!” Bom exclaimed, making animated faces as she did. TOP smiled. He would have to keep his little secret for as long as he could; but he would no longer cause pain to the person in front of him. She was too dear.

 

“Bombom, I heard it all.” TOP added, leaning towards her. He cupped her face with his hands and made it seem like he planned to give her a tease; but what he wanted to do was to wipe the tears in her eyes.  “Since when have you started to like me? Was it in the fifth grade when I shielded you from some bullies? Or was it when I got back from Japan and you saw how hot my body looked?”

 

“YAH!” Bom pushed him in full force, but TOP caught her hand and held it firmly with his. “Let me go! I’m leaving!”

 

“No you’re not.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Why would you leave me? Didn’t you say you were sorry you weren’t there for me?” TOP asked as he loosened his grip on Bom’s hands.

 

“So?!” Bom shyly pulled away, getting her bag from the bench and heading straight for the door.

 

“Then stay.” TOP said, turning to Bom who had stopped her tracks when she heard him.

 

“Stay with me now.”

 

 

------

A/N: Hi! It's been long since I last updated! I'm sorry for making you wait. Hope you enjoy this chapter although the confession was just in TOP's head (But TOP did confess implicitly! He asked her to stay!). Please continue to subscribe and let me know how you think! 

 

P.S. The title was taken from an anime I once watched when I was young. It's not intentional, there are no correlations between the anime and this chapter. It's just that the title seemed most appropriate for this chapter's contents. :)