These couple of days have been terrible for me,i cant imagine what its like for him.Donghae keeps waking up in the middle of the night with sweat all over his body,and tears in his eyes,which makes my eyes fill with tears too.I calm him down and then he goes to sleep again hoping that he won't be scared in his sleep once again.

Days are hard too.He no longer wants to talk to me,when he is at home.He is out most of the time,i guess he is at the roof or somewhere secluded.I try to talk but he doesnt react so much. I cant get many reactions out of him right now.He yells at me  sometimes but then he comes to me and apologises.

One afternoon he entered the room and heard that  i was crying.I turned back.He approached me and looked at me with the saddest eyes then he put his hand on my cheek and gently wiped off a tear.

-Hae..-i whispered.I miss your smile.Tell me,just tell me that i will see it soon. He didnt say anything,he just pulled me closer to his body and i could feel his cold hands.After a while Donghae let go of me and left the room.I tried to follow him but he said without even turning around.

-Don't go after me.Leave me alone-he screamed,but hig voice was shaking a little bit.

I didnt follow him.I decided to give him more time although i wasnt sure if this was helping at all.

 I went to go to his room one day to tell him the lunch was ready.when i entered the room i saw the things from his desk on the floor.His whole room was a mess .He was sitting on his bed and his hands were aroung his head.I went to him and hugged him.

-What happened?-i asked gently.He got up and pretended like nothing had happened 

-I was looking for something.Go away.

I grabbed his hand.

-Let's go eat.I made your favourite.

-EAT! I dont want to eat.Go away,

-Dont be like that.Dont push me away.I am with you.Lean on me,Why cant  you just lean on'me?-my voice was trembling

-I said go away.He pushed me aside and headed to the door.I heard the front door banging after he went out.I just couldnt go after him.If only knew that he wont go to the rooftop.