September 2009

 

My friends and former classmates still kept in contact. During second year, I was often invited at birthdays and parties. On the first party I attended, it was like a high school reunion. Yet again, for the first time, AJ and I met. Although I had already expected him to be there, I didn’t expect my suppressed feelings to resurface. Maybe there's a certain space that my heart has reserved only for him.

When I entered the door of the hall, it was him that I first saw. My heart pounded like it was going to burst out of my chest, my knees weakened and my feet were heavy. A lot has changed about him, both physical and his aura, especially. Angel, Tiff, Nyx and I decided to stay at another table, separate from their group. During the after party, we were able to interact for a while. Perhaps college life can really change people in a way, either positively or negatively. In the end I was overwhelmed by his changes, and I didn’t like it. It was more of offense rather than intimidation. The way he turned out was not just the same him that I had missed and longed for. What I saw was an entirely different AJ, and it just made me stay away from him.

 

The bottle stopped spinning, directly pointing at me. My girls clapped my back. On the other side, AJ was grinning at me as if he had something prepared. "Truth or dare?"

I stared back with the same intensity his eyes are shooting me and crossed my arms. "Dare." 

He clicked his tongue, seemingly disappointed. "No. I want you to choose truth instead." Our classmates cooed at the challenge.

I scoffed. Why even ask in the first place? "Fine. Truth then."

"Good girl." AJ smirked. His current attitude is getting on my nerves and I want to punch him in the face. If he thinks he's being cool this way, he's wrong. He poured the brandy into the punishment shot glass then set it before me. "I know you're a very honest peson, Billie so.. If you were to date someone among the guys here at the table, who would it be?" He dragged the question out. Eli and his other friends exchanged worried glances. 

I was dumbfounded. A deep frown marred my forehead. AJ was actually challenging me to blurt out my real feelings, I realized. "Difficult? To make it simpler for you.. Just choose between me and Eli." The three of us immediately became the target of our classmates' teasing. The look AJ gave me was daring and smug, and I dislike it. Totally. I hate being confronted like this and I can't take being in the spotlight. And I'm fuming inside for he put me in a tight situation. If he wants to know what I'm feeling now, he's so gonna get it. Eli was sitting next to him but I avoided making eye contact. "You'll have to drink that if we think you're lying." AJ reminded.

Everyone was focused on me now, anticipating for my response. This is not the AJ Kim I had grown to like. Nor do I want to use Eli's name just to get this over with. A mega no-no.

Angel looked at me worriedly. She knows me that well. Tiff then whispered to my ear. "Just let him hear what he wants to hear."  But that's exactly what's troubling me.

My grip on the shot glass tightened as I tried to control myself from confronting AJ. The atmosphere grew more tense between us. Without breaking off eye contact, I took the throat-burning shot down. "Definitely not you, AJ." I blurted out directly in his face. "Not the kind I'm seeing now." I muttered to myself instead. "And I can't pick you either. Sorry, Eli." I said and clunk my shotglass with his, which he returned with a proud smirk. I spun the bottle. There were complaints and whines but I disregarded all of them. AJ's eye twitched. I guess he was disappointed. "It's late. I need to get going. Bye guys." I told them while faking a smile then grabbed my purse and walked out of the suffocating hall.

I was about to reach the exit when a hand grabbed my wrist.

"Oh? I thought I said-" 

He cut me off and gently towed the both of us outside. "I'll drive you home."

I just let him guide me and we walked down the pavement in silence. He opened the passenger door, so I obediently obliged, and I waited until he got into his side. We already had our seatbelts on but Eli did not start the car yet.

"Sorry about that." Eli started with a sigh.

My forehead crinkled. "About what?"

He shrugged. "Oh you know. About that punk named AJ."

"Oh." Was all I said with an unamused chuckle.

From the windshield's reflection, I saw Eli shaking his head. "That punk. He ruined it. Oh good lord." He then hit his face with his palm and that made me look at him instead.

Sensing my distraught, he turned to me and stared at me for a long time, as if he's studying my face.

"Ey, stop it now. You're making me uncomfortable, you know."

To my utter disbelief, he started chuckling. To the point that his chuckles turned into fits of laughter and ended with a sigh. "Oh, Billie. Do you know the kind of effect you have?" He stated, more of a statement than a question. So I responded with speechlessness.

Seeing the confused expression on my face, he patted my head instead and smiled. "You make that idiot go nuts. And I bet he's hitting his head on the wall by now due to his epic fail. Good thing that you knocked sense back into his airy head."

He then started the car. While his eyes are on the road, he muttered, "He never learns". 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

July 2010

 

The third time we met was at Nicole's 18th birthday. She's actually our youngest. The distance AJ and I have was the same (or worse) than ever. Our group of friends are close, so in a way, we really seem to be connected.  Our paths just had to inevitably cross every time, at instances like this one.

Nyx invited everyone for an after party at her condo. A number of close friends went. AJ interacted only within their group, while my girls and I had our own casual talks with new acquaintances. We were just helping the birthday girl entertain her visitors anyway. All of a sudden, Nyx pulled me to the another room. She said her male friend wanted us to be introduced. The room was packed with guys and I felt conscious being there. Nicole really has more guy friends than girls.

 

"Charles, this is Billie. My friend that you've been eyeing on since the start of my party." Nyx confessed, making the rest of the guys laugh.

He was waving his arms. "N-no, it's not like that. Nicole, please don't embarrass me." He rubbed the back of his neck. While holding his head down, he extended his hand to me. "I'm Charles. Nice to meet you."

I chuckled as I shook his hand. "Billie. Nice to meet you too."

"They look cute together." One of the guys commented.

Nicole pointed at him. "This one's named Bacon." My brows shot up. Bacon? Did I hear correctly?

"Beckham." He clarified with a smile and waved. "Hello Billie~" I smiled and greeted back.

"You don't need to know all 12 because they're too many. You'll forget them anyway." Nyx said, causing a wave of complaints. She's still the bossy, cool city girl. "Fine, go introduce yourselves." 

"Call your other friends too." Another suggested.

"Aish, Sam. It's my birthday and you're ordering me around? I don't care if you're the oldest. Get your butts out this room and mingle with everybody else." Nyx nagged like a mom.

"Yes, maam!" All 12 of them chorused. 

 

Everyone was having fun getting to know each other while enjoying some booze at the same time. I learned to mix drinks from my college friends and so it was me who was assigned to help Nyx in this task, while Tiff and Angel facilitated some games. The kitchen was small and the counter where we worked was already a bit crowded with bottles, cups, food, some other stuff, and also Charles. He stayed there the whole time, chatting and sometimes boasting his flairtending skills. 

 

Charles took a bow after his mini performance. "Wow. I'm impressed. I must say you're very talented." I said while clapping my hands.

He grinned, feeling proud of himself. "Now for the taste test." He took a triangular glass from the cupboard and poured the blue liquid in it. 

He anticipated for my verdict. "Hm.. Not bad."

"Not bad?" He said with a pout.

I chuckled at his reaction. "I'm not really much of a drinker honestly, so I appreciate that the liquor's not too strong and the mixers didn't overpower it either." I took another sip then nodded at him. "It taste's great, mixed just right."

"Really?" I nodded with a satisfied smile. With pursed lips, he turned away and fistpumped."Yes!" That made me burst out laughing. He's such a happy virus and I'm totally enjoying his company.

Meanwhile, AJ arrived in the kitchen and wordlessly headed for the fridge, which was behind me. Both Charles and I fell silent and just watched him. AJ opened its door for a while then closed it again, taking nothing.

"Are you looking for something?" I asked. AJ looked at me and sighed. "If you're thirsty, the water dispenser's on the other side."

AJ shook his head. "Can you get me a new glass, please?" He asked in a low voice.

I moved to the cupboard to get AJ a glass, but Charles already took one and handed it to him. "Here's your glass, man." The two were of the same height so their eyes are level with each other.

AJ stared at the glass then his eyes shifted to meet Charles's. The latter didn't back down either and took the challenge. The mood has changed all of a sudden. In their silence, both seemed to be shooting daggers at each other. I couldn't just stand still, trapped between those two's heated up atmosphere. I have to do something.

I coughed, though awkwardly. "Charles, meet AJ. A high school friend. AJ, meet Charles. Nicole's friend and a new acquaintance." I started. It was actually hard to breathe and my heart's been pounding really fast.  

It was Charles who acted first. He set the glass down on the counter and extended his hand toward AJ. "Nice to meet you." Still, no smiles on their faces.

Knowing that AJ's usually a nice guy, I sort of expected that he will shake the other's hand. But he didn't. "I realized that I'm not really thirsty." With a stoic expression, he walked out of the kitchen and called his friends. "Hey guys, I'm leaving. Are you coming with me?" 

"Why are we leaving so early?" Shane whined.

"Let's stay for one more hour." Kyle suggested calmly.

"I'm sure Nyx would love to have more hands in cleaning up later." Hans said.

AJ ran his hand through his hair. "Fine. You three can stay. Eli?"

"Uhm.." Eli was caught in the moment.

Good thing Nyx walked into the scene. "What's up, AJ? You guys should stay the night. I can't let you go home this late." She tried to knock some sense into him.

 

AJ stayed in his silence though. We could not help but feel his silent fuming, giving off the threatening aura wanting to blow fire any moment. Even the people in the room had slowly quieted down. Subtly, AJ glared at Charles (I'm the only witness to it). And for one breathtaking second, our eyes met.  Without another word, AJ headed straight to the door and left. Eli apologized in behalf of his best friend's actions and immediately went after him. Shane, Kyle and Hans close behind. 

 

Nicole turned to me. "Did something happen?" 

I shrugged. "I have no idea what just happened."

"Probably just the booze." Angel said in all goodness of her heart.

"I hope so." I muttered softly. 

"What a strange and scary fella." Charles remarked. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

December 2011

 

The last time we met was during senior year, at our class reunion. I came in very late, and they were already having a lot of fun, laughing and talking aloud. I didn’t exactly announce my entrance, but some others still noticed me sneaking behind the circle of seats. With Eli, Kyle, Shane and Hans' lead, they slow clapped upon seeing me. Therefore, making everyone's head turn to my direction. In embarrassment, I awkwardly greeted them then shuffled to where Angel, Nyx and Tiff were. As the night went on, the talks and drinks flowed endlessly. Next thing I know, I was hearing my name being mentioned from the background. I turned my head and found AJ being the voice behind of it all. Even if I was already glaring at him in disbelief, he didn’t care and just continued on his comments.

He remarked that I had changed from my outward aspects to my attitude. Surprisingly, he still remembered my ladylike personality in high school - reserved, gentle, soft-spoken, and shy. Upon unanimous agreement, they went on. I just listened and we laughed about it altogether. How I became friendlier and outgoing, it was funny how they noted that I had also learned to socialize with ‘bottles’. Through that, the distance between us had started to close. AJ's same old self was back. Once again, the long forgotten feelings within me reawakened.

We then took pictures, and as we were at it, I didn’t realize AJ was already next to me. Afterwhich, he remained at my side while I was unintentionally ignoring his presence. Well, not until my best friend Angel teased us. I guess she knows something that I don't. My rationalization was impaired so I looked from Angel to AJ, asking for explanation. Both of them simply smiled at me. She then had left the two of us as he started a conversation. 

 

"It's been a while. So, how are you?" AJ asked.

I shrugged. "I'm okay. You?"

He just smiled then lowered his head. "Uhm.. Are you and that guy from Nyx's party still in touch?"

My brows knotted together. "Charles? Mhm." I nodded. "We exchange messages."

"Are - are you two dating?" He dragged the question out.

"Mwo? No we're not! We later found out that we're far relatives. He's my cousin on the third degree." I explained.

"Awesome." He chuckled. "Still, it won't change the fact that he has feelings for you."

It was my turn to laugh. "It's regrettable, actually." My tone implied a tinge of sarcasm.

"Eh?" AJ faced me, his eyes wide. "Are you saying that you actually like him back?"

"Why not? He's a really nice guy and it's not hard to like him." I said while trying to stifle the smile crawling on my lips.

"Are you serious? That's !" He almost shouted.

His expression caused me to burst out laughing. "Oh AJ, if you could only see your face." 

He laughed at himself in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be silly. We definitely can't be in a relationship. Besides, I like him only as a friend. He's really fun to be with." I explained.

AJ sighed. Was that of relief? I eyed him. The 'killer dimples' dented his cheek. I missed seeing that too. "What's with that smile, AJ?"

He looked me in the eyes. "Nothing. I'm just happy."

"Okay~?" My brows slanted. He confuses me all the time.

 

His hand patted the top of my shoulder. Then.. I'm not really sure what happened next - how it happened. Both my heart and my lungs had stopped functioning momentarily when AJ leaned in and pecked my cheek. It happened all too sudden that my brain didn't have time to process nor trigger a reaction anymore. My world seemed to have frozen.

AJ straightened up, the smile not leaving his face. Only then I noticed that everyone's attention was on us. They were speechless as well. My hand flew to my tingling cheek. The sensation lingered there, the part he had kissed just a moment ago.

 

I gulped. "AJ?"

"I'm sorry that it took me long enough to obtain courage - to confess.. I missed you, Billie. I promise not to act stupidly around you anymore."  

I think I'd have a heart attack. Is this really happening? "I.. I missed you too." I breathed. Finally, I was able to say the thing I've been holding back all this time.

 

 

===============XoXo===============