ad - mi - ra - tion

\noun\

: an object of esteem

: delighted or astonished approbation

(source: Merriam-Webster)

 

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September 2005

 

Junior year has brought and welcomed many changes in all of us. I was actually shocked when I first heard my male classmates' voices after the summer break. Their voices had gotten deeper (though it would take time getting used to) and they gained height boosts as well. Just before the break, we were just about the same height but look at them now, they're already towering above us girls. Puberty is kinda unfair. I wanna grow taller too.

 

"Hey Eli, you've grown some beard." I poked the stubs at the side of his chin. He's still my seatmate. Just saying.

Eli glared at me. "Stop touching." And he flicked my forehead.

Shocked and hurt, I backed away while holding my forehead. "I thought PMS is only for girls." I mumbled softly (though I heard Eli chuckle) as I tied my shoelaces. We were getting ready for our PE class. Afterwhich, I reached for my kit so I could start fixing my hair. "Eh? Where's my-?" As I whirled in my seat, two hands carefully gathered my hair and started combing. 

"Dude, are you coming?" AJ peeked his head in through the classroom door to call for Eli. Our other classmates were already piling out of the room.

He appeared to be startled at what he just saw, because he was frozen for a moment. Actually, I was startled at his sudden appearance too. What's there to worry about anyway? As if me and Eli were doing something 'unacceptable'. 

Angel walked into the classroom next. "Hey, you done yet? Nyx and Tiff had gone ahead already." She reported. For a second, I caught her giving the two of us queer looks before focusing her attention on me.

"In a minute." Both of us replied at the same time. Well well. What a coincidence! With deft hands, Eli pulled my hair up in a ponytail and started working on the hair tie.

"Okay, done! Phew~" He patted my shoulders as he finished the task. 

I stood up from my seat and tamed some stubborn strands with my palms. "Wow, you seem to have done this quite a few times. Thanks." I said, smiling. 

Eli smiled back then turned to his waiting friend at the door. "Let's go." He told AJ.

When the two were out of earshot, Angel eyed me. "You."

"What?" I said, my forehead forming a crease. 

"Are you and Eli together?" She bluntly threw the question at me.

"What?!" I blurted out. "Are you crazy?"

"Calm down dude, I'm just curious!" She raised her arms in defeat. 

I rolled my eyes at her then laughed as I wasn't able to stop myself. The idea was just.. I don't know.. Absurd? "Let's just go to PE class." We looped arms as we proceeded to the grounds.

 

During this time, it wasn't only our class having PE at the grounds. We would be sharing with one of the freshman classes. How did I know? Well basically because the sleeves of our PE uniforms are color-coded according to year level. Ours are red while the freshmen's are green. I like the feeling of seniority we get whenever there are lower years around, but this is the first time I wanted to hide the color I'm wearing. All because of one boy.

 

We were watching our other classmates play volleyball from the sidelines when a ball came flying to our direction. No one noticed it, just because all of us were focused on the game. Of all heads it could hit, why mine?

"Billie! Are you okay?" My classmates worried, especially my girls Ailee, Tiffany, and Nicole. 

I think I could see stars flying so I shook my head to clear my vision. "I-I'm fine." Not.

Next minute, a tall, slim, and pale boy came running toward us. He immediately bowed before his seniors. "That's our ball. I'm really sorry."

"Be careful next time, kiddo." It was AJ who threw the ball back.

The boy caught it. "Again, I'm sorry." He bowed again, in front of AJ this time.

"Not to me. To her." AJ pointed with his chin over to me, and the younger lad immediately complied.

 

The moment he faced me, I was completely dazed. I don't know what's gotten into me but it's as if he was bathed in a spotlight and every second was in slow motion. Even the sounds around me were muted. Is this what they call 'love at first sight'?

 

"Billie." Then I felt Angel nudge my rib.

Finally getting back to my senses, I turned to her. "Uh, what?"

"The kid's been apologizing repeatedly. Are you letting him go yet?" She said.

"Oh." I then turned to the boy. And just stared at him. With another, harder, nudge at the rib from Angel, I could only nod to give him his leave.

"Thank you." He bowed fotr the last time before running back to his class. 

I rested my hand on Angel's shoulder. "I think I just saw an angel, Angel." I muttered, still dazed.

The said girl looked at me weirdly. "Dayum girl. Your head sure was shaken pretty bad." She remarked, seeing the state I was in.

 

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November 2005

 

Ever since I met - well, not really - saw that angelic boy, I had always looked out for him. During general assemblies, PE classes, first friday masses, culminating activities, etc., my radar would automatically turn on to detect for his presence. I'm a bit selfish with my crushes though, so no one else knew about it aside from my close friends. But I guess they are more thrilled than I am because they're being too helpful in 'spotting' him for me.

 

"His name's Kevin." Nicole told me.

"And how did you know that?" I asked, suspicious of her major stalking tendencies.

"Do you even need to ask? We all know how anyway." Tiffany sarcastically remarked, making us laugh.

"Duh! It didn't even took much of an effort. Kevin's practically the hottest freshman!" Nicole explained. "And because I love you that much Billie, I have a bonus for you." She smiled cheekily.

Both Tiffany and Angel squealed in excitement. "What is it? What is it?"

"Ready?" Nicole fished something from her bag and hid it between her palms. "Ta-da!"

As soon as she showed it to us, Angel's hand was the quickest to snatch it first. "Oh. My. Gorgeous." She breathed, her hand over .

Tiffany took it from her. "Aww~" Was her reaction. "Kevin's so adorable. If only you hadn't had a crush on him first, I'd totally have a crush on him too." She said.

"Don't you, now?" I joked. Finally, I was able to see the photo for myself. A smile spread across my face. Just looking at the photo makes me flush crimson red. I'm so happy to see Kevin smiling sweetly at me. "Aww Nicole, I love you! You're the best!" I flung my arms around her neck and gave the sweetest smooch on the cheek.

Nicole hugged me back. "It's good to see you in love, sissy." She said. I kept the Kevin's picture safe inside my ID card case. If only the stupid ceiling fan did not sabotage my moment. We were only able to follow it with our eyes as it got flown away.

Until the photo landed on AJ's lap. Luckily, it was facing downside.

"Eh, what's this?" AJ picked it up and I was mentally screaming NO as he turned it over.

I wanted to run  to snatch it away from him, but being the slowpoke I am, it was easier if the ground would just swallow me in shame.

Worse, Eli took a peek as well. "Hey, is that the freshman kid named Kevin? Whose could it be?" AJ just shrugged.

As the two guys traced its path of origin, the girls could only facepalm helplessly until their eyes landed on us. Realizing that I was the sole single lady in the group, they immediately came to a conclusion that the photo was mine.

AJ's eyes narrowed at me and muttered, "Pedo". 

I was devastated. No one was to know of my little crush. It was my secret, after all. 

 

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February 2006

 

Love is in the air! Happy Single blessedness day for me~ Again. Honestly, it always makes me uncomfortable to go to school every February 14th. Just because it is. Well, I don't need to emphasize that I'm single. Among our circle of friends (me, Angel, Nicole, and Tiffany), it's only me who don't get flowers on this day. Obviously, I don't have a boyfriend and they do and I don't know why. Am I that unattractive? It's not being bitter but I can't help thinking that way.

 

I walked into the classroom nonchalantly, acting as if today is just like any other day.

"Good morning Billie! Happy hearts' day!" Tiffany greeted me with a hug. She has always been the earliest bird among the class. Whenever she smiled, it reaches her eyes,  making her shine. She's indeed the prettiest in our class.

I smiled back. "Wow you seem so happy today, Tiff, which makes 'good morning' an understatement." I told her.

She pulled back and faced me. "Well I'm happy everyday." She shrugged, the smile not leaving her face.

I chuckled. "Yea right, you are. Anyway, I'll be giving away my treats to you guys later at lunch."

"Aww~ you're the sweetest, Billie! Mmwuah!" Compared to her, Tiffany's at the extreme level of sweetness.

 

I guess it's more burdensome being a guy everytime this day would hit the calendar. Whenever our male classmates would enter the room, we would check who brought flowers and tease them. The moment The Band entered the room, the coos sounded more intrigued than just of simple teasing because AJ was holding a beautiful bouquet in his hands. Eli went to sit on his chair next to mine. I eyed him, which got me a confused look from him.

 

With squinted eyes, I asked him. "You didn't bring flowers?"

His brows shot up. "For you? Nah, I didn't bother anymore." He bluntly replied.

I hit his arm. "Of course not, silly! Are you sure you don't have a girlfriend?"

He frowned at my interrogation. "I would have known if I had, right? What's all the fuss about?" It was his turn to ask me.

"Er.. Nothing, really. You just looked like the type to have one?" I answered, but it sounded more of a question.

I guess my response was too ridiculous that caused him to sputter a laugh. He then patted the top of my head. "You're so cute, Billie." He said.

I pushed his hand off my previously neatly combed hair. "Stop that. I'm not a dog, y'know."

He chuckled as he shook his head. Eli then turned to AJ who just came back from getting his things in the locker. "Hey dude! So when are you gonna give it to her?"

AJ whirled in his seat to fully face Eli. "Uhm.. At the right time, I guess."

"When will be the 'right time'?" Eli pressed on.

AJ seemed to be in a struggle to find an answer. "At the right time." He shrugged.

"Okay. But if you don't act fast, I'll be hitting on that PB girl first." Eli taunted him.

AJ just laughed as he lightly punched Eli's shoulder. "Don't you dare." He warned his friend to back off.

"Now that's the second hit for the day." Eli said.

"Second?" AJ clarified.

"Yea. The first one's harder though." Eli told his friend as he turned his head at me. He probably noticed that I was eavesdropping. But swear, it wasn't intentional!

My eyes grew wide at his accusation. "Hey, that won't even count as a 'hit'! It was just a 'tap' Eli." I defended. The two laughed at my sudden defensive mode. 

As if I was summoned, I met AJ's eyes. His smile hadn't faded. "Happy valentine's day, Billie." He greeted, with the 'killer dimples' bonus. 

I didn't expect it at all, and that moment felt like my heart just leaped to my throat. I swallowed, unable to breathe properly. "H-happy.. Happy valentine's.." I tore my eyes away first. Geez, that was embarrassing.

 

Just. What. Is. That? Dayum, girl. I thought my heart was going to explode. Do I have a crush on AJ as well? This can't be. He's just a classmate. I swore not to grow any romantic feelings for my male classmates. No. I only have one ultimate crush. And that's Kevin. But who could that PB girl be? Yea that's it. I'm probably just curious about AJ's valentine. P-B. P.. Hmm.. If surname's first, it could be Park. But Park who? No way.. Stop assuming.

 

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During lunchbreak, me and my friends form our circle at our usual spot at the back corner of the classroom. Still, I'm thankful for these girls for choosing me over their boyfriends every Valentine's day. I took out the box containing my special love treats for them. Aside from the usual chocolates, I make whatever sweets I felt like making. My girls anticipated for it every year.

 

Tiff clapped her hands together. "I'm excited."

I can't help but smile. "I do hope you'll love this, though." I said.

"Silly! You know so well how much we lurve your treats!" Angel affirmed.

"Ugh. Stop making us wait any longer!" Nyx whined cutely, making us laugh.

"Fine. Here you go my loves~" I slowly opened the box to tease them a bit more. As soon as they saw the cream puffs and chocolate chip cookies, they excitedly picked a piece each. "You can eat as much as you want. It's cheat day today." I think I'm spoiling these girls too much.

"I so love you for this." Nyx was blubbering with a full mouth while she munched on both treats, one on each hand.

"Yea. We'd sure miss you after college." Tiff said.

I smiled. "Are you sure you're gonna miss ME?"

"Oh well, that includes your fantastic cooking of course." She joked. We laughed altogether. This is one of the moments I'll definitely miss after high school graduation.

"Billie, how can you be so good at making these things?" Angel exclaimed.

"Hey. Hey. Don't we have our share?" A voice came from behind my ear.

Startled, I nearly dropped the box of treats on the floor, which also made us all reach out for its salvation. Luckily, we did.

"Phew~ AJ! Don't do that again!" The girls scolded the poor guy in chorus.

He was laughing so hard that he doubled over, leaning his forehead on top of my shoulder. "Ah - I'm sorry. That looks really good, Billie. Can I have some?" He said, fluttering his eyelids for a 'puppy eyes' look.

Me and the girls just blinked at him in disbelief. "Ew, AJ. That's so not cute for a big guy like yourself." Angel remarked. She's pretty close with him ever since they became seatmates so they can practically say anything to each other without getting offended.

AJ straightened up then coughed. "Hey, Billie. Those cookies look so good. Can I have some?" He repeated, but more composed this time.

That was so ridiculous that we couldn't completely supress or laughs, although me and the girls somehow managed a low chuckle. We looked at each other. "Yes you can but you may not." Nyx answered in behalf of the girls. 

AJ gaped at her then recomposed himself. "I was asking Billie, not you." He argued.

"Billie already gave it to us so the treats are technically ours." Tiff gave her rebuttal.

AJ's expression became gloomy. "Look, do I really have to beg for a piece of cookie?" His response made us burst out laughing. We were just making fun of him just for a bit but he looked pitiful right after he said that.

"It's okay AJ. Pick anything you want." I pushed the box to him.

His face brightened up instantly. "May I have two?" He asked, containing his giddiness.

"I'll even let you have three." I told him.

"Yes!" He whispered, happily pumping his fist in the air. He then gladly took two cookies from the box and sent the first one straight into his mouth. "I swear, this is the tastiest I've ever had. Thanks. You're the best, Billie!" He said. So much for the flattery. 

"My pleasure. Glad you like 'em." I said.

"I'd exchange being seatmates with Angel for you anytime." He joked.

"What did you say?" Angel threatened, with which AJ simply responded with a smile. We laughed at their petty argument.  

"Oh by the way, Billie." Nicole cut in, making our heads turn to her. "I have good news for you."

I leaned closer toward her. "Really? What is it?"

With a proud smirk, she reported her good news. "Kevin, your ultimate crush, doesn't have a girlfriend yet." 

"PFHOOHMP!" AJ pounded on his chest as he coughed. He was choking on his cookie.

Tiffany, as always the good samaritan, offered him a newly opened bottled water. "Are you okay?"

AJ took the offer and gulped the thing that nearly caused his death. He coughed a couple more times until he was okay. "Don't go out the classroom, Billie." He advised. "Just not until after lunchbreak, or so I hope."

I blinked at him, slightly shocked at how serious he looked. "Er.. why?"

He shook his head, rather looking dejected. "Just... don't." Without another word, he left the classroom.

 

That afternoon, me and my girls walked to the school gates together. From there, we said our goodbyes and went on our separate ways since they're going on their own dates anyway. Just upon reaching the corner of the street, I stopped on my tracks as I saw Kevin with his 'valentine'. They were talking for a while, then walked away. While holding hands. I still stood on my spot, motionless. I tried to sort out my feelings then, but I didn't feel anything remarkable. No sadness or hurt feeling at all. Just.. normal. Oh well, Kevin's just a crush anyway. What's the big deal? Acceptance is the key to moving on, after all. On the other hand, I'm still curious about who the PB girl is. Until I found out myself when I was about shoot a consumed can of juice into the bin.

There inside was the once beautiful looking bouquet AJ brought with him this morning. And on the small white card were three words written as addressed to PB, perhaps to describe the girl, as 'my chocolate cookie'. 

 

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