Minhyun's POV

It’s been a week today since JR told me he was in love with Ren. At first I thought that maybe he will just get over it but I don’t think it’s going to be that easy. He has got it bad. Every night just before bed – usually at the same time as Ren goes in the shower- JR has been coming into my room and talking non-stop for about half an hour about how perfect his precious Ren is and all the cute and adorable things he had done in the day. For instance ‘did you see him today getting the dance chorography muddled up? Aww his faced was just super cute.’ Like seriously I think JR said ‘cute’ more in half an hour than in my whole life. Some of the things JR says are just sickly sweet and its driving me mad.  I wish I had said to him before that I won’t help him. I don’t even know how I am helping him. Is just talking to him helping? Or do I have to actually do anything? I just hope he will come to his senses soon and move on from Ren before he gets hurt.

Once again we are up early for training and I could hear Aron screaming even louder than usual. I do feel sorry for the guy but that’s what happens when you are the oldest and our manager doesn’t live with us anymore. Getting up I made my way through to the kitchen with my hands covering most of my eyes hoping it would block out the bright light.

THUD.

‘What the hell Minhyun?!’ I heard Ren screech whilst still covering my eyes. ‘Maybe if you eat more, Ren, then perhaps you wouldn’t get knocked over. Also just ‘because you’re thin doesn’t make you instantly attractive. Like who would want to go out with a twig.’ Oh my god did I just say that?! Ren didn’t reply and I couldn’t help but to feel scared. Ren is pretty crazy when he gets mad. I slowly removed my hands from my eyes and was instantly met by Ren standing in front of me with mouth hanging open with dewy eyes. I walked slowly over to him ‘I am so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You know I don’t mean it, right? Ren please say something. Minki please.’ I pulled his shoulder into me bringing him into a hug but was met by his hand pulling me off him. ‘Let go Minhyun,’ he whispered. I still clung on. ‘Let go! Will you just leave!’ Ren shouted half crying half angry. I have never seen him like this and I didn’t know what to do. JR came out of his room half asleep and glared at us but his expression soon changed once realising Ren was crying. I quickly turned around and made my way back to my room. I could hear mumbling sounds coming from outside my door with a few raised voices here and there. ‘…he what!...but why?...’ Hearing JR’s angry voice directed at me made me feel a lot worse than I did before. Sitting on the side of my bed I could feel the silent tears run down my face. I have really stuffed it up this time.

Around ten minutes later a knocking started at my door. Please not JR, please not JR I thought to myself whilst whipping away the tears from my face. Opening the door I was relived it was only Aron but was shocked to see Ren and JR still outside my door sitting with their backs to the wall. I glanced passed Aron and looked directly at the two and my tears started again. Noticing this Aron pushed me inside and hugged me kicking the door shut with his foot. The hug lasted forever and I was starting to question why exactly he was hugging me. I was the one who criticized Ren right? I should be punished. Aron pulled away and stared at me for a while until he raised his hand and slapped my face.

‘Whoa what was that for?!’ I replied holding the left side of my face.

‘You know why,’ he said with an angry sounding voice. ‘You shouldn’t say things like that to Ren. You know how it affects him, even if you were joking.’ As my tears started to dry on my face I nodded agreeing with Aron.

‘I know I shouldn’t have said it. It was a mistake and I wasn’t thinking. It’s just that the reason I said it was,’ I stumbled a bit, starting to cry again, ‘it’s just that I am jealous of Ren. I don’t know why but I just am.’ Even though I definitely knew why I was jealous of him I just couldn’t tell Aron about me liking JR.

‘I thought that,’ Aron said nodding like he had just managed to diagnose a patient. I didn’t want to ask why I thought that but the look he was giving me suggested that he knows about my crush on JR.

‘So why don’t you come out and apologize to Ren before we get to training, he is just outside.’

 Opening the door JR stood up and walked off with Aron leaving Ren and I alone in the hall. ‘I am sorry Ren. I didn’t mean it. I am just jealous ok.’ I couldn’t look him in the eye as I was worried that he might realise I had been crying.

‘Why would be jealous of me? What have I got that you don’t?’ Ren replied walking closer to me.

‘I…I don’t know. When I look at you, you seem to be the happy guy that can achieve anything. But then there is me.’

‘You can achieve anything as well. Like why would you want to be me? I am a stick remember,’ said Ren jokingly. He pulled me into a hug and whispered into my ear ‘now stop crying you big baby.’ This got me laughing and we both just stood there for a while in each other’s arms.

‘Oi you two get a room,’ Baekho said passing through the corridor finally out of his bed.

We made our way into the kitchen and took seat at the table. I sat next to Aron who gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder and poured me some juice. I didn’t feel like anything to eat so after finishing the drink I got up and left the others to finish eating.

At the training studio we were greeted by our manager and once again told off for being so late and were left to practice on our own. It’s great getting to practice without our manager around; I don’t know why he thinks it’s a punishment when he is not there.

As per usual when our manager isn’t around we danced for about half an hour before lying on the ground catching up on sleep we missed at night. Meaning Aron and Baekho slept for most of the practice session resulting in me listening to JR and Ren’s constant flirting. I don’t know how those two cannot realise that the other one likes them, it’s so obvious. Maybe that’s how Aron knew about me, am I that obvious? I hope not.

I think I must have drifted out for a bit as I was alerted by JR calling my name saying ‘why are you staring at me? It’s starting to freak me out.’ Once zoning back in I instantly swung my head away trying to find something else to focus on whilst I could feel my face beginning to heat up. Looking at Aron and Baekho now awake sitting ever so closely together I wondered how hard it was for them to be honest with each other. I had enough and lifted myself of the ground and walked towards the door linking its way into the cold hallway. Not caring about the others I carried on walking through the empty entrance, out the main door and onto the deserted street. There was a light breeze in the air and made me feel even cooler than I already was making me already more relieved from leaving the others behind. Or so I thought they were behind – they were behind.

‘Hey, wait up!’ screamed a very out of breath Aron holding his jumper, phone and water bottle in his arms.

‘Why should I?’ I replied almost angrily for no apparent reason.

‘What have I done!’ whilst Aron grabbed my arm with one of his hands dropping his jumper at the same time. I spun around and saw Aron’s confused face staring back at me. I broke eye contact with him as I picked up his jumper and swung it over my shoulder.

It’s not you,’ I said un-convincingly.

‘OK so there is seriously something going on here. What is going on? You have been acting strange all day. First shouting at Ren, then getting upset over nothing and now this. I know something is wrong. So please tell me.’

I can’t tell him. Even though he has always been so wise and supportive in the past, I just can’t. I didn’t say anything and started to walk again in the direction of our house followed by a silent Aron.

After a few minutes there was a quiet voice, ‘is it JR?’

‘What about JR?’ I replied quickly surprised.

‘Minhyun, I am not blind. I know what it’s like to want someone so badly that it starts to affect everything and everyone around you. Just like what happened with Baekho.’

And still I could reply. I continued walking, not looking at Aron’s face. How did he know?

After more minutes of silence I managed to say one thing before opening the door. ‘Just please Aron, don’t say anything. I don’t want to ruin everything.’

It’s that time of the night again and just as I get comfy in front of the TV I feel myself getting pulled up off the chair and dragged towards my room. There is no questioning on whom it is and why, so I just go along with it even though I am not in the mood to talk. The others never asked why I left early from practice today and I hope they don’t. I made myself comfy on my bed and whipped out my phone to pretend to text. I find this as a great distraction from JR’s constant babbling about Ren. But sometimes phones are enough of a distraction as half way through JR speaking about Ren being perfect for him I blurted out ‘just tone down the flirting. It’s making me sick.’ Why do I keep saying things without thinking? I am so stupid sometimes.

‘Why, do you think people might find out?’ he replied with an angry tone in his voice.

‘No,’ I started ‘I am just saying that you have to watch out.’

‘What do you mean watch out?’

‘I mean the way you are constantly throwing yourself at Ren to get attention is a bit over the top.’

‘Wait, are you saying he’s not right for me?’ JR snarled.

‘No’

‘No? And why would you think that?’

‘It’s just…it’s just you deserve a lot better than Ren,’ oh god did I just say that? What the hell was I thinking?

‘Oh yeah,’ replied JR getting more and more angry with each word. ‘So who would be good enough for me, you for instance?’ I could hear the sarcasm in his voice as I instantly replied without thinking once again

‘Yes’

I turned my head down towards my phone trying to block out JR’s reactions but I could sense he could not believe what I had just said. I didn’t want to look up and just wished I had kept quiet. I finally looked up and saw a blank face staring back at me. However there was something questionable in his eyes as he said nothing, got up from my bed and left the room.

Why did I have to do this to him? Why can’t things just be normal for once?