All my family and friends say that I'm behaving like after inhaling some huge dose of happiness gas... They might be right cos I'm smiling almost all the time - my face muscles already hurt, I'm telling you.

Today I was at some course before going to Seoul - and later I've spend some time with him (let me call him "J" here). I don't know where we are standing with our relationship but after last meeting he just holds my hand casually. Like it is something normal. I'm really suprised that my heart can take it. I guess that from third person view we seem like a couple already.

But the events of this day were about to get even more exciting. I didn't wanted to show him that side of me to him but it's hard for me to control.

That fangirl part of me.

We were sitting in small, cozy coffe when my phone suddently started to vibrate like crazy. I've unblocked the screen and seen multiple of notifications. I've opened first one and as soon as my eyes catched the word "debut", phone fell off my hand. Tears started to flow from my eyes as my smile grew larger and larger... 

It took me like five minutes to realize that I'm not alone. I've looked at J with teary eyes. He was looking at me with consternation on his face, not knowing what to do with me.

I took a deep breath and said "Sorry, it's a long story..."

And then he asked me to tell him. And it all has came out of me quite easily. From the moment that I've almost given up on life, then this band appeared and gave me hope again, to all times, when I've got support from them to keep going. I've also shared my wish to see them which will be hopefully fullfilled with the trip to Korea soon.

For all the time he was listening me with understanding smile on his face. And when I've finished, he's said:

"I also want to meet them now to thank them for saving you"

Our eyes met and he smiled to me, raised his hand and patted my head.

"Come, I will take you home".

***

To be honest I'm still embarassed about earlier. Good that he doesn't know that I'm having a crush on 2/3 of the band... 

But seriously I'm so happy and excited about it... I can't wait to hear their music. And to see them in person...

***

My dreams were interupted by my mom barging into my room to remind me that I should start thinking about what should I take with me. As I'm going to spend there few months the 1st thing I did was making a list of things needed. That made my excitement rise even more. And I've started to wonder, what should I wear for the 1st concert.

Suddently twitter mention popped up on the screen. Alex...

"I can't sleep again... Talk with me..." - he wrote

"What is that makes you sleepless?" - I've asked.

"Something big is going to happen soon in my life... Something that I've given up everything else for... I'm scared to fail"

"Don't be... I believe in you and I'm always by your side :)"

"Is that a promise"

"I promise. And maybe we'll be able to meet when I'll be in Seoul"

"You are going to be mad after meeting me..."

"Mad? Why?"

"Nevermind... How was your date today?"

"We are holding hands... And he is really sweet... But I started to fangirl next to him and idk what he's thought"

"Was it that bad?"

"They've anounnced debut - I've started to cry like a child. For five minutes I've forgot that he's with me"

"You still love them the most, right? I think I'll be going to sleep - talking with you puts my mind at ease"

"Of course I love them the most! You mean that I'm boring, right? ;P Sweet dreams"

"You? Boring? I wouldn't dare :P Goodnight! Teddy will be protecting you from nightmares, right?'

"Right ^^ Goodnight"

I've hugged my teddy, that I've got on the day I've met Alex on twitter, and yawned. Seems that excitement of this day made me exhausted.

I've changed my clothes and went to sleep, with smile on my face. There was only one second when small frown appeared - why doesn't he want to meet me?

***

He was supposed to go to sleep... That promise made him feel better, but then he imagined some guy holding her hand...

Holding hand of the girl he was looking over for last half of a year, listening to all her happiness and pain. His girl...

And then his mind started to write a song by itself... "Take your dirty hands off my girl..."