I break my own promise about writting something every day...

But it was really crazy recently with all preparations for Seoul and stuff - and me being excited about debut.

So... I'm sorry - let me put here a shortcut of what happended since last time.

1. me and J - no changes - we are not really friends and not yet lovers

2. as fo preparing course of Korean coulture - because I was only one from the group who knew most of the stuff already, organizers decided to send me to Korean language course... It's frigging hard -,-

3.  Besides I'm studying computer art to improve as much as I can before going

4. Alex behaves weird recently... He doesn't appear that often saying that he's busy... He doesn't want to hear anything about meeting when I'll be in Seoul - he disappears each time I mention it and then saying that he had something sudden to do.  I don't know what to think about it...

5. I went to my high school.... After 4 years they are still recognizing me - and I ended up in principal office, because they need my help to prepare some promotional stuff for 110 anniversary. I still wonder if I'll manage to help...

Today I went shopping becouse I will need some new clothes for the trip. I got something I haven't planned - completely gorgeous dress... Red one... Idk where will I wear it but okay... I also bought bigger case already. 

Now I'm sitting here with trembling hands becouse I've realized that only two weeks left and I will be in Seoul...

And I will see them too...

***

I was in the middle of watching some movie while my phone called.

Smile appeared on my face when I've seen it was J. He called to say me goodnight - I don't have to explain how it made my heart go crazy.

And after that my friend with insomnia appeared - "Good Night and Good Morning" - he wrote. "I miss you"

"Don't lie, I know you are too busy to miss me actually" - I replied "I don't know with what though"

"It's a suprise :D You like suprises"

"You know me too well for me to be able to deny..."

"I guess so..."

"But... I don't know that much about you..."

"Sorry..."

And he disappeared... Again... I have enough of the mistery around him sometimes.

"Take care of yourself and sleep as much as you should!" - I typed to him, he might read it later.

***

I've woken up in weird mood... Like really weird... As always the 1st thing I've done was checking out my phone for new updates on both twitter and facebook.

And then I've seen that photo. One of the people I want to see in Seoul... "Good night and good morning" - that was the message. I had a moment of deja vu. But later the photo catched my attention... All my attention. His face, somehow sad and melancholic... With eyes that would like to tell milion things, but they can't... And somehow my feelings overflown.

***

I somehow managed to survive the day, making myself busy to not think about that photo and the feelings I've got becouse of it. But now, as the evening came I looked at it once again. And I came to realization my heart flutters as much, as when I'm with J... Or even more.

My stupid heart... I love more than one guy... 

And it feels wrong... But I can't help it...

Also... It feels like none of those feelings will come true... And even if, some part of my heart will break while making decision...

What I've got myself into...

I feel so lonely... Why can't this be easier? I just started to cry...

***

He's read all her twitter posts... And he's realized that he was the part of the reason why she's crying. It felt bad... And even worse knowing, that he can't fix it.

Once again he swore about the fate that made their roads go close... So close, yet so far - like parallel lines - they'll never meet. Yet they will always be somehow close to each other.

He's fallen down on his bed, face hidden in pillows.

Knowing better than anyone, that she needs someone to catch her tears, he knew that he won't be the one.

"You'll be just my muse... And I will try to not hurt you by it... Please forgive me everything I did to make you cry..."

With that thought he has fallen asleep.