“[I realized my desire to win] when I played soccer against my two younger cousins. I was behind by a lot and I suddenly wanted to win. One point away from winning, I thought I should let them win, but I had unconsciously scored the winning goal” – Choi Minho

Name: Choi Minho

Stage Name: Flaming Charisma Minho

Birth Date: December 9, 1991

Position: Lead Rapper, Sub Vocalist

He had been a dongsaeng at home, he knew what it was like to be taken care of, to be coddled and protected.

But he wanted to be the protector, he wanted to protect, not be protected.

The tall, doe-eyed, alien looking boy with a small handsome face don’t cry as easily as Kibum or Jonghyun, but he gets attached. Easily.

He was not vocally strong like Jonghyun or Jinki, or strong in dance like Taemin, or eccentric and attention grabbing as Kibum. He was in SHINee, as the visual factor, their poster boy.

He fought tooth and nail with his appa to be in the company, he promised to excel, and he would die if he lost this competition. He was tall, silent, intimidating, and easy to accept everyone around him.

He, of everyone, was the first person to grow attach to the boys. He was attached to the way Jinki sat him down every night to chat with him, attached to the way Jonghyun constantly complained about his height around him that brought a smile to Minho’s face, he was attached to the way Kibum tried to mother him despite being ¼ taller, and he was attached to the feeling of being able to protect their maknae Taemin.

Minho hates losing, but the entertainment industry was a large competition, filled with brutal battles. Minho was sure of himself, but the industry had confined him to the name of Flaming Charisma. He had a sense of humor similar to Jonghyun, but the company needed a ‘mysterious’ factor, they needed the charisma, and he was it.

The name flaming charisma silenced him, capped him short of his potential.

But he didn’t mind. At first. They were a new group, he was part of that group.

He didn’t get many lines.

He split his rapping parts with Kibum.

He danced his heart out, but little Taemin would always be center.

He spoke when addressed, but spent the most of the time in silence.

He would always hear his appa telling him he didn’t want him in the industry, and he would always remember telling his appa he will succeed.

He was more than just a pretty face.

I see that. Do you?

Do you see past those round doe eyes? The small, perfect face? The deep, baritone voice?

Do you see that behind the eyes, the smile, the looks, the height, that he is always fighting with the fact that he was just a pretty face? Did you know that no matter how hard he fights, he doesn’t feel like he will win because the smallest part of him believes that it’s true?

Minho was a fighter, but a battle with himself was a battle he teetered on the verge of losing.

Do you know that when he isn’t exercising, when he isn’t attending schedules, he stays behind and demands to work with vocal teachers? Do you know that when their composers offered to lower the register in their songs, Minho refused to let them? He refused to lose to himself, instead he chose to challenge himself.

Minho is a hard opponent to challenge…even for himself.

It takes a lot for him to admit defeat…but it only takes a small hit to make him feel like he let his team down.

He was looking at the floor, with his arm around my shoulder as I helped him limp into the dorm. He had a white cast around his leg; Kibum opened the door, and Minho couldn’t look up.

Jinki came and relieved Minho from me, and Minho could not meet the eldest’s eyes.

Jonghyun joked about how with Minho limping he was shorter now, but Minho couldn’t smile.

Taemin offered a bright smile, and said, “More practice time!”, and that made Minho look up with an unmistakable look of guilt in his eyes.

I caught it.

Jinki caught it.

Kibum caught it.

Jonghyun caught it.

Taemin caught it.

Did you? When you saw him perform their long awaited comeback sitting in a chair? Or were you fooled too, by the expert angles of the camera, and the long training that came with being in the industry to keep your expression up?

Don’t worry, you weren’t the only one.

Another week of performance. Another week of sitting in the chair. Another week of being told that he was losing his own fight.

“Minho ah.”

“Deh hyung?”

“Stop frowning.”

“I’m not hyung,”

“Stop moping,”

“I’m not hyung.”

“Stop—”

“I’m not hyung. I’m not doing anything.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is hyung! It is that Onew hyung has to rework our schedules with us, it is that Jonghyun hyung has to work extra hard on the new choreography, it is that Key is has to rework his parts in the song, it is that Taemin has to work extra hard to make up for me not being there.”

“Don’t let this get you down, you’ll be fine in no time.”

“I don’t like losing hyung.”

“This isn’t a competition Minho ah.”

“…But it is.”

You’ve all seen Flaming Charisma Minho’s thirst to win, to be the best, to be the ace. And he is; the maknae ace of Dream Team, the rapper brewing a storm in the songs, the undying fire in his eyes when challenged.

But you haven’t seen the fire wavering at every doubt, you’ve seen him win against others, but never against himself. The fire you see in his eyes, it’s not the fire to win in every sports competition, but a fire to win himself, to break his mold of ‘just a pretty face’, to be more than just SHINee’s Minho.

I see him, and I see him fight to just be Choi Minho.