I just finished recording for the new MBC show with other artist. I keep on calling and sending text messages to Eunnim but I was kind of disappointed that she didn’t even pick up or replied any of my texts. Sigh, she must be mad because I had to hug Jessica from SNSD for the show. I do it because of work, it’s not like I’m toying around. Geez, what the hell is wrong with her?

Can’t she understand that I’m working hard for her? To support our family? She should’ve understood from the beginning that she would have a lot of risk marrying me. As soon as I reached our house, I quickly stepped out of the car with anger fuming inside of me. “YONG EUNNIM” I shouted, knocking the door harshly as if I might break the door. “Stop it!” She shouted back as she opened the door.

Her eyes were swollen red, she took two steps backwards. She looked so scared but I was too angry to even calm down. “WHY DIDN’T YOU ANSWER ANY OF MY CALLS?!” I almost slapped her but something holds me from doing so. “HURT ME, GO AHEAD. IT’S NOT LIKE YOU CARE MY FEELINGS. EITHER I’M HAPPY OR SAD, YOU DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW. YOU, YONG JUNHYUNG. I’M WALKING OUT OF YOUR LIFE” I was way too taken aback by what she just said. My arms dropped instantly. Am I hearing the right words?

She threw a small envelope full of picture. It fell to the floor and l only can look at it. It was pictures of me with Hyuna. I can’t deny that I’m cheating on her because it was too clear we did more than hugging and ‘good friends’ don’t kiss each other. “I’m having your child and this is what you do behind me?” Tears rolled down her face. “Yes, I cheated on you”

“You’re a hopeless person, Yoon Eun Nim. You gets jealous of every little thing I did, you’re mad at me with no particular reason and yes, I cheated on you. I can’t take your behavior right now. Is that child even mine? Or was it Dongwoon’s ? Before you declare of leaving me, I’d like you to know that our marriage ends here” I said, I couldn’t think straight. I don’t want her to leave me and I don’t like being wrong. I give her a middle finger and left our house, slamming the door.

I went to where my car takes me to, speeding off. I didn’t know where I was and I didn’t know what I should do next. I can’t return to her. Not after what I just carelessly said.

099

This story is coming to its end. I write happy thoughts about my wife and I can’t wait to see our baby. Being a dad is a whole new stage for me. I may not be good with kids but I know Eunnim will be a good Umma. Along her, I will learn. I will learn how to treat our baby lovingly. I will not hurt him like I hurt Eunnim. I will try my best to protect. Even if I have to sacrifice my carrier.

“Yeobo, when I said you’re a hopeless person… I really didn’t mean it. You mean everything to me and I regretted saying that” I put my hands above her while she was rubbing her stomach. “Although my chest felt pain at the time you said that, I didn’t mind because when you slammed the door… you came back and it’s only few seconds” She grinned, her hair fell to her forehead. I tuck the hairs behind her ears, kissing her forehead. “Really, you mean everything to me”

“Aish!” I hit the desk, Hyunseung looked curiously at me. “Yah, your nose is bleeding” He said, passing a box of tissue. I didn’t bother to take it; instead I tossed it back to him and continue what I was doing. The blood from my nose trickled down with tears pouring down my face. Kikwang stopped from doing his push-ups and shot a questioning look to Dongwoon, who was shrugging.

“I’m sorry for saying that baby was Dongwoon’s. You know how I am really jealous of your close relationship with him. I sincerely asking for forgiveness from you, yeobo” I said apologetically, feeling bad. She didn’t answer. When I look at her, she was actually sleeping and I let her be. “Saranghae, I’m happy with you”

We’re at a happy room flooded with happy thoughts and memories. The room is big, covered with her favorite color, pink. There’s also a stuff animals I bought for her, flowers and the special thing about the room is, there’s no door so she can’t leave me.

I wiped the blood of my nostrils. It’s finally becoming dry though my head is clouded with pain. My head spins, the room is spinning and I look at them. Why were there more than 12 people in this room? Am I imagining things? I fell from my sit, losing my balance. If I die, I will be grateful. I deserve to be in the grave. Everyone was rushing to me. Even Doojoon was panicking.

I feel like I’m drowning, I couldn’t breathe and their voice become smaller. The 4 of them lifted me up, heading to the BEAST’s van. “My… book…” I mumbled weakly. “Don’t worry about your book. When Yoseob comes back from his recording, he’ll bring it later to you” Doojoon said.

Just like he asked me to, I didn’t talk and move after that. I just sleep. For the first time after countless days.