[The truth - Flashback] 

I went to where my car takes me to, speeding off. I didn’t know where I was and I didn’t know what I should do next. I can’t return to her. Not after what I just carelessly said. [From chp 2]

As I was driving, I didn’t realize that it was already night time. I decided to pull off by the road and have my rest. My phone rang for the 1000^th time. Because this time it was from Doojoon, I answered it.

My heart throb it pain as I heard the news. Guilty subsided me as Doojoon’s voice was cracking because obviously, he’s crying. I broke every promise I made to her… I broke our wedding vow. ‘For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part’

I broke the promise I made to her late Appa and Doojoon. I was so speechless, my lips trembled, my hand shook badly that I lost the control of holding my cellphone. I turn on the engine and sped off as fast as I could back to Seoul. ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’ those three words, I keep on saying them all over again. She won’t leave me. She will never leave. She can’t leave me.

It was already 3.30 in the morning, and I left my car quickly. Running towards the receptionist desk, asking for where my wife could be. I stuttered badly and my knee is weakling. ‘Sir, are you alright? Yong Eunnim?’ The lady browses through the computer. I can clearly see Yong Eun Nim’s name was stated as… deceased. “Sir, I am sorry to inform you that the owner of this name died by the time she was rushed out to here”

I woke up, my surrounding was unfamiliar but I know where I am. I groaned, still feeling the pain on my head. Yong Eun Nim… I still can’t forget you. I can’t believe that I lost it all, I lost my everything and I lost my family. Even today, I can’t send her away. Even today, I still have the scenes of kissing her in my head. And even today, I can’t leave her sweet presence. It keeps lingering around me.

To me, she’s still here. There’s no such ending for the both of us. I know she is next to me, I believe in myself. Yong Eun Nim, my wife is still alive. She’s still breathing healthily. “You’re awake” Yoseob said. I smiled to him, “Where’s Eunnim? Did she know I’m here?” All of them glance and Doojoon throw a book to me. “Wake up, Junhyung. This is reality. This you wrote only exist in your mind. She’s dead, Junhyung. My sister is dead, move on for her own sake. You can’t regret now. She slipped down the stairs in your own house. She miscarriage and it took her life too. What is wrong with you?!” He slapped me.

I took the book. 2 empty pages left, I’m closing to its end. I’ll be writing the 100^th chapter of my happy thoughts that will never end in my heart. I will hold on to her, I will never let her go… I want to find an end but I couldn’t write anything anymore. Happy stories about me and her were being piled in this thick book. I can’t end it.

All BEAST members were bursting out in tears. Either they understand my feelings, or they were just throwing sympathy on me. When I bought this book after her funeral to continue our happy lives before I left the house, I told myself that… when I start writing, I must end it no matter what. But I got lost in my own world, I got lost in the track of time and I believed that Eunnim has always been around.

“Pen” The only thing I wanted. Tears dropped on the blank pages. Kikwang gave me a pen while wiping his tears. Instead of writing another fake happy scene, I was only able to write down ‘I love you’ and I keep on writing it. “Hyung, stop it. Eunnim is not around anymore, please wake up” Dongwoon spoke with teary eyes.

“The end of this story… I can’t find it. I write everything that doesn’t even exist in reality. I don’t want it to be sad but I also can’t write happy ones. Even now, I’m still stucked in our story but like this, I’m happy because Eunnim and me are still together” I sniffed. My throat felt a lump of ache; my heart felt like it’s being burn.

Now, I feel even more burden for making everyone cry and worries about me. Doojoon stood next to me, looked away disappointedly with his face wetting because of his tears. Hyunseung, the one who always wanted me to be cheerful were also drown in his own tears. Yoseob broke down on the floor. I’ve never seen him crying so much just like now. Kikwang, stayed silent. His eyes were puffy, his nose were red and he would’ve broke down too if it wasn’t because of Dongwoon’s tight grip on his wrist.

“yet… everything is just fiction”