A constant beep rings in my ears. My eyes flutter and slowly open, I close them shut almost immediately as the ray of sun light shines right into them. I reopen them, my eyes slowly adjust and I scan my surroundings. Where was I? Why am I here? Where is this weird sound coming from? My surroundings were unfamiliar but would it make sense if it felt familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time? Everything was white, my bed sheets and blanket, the ceiling, the walls, everything. I can see machinery surrounding me and something that looked like a long clear tube and a needle connecting to it was taped onto my arm and injected into my arm.

The smell of disinfectant was in the air and it became stronger and stronger. I gagged on the stench and I began gasping for air again, it was a natural instinct to hold onto my neck as I took deep breathes breathing in and out. I tried to call for help but my calls were inaudible and my voice was caught in my throat. The last thing I hear is the scream of my brother and the last thing I feel is his touch, his warm hands on my cold arms before my eyes slowly close again and I fall into the darkness once more.

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I wake to the sound of whispers coming from the door and I can hear the sound of sobbing. My eyes slowly flutter open and they’re blurry. I make out a familiar figure talking to an unfamiliar figure, I stare hard at them attempting to focus my eyes on them but I soon come to realise that it was my mother and a nurse. My mother’s face was red and damp from crying, the continuous tears slid down her face and her eyes were swollen. It appeared to me that the nurse was passing on some information to her and trying to comfort her. Being the pessimist I am, negative thoughts came to my mind and I only knew that the information being passed on was bad news.

My mother glances to me before glancing back to the nurse before glancing at me again. She becomes stiff for a moment before she runs to my side. She must have assumed that I was asleep since I was lying in the same position as before, I had not moved a muscle but once she realised that my eyes were open, she realised I was awake.

She holds my hands tightly in hers before she bring them to her lips before kissing them repetitively. She clasps a hand over whilst the other is still holding my hands tightly.

‘I thought you wouldn’t wake up this time,’ she sobs,’ I thought you wouldn’t make it,’ her voice is muffled.

It pained me to see my mother like this. Her hair was tied back in an untidy pony tail and as mentioned before, her eyes were swollen and large eye bags beneath them were visible.

‘Umma I’m okay,’ I whisper.

She says something to me softly before she begins to cry heavily and choke on her own tears. I freeze at her words and I can feel the tears welling in my own eyes and a single tear slides down my cheek.

I knew this was coming. I knew it’d happen but I didn’t know it’d come so soon and so suddenly. I struggle to process everything through my head and I attempt to deny it, to believe what my mother told me was all false but I couldn’t, because the chance that it was false was a mere, wait…it was impossible.

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Days later I was discharged from the hospital and I was told to stay positive and live my life, more medication was given to me so instead of 4 pills, it was raised to 6 pills 3 times a day. In two weeks or so Chemotherapy would start and pain would kick in again.

The morning I come home, I immediately go up to my brother’s room. I open the door expecting the first thing I see be him playing LOL on his laptop but I find his computer chair empty and the laptop turned off and closed. The blinds were drawn and half closed. Wearily I step into his room, I scan his bed and it was empty. A shiver runs down my spine when I hear sobbing.

‘Get out,’ I hear his voice croak and I immediately know where he was.

I walk towards him and kneel in front of him. He was in the corner of his room, the space left next to his bedside table which left a gap big enough for him to crawl into. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and his chin was resting on it whilst his arms were covering his face from view. He had been or was crying.

It pained me to be such a burden to my family and create so many traumatic experiences for them, especially my brother. He was 16 alright and our was 7 years, but that didn’t matter. No matter what, in my eyes, he was my little brother who I saw to be a little boy wherever and whenever. It pained me to not be able to properly to take the role of an older sister for him. Instead he sometimes acted like an older brother for me. He grew up so fast due to our circumstances, too fast.

‘Minhwa,’ I say softly.

He looks up at me with his tear filled eyes, we stare at each other and I watch as his tears spill uncontrollably down his cheeks. He trembles slightly once he realised how skinny I had become over the recent weeks.

‘Minhwa,’ I brush his bangs away from his face, exposing his milky skin.

‘Noo-na,’ he whispers with a sob in between.

‘Be a good boy,’ I run my fingers through his hair,’ For noona,’ I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of him even though I had done it so many times in the past. I didn’t want to be weak in front of him anymore, even though it was obvious that I was.

‘Don’t leave me. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave me and umma like appa did to us. Please don’t,’ he begs and shakes his head like a little boy.

‘Noona won’t give up that easily, I won’t give up without a fight like last time. I want to watch you grow up and marry a beautiful girl, watch you guys be happy together,’ I was feeding him lies, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to watch him grow up, let alone get married. I didn’t have the chance to and there was no longer a point trying.

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After many tears, he fell asleep on my shoulder after I tried my best to comfort him. We had crawled into bed, sitting up leaning against a pillow whilst I retold many happy memories, from the past, when appa was alive. Losing our father when Minhwa was 8, it was just me him and umma and we learnt to rely on each other even though I was relatively sick, it was more like me relying on him and umma. They never complained not even once even though I cried many tears and refused to talk or couldn’t bring home money or help out or do anything any other adult would.

I quietly get out of the bed and lay him down gently before covering him with the blanket. I brush his bangs out of his eyes as I give him a kiss on his forehead.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whisper.

Leaving the room, I carefully close the door behind me and go downstairs to the living room where my mother was. She was watching a drama that she had watched many times. It was a story about a family, very much like our own. The father passed away because of cancer and later on they came to realise that the daughter had it also and she eventually passed away also due to a long term battle of cancer also. It made my mother sad, yet she still watched it and she would fight back her tears every single time but when the daughter died, the tears would come out because she very much hoped that, that day would never come for me.

‘Mum,’ I awkwardly stand at the bottom of the steps. She looks up and away from the television and pats the seat next to her on the couch gesturing for me to take the seat.

Silence fills the air as we watch the drama until the end, when they lay the daughter into the coffin taking the space next to her father. The drama ends while the family members and friends lay down flowers onto the coffin whilst the rain pours down and all you can see is the high angle shot of black umbrellas which hide the many people dressed in black from view.

My mother breaks the silence after it ending and tears well in her eyes.

‘How’s your brother?’ She asks.

‘He fell asleep,’ I reply back.

‘Oh okay.’

Silence fills us again before I take a deep breath and talk to her about what I really wanted to talk about.

‘Mum, I want to go to Korea, I want to see him,’

She stares at me and her eyes soften,’ Sweetie-‘

‘Please mum,’ I cut her off,’ take it as my last wish,’ I beg her.

‘But-‘

‘Mum, money isn’t a problem I still have money from when I wasn’t weak, when I tutored people to help out,’

‘It isn’t about the money sweet heart. You can’t catch a plane; it’s too dangerous for your condition,’

‘Mum, I beg you. It’s my final wish. Let me see him once, just once. He doesn’t even need to know who I am or I am or that I’m there. If I see him from a distance I’ll be satisfied.’

The tears spill out and they continuously slide down my face. Oppa, it’s been 7 years since I last saw you in person. I miss you.

‘How?’

‘They’re having a concert out in central Gangnam. They will perform and promote their new songs live for a short concert to the public. I’ll be in the crowd he won’t see me. Even if he does, he won’t remember me or know who I am. He will only see me if I can get tickets to the fan meet. Only the first 100 can. My chances are close to zero considering how many k-fans there are. Please,’ I choke.

‘I’m coming with you, for your safety,’

‘No. Mum I’ll be okay, I promise. You need to work and take care of Minhwa. I’ll be back, 2 days. 2 days is all I ask for. I’ll be back before the dead line, before Chemotherapy. Make my last wish come true, I don’t want to leave without seeing him once more.’

I knew that she hated seeing my cry but i couldn't help it, i hated people seeing my cry but i remember what my father told me once.

'Crying doesn't mean your weak sweetie, it means you've been through alot.'

But that was a lie and i was weak.

My mother watched as the tears streamed down my face, she stares at me and takes a deep breath before she nods gently.

And like that, I’d be in Korea for 2 days making the last of my wishes come true so I wouldn’t have to leave with a heavy heart, so I wouldn’t have to leave filled with regret.

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New chap, okay the amount of chapters i'll write for this is undecided no lol. I think there'll be 3-5 chapters. It's so much easier for me to write this fic than my other one i'm not sure why. I have writer's block when writing my other one but for this one, i can just write and it'll turn out okay so im happy.

Anyways, enjoy.