‘Cathay Pacific flight CP3198, first call for boarding. Passengers please head to gate 24!’ The female flight attendant announces, her loud voice loud and clear through the microphone, booming and echoing throughout the vast boarding and departure part of the airport. 

The airport was almost empty; only one flight was departing around this time, my flight- 3:15am May 20^th departing from Sydney, Australia and landing in Seoul, Korea. Many people didn’t like to catch the aeroplane at this time as it was inconvenient, I wasn’t fond of it either but if it meant that I could see him than nothing mattered, nothing.

I stare out the very large windows at the many planes scattered outside the airport, I was uncertain with what to do, board the flight or go home? Is it really worth it, flying there to see him?

I think back to the event that had occurred just an hour ago.

-Flash back-

Umma stares at me, her hand clutching onto mine tightly. Her eyes were dripping tears and I watch as the tears slowly dripped down her cheek. I catch it before it slides down her chin and wipe it away.

Her hands shakily reach into her old red coat that my father had bought her just weeks before his death. The colour of the coat had faded due it being washed over and over again and in the armpit area was large hole the size of half a fist. She pulls out an envelope that was nearly bulging and she hands it to me.

I take it in my hands, it was quite heavy and whatever was inside of it felt hard. I stare at her with a confused expression.

‘Take good care of it and spend it well. It’s been ages since you’ve been to Seoul so treat yourself. There’s $2,000 (aus dollars) in here. Be careful.’

My eyes widen and I try to shove the envelope back to her but she stops me and pats my hand softly.

‘Eun Ji-ah,’ she takes a deep breathe,’ Live your life.’

I become shaky at those words and they struggle to process through my mind but I knew it was true. Three words, just a mere three words which held such a strong meaning behind them, which created such an impact on me. Live your life…that was why I was flying to Seoul. I don’t want to live life filled with regrets.

‘Umma, this is a large sum of money. Do you know how many things we could do with such a large sum? You can buy yourself a new coat,’ I continuously try to push the money back to her. Telling her to buy a new coat was a waste of breathe. I knew that she wouldn’t no matter what, it was the last thing appa left her.

‘Eun Ji-ah, take it. We have enough, not a lot but enough. We have money from when we sold the shares from your father’s business,’

‘UMMA!’ I scream,’ You’re not listening to me. Such a large sum of many will take you 1 and a half weeks to earn. Don’t waste it on me, I’m not worth it…’ My last words trailed on, the impact of my words lingered in the air and I hung my head low.

‘Flight CP3198 Sydney, Australia to Seoul, Korea open for boarding at gate 24,’ The loud speaker says.

My mother takes this time where my attention is drawn to shove the money into my bag.

‘It’s the least I can do for you,’ she says softly and stares into my eyes, tears still spilling from hers.

I was such a burden to her. A heavy weight that had been weighing on her shoulders for so many years. Knowing this, it made me feel like utter .

I can feel my brother holding onto my arm tightly, squeezing it almost. My eyes soften when meeting his, they were red and he had been crying.

They were acting as if I was dying…oh…wait.

‘YAH! You’re a man soon, stop acting like a baby!’ My voice sounded as if I was scolding him but I was actually speaking in a joking tone.

‘Noona,’ he whispers.

‘Hmm?’

He had been holding onto me tightly the whole time we were at the airport. I knew both he and my mother were tired but they insisted to send me off on my flight.

‘Please be safe,’ he pleads.

‘Arasso,’

‘Promise?’

‘Noona can’t promise you anything but I promise, I’ll be okay,’

He pulls me in for a hug and my shoulders relax in his embrace, I run my fingers through his hair and a tear slides down my cheek, a single tear which I brush away almost immediately.

I can feel my brother’s tears dampening my shirt. There was no denying that he was emotional, but he was also a very gentle teenager which I knew cared very much for his older sister. He always made sure that I was okay and he put me before himself, my mother did also.

‘Yah, why are you crying? I’ll arrive back on the 24^th, I’ll be okay,’ I reassure him.

‘What if things go wrong?’

He was alike to me, the pessimistic side I mean, always thinking for the worst. We were Geminis, pessimistic Geminis.

‘They won’t,’ I whisper and I release myself from his hug before I start crying.

My mother and I exchange looks one last time and I force a meek smile to her and my brother and he looks at me through his blurred eyes.

‘Thankyou umma. I’ll be okay, I’ll call you when I land. Get home safely, please rest well,’ I say softly.

My mother pats me on the shoulder and I ruffle my brother’s hair, I force a smile once more before they  give me one last look and slowly walk away, heading towards the exit.

My mother and I didn’t share much skin ship, it’s not that we weren’t fond of it, it was just very awkward and uncomfortable for us.

-Flash back ends-

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‘Cathay Pacific flight CP3198, final call for boarding. Passengers please head to gate 24!’ This snaps me out of my thoughts. Holding my bag tightly, my hands gripping onto my passport and ticket, I take a deep breath and take giant strides towards the flight attendant. She greets me with a friendly smile and she scans my ticket before gesturing me to walk straight.

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‘Hello passengers this is your Captain speaking, we have landed safely in Korea. The weather is 27 degrees, warm with a small breeze in the air and the current local time is 2:14 pm. Luggage can be collected from carousel 5. Thank you for flying Cathay Pacific.’

The ‘ding’ signalling that we could take our seatbelts off woke me up and I didn’t even feel the landing. The plane ride was quite smooth and calm and I slept through most of it, the time I was awake was used listening to music. The aroma of aeroplane food made me sick and didn’t appear to be exactly appetising; I knew this as the person sitting next to me was eating it.

I look out the window.

‘Korea,’ I whisper to myself, ‘I’ve arrived.’

I wait for the person next to me to get their luggage from above and they smile to me before leaving, I pack up my things and join the long line to get out of the aeroplane. It moves at ant pace and I can’t contain the excitement inside of me anymore.

Passing by the flight attendants on the way out they smile to me and every one of them would say ,’Thank you for flying with Cathay Pacific,’ and bow. I would smile back and thank them before moving on.

Finally out of the plane I take a deep breath, taking in the scent of this country which was far from foreign to me. I had been here many times.

‘Korea,’ I whisper to myself again.

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Collecting my luggage, I only had a suitcase, I go through customs and before I knew it, I was out of the airport. Is it weird if I said that the air smelt nice? It smelt like… well Korea. The smell I missed every time I flew back to Australia.

I take a taxi to my hotel which was located somewhere in Gangnam, my eyes widen and I bounce excitedly in my seat at the back of the taxi when we pass by the stage set up for 2pm’s performance tomorrow, where I’d see 2pm, where I’d see Nichkhun.

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The hotel was beautiful and I hadn’t expected my mother to book me into such a luxurious 5 star hotel, instead I was hoping for just a simple and clean one.

I wash up, change and unpack a few of my necessities before I sprawl out on the queen sized bed on top of the white fluffy blankets.

Upon my arrival, I had called my mother and she sounded a little bit over excited to hear that I was safe but there was a hint of fatigue in her voice. My brother was not at home and was supposably staying over at his friend’s house for the two days I was gone. I had hoped for him to be home with my mother so she wouldn’t worry so much over me but I guess he needed to get his mind off things himself.

I hold the envelope filled with money in my hands and I toss it up and down as if I was weighing it. I hide the money given to me from my mother under the provided dvd player in my hotel room before I pull out an envelope with my own money in it. I had taken out $1,000 (aus dollars) out of my card earlier and decided that if I needed it, I’ll take out more, I put the $1,000 into my wallet and I pack my small black hand (side) bag before I head down to the currency exchange located somewhere in the hotel. My mind had settled, I wanted to go shopping,

I head to one of the large malls in Gangnam where I use to go to when I was very young and came to Seoul for vacation, this place held many memories as it was shared with my parents before Minhwa was born.

Walking into a shop which sold elegant and expensive clothes, I browse through the many racks of clothes before I stop in front of one especially for coats. Flicking through it, one immediately catches my eyes, a red one. It looked very similar to the one my mother owned but it was not the same.

The sales woman looked at me as if I was insane for looking at coats when it was 27 degrees but still, she greets me kindly and begins to converse with me in  Korean. I was Korean but I was surprised that she would know straight away as people thought I was Chinese at first glance, maybe it was the way I was dressed?

A white collared, long sleeve button up t-shirt which was rolled up at the sleeves, tucked into a maroon coloured skirt with a pair of brown, tie up shoes which were light and flat.

I try on the coat and look at myself in the mirror. People say I had strong resemblance of my mother, appearance wise but I thought different. The coat was loose on me, which meant it would fit my mother since she always wore thick clothes beneath a coat and I decide to purchase it for her. I know that this would never replace the coat my father bought her, never.

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Clutching onto my many shopping bags, I head to the lift. Fatigue and jetlag that had gone unnoticed was starting to get to me, my stomach grumbled and realization hit me, I hadn’t eaten for a total of 16 hours.

 The ‘ding’ sound signifies the arrival of the lift; I press the floor that my room was on and wait for it to close. Just as there was a 10cm gap, a hand comes through the closing door; I freak out and drop my bags, edging to the corner of the lift.

A man wearing sunglasses and a red cap with a familar looking body build, long legs, facial features and height walks in. I relax a bit when realising that he wasn’t someone that would do me any harm and I think to myself, ‘Wow, imagine if that was really you,’ but a voice snaps me out of my train of thought.

‘Hey, sorry if I frightened you,’ he apologises and begins to help me pick up my bags. That voice, so familiar, so unique yet…

My eyes widen and I’m left speechless, before me stood the love of my life oh the irony. He had taken off his sunglasses and his angelic smile made my legs weak, wait no the sight of him made my legs feel weak.

‘Are you okay?’ His words and facial expression filled with concern but I don’t respond.

‘Don’t tell anyone you saw me or they may think for the worse,’ he jokes and chuckles.

The sound of his voice, the sound of his laughter, the person in front of me. This all seems so unreal. I pinch myself hard in the cheeks, I wasn’t dreaming, this was indeed reality.

‘Hey look we’re heading to the same floor,’ he tries to start a conversation but I remain silent.

He didn’t remember me.

The ‘ding’ again signifies the arrival to our floor and he walks out of the lift in front of me.

‘Aren’t you coming out?’ he asks, the smile still on his face, my shopping bags still in his hand while the other one prevents the lift door from closing.

I nod my head and mumble yes as I slowly walk out.

‘I walk you to your room, I hope that doesn’t sound freaky but there are so many bags,’

‘N-no it’s okay,’ I stutter but he insists and we make our way silently to my room.

‘Coincidence, my room is across,’ he smiles again.

That angelic smile that makes my heart melt.

‘You look familiar but I can’t put my finger on it,’ he scans my face and my facial features before he hands my bags back.

‘Thankyou,’ I whisper.

‘Your voice sounds familiar too, but I don’t think we have met.’

Khun-ah, it’s me, it’s Eun Ji. We have met.  I want to scream at him and tell him it’s me but I can’t, something was stopping me.

‘Bye~’ he smiles before he rings the bell to the room across.

A female figure opens the door and my eyes widen.

‘Victoria…’ I whisper softly, the last letters of her name trailing.

She greets him with a hug and she kisses his cheek. She was in pyjama shorts and a singlet, her bang hanging over her eyes and her hair hanging way down her back. His smile was bright and his eyes turned into crescent moons. She intertwines their hadns and drags him along, closing the door behind them using their feet.

I was left there torn in two.

I always thought that liked each other after We Got Married but I always thought against it. Surprisingly I tried to stay optimistic about it but seeing it with my own eyes and facing reality, it killed.

Maybe, just maybe it was a bad idea for me to fly here just to see you but the reason I flew here was to see your face and I just have. Does that mean I don’t need to go to the fan meets or should I still do so to see your face once more?

Tears still spilling from my face, I slam the door shut behind me. My back slides down the door until my hits the hard floor. I throw the bags aside and I rest my head on my knees.

I sob uncontrollably and I tremble, the tears don’t stop. When will all this pain go away?

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Okay updating because it's Khun's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KHUNNIE. My birthday message for him can be found on my other story lol, that's if you're interested.

The number of chapters for my fanfic still isn't decided lol SO I DON'T EVEN THINK IT'S A ONE SHOT ANYMORE T_T but oh wells. Enjoy even though this chapter isn't sad.