3/31/12

Alright, churning out chapters.

lol, you'll be reading this soon, but sorry in advance for putting in philosophy in the chapter. Just for your information, Epicurus believed that you should balance your life by seeking pleasure and avoiding pain in order to promote tranquility. Pleasure doesn't mean eating too much or having too much carnal desires, but pleasure means something that yields the least pain.

:DDDD Hopefully that makes sense. :P I only mention it shortly, though :P

Anyways, enjoy~~

            Chaerin couldn’t sleep. She was lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. The six friends finished their campfire event when the sun rose, and they all decided to take the day off, wanting to catch up on their sleep.

            But Chaerin had one pressing thing that occupied her mind: her relationship with Seungri. After Youngbae confirmed that she had wanted to marry Seungri when she was four (not that she needed the confirmation. The voices in her head were confirmation enough), she had to admit that there was a string that connected her with Seungri. She also had to admit that there was a reason why she had been… attracted… to him.

            Still, something bothered her. She just could not admit that she liked him. It felt so foreign and dangerous. She was afraid that the bricks piling on her shoulders would increase if she decided to be with him. And that brings Bom into mind. Although Bom claims that she’s still not over Seungri, it’s pretty obvious that she still borders feelings for him. Even though she has been getting closer to Youngbae, and their relationship is very… loving, Chaerin could not bear to betray her friend for the sake of a mere boy.

            But… If Bom actually liked Youngbae, and if she didn’t have any feelings for Seungri, Chaerin thought. Would I then want to be with Seungri?

            Fear overcame her as she thought of the possibility, and she didn’t know why. She just wanted to block that possibility out of her mind. What am I afraid of?

            Then the realization came to her: she wanted to be independent. As stupid as it may sound, it’s the truth. She’s been raised by a family where independence was bred into her from the very beginning. Chaerin’s mother had taught her to fend for herself from the age of four. Chaerin and her mother valued strength of character, and Chaerin wanted to prove to herself (and to her mother) that she was strong.

            Chaerin recalled last night when Seungri hugged her. A blush rose up to her cheeks. She had felts so secure, but she had also felt powerless. It was like she was giving all of her strength, her independence, to him. And she did NOT like that fact.

            That was the reason why I liked Jiyong, Chaerin realized.I was sure that we’d be independent of each other. I mean, even our pendants say it. What could be more opposite to lightning than water? But unlike fire and ice, we do not balance out.

            Water and wind, however, well… That’s a different story. And she didn’t want to think about it, or else she’ll have to think about how much she relies on Seungri.

            No! Chaerin refused the thought. It hurts her just to think that she can’t live happily by herself. She wants to be independent and solve her own problems.

            She can’t be with him, and that’s that. She has to resist, at all costs.

                                                            ::::

            Chaerin avoided Seungri for two whole days, and by that time, they were already back in Nod with Alana and Alfonso. However, since the old couple’s cabin was not big enough for eight people, the friends decided to rent an inn for the remainder of the days. However, for lunch and dinner, they ate with Alana and Alfonso.

            One morning, Seungri finally caught Chaerin in the kitchen.

            Figures, Chaerin sighed as she gathered courage to face him. She had to think of an excuse. Quickly.

            The atmosphere between them was tense, but both of them did not say anything. Finally, after a few minutes, Seungri broke the silence.

            “You’ve been avoiding me,” he stated quietly. Chaerin took a glance at him, and she could see hurt in his eyes. Her cold façade melted a bit, but she caught herself and remained still.

            “It’s… It’s because I don’t want to disappoint you,” she said quietly. “I’m not going to give you the answer that you want.”

            “Even though you know of our past?” he asked.

            “It doesn’t mean anything,” Chaerin was annoyed by that question. “Just because I said something when I was four doesn’t mean I feel the same way now. It has no connection to us whatsoever.”

            “Then how about let’s focus on the present,” Seungri’s voice was constrained, as if holding back his anger. He reached out and touched Chaerin’s left hand. She flinched. “You can’t tell me that you don’t feel anything right now.”

            He turned her palm up and put two fingers at the end of her palm, taking her pulse. “If you say you don’t, I know that you’re lying. Your heartbeat says it all.”

            Chaerin pulled her hand back, flustered. She was cornered and defenseless. “I… I don’t care. Trusting the head is better than trusting the heart. Emotions are always changing, anyways.”

            “Are you serious?” Seungri laughed in disbelief. “You pride yourself in your ability to think rationally, but don’t kid yourself. If you were rational, you would want to maximize your pleasure, not increase your pain.”

            “For your information, Epicurus had a very specific definition of pleasure, and it does not include unnecessary desires,” she countered back. Who knew things they learned in school would actually be of some use in the real life.

            The imaginary fire surrounding Seungri suddenly grew bigger. He stepped toward her, towering over her. “Are you saying that what we have is unnecessary?”

            Chaerin was scared, first for being so close to Seungri, and second for seeing Seungri being angry. This was the first time she had seen him so mad. It was silent but deadly.

            She fought the desire to cower away and stood her ground. “What if I am?”

            Uh oh, Chaerin could sense the danger she was in. He was going to do something drastic, and she had to stop him.

            “What’s up?” Youngbae said casually as he walked into the room, oblivious to what was happening.

            Jackpot, Chaerin thought. “Besides, I like Youngbae more than you, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

            Surprised at what Chaerin said, Youngbae dropped the plate he was holding. Thank goodness it was plastic. Another crashing sound came outside of the kitchen door. Picking up his own plate first, Youngbae looked out and saw Bom picking up the broken pieces of her mug. His stomach dropped. Did she hear that?

            He quickly kneeled next to her and helped her pick up the broken pieces. For some reason, he felt a cold aura surrounding her, though he didn’t know what it meant.

            As he followed Bom back into the kitchen to throw away the pieces in the trash can, he dropped both the plate and the remaining pieces of the mug once again.

            This is not happening.

            Chaerin’s mouth dropped open, and an unknown feeling boiled in her veins. No matter how hard she tried, she could not control her rampant feelings. Seungri was kissing Bom. On the lips. The same…

            She didn’t dare finish her thoughts, or else she’ll be even angrier.

            Bom could not move. She was so shocked at what was happening. Her brain just could not process it. It just didn’t make sense.

            When Seungri pulled away, Chaerin grabbed Youngbae’s hand and glared at Seungri. “Come on, Youngbae. Let’s go to that place that we had planned to go to today. That date, remember?”

            After Chaerin dragged Youngbae out of the kitchen and to who knows where, Bom heard Seungri sigh.

            “Why is she so adamant about refusing me?” he muttered under his breath. Turning to Bom, he said, “I’m sorry to bring you into this. I didn’t mean to.”

            Bom tried to answer, but she was so surprised and confused. She wasn’t surprised because of Seungri kissing her, but because of her own reaction to his kiss. It felt different...

            Different from Youngbae’s. And she didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Not only surprised and confused about her reaction to Seungri’s kiss, but she also felt confused about the weird and unsettling feeling she had when Chaerin said that she liked Youngbae. What did it all mean?

            Bom finally forced out some consolation for Seungri. “It’s okay. I know you and Chaerin are having a rough time.”

            Seungri laughed. “That’s an understatement.”

            He sat down on a chair and buried his face in his hands. “Why doesn’t she understand? If two people like each other, they become boyfriend and girlfriend. Simple as that.”

            It was Bom’s turn to laugh. “You know why. Nothing in the world is ever that simple.”

            “That’s true,” Seungri said, with his face still in his hands. He sighed. “I should have given her more space.”

            Bom smiled, and there was silence while the two thought their own thoughts.

            “I wonder where Chaerin is taking Youngbae,” Bom wondered aloud.

            “Don’t worry. Youngbae will be left untouched,” Seungri lifted his head from his hands and smiled a bit bitterly.

            Bom frowned, confused at why Seungri said that. But somehow, she felt relieved.

            “Oh,” Bom realized something. She turned to Seungri. “Chaerin and I were supposed to work today.”

            “So much for planning out a date today,” Seungri said bitterly. He shook his head and looked back at Bom. “Well, since you’re free, why don’t you help me collect some stones for Youngbae? I can show you some of his sculptures as well. You haven’t seen them, right?”

Neko1996: hehehe, I updated soon~ Glad you're liking the story :P