Great....I was hit by mom again. Why is my life like this...I don't even believe that there's a god anymore.
I don't understand why I was even born if my family and people around me were going to make my life hell.
I'm so sick of everything, sometimes I imagine killing myself and I think about what would be the quickest and most painless death there is, so that I can take that route.

I'm at home again...after an event....so sick of everything....
It's the same thing everyday.

School, acting happy, fake laughing, lonlieness, daydreaming about how life would be without me.

The thing is that I'm Catholic, and I'm supposed to only think of god, but then I don't even understand why he would make me go through hell if he really existed. Also, I would've committed suicide already if I didn't believe that there was such a thing called hell. I went through too much in this life to go through more after I die....I just want to be sincerely and actually happy after I die....so I wish I can go to Heaven. 

Ha....writing in my diary....tears dropping everywhere again....
School tomorrow....why.