Eleven

"I'm the one who wants to be with you.
Deep inside I hope you feel it too..."
-To Be With You, Mr. Big

What. The—

“Mr. Kwon?”

“Give us the best meal you’ve got in the menu,” he instructed over to Ryan, before sitting on the chair adjacent to mine. He watched the waiter courteously bow out before turning to me with a smirk on his face. “There’s no way your dog lover will turn up when you made the arrangement here.”

“What?” I asked half-mindedly, still a little dazed to see him. It took quite a while for his statement to sink into me.  “Why?”

“You’ve been here for 30 minutes, tell me what do you see?”

As if I didn’t know the answer to that question already, I slowly rotated my head and looked around. Then I swallowed the lump in my throat when I brought my gaze back to him. “Uhm, couples…” I murmured, tilting my head down to cover the shame on my face.

“Exactly.”

I sighed deeply. And I thought texting Taewon or calling him would have chased him off. It was the place, as a matter of fact.

“Wait, how did you know I’ve been here for 30 minutes?” I asked, brows meshed together in confusion.

“I was here before you did. Hung out at the bar first.”

I gasped at his revelation. “You were staking me out?”

And was he drinking? He must have had; it was the bar after all.

Mr. Kwon took a small sip from his water first. Then, smiling, he elucidated, “I was bored. I thought I’d have fun watching you embarrass yourself in front of your date.”

My date. I didn’t make an effort to show the sadness in my eyes. But a tear either way slipped out. And then another followed suit. Next thing I knew, rivulet of tears were streaming down the length of my cheeks.

“Oh, .” Mr. Kwon suddenly fretted, his eyes widening as he raked his hair.

I wiped the tears with the back of my hand as I studied him, wondering what in the world was going on with him. “What—”

“Stop crying,” he ordered right away, gaze held on to the table.

“What?”

And then a memory flickered into my mind, one from a few days ago, when he mentioned that he couldn’t handle a girl crying.

He still avoided my gaze, locking it up with his glass of water. “Stop crying. Please. Just stop crying.”

“Okay.” I forced the tears to stop even though I wasn’t done yet and rubbed my wet cheeks to dry. “I—I’m done…”

But Mr. Kwon didn’t look at me to confirm. And I wished that he would breathe because he turned a little pale now. Slightly panicking, I took his trembling hands to my grip. “Mr. Kwon, I’m no longer crying, I swear. Breathe. You need to breathe.”

He did. And I breathed with him; I needed it as well.

It took a while for him to calm down. I only let his hand go when color returned to his face.

A single question run back and forth in my head at that point, but Ryan came back with our food and I was stopped from asking it out loud.

We ate in silence. But I could feel the strain in the atmosphere, spoiling my appetite. It was more than a little hard to swallow my pink salmon.

Mr. Kwon had a rather difficult time eating as well he kept on sorting to his water just to down his food.

Couldn’t cope with the tension any longer I decided to speak up. “So…”

He was quick to interject however, knowing all too well what I was hinting on. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

In his further attempt to ignore my looming interrogation of him, he called on a waiter and asked for water refill. But realizing minutes later, by the way I stared intensely at him, that there was no way I was going to back down from trying to find out, he gave up.

With a roll of his eyes, he started to recount. “Just something that happened from before, alright?” He shifted his sight back to his food and toyed with his diced carrots, but would glance at me once in a while. “Reminds me every time of my ex-girlfriend—not Sunmi—the one before her. That girl did nothing but cry when we were together. Life wasn’t great for her at that time, her parents didn’t want me…but mostly, it was from jealousy. I swear I did everything to make her happy, to make her feel secure, but nothing came through. One day, I brought her out for a picnic. It was a lovely, cool afternoon I thought it would relax her…but minutes later, she started crying again, accusing me that I was just doing that because I did something wrong...that I was cheating on her. And then something in me just snapped. I broke up with her that day…left her…vowing that that would be the last time I’d ever see a girl cry. I’ve just had enough of tears that if I see another one I swear I’d go nuts.”

I placed my hand on top of Mr. Kwon’s, the one he’s using to toy with his carrots. He instantly went stiff from my gesture, gazing at me with a bit of a shocked expression. Disturbed, I swiftly removed it. “You need to get over that, Mr. Kwon. It’s not healthy to be taking care of a bad experience associated with crying.”

He  inhaled deep. “I know.”

“Crying is part of being human. Crying is okay.” Then I stalled, my eyes squinting at the sudden image of his ex-girlfriend in my head—tears and all that. “Although your ex-girlfriend kind of have… overdone it.”

Mr. Kwon let out a frustrated chuckle. “Tell me about it.”

As the atmosphere spun gratefully to a much lighter mood, I was beginning to savor the delectable taste of my pink salmon. I had more appetite now than minutes ago, when the incision in my heart from having been stood up by Taewon was still fresh.

It still hurt though. But what’s happened has happened, and partly, it was my fault, too. I mean I knew that Emerald Garden was a romantic place, and maybe at the back of my mind I sort of wanted to use that knowledge to help pump up my chance for a possible relationship with him. And so, yeah, I might have intentionally picked this as the venue for the date.

But the choice was obviously stupid. And I should have listened to Mr. Kwon, to his dissuasions yesterday. It should have served as signs. But perhaps, they had been. I was just too blind and deaf to notice them, my excitement overshadowing my good judgment.

Then again, more than feeling sorry for myself, I now found this predicament I was in to be a little amusing. I didn’t know I was laughing silently to myself until Mr. Kwon noticed it.

I expounded. “I took that route to make my first date to be as successful as it can be…to be worthy of a second one, and yet…there’s no date at all.”

He raised one brow. “And that’s funny to you, how?”

I shrugged. “Because I take the blame? And rather than sulking I just choose to laugh at it.”

At that point, Mr. Kwon assumed an expression I couldn’t resolve. All I could note was that he was staring at me so seriously. Something was definitely going on in his mind, something that roused my curiosity I’d beat myself if I wouldn’t find out.

Then he bit his lower lip, his gaze dropping toward his half-empty plate. Not long after he looked up at me, sadness filling his eyes. “I proposed to Sunmi here at Emerald Garden. It was the night before she broke up with me.”

Utter shock welled inside my chest and blocked my airway I couldn’t bring any word to respond. The image of Mr. Kwon…the ring he must have presented to her which I bet had been beautiful and pricey…Sunmi’s rejection of it…

My natural instinct told me to tear up. It was a sad story of rejection after all. But remembering how he reacted when I cried just awhile ago, I held back the tears.

Mr. Kwon went on. “So how do you do it?”

Now, I was confused. “Do what?”

“How do you laugh at your mistakes?”

My eyes blinked rapidly in surprise at what he’s trying to say. “You’re blaming yourself for the break-up?”

“Why not?” Mr. Kwon shrugged; an ironic smile on his lips. “If I hadn’t proposed, maybe we’d still be together.”

And I thought from his words yesterday at Strong Belly, he was finally starting to move on. I guess I was wrong.

Nobody really knew why his relationship with Sunmi had ended; neither one of them had ever brought it out to the press. And I guess, with the way Mr. Kwon had handled their goodbyes for the past four months, he hadn’t really spoken of it to anyone else either. Not only did he keep all the aches to himself, he was also beating himself up for it.

But maybe, this was all what Mr. Kwon needed—a reassurance of some sort.

“Because it wasn’t your fault,” I pointed out to him. “And maybe it wasn’t Sunmi’s either. But the marriage proposal was logical. You’ve been together for years. You’re both on your way there. Or maybe just you.

“But you know, just because she didn’t say yes doesn’t mean the world had to end for you. I mean think about this, had you went on with the wedding without Sunmi’s heart in it, would it turn out to be an ideal marriage years from now? In the end, you’ll just get divorce. Is that what you really want? If anything, you’ve been selfless to let her go, Mr. Kwon. And selflessness is something that’s hard to achieve.”

Mr. Kwon’s glaring eyes bore into me, and I started to fret inside because maybe I said something wrong. No—I did say something wrong, didn’t I?

Ugh, me and my big mouth! What the hell is wrong with me?

I was about to throw an apology when Mr. Kwon suddenly laughed.

“Uh, what’s so funny?” I asked, deeply puzzled at the sudden change in his mood.

He shook his head slowly. “I just don’t think I’ve met someone as optimistic as you are.”

I pensively gazed at a distance, my eyes squinting in reminiscence. “I probably got it from my mom. She’d always been a happy camper. Not once have I heard her complain even when life for us had gotten real tough. And let me say,” I looked back at Mr. Kwon, “we had a lot of those. I remembered when I was in high school, someone broke into our home while we were gone and everything was just messed up. Furnitures were flipped, figurines were broken, a couple of things were scattered on the floor. I stood there, watching the chaos in shock and terror, and you know what my mother said? That cleaning the whole clutter was just the perfect work-out she’d been looking for.” Smiling, I shook my head in astonishment at my mom’s attitude back then. “She’s…one of a kind.”

“She was. You miss her?”

I kept the smile pasted on my face, as if that would bottle up the tears that immediately welled in the corner of my eyes.

“I do.” And that was all that I said. If I elaborated, I would probably only cry and it would be difficult to bring it to an end. Coincidentally, I was in the company of someone who can’t handle tears, so no more crying for tonight. It was already enough that I did for being stood up by Taewon, though I must admit now that crying for that reason was pretty stupid and honestly unnecessary.

“You know, you’re lucky,” I continued. “You have a family who really loves and cares for you.” He was about to speak to interrupt me but I beat him to it. I knew what he was going to disprove what I just said. “Look, your parents just don’t want seeing you acting like you did these past couple of months. I don’t even think they’re angry because of what happened to your career. They just can’t accept the fact that you’ve allowed yourself to stumble and then show no signs of getting back up. They know you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, but it seemed to them that you have already given up and…and they’re angry about that. They believe in you, you know. I think more than you believe in yourself.”

Okay, I should probably stop talking. Although to be honest, I didn’t regret what I said. Then again, a part of me was telling I should apologize because even though I merely expressed my two cents about the state of his relationship with his family or his parents, I wasn’t entitled to do that. We’re not friends. I should always bear that in mind.  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be—”

“No,” he cut in. “You’re right…”

He went on, but at that point I was kinda swimming in my own shock I didn’t get to hear the rest of the things he was still saying. Did he actually agree with me? And I thought such event will never happen!

“…who would have thought that there’s more than to just ‘annoying’ to your personality.”

I rolled my eyes in a playful fashion. Yes, he mocked me, but since it was done in a good-natured way, I opted to let it go. “And who would have thought that you’d actually think I’m right?” I bit back, a clever grin plastered on my lips.

“Riiiight.”

We laughed, before resuming our dinner with more conversations that got us both to know more about each other, not to mention a few light-hearted insults here and there, that we somehow lost track of time.

I had to say it was the longest dinner I’ve ever had, surprisingly with the most unexpected companion I could have had it with. But it was satisfying nonetheless, notwithstanding that Mr. Kwon wasn’t even my original date.

Not that this was a date anymore. Of course not! He was merely here to see me embarrass myself, and then probably just decided to eat with me. Maybe out of pity. Or maybe, simply out of hunger.

And no, that warm hand of his at the small of my back as he led me out of Emerald Garden was not an indication of anything.

“Are you alright?” he asked as we finally stepped outside the restaurant, the cool, natural night breeze nipping onto my skin.

“Uh, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your cheeks are red.”

I forced a laugh that came out horribly loud and discordant. “It was probably the food. My salmon was, uhm, a little spicy.” And then I looked away for a moment lest he decided to scrutinize my face further and find that I was lying.

Because I was lying. And I couldn’t lie about that even to myself. Couldn’t lie that his freaking touch had some effect on me.

Luckily, he let the topic of my cheeks burning go. “So,” he began, slotting his hands on each of the pocket of his pants, “where to next?”

I did everything I could not to be bewildered and astounded at his question. Where to next? I had freaking no clue. I didn’t think the dinner would be followed by anything else. I mean even though I enjoyed his company, and I was sure as well he enjoyed mine, I didn’t consider the idea of spending more time with each other tonight. It did cross my mind back when we were still inside the restaurant, talking and laughing at our most embarrassing moments, but I didn’t dwell much on it simply because I’ve already come to terms with the fact that Mr. Kwon couldn’t stand me. Me and my annoying nature!

So with his question of ‘where to next?’…did that imply that he was finally and really okay now with me being around him?

“I’m a little worried about you now,” Mr. Kwon said suddenly, eyes dissecting through my visage. “Maybe I should just bring you home.”

“You don’t have to!” I replied way too fast. I was clearly panicking. And the horrible part was that I didn’t exactly know why.

“You brought your car?” Mr. Kwon asked.

“Actually, no. But, uhm, I could take a cab…?”

He studied me from head to foot, pausing at a good measure of my middle for a few seconds that got me really uncomfortable, and then turned to my face with a serious expression and said in a stern tone, “No.”

No? What was that supposed to mean?

He continued with, “Either I’d ride the cab with you or we walk home. Judging from the night, which is still young, I prefer the latter. But it’s totally up to you.”

I wasn’t even done chewing over his brief inspection of me a while ago and his refusal of my suggestion to take a cab like he had a right to interfere into my choices, and now I have to make a decision?

I’m a little confused.

I stalled to answer and scanned his face. He looked a little different. He seemed to be in a good mood; not grumpy at all. And trust me, having spent days with him, I had become an expert to his grumpy side.

I didn’t want to be mean, but everything about him tonight didn’t feel…normal. Maybe I wasn’t the one who’s not alright. Maybe it’s him. Because with the way he’s acting and saying things that hinted on spending more time with me was downright uncharacteristic of him.

Was it the dinner? Yes, it had been fun. Unexpectedly enjoyable. But then considering the past numerous events where we almost got to the point we wanted to pull each of our own hair in frustration for each other, I was damn sure a few hours of eating and talking and sharing things about one another was not enough to come to a certain realization that he suddenly liked me.

Or that I liked him.

“Sure, go ahead.” Mr. Kwon’s voice woke me out of my thoughts. “Take all the time that you need to come up with a decision.”

Wow, that statement didn’t even sound sarcastic or offensive as it was supposed to!

“Uhm, I’m sorry,” I finally said. “We could walk. You know, burn the sugar from the desert we just ate.”

There’s no way I was going to agree, or even believe, he was walking me home. That’s just too surreal. Too ridiculous.

We began walking.

“Yeah, you were going at it,” he said.

I shrugged, smiling. “Couldn’t help it. Chocolate cake is my favorite. Like if I’m in a deserted island swarming with it, I seriously wouldn’t feel lonely.”

“I would probably go crazy if I get deserted in an island.”

I glanced at him speculatively. “Really? Because the past couple of months, your message to the world was pretty clear.” I made a mock imitation of his voice. “‘Leave me alone with my good ol’ pals Budweiser and Jack Daniels.’”

“Ha-ha. Really funny.”

“It is, right?”

Then out of nowhere, two girls came up to us. “Hey, you’re G-Dragon, right?” The one with the longer hair said.

Her friend shrieked, on the verge of procuring her phone from her bag. “Oh my god, I cannot believe this! Can we take a picture? Please?”

For a moment, I felt a little apprehensive for Mr. Kwon. I wanted to do something, but sadly ideas weren’t pouring in. Then again, maybe I didn’t have to. Because matter of fact was, Mr. Kwon was taking the confrontation calmly, smiling even as he shook his head. “Oh, I get that a lot. But believe me, I’m no G-Dragon. I am way better looking than that dude.”

Laughter soon bubbled in my chest, though I did well to hold it in. So that was his go-to excuse when someone recognizes him?

Feeling mistaken, the two girls started to back away, disgust now written on their faces. “Whatever,” they enunciated with a roll of their necks, and they were off to the other direction.

“That was strangely amazing,” I said when we resumed our walk.

Mr. Kwon looked totally befuddled. “How’s that amazing?”

“Didn’t you see what just happened?” I paused, giving him room to answer. When he didn’t, I went on. “Not everybody hates you. Which means you have a career to go back to.” Then an idea flickered in my head and that got me all energized and excited. “Which means people will be going to the benefit concert you are going to perform at!”

He frowned. “What benefit concert are you talking about?”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t mentioned it to you. My volunteers and I have finally come up with a way to gain donors and possible foster dog owners and that is through a benefit concert you will be holding in a week.”

“Oh.”

Then I bit my lower lip, bracing for the lesser exciting detail I was about to tell him. “It’s not going to be as big or as splendid as you’re used to though. Run-down bar; amateur band; no elaborate, designer costumes…” I could go on, but I stalled so I could have the coveted diva-scolding I was expecting to hear from him.

Strangely, none came. And I didn’t know if I should be happy about that or not. I was leaning towards ‘not’.

“Okay,” was all he said, nodding in understanding.

My head tilted a little to the side, skepticism etched all over my face. “Are you sure you heard what I said?”

He rolled his eyes. “I heard, okay? And I’m fine with everything.”

“Why?”

His brows knitted together. “What do you mean why?”

Oh, how much I wanted to respond to that. But I realized I might say something that will screw everything up, so I just didn’t. “Uh, nothing. So you’re good with the not-so-grandiose benefit concert? In a week?”

Mr. Kwon took a deep, contented breath. “Yes.”

It was still unbelievable that he’d agree without having to put up a fight with him, without having us both shouting, without hearing all his protests and me answering to those.

I could get used to this. This was so less stressful.

I gave him the other details regarding the event as we carried on with our walk. By the time we finished discussing, we came across an empty children’s park and without so much of a word to indicate Mr. Kwon wanted to go there, he did and went straight to the swings.

I followed him with hesitation. Parks reminded me of my brother. I used to bring him to one during the weekends from the town where we used to live, and watch over him while my mom was out at work. I was a teenager back then; I was supposed to be mingling with girls or boys my age. Instead I was hanging out with my brother. But hey, I had no complaints looking after him. I loved JunMi…even though it didn’t show during the remaining days of his life.

But I loved him.

I settled on the other swing, forcing a smile so Mr. Kwon wouldn’t suspect anything that would cause him to ask and I to answer. I still have no plans of disclosing to him about JunMi. That the only reason I was trying to help him revive his career was because of my own resolution to make up for some of the things I didn’t do for my brother when he was still alive.

Eventually, I have to tell Mr. Kwon the truth though. I just wasn’t sure how he’s gonna take the part that I didn’t actually help him to help him. Or when he finds out that he’s helping me back with my charity out of that help. Which doesn’t really exist.

“I want to come clean with something,” I sputtered out of nowhere.

Lightly rocking his swing back and forth, Mr. Kwon turned to look at me. “What?”

“My supposed date for tonight? Wasn’t really because of the summer rain ritual.”

“Oh, I know. Because that ritual is not true.”

I shook my head. “No, I mean it wasn’t brought on by coincidence or some invisible force of fate…or something.” I gnawed on my lower lip. “I actually asked him out. Out of a sudden wave of courage to do so.”

I expected for mockery to fly out of Mr. Kwon’s mouth. To knock onto my face how a liar I had been. I had defended that ritual after all with passion and here I was, admitting that the supposed date had completely nothing to do with it.

But again, strangely, none of those insults came.

Well, that’s really weird.

“Well, for what that’s worth, you saw how Taewon is really a jackass.”

“I scared him away by my choice of restaurant, that was hardly his fault.”

“It was Emerald Garden’s reputation that scared him away,” Mr. Kwon pointed out. “It’s still a restaurant as any other is. But, fine, he’s not a jackass, he’s a wimp. An extremely. Big. Wimp.”

I laughed at that, finding his sketch of Taewon’s personality to be funny.  But at the same time, a little touched as well that he’s on my side on this, no matter how insistent I was on blaming myself for the failed date.

He went on. “I mean he could have said something, you know. Maybe even a lame alibi.”

I waved a hand off, trying to dismiss the topic. “Well, it’s okay. And I’m okay, believe it or not. You know what, why don’t we just play a game?”

His gaze at me turned suspicious. “What game?”

“See that see-saw over there?” There was about a 30-ft distance from the swing to the see-saw. “We are going to race to it.”

“That’s it?” Mr. Kwon scoffed.

“Oh, we’re doing it in a twisted way. Literally.” I started removing my shoes, dumping them to the side, as I poured out the details of the game. “We’re rotating our swing until it can no longer be rotated, let it spin back to its original position, and then run to that see-saw. Naturally, who gets there first wins.”

I let him soak up the procedure of the race fist, and when he gestured a nod after a few seconds, denoting his grasp of it, I leered at him. “Game?”

I used to play this with JunMi and though that had been a long time, I was pretty confident I still had it to win it.

“Wait, let’s make this interesting,” he said.

“Sure. How?”

“Let’s bet on it.”

My confidence dropped a few notches down. Why did the feeling of this bet somehow terrified me? “Uhm, okay,” I agreed anyway, with a lot of hesitation. “What do you have in mind?”

“If I win, I want you to shout at the top of your lungs that the summer rain ritual is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done in your life and that you will never ever do it again.”

I gasped, outraged. “That ritual was the only thing that kept my hopes up for a love life burning. How could you take that away from me?!”

He only grinned at me, shrugging with that conceit smacked on his face. “Well, then make sure you win, Everything.”

Ugh, that endearment. “Oh, I will! Wait, what if I do win?”

“Whatever you have in mind.”

I needed not to ponder over it for a long time. My lips arched to a scheming smile as I let the idea float merrily in my head. “On the next summer rain, you are lighting up a candle under it with me for 15 minutes.”

If that wasn’t a good bet for me to him, then I don’t know what is.

Funnily, he flinched in disgust, and I was nothing short of feeling victorious already. Glad I could wipe that arrogance out of his pretty face.

“There is no way on Earth or in any other planet in the universe that’s going to happen,” he remarked.

“Well, then make sure you win, Everything.”
 

***
 

“You cheated,” Mr. Kwon accused as we stepped out of the park.

But instead of being offended, my triumphant smile just grew bigger. “Sore loser.”

“You closed your eyes during the spin.”

I chuckled. “There was no rule that you shouldn’t.”

“You didn’t tell me about that, that’s unfair.”

“It was a tactic. Why would I share it to the enemy?”

“Ugh!” He screamed to the night sky. “I still feel light-headed from that game. I’m blaming you.”

I patted his back. “Don’t worry , we’re nearing my apartment. I can give you some pill to drink for that...and then maybe you can forgive me?” I bat my eyelashes playfully.

He made a face. “Ha-ha.”

But Mr. Kwon’s dizziness was gone, minutes before we reached my apartment building. We were playing this stupid game about changing the way animals sound as we climbed the stairs. Like what if an elephant meows, or a shark barks, or a penguin roars.

It was stupid indeed, and crazy. But it was loads of fun we were doubling up loud like we were high, even by the time we finally reached my door.

Reached the end of this affair.

And that realization must have sunk in to us, our laughter died quite quickly.

I spoke first. “I’m sorry that your original plan to witness me embarrass myself in front of my date—who didn’t turn up—didn’t go successful.”

“Well, there’s always a next time.”

“Right. Well, if I land a date next time, I’m never going to tell you. That is so mean, by the way.”

He made a slight bow, the corners of his mouth inching up to show a little wicked smile. “And I’m sorry.”

“It’s getting really late. You should be on your way,” I said. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” He lightly scratched the small area just above his right eyebrow. “I had fun. Really. And it’s been a while since I had it. So…”

I don’t know what suddenly hit me but I hugged him. He stiffened under my hold, and I wondered if I should let go already.

But I didn’t.

This hug wasn’t even for me. It was for him. For all the crap he’d been through, and for all the horrible things he must think of himself during the past couple of months, he needed to know he didn’t deserve any of those. At least to me, he didn’t.

“You’re a good person, Mr. Kwon.” Thank you for being there for my brother when I couldn’t.

Before I could actually utter that out loud, I fumbled for my keys from my purse, unlocked the door and got inside. 

~*~

(12/6) Hello! This chapter is quite hefty, isn't it?

The reason why it took me some time to post this chapter was because
1) I haven't really finished writing it,
2) I participated in NaNoWriMo which ran the entire November, and
3) I've been busy with some other things

And wow...aren't you all psychics? Or was it just predictable that it was Jiyong who came and not Taewon?
Either way, I hope I made y'all happy.

Thanks for reading! Tell me what you thought about their "date".=)