When the ambulance arrives, Siwon helps her into the back, a tight hold on her arm, because - despite her determination to get in on her own two feet - she is shaking like a leaf. As soon as they are sat down, the paramedic checking her over, her hand shoots out to grab his.

All thoughts of their fight are gone when she looks at him, wide-eyed. "Oh god, it hurts," she groans, her grip on his hand tight enough to hurt. He doesn't pull away, however, only leans closer and lets her rest her head against his shoulder. "It hurts," she repeats, as she massages her stomach, a motion that is more of a distraction than a soothing gesture.

"Your stomach hurts?" A paramedic asks, sharing a glance with his colleague. He scoots closer. "Where does it hurt, exactly?"

She places a hand on the top of her belly. "It's like a bruise, or something, but more painful," she in a sudden breath, her grip on Siwon's hand tightening. "Are these contractions?" She asks, fearfully, as a long wave of pain takes a hold of her groin.

The paramedic opens his mouth to answer, but then she doubles over. "," she mutters, embarrassed to be swearing in front of strangers, "that was a bad one." As she rises slowly, Siwon looks down in horror at her dress.

Blood seeps through at the jointure of her thighs, and the paramedic's expression becomes even more serious. "Is that supposed to happen?" He demands, aware that he sounds like he's panicking and this really isn't good for Hyerin.

Slowly, the paramedics shake their head. "No, but once we get to the hospital, they'll be able to stabilise it," one of them says reassuringly.

Hyerin's face whitens. "He'll be okay, right?" She demands, her hand shaking in Siwon's, "He will?"

The other paramedic bites his lip, but nods.

She is not reassured.

***

They have her hooked up to some kind of monitor and in a hospital bed, and she's left to bite her bottom lip so hard it bleeds until a doctor can see her.

“Hyerin?” There's a gentle squeeze of her hand, and she blinks herself back into the real world. “Get out of your head,” he lifts her hand to his mouth so that he can kiss it, and she runs a distracted hand over her belly, because there's been nothing from the baby since the accident and that's obviously not a good sign, is it? “Talk to me.”

He's so sweet, so sincere – what is that Vogue called him? Earnest, that was it – that she can't avoid his probing look. Siwon's ability to care for her every time she s up has always been one of her biggest weaknesses. “What is there to talk about?” She says woodenly. She wants to pull her hand from his grip, but that would be cruel. “You're still mad at me, and I'm probably in the middle of a miscarriage.” Her free hand clutches at the bedcovers, wrinkling the cheap fabric. “You're only here because you feel guilty for being there.”

She turns her face away from him, but he doesn't release her hand. “I'm here because I love you,” he rolls his eyes at her dismissive snort, “and because whatever we've done to one another, we're still friends.” He reaches for her. “Your worst moment, your darkest thoughts – I swore to be there for them.”

“Well, you failed in that one, didn't you,” she snaps waspishly. She regrets it as soon as she sees his face, but she doesn't take it back. “You left me, Siwon. I told you the baby wasn't yours, and you ran, and it took my ing brother – don't think I don't know – to bully you back into coming for me.” The words are little more than a hiss, and the anger she's been trying to keep a hold of for so long begins to seep out. “So don't tell me you love me and think that can fix everything,” she laughs, “because this isn't a fairytale.”

He shuts his mouth, and – for a heartbeat – she thinks he's going to walk away, yet again. “It wasn't like that, Hyerin,” he starts, but she shakes her head.

“Save it,” she says tiredly, resting her face against the pillow. Slowly, her body aching, she turns away from him, one hand slipping down to cup her belly. He watches her silently.

They are silent for a few moments, until he shifts restlessly in his chair. “I know I ed up,” he says suddenly, “and I know sorry doesn't make it any better, but please don't push me away.”

She chokes a little, not sure how to put words to the emotion she's feeling right now. “He's not moving,” she mumbles, pushing the heel of her hand into her stomach. Sometimes poking him works.

“Who?” Siwon asks, confused.

She turns her head to glare at him. “The baby, you idiot.” Slowly, she feels her stomach, searching for any indication that the baby is fine. Not after all of this. Not after she gave up so much for him.

He can't just go and die on her. That's not ing fair.

***

A doctor visits, and after asking a few questions, and palpating her stomach, she nods. "Okay. I'd like you to have an ultrasound, so I can get a better picture of what's going on."

She doesn't mention that Hyerin is still bleeding, or that the pain has not receded. Hyerin is fairly sure it's deliberate; she is astute - she knows when something is wrong, and something is clearly very wrong here.

And all because some bastard reporter knocked her over. She could curse - she could rail at the injustices of the world - but she is too used to it all going wrong to bother.

As the doctor leaves, assuring her she will organise an ultrasound as quickly as she can, Siwon walks back into the room, having left - at her orders - to call Narae, and tell her what is going on.

Her head snaps up when he sits next to her. "Is she coming?" She asks immediately, needing her best friend here when everything has gone so completely wrong, and Siwon is still here as if he has a right to be.

He nods, and squeezes her hand, resting on top of the thin coverlet. "She's on her way, sweetheart, don't worry." She rolls her eyes; as if she could stop worrying when she's in hospital. "She's just calling everyone else, to let them know."

"Oh." The only person she really thought of telling was Narae; though - intellectually - she knows other people care about what happens to her, it's only Narae who has been there every step of the way, who knows her innermost thoughts about this baby.

And then there's Siwon, here mostly by accident, and acting as if this is all his problem too. She can't deny she's glad he's here - she knows she couldn't do this alone - but she's still angry at him, and underneath it all, so confused about what he wants from her.

He rests a hand on her face, and unconsciously, she finds herself leaning into the comforting familiarity of his touch. "He'll be fine, Hyerin," he tells her, with more conviction than she feels, "I know he will."

His boneheaded optimism almost makes her smile. Siwon always believes things will go his way; it's strangely endearing.

"I hope so," she sighs, her arm loosely wrapped around her stomach. She'd give anything to feel him move. "I really, really hope so."

***

The ultrasound is a quick affair, the image so blurry that she can't make heads nor tails of it. The technician can't tell her anything, and she is forced back into her hospital bed, to wait for the doctor to return.

She comes not fifteen minutes after. Hyerin is not sure whether this is good or bad.

“Are you the father?” The doctor asks briskly, when she notices Siwon next to her. She opens to say no, to explain their convoluted relationship that honestly confuses her – but Siwon gets there first, his arm sliding around her shoulders. She gives him a dirty look. He shrugs.

“Yes, I am.” He says before she can get a word in edgeways. Bastard. His ring isn't on her finger today; he can't pretend he has any part in this. “What's the prognosis, doctor?”

She takes a deep breath, and sits down in the free seat next to Hyerin's bed. “You've had something called a placental abruption, which is when the placenta detaches from the baby.” The doctor's face is drawn. “Normally, we'd try and see if we can get the baby to full term, but in this instance, we're going to have to go ahead and operate.”

Hyerin's heart stops. She's not sure what the predominant emotion is right now; she supposes it's fear – fear for herself, and for the baby, because despite her desire to have him gone, she never wanted to hurt him. “Op-operate?” Siwon takes a sharp intake of breath behind her.

The doctor nods. “Fortunately, you're quite far along in your pregnancy, so the baby has a better chance of surviving without any complications. But in cases like these, we prefer to perform a caesarean section to help the baby's chances.”
 
She's not ready. She was supposed to have time! Time to come to terms with all of this, time to figure out what she's supposed to do. She hasn't even found the right parents for him yet, hasn't had a chance to go through the adoption process and now – well, now he's coming, and there's nothing she can do to stop it.

“Are you – ” she swallows, so dry that she can barely get the words out, “are you sure?”

The doctor looks deeply uncomfortable, and absently, Hyerin wonders how many expectant mothers she's had to say this to. “I'm sorry. The baby's in danger right now, and he has a better chance of surviving once he's born.”

Better chance of surviving. The colour drains from her face, and suddenly, she's very glad of Siwon's arm around her. “Okay. Okay.”

“Can you be sure the baby will be fine?” Siwon speaks up, and she stares at him in confusion. Why does he care? Why does he have to care? This is her nightmare, not his – and she can't deal with him pretending he's a part of this. Not today.

Not when everything – as usual – has gone south.

“Well, you're in your third trimester,” the doctor says, forcing a smile, “and over thirty weeks, which is good. But we can never guarantee anything.”

The look on Siwon's face makes it clear that this does not make him feel any better. His hand on hers tightens, and he turns her face to look at him. “We'll get him the best doctors, okay, I promise,” he says fervently, and if the doctor wasn't right there, she'd say something spiteful about how there's no we about it.

“And we need to do it soon,” the doctor interrupts quietly, “because you're losing blood, and it won't help if you're in poor condition too.”

"Okay," she agrees, though she's fairly sure they'd do it without her consent.

***

Narae bursts in in a flurry of open arms and painfully tight hugs, a breathless litany of the words 'I'm sorry' over and over. She's not really sure what she's sorry for; for not being here quickly enough, for the accident, for her baby, but she doesn't care. She needs her here, and she buries her face in Narae's glossy hair and hides the tears waiting to break free.

“I'm not ready,” she gulps for air, as Narae rubs her back soothingly. “I can't do this, Rae, I can't.”

“I know,” she murmurs sadly, “but there's no stopping this, honey.”

“Will you come with me?” She asks, “when they...do it?”

Narae chokes a little, “of course I will,” she says, and Hyerin feels tears trickling into her hair. “I would never leave you to do this alone.”

She doesn't point out that she has not technically been alone. "Thank you," she says softly, "Rae, I -" She swallows. "Just...thank you," she says lamely. "Thank you for everything. You've been here for all of it and I don't know what I'd do without you."

"We're best friends," Narae says firmly, "it's what we do."

***

The operating theatre is sterile and cold; it smells vaguely of antiseptic and the metallic tang of surgical instruments. She is not quite with it; though she has yet to be put under anaesthetic, adrenaline has made her dizzy and dazed.

The room is full of people - surgeons and specialists - but she feels horribly alone. They've decided that it's better for her to have a general anaesthetic, seeing as the baby is in danger and it could be a difficult operation, and this means neither Narae or Siwon can come in with her.

"Okay," the anaesthetist smiles down at her, "are you ready?"

She wants to scream no, no I'm not, please don't do this, but is blocked. She just nods instead, and she takes her hand gently, searching for a vein to stick the needle in. She feels a sudden pain when it is inserted, an uncomfortable sensation of something foreign in her hand, but the feeling doesn't last long.

As the room starts to drift away from her, the last coherent thought she has is please let everything be okay.

I Googled a load of stuff for this. ._. Also, the chapter title is taken from the MCR song.