Hansol POV

Ever wonder what would it be like if ever you just let all your thoughts pour out in words? If you just did what you were dying to do without thinking what the price would be, without having that fear that she'd leave you if she knew?

Ever since I first met her, I was already afraid she'd leave me after one wrong move. I thought at first it was because she was my only friend and that I treasured her. But as years pass, I started getting confused with all these, it was too complicated. When we first met, we were kids and every time she would smile at me I'd get a funny feeling of having my heartbeat race. I just shoved that thought away and believed that it was just because I was an awkward kid who got nervous every time I was with a friend. But even after so many years of knowing her I still get those funny feelings. I even once wondered whether it was actually a complication in my system. But soon enough I realized what it really was, believe me, I wish I did not. I'd rather stay wondering what this was than know it and not be able to do anything. 

I foolishly fell for her, it just so happened that I crashed head on. It was so obvious how she did not feel the same.

How do I know that she really doesn't feel the same?

Well, she often talks about this future love of hers. How she doesn't know him yet, or even how his name is still a mistery to her, but she says that it will be worth the wait once she finally meets the one. And that she wants to meet her in her travels. If she felt the same, would she still look forward to meeting someone in the future thousands of miles away from her, where in fact I was right beside her the whole time? Sometimes it makes me wonder if I never met her when we were kids, then we'd meet for the first time as adults, would she like me? 'Cause I was sure I'd still like her, there's just something about her that I can never explain in words. It was just pure emotions that you can never get rid of.

Now, how do you make someone realize that you're actually the one when she sees you as a gay brother? In fact, what's worst than getting gay brother zoned? This is why I'm too sensitive about her calling me that, it might get in her head and she'd never give me a chance anymore after that. How can she like a person she doesn't consider dateable?

I was the best example of a tragic joke. I already have her right in front of me, and yet I could never find a way for her to see me differently.  So I just watched her like a movie, she was unreachable, for I felt like I was just part of the crowd who always admired her.

I'm not blind, I know how pretty she is, but it was not what I fell for. 

She was the only one who ever dared to be friends with me when I had no one. Sure, she's a sarcastic chic, but she's a really nice person. Even my cat, likes her, if that even matters. My point here is, my family loves her to bits and pieces. When Sofia was born, she was there with me at the hospital. Now tell me, a girl like that, even if she turned ugly, wouldn't you love her still?

Now I'm seated next to her, I just watched her quietly. She was the most interesting person to me. I would never get bored of just staring at her, call it creepy, but watching her peacefully sleeping has been my favorite thing to do ever since. Because it was the only time I was free to look at her, without her asking questions. Right now, I feel stupid. I have been lost in thoughts this morning and she thought it was because I was hungry. If I was hungry I wouldn't even be pissed about it like I was on my man period. Have you ever loved someone secretly for so long, that it frustrates you how much you cannot even show or let her know? I was so distracted looking at her that I did not notice how everyone's eyes were on us until the teacher decided to call my attention. "Mr. Choi, you're gonna poke a hole on her face soon if you don't stop that." said our class adviser. I quickly looked away because Na Young started opening her eyes slowly. She quickly covered her face. "Was I drooling?" she asked me quietly. I just cleared my throat and ignored her. "Oh my! I'm so sorry." she apologized to everyone. Dork.

"Hansol," she back hugged me as we got off the bus. "Noona slept well, thanks to your shoulders!" she said. I was left frozen on my spot while she ran along to take pictures of the view. You see, this is the problem, she's clueless and gets to do whatever she wants while I'm about to go insane from all this. I was yet again busy with my frustrating thoughts that I did not notice someone has been tapping my shoulder for who knows how long. When I finally noticed him, he bowed politely at me. It's the new transfer student so he has no idea who I was. "Hello, I'm Mingyu." he greeted me then bowed once more, this time he accidentally head batted me. "Shi- I'm so sorry. I was trying to be nice." he apologized. I was about to say it was okay when one of the students came to Mingyu's rescue and drag him away from me while apologizing.  "Yah! Punk! Get out of there." shouted the other boys. 

Seriously. This people... It's not like I would kill anyone who would talk to me. They used to bully me, now they made me the bully. When will I ever be normal enough? But I couldn't care any less, I did not need a lot of friends, I have one and she's more than enough. Speaking of that friend here she was running towards my direction with a smile on her face. "Look, look, look!" she showed me the photos she took. "What am I supposed to be looking at?" I asked when I did and saw nothing but a bunch of ants all lined up in one straight line going towards a piece of chocolate. She giggled. "Babo, you're looking at it already."

"The ants? Na Young, you took photos of ants?" I was dumbfounded, she can be too special sometimes.

"Aish! I was given a bar of chocolate-"

"By who?" I cut her off. Yes, I was jealous.

"That Mingyu guy, don't get jealous, he gave everyone one! Now back with my story..."

"Oh joy! More ant stories!" I sarcastically clapped my hands. She hit me in the head in return. "Listen okay, so he was about to hand the chocolate to me when Brian and his gang of pigs threw the chocolate away, saying I was bad luck. I was pissed of course since I wanted those, but then I saw the ants rushing towards it. So...." she ended her sentence with that.

"That's it?" I asked just to be sure she was done. She said yes. "Wow! You are special, you get so excited about those?" I poked fun at her weirdness. "Yah! Even though I'm like this, you still love me anyway." she made a funny face at me and grabbed my arm, and dragged me towards where the ants were. I was actually glad she did not wait for my reply, I might say something stupid.

When the whole trip was over and it was finally time to head back home, we were again seated at the back, but this time Mingyu was also with us. He had been looking like a creeper at me so I got annoyed. He actually looked like a erted maniac, smiling creepily while looking straight at me. "What do you want?" I asked him awkwardly.  "Oh! You finally noticed me!" he smiled some more. "Oooohhhh." Na Young poked my sides and wiggled her eyebrows. "Listen, man, I'm straight. I don't do guys." I tried to explain to Mingyu.

"What?" he looked at me weirdly. "I think you got the wrong idea, I just wanted to be friends. I'm straight too. Hella straight. I like girls, alot!" he explained.

"Okay, cool." I said but I still tried to move away from him.

"What, you want to seat on my lap now?" Na Young teased. "Go over there with your boyfriend!" she pushed me.

"Aish! Na Young!" I was about to move to the seat in front of me when Mingyu grabbed my hand. "Can you please teach me English?" he asked and Na Young and I were both dumbfounded.  So this is what all that creepiness was about? "Uhh. Sure." I replied.