katakatica
utopia reviews. busy and featuring nod from epic.
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katakatica
reviewer: hyukjaeplease+sujuhwaiting05
bolded=hyukjaeplease
normal=sujuhwaiting04
title: looking for whether it's cliched or reveals too much
short, simple, sweet. captured my attention. bravo. 5/5 foreword/description: hooking? to be completely honest, I had to skim through these two. your word choices and sentence structure ruined the flow. the first sentence of it is already a run-on. i can see what you tried to accomplish in the paragraphs, but it’s not meeting the requirements. I strongly suggest going back through these. 6/10 graphics: does it help enhance the story or not? love, love, love the pictures used inside the foreword/description. unfortunately, the background is way too pink for my eyes to digest. I had to dim my screen to not blind myself. consider changing it. 4/5 characters: do they fit the story? you wouldn't put someone frolicking around during a funeral. are they developed and characterized? the relationship between characters is well-described and explained as the chapters progress. appearance and personality of characters is also well-described. 18.5/20 appearance: of the story and its paragraphs. paragraphs with decent length, but too much description of action. 7.5/10 grammar: can i even understand you?
clumsy mistakes that could've been avoided with a read-over or maybe somebody else editing. misuse of words (ie. a big word that didn't belong in the context of the sentence) misuse/lack of punctuation marks (ie. periods used in the place of commas. too many commas that could easily be replaced with semi colons; therefore break run-ons) the occasional beginning of a sentence with "And". I don't want you to completely rely on me so reread your story and check for these mistakes. 8.5/20
spelling: I couldn't stop laughing at: ‘the rain's clam’(chapter 1). most of the errors just seemed like clumsy errors/unintentional. 7.5/10 flow: too much description that directs the readers attention away from the plot/ basically ends up boring them the progress was painfully slow in the beginning, but towards chapter 7 it got much better. 5.5/10 extras: the amount of commas you have in one single sentence literally terrified me. grammar just really ticked me off, but the characters sort of made up for it. with some changes here and there, this could get really good. 5/10 total: 67.5/100=67.5% |
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