March 26, 2013
10 Reasons Why
Dear Chanyeol,
You were my bestfriend.
My little crush for you faded as soon as we reached middle school, or so I thought. Back then, I was so busy with my own band and so were you that we hardly had time to bond. You know, before middle school.. I just consider you as a friendly neighbor. Or as a kid, my hero. I still haven't grasped the idea of having a bestfriend then. I mean, as a girl.. I thought a bestfriend was supposed to be someone whom you spend most of your time with, or someone who practically knows you in and out. And I don't consider you that, especially because I was hiding my little crush for you.
Slowly, we kind of got busy with our own things. You were busy with your band, and I was busy with mine. We rarely meet and that rare meetings almost turned into nothing but a few 'hellos' or 'how were you doing?' during class, or when we passed each other by the gates of our houses. That time, I thought that, 'Ah, I guess Chanyeol and I were just really next-door-friends' or something, although I missed you a lot. It was also during those times that you got yourself famous girlfriends and flings and slowly.. we drifted apart.
There was a hole in my heart then, that I felt incomplete. I got mad at you for a while, I thought that maybe now that you got yourself famous company, you forgot everything about me. I almost quit the band because playing guitar makes me remember you. I thought it was just a childish thing.. the fact that I got attached with you because you were the first friend I got, that I became possesive of you. Slowly, I tried to open up more with the people around me particularly my band mates and even though they made me happy, it was still incomplete. Still, there was a part missing.
Before we finish our middle school, with us slowly turning into strangers, we had to face each other in a 'Battle of the Bands', an annual charity activity hosted by our school. I asked my bandmates if we can not join it instead, telling them that we have tough opponents and we wouldn't stand a chance against you and your band but it was a lie. I am not bragging, but we got ourselves a name as well. That time, it was like going back to the same crowd when I was in my guitar recital back in elementary.. only that, you weren't sitting and cheering for me. You were up to compete against me. It was indeed, tough. But we battled through the end, and we end up winning.
You approached me at the backstage, (I thought you were going to act like a sore loser to be honest) and congratulated me with a small smile. There was a girl beside you, I think it was Park Shinyoung? Your girlfriend during that time. So yea, you came to me and smiled at me and introduced me to your girlfriend, saying "Hey Shinyoung, this is HanSeul, my best friend". I wasn't able to hear anything then because the only thing that I was able to register was the fact that you just introduced me as your bestfriend. I was like 'What the hell?', thinking it was some kind of sick prank. But it was a genuine smile as you turned to her proudly and said, "I told you, we're not gonna win against them". Your voice sounded so sincere.. that I felt proud as well, not because we won but because I knew I made you proud. I was happy, that I tried to ignore the clutching feeling I had in my chest as I saw how Shinyoung held your arm, or how you wrapped your arm around her shoulders. Back then, I thought it was because I just missed you and it was my first time seeing you so.. intimate with another girl.
That night, we went home together. I asked you,
"You introduced me as your bestfriend, were we really bestfriends?" raising my eyebrow as we were walking together. I have no idea of how you can consider one as your bestfriend back then. So it was really weird for me to have you consider me as one when we were almost became strangers to each other.
You replied with "Yes, aren't we?" Like I just asked the most stupid thing ever. I explained to you that bestfriends were supposed to be close to each other, unlike us who barely see each other during those days. Bestfriends should eat together at lunch, or should spend their free time together. They should hang-out during weekends or those sappy things I only read in a book. To my surprise, you laughed at me. Like, real laugh- the laugh wherein I almost thought you were mocking me.
Then, when you finally calmed yourself down.. you told me, "HanSeul, not because we barely see each other, nor hang-out on weekends or even eat at the same table during lunch doesn't mean that we're not bestfriends. I just gave you space because if I keep on sticking with you the whole time, you won't entertain other people and you would treat your bandmates as your colleagues, and not friends. But hey, no matter what happens, you are my bestfriend" and with that, I teared up. I teared up and you panicked because it was the first time I cried (after that little kissing incident back when we were 8) and you hugged me tight while I was telling you how much I hate you for making me think otherwise.
See, Chanyeol, for me.. you were more than a bestfriend. Even then, a bestfriend would be an understatement. I guess I was too young and too focused on the things that those petty magazines dictate us. But really, you were the bestest friend anyone could ever have.
P.S
Hmm, you were the best best best friend anyone could ever have. Always remember that, okay? Spend time with your bestfriends. With your bandmates. With EXO. Be happy, Yeol~
Love,
Hanseul
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