“I know you need a friend

Someone you can talk to

Who will understand what you're going through

When it comes to love

There's no easy answer

Only you can say what you're gonna do”

I sighed for the nth time… hugging myself, staring blankly ahead the vast city of Seoul. How did things come to this? Was I really undeserving of him? The coldness of this winter night is nothing compared to how I feel right now. My heart constricted in pain. I can’t breathe. It’s so damn hard to breathe. Should I let go? Should I hold on? But why hold on when he wants someone else? When he obviously loves someone else?

Drop after drop, my tears fell. Damn these eyes. Damn these tear ducts. DAMN ME. I was silently cursing myself when I felt a warm piece of clothing envelope me… Two hands held my arms. WAIT. This isn’t just a good time for a companion. I look ing pathetic.

“You should go back in Dara. It’s cold out he…”

I don’t have to turn around to see who it was. That soothing familiar voice I’ve known so well. But I need to be alone…

“ I’m fine, Youngbae-ah. Y-ou *hiccup don’t have to *hiccup wor-ry.”

My eyes squinted upon hearing myself. Oh damn. Just damn. Did I just made that sound? Curse this weak voice!

 He held my arms tighter as he turned me around to face him. I hung my head down, afraid to make the slightest eye contact with him.

“It’s cold. You might get sick. Let’s go home. I’ll drive you home.”

I shook my head, still avoiding his eyes, afraid that I might break down. I was surprised with his next act.

I didn’t expect it to be this comforting… I only expect that I’ll be pouring all my hearts out if he won’t leave me right there and then.

And he never did. He held me tightly. The tears I’ve been trying to fight back earlier when he showed up once again poured heavily down my eyes. This time I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I look pathetic and weak and helpless. I don’t even care if I look like an idiot.

“Youngbae-ah… Why??? It hurts so much… I don’t know what to do anymore. Why her? Why did he?

“Shhhh…” I heard him cooed… “Let it all out… Just let it all out. You can cry all your heart out tonight. And then stand up and hold your head up high tomorrow. He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. I… I…”

“I don’t know him anymore.” I felt him clench his fist at my back as he held me tighter. Looking at my body size, I’m sure at normal circumstances, I’d feel crushed by this act. But maybe, just maybe, this tine I needed this. It’s comforting. I somehow needed strength while I’m in this state of being fragile.

“Take me somewhere.” I stood back and let go from his embrace.

“I’ll drive you home.”
 

“No… take me anywhere… I can’t go to the dorm… you know why. I just can’t face her yet. And I can’t go home. I can’t let them see me like this. Please Young-bae. Please.” I gripped his shirt tightly, I really look pathetic now.

My rational mind is bugging me. Is this right?

But maybe, just maybe… He understands what I’m going through…