Breakneck by: AutumnHearts

Reviewer: Krissy_

Title: [4/5]

I do understand that this story was sent in as an entry for '天国; Eden' one-shot contest. Before my feedbacks, I've to clarify that for this word; '天国; Eden', it does not hold any points neither has it affect your marks in this section. Let's move on to the 'Breakneck' part. Wow, you left me absolutely tongue-tied, in a good way though. Before I read the definition of 'Breakneck' that you posted, I was strongly lured by it. It gave me a magical, transcendental feel that fitted your plot perfectly. Not only that, after reading your definition and plot, it's not only perfect but it's meant for the story. I was actually struggling with myself whether to give you full marks but after a thorough consideration, I thought that I could give you room for improvement so that the next time you'll continue to choose the right title for your amazing story. 

Designs: [9/10]

I'm really satisfied with your story layout, the poster matches the theme itself. I love how you blended the characters in with the 'galaxy' effect since your story is about fantasy, absolutely a good choice.  It would be much better if the background is preferably darker in color, it might also brings out a mystic theme. It's just my opinion, you do not have to take it seriously. I really have nothing much to say about your font and style. It's beyond satisfactory.

Forewords/Descriptions: [8/10]

Regarding this, your description is fine. I'm convinced with how you did not give away they whole story line in it. Though it's short but it's enough to rouse the reader's inquisitivity. That's what I like to see from all the writers. The foreword. This is something I would like to discuss about, as you can see, your forword is short too. I do not have an objection but I hope that perhaps you could add in more of the scene and the description. I find it a pity because you're not writing out an exciting part of your story, you appeared to be more like stating the start of the story. Yet, on the other hand, readers will still be captivated by it. You get what I mean?

Characters and Plot: [16/20]

I've nothing much to address for your characters. Overall, it's beautifully written out and emotions were filled everywhere. It's like a movie, each of their actions were all acting out in my mind. Sometimes, it'll be better not too describe that much, leave reader's imagination to run wild. Still, impressive. Your marks for this section was pulled down by the plot. I found no twist and this story is getting too typical. I believe that you can do better like what I commented at the below section.

Originality: [2/5]

Although I did stated that fantasy stories never interest me but I'd seen lots of stories with the same plot. Don't be mistaken, that doesn't mean that you're losing originality. I just wish that you'll bring your imagination to a further stretch and continue to include your exclusive descriptive words in the future. 

Flow: [18/20]

Well, I find it a little speedy. But, at the same time, I can't deduct a lot of marks from you since it's a one-shot. I guess it'll be better if you could add in more of their 'magical, fighting' scene. 

Grammer/Spelling: [25/25]

I can't help but to reward you full marks for this section. Oh God, is English your first language? I seemed to be reading a published novel rather than a one-shot entry. Let's take the example of how you describe the venues and the character's actions, I was too engrossed that I basically put myself in each character's shoes. It's like I could feel their emotions and imagine the scenario and stuffs. Don't let this writing passion die, you've the potential to achieve something much more better!

Overall Enjoyment: [3/5]

Personally, I've never enjoyed reading fantasy stories as I felt that it's some how unrealistic in a way. However, after reading your story, my point of view totally change, I guess I've discover a new genre to read. 

Bonus Point: [3/5]

Hi, AutumnHearts! Firstly, I do have to apologize. I'd a hard time reviewing your story because your story is reaching pure perfection. I'm really sorry if you find this review crappy, I definitely tried my best to leave you some feedbacks and realized that it was no point, I'd even read it umpteen times to spot mistakes but to little avail. I've to confess that I was a little too enraptured in reading that I almost forgot that I was reviewing, kekeke! I would like to encourage readers to learn from you, example like how you place and changes the tense and added detailed description to it. It's something worth praising for. Even I personally think that I should learn from you. You might think that I'm exaggerating, but seriously, keep up this standard of good work, dear! Continue to publish your work and I wish you all the best in this writing journey! Hope to hear from you soon and lastly I would like to end this review off with a GOODLUCK! Please remember to credit too!

Overall grade: 88 out of 100 ; 88% or B+