6 days

Leeteuk was lying down on his bed. These days, he felt oddly tired all the time. It wasn’t the exhausted tired he felt from hours of dance practice or even the excited tired from a successful stage. He was just tired.

“It must be old age,” Leeteuk half joked to himself, closing his eyes for a little bit of peace and quiet.

“Or maybe it’s heartache,” A small voice inside his head kept whispering, constantly bothering him.

Leeteuk tried to shut that part of his brain off. He didn’t want to think about it.

One week.

Leeteuk felt the tears slide out of his closed eyes. It was only when he was alone like this that he dared to cry. With the members, he had to stay strong. He was the leader; he was their role model. If he showed weakness, what would happen to the rest of them?

Half sitting up, still with tears leaking through his half lidded eyes, he blindly reached his hand out and d the table, searching for something. When his hands brushed against the hard case, he immediately grabbed it.

Pushing the play button on his nearby CD player, he waited for the music to sweep through him. As the familiar beat of a certain song started playing, a slow smile spread on Leeteuk’s face. He glanced down at the object he had previously been searching for. He let his eyes roam across the blue cover, his hands gripping the smooth surface. It was plain, with navy blue plastered across the entire front and only a few cursive orange words contrasting against the sea of blue: y, Free & Single.

Their hard work. Their sweat and pain. Their laughs and joy. Their 6^th album.

The chorus sung throughout the room and Leeteuk finally let his mind wander to that dark place.

“What will it be like?”

“Will it be harder than being an idol?”

“Will I get enough rest?”

And then to darker places.

“Will the boys be fine?”

“Will they miss me?”

“Will the fans wait for me?”

“…what if they don’t need me?”

Unconsciously, more tears fell, soaking his clothes. The sobs were wrenching. He had never cried like this before and the feeling was oddly comforting. Soon though, he heard approaching footsteps. Quickly drying his tear-stained face, he stopped the music and sat up.

“Hyung!” Shindong and Ryeowook ran into the room, stopping only when they caught a look at the leader’s face.

“Yeah? What’s up, guys?” Leeteuk asked, putting on a smile.

Anyone else would have been fooled. But not the members. They knew their leader too well.

They looked at each other, a silent understanding passing between them. Walking over slowly, they sat down next to Leeteuk.

“Did you guys need something?” Leeteuk seemed oblivious to the members’ change in attitude and continued his façade. He got up from his seat and turned around. “I was just going to—“

“Hyung.”

It was one word, but it broke Leeteuk’s heart. It was a whisper, yet it pierced through the entire room. It came from his dongsaeng’s mouth, but it sounded wise, mature, understanding.

The tears couldn’t be stopped anymore.

“Oh hyung,” Ryeowook cried, throwing himself into Leeteuk’s embrace. In the eternal maknae’s arms, Leeteuk broke down for the first time since the news of his departure appeared. As Ryeowook smoothed down his hair and whispered soothing words into his ear, Leeteuk cried to his heart’s content. After a while, he finally calmed down.

“Sorry Wookie,” Leeteuk murmured, gratefully taking the tissue that the younger man extended towards him.

“Why are you apologizing?” It was Shindong who asked. He had been watching the spectacle from the side and it pained him to see his leader in such a state. “We, all of us, have broken down dozens of times in the comfort of your arms. Yet you never show weakness or waver. You hide your emotions from us and never talk about the hardships. Despite failures and disappointments, you maintain your strong and steel-like image. Why?”

Leeteuk glanced at Shindong. “I…for you.”

“For…for me?”

“For all of you.”

Ryeowook had understood then. “No!”

Leeteuk and Shindong both snapped their heads up, shocked at the sudden outburst by the boy.

Ryeowook had balled up his fists and was vehemently shaking his head. “No! Stop doing that hyung. Stop it. You don’t have to pretend for us. Please don’t pretend. We want you to be able to let out emotions and show your inner thoughts. Forget your image, that’s for fans. With us, you’re just our friend, our brother. Don’t let your responsibilities make you feel like you have to maintain an image.”

Leeteuk gaped at the younger man. Ryeowook had always been the eternal maknae, the emotional and sensitive one. Even more so than Kyuhyun, Ryeowook was treated as the baby of the group, if only because of his tender heart. To hear those understand words from him…Leeteuk was shocked.

“He’s right, hyung. We’ll understand when you have to break down and cry. We’ll be here for you when you need us. We don’t care about your proper and clean image, we want our brother to show his feelings. Just…be you, Teuk. We don’t want some fake Leeteuk. We want the Teukie we know and have come to love,” Shindong said to Leeteuk, gazing at him softly.

“I…I don’t…oh you guys!” Leeteuk burst into fresh tears, unable to control his emotions. He had always had to be the strong one, the one who knew what to do in times of chaos, the one who was stronger than steel.

Ryeowook patted his back soothingly while Shindong looked on with a face full of affection and love.

“Hyung…we’re always here for you. Through thick and thin, we’ll be here. You don’t have to hide anything from us because we love you for you. Don’t let anything change that warm heart of yours okay?” Shindong whispered, enveloping both Ryeowook and Leeteuk in a massive bear hug.

Leeteuk smiled through his tears. “Thank you…thank you…”

He couldn’t say anything more, but his dongsaengs understood. They knew their leader too well, knew his heart was full of gratitude and love for all of s. That’s just how Leeteuk was: immensely caring, loving, and hardworking, everything a leader should be.