Bom's POV

I was walking out of Starbucks as quickly as I could before Youngbae could catch up with me. I tried to run but I couldn’t run away that fast as I was wearing heels.

‘Bom! Bommie ah, wait!’ I heard behind me. Fighting back the urge to stop and wait for him I picked up my pace. I ran down the stairs to get to the ground floor but before I could reach the next flight of stairs I felt an arm wrapping my waist pulling me to a stop.

I turned around, finding Youngbae breathing heavily from chasing me all the way.

‘Let me go Youngbae’ I struggled, but his grip around my waist tightened.

“No…Not …until you hear me out Bommie’ he said through deep breaths trying to catch his breath.

‘What is there left to talk?’ I said to him coldly.

‘Why did you walk out on me like that? Why?’

I looked away avoiding his gaze. I couldn’t find an answer to reply him. I couldn’t let him know what I was thinking when he broke the news to us. I was confused. I was happy for him to get an opportunity to chase his dreams. But those dreams of his. Those dreams does not include me.

He used his free hand to turn my face to face him. ‘Bommie, don’t do this to me, speak to me.’ I sighed in response, bringing myself to sit down on the steps as I couldn’t bear the weight in my heart which was pulling me down. He hugged me from the side and whispered ‘I’m sorry, I should have told you yesterday instead of now. I’m sorry babe. I really am.’ Tears start to form in my eyes and I wiped them away before they could fall.

‘Come on babe, what’s wrong.’

‘Youngbae…go live your dreams. Don’t worry about me’

‘W-what do you mean don’t worry about you?’

‘I’ll be fine, so just leave. Leave me alone’

“No! Do you know how much you mean to me?’

I touched his cheeks, looking at him. ‘I know, which is why you have to let me go. I don’t deserve you. Not after how I’m treating you.’

‘I’m not letting you go, I can’t. If this is about joining the dance company. I’m willing to give it up. I really am.’

‘Hushh…I don’t want you to give up what you have been working so hard for. I’m happy for you. But…’

‘But what? What’s there to add a but if you’re really happy for me?’

‘I-it’s just that I don’t feel like I could stand having you not around me anymore. Especially after how during the holidays I was left waiting for you every day. Waiting for you to ask me out. Waiting for you to come over. Waiting for us to have the best holiday like how we always had. Youngbae ah, I was waiting for you the whole time.’

‘All you needed to do was to text me babe, or even call. I’ll drop everything to spend time with you.’

‘I don’t want to be a burden for you. I don’t want to be the girl who needs you every minute of her life Youngbae. But I need attention too. M-Maybe…the two months of you not being around…made me realise now we both have two completely different dreams to chase.’

‘I’ll still be in Seoul, babe. We could still meet up. Please Bommie, we can work this out.’ I could see his pain, but I couldn’t keep him by my side. My feelings for him changed over the holidays. Maybe that was why I pushed him further away from me when school started. I needed him to leave me, before it was too late.

I hugged him and whispered into his ears ‘I’m sorry Youngbae, I can’t do this any longer, I don’t want to hurt you, I can’t guarantee you that our relationship can last once you start your training. ‘

‘I’ll back off from your dreams; go chase it, without me. Forget I ever existed’ I said softly not knowing if he heard it. I let go of him and walked away.

Youngbae’s POV

I sat by my window that night, staring out into the night. There were countless times today, that I could have just broke down and cry right in front of you. I stayed strong, holding back the tears that were fighting to come out when you whispered those words that could barely be heard. I’ll back off from your dreams; go chase it, without me. Forget I ever existed.  I could feel my heart shattering into pieces, those eyes of yours which looked at me at that very moment, they were not the same pair of eyes which I’ve fallen in love with. They weren’t filled with happiness anymore. It was filled with pain.

Glancing around my room, everything in it reminded me of you. From the cap you gave me for my birthday three years ago,  my ski gear which I bought for our ski trip last winter that was in my closet, to  the shoes you got me for valentine’s day this year which was laying right next to my door.

I took my phone out, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to talk to her, I can’t let her go that easily. In just a few rings, she picked up. ‘Yeobuseyo’ she said through the phone.

‘Bommie ah…it-it’s me…’ feeling a tear trickle down my cheek.  ‘Oh…Yea? What is it?’ was all she said to me.

‘D-don’t you have feelings for me anymore?’ silence was all I got in reply. I could only hear her soft breathing through the phone. ‘Did I make a wrong choice? Did I?’ again, there was no reply from her. ‘P-please Bommie, tell me…’ I heard her sigh after I said this. ‘Youngbae ah..you didn’t make a wrong choice’ the tone of her voice was empty, emotionless, which made my pain hurt more. ‘Why? Why are you doing this to me?’ I questioned her.

‘L-look Youngbae, I-I’m sorry. I want you to leave, so just leave me completely. Your dreams are right there in front of you, I don’t want to be the one that keeps you away from it.’ Her words stung, like I was being stabbed right in the heart. ‘I-it was my fault right?’ I said between tears which I couldn’t control anymore. ‘No..it was mine, because I’m the one who made this choice about us. I’m going to bed now Youngbae. I’m really sorry.’  

I stared at my phone for quite some time after Bom hanged up on me. Covering my face with both hands, I thought and thought, it was my fault for being busy throughout the holidays and not spending time with her, it was the distance that pulled us apart. Right now I would trade anything just to be by her side right now. But I already made my choice, I choose my dream over her. I was suppose to be happy, and hoping she would stay by my side. This emptiness inside me now is unbearable, it was a huge mistake for doing what I just did.

Hope. Is all I’ve got left. I just hope that I could pull through this and move on.

Just then, my phone rang, deep inside I was wishing it was Bom, but it wasn’t, it was just Seungri.

‘Hyung, I’m outside your house, open up.’

I got up and washed my face, then headed to the door finding Seungri standing there with a plastic bag in his hand.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I couldn’t sleep, I brought alcohol. I know you need it too.’ I let him into the house and there we were, two guys drinking for what had happened to us earlier.

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