First, I'm sorry if i'm late to update this story. and second i'm sorry because this chapter is shorter then the others T___T

I'm sorry, it happen because i've been busy with my thesis, that was torturing me together with killer lecturer -____-

i promise I'll make it up to you soon ^^

“Siwon… I’m sorry, but I can’t be your dongsaeng and I’ll never want to be”

Kyuhyun can’t take this anymore. This is wrong. This ‘break up’ thing is torturing him and he knows it’s absolutely his mistake. He should fix this before Siwon really leaves him. He can’t imagine how he will survive without Siwon beside him. The whole week was hell for him and he has been frustrated because he needed to hold back the urge to meet Siwon. He missed this guy so much.

“Siwon, please don’t leave. I need you Siwon. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry for my ignorance. I’m sorry, Siwon. I’m so sorry, Siwoon..” Kyuhyun starts sobbing hard. He can’t express in words what he’s feeling right now.

Kyuhyun doesn’t know what to do with the silent Siwon. It’s new for him. Siwon always lets it go easily if they fight. He doesn’t mind whose wrong as he would come to Kyuhyun and coax him until the younger isn’t sulking anymore or at least his mood is better.

But now, it’s different. Siwon remains silent when Kyuhyun is back hugging him and sobbing hard. Kyuhyun isn’t sure what to do next and what he has to say.

"Kyu...” Siwon whispers while his hand is trying to loosen up Kyuhyun’s grip around his waist.

“Kyu, I’m not the best for you. I.. I want to see you happy, Kyu. You won’t be happy with me. I’m the worst, but I can try my best to be your hyung. I’ll always stay by your side” Siwon turns around and squeezes Kyuhyun‘s shoulders as the latter keeps sobbing with his head hanged low.

“You will get tired of me again, Kyu. And I don’t want you to suffer even more because of me. You are the one who wanted to break up with me. All the things that you need now, you should find them in someone who is better than me, Kyu. You won’t be happy if you’re with me. Time will heal your broken heart. Believe me, Kyu” Siwon doesn’t notice that Kyuhyun is now giving him a death glare.

Siwon is being insecure about their relationship. He doesn’t have any confidence about it. He’s afraid that he can’t make Kyuhyun happy if he comes back to him. What if Kyuhyun gets tired of him again? What if he will make Kyuhyun cry? What if he hurt Kyuhyun again? He can’t. It will hurt him as well. Kyuhyun needs to be happy even if it means that he’s not with Siwon.

Siwon loosens up his grip on Kyuhyun’s shoulders and walks toward the door. However, he stops when he hears Kyuhyun’s voice that’s almost in inaudible.

“Please, don’t leave”

Siwon stops his steps without turning around. He really doesn’t know what to do while Kyuhyun is trying hard to gather his courage because Siwon can’t leave him. Siwon can’t leave them. If there’s no Siwon, it is meaningless. Kyuhyun sighs and steps closer, making Siwon turn to face him. He then looks at him in the eyes as he wants to tell him what he feels deep inside his heart. He hopes Siwon will know without him shouting it out because Cho Kyuhyun isn’t that smart in words.

Neither one of them talk. They keep gazing into each other’s eyes as if they are looking for something that they want, until Kyuhyun breaks the silent.

“I’m sorry, for everything. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I don’t deserve a better person, Siwon. You are the one who deserves someone better than me. I can’t understand you like others. All the things that I cared about in our relationship were my feelings. I’m sorry, Siwon”

Siwon feels a pang in his heart. Why does it hurt that much when Kyuhyun says that he deserves better? No, he doesn’t deserve it. His heart isn’t with him. His heart is already Kyuhyun’s. Even when they broke up a week ago, he couldn’t take it. He can’t give his heart to someone else except Kyuhyun.

The maknae is trying hard to maintain his strength. He can’t break down in front of Siwon. He needs to be strong if he doesn’t want Siwon to leave him. Although his eyes are teary, he’s trying hard to hold them back.

“But Siwon, I can learn to be that better person for you. I can try to understand your feelings. I can care more about our relationship. I won’t leave you behind again. I won’t leave you for my stupid Kyu-line. I won’t complain about your hectic schedules. I won’t whine if we can’t spend our time together. I won’t yell and curse at you when I’m angry at you. I promise... I promise. So please don’t leave… Please stay by my side”

Kyuhyun’s vision gets blurry as the tears betray him. He looks at Siwon’s face with fear. What if Siwon doesn’t change his mind? What should he do?

Siwon on the other hand is confused. He massages his temples and sighs. It’s complicated. What are they? Lovers? Ex-lovers? Or band mates?

But Siwon feels doubt in his heart. He doesn’t doubt about Kyuhyun’s feelings for him but he doubt about himself. He loves Kyuhyun, but he’s afraid. There are so many what ifs in his mind.

“Kyu, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry” Siwon looks away.

Siwon really wants to hug the crying Kyuhyun. He really wants to wipe those tears. This is torturing him too much and he needs to leave as soon as possible before he crushes down.

“I need to leave, Kyuhyun. And you should go back to your room. I don’t want you catch a cold. It’s freezing here. Go back to your room. Okay?” Siwon is trying to be like his hyung rather than his lover, but his heart feels wrong when he acts like this. Something is missing and Siwon knows what it is.

PLAK!

Kyuhyun... His Kyuhyun just slapped him. Siwon looks at him in the eyes as he did not expect this. He still doesn’t get it.

“You wouldn’t leave me if you love me. You said that you love me. But WHY? WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME? Why Siwon? Hikss. Hikss. Why?” Kyuhyun shouts.

The maknae can’t believe that Siwon would act like this. It’s wrong because they love each other. They were meant to be together. The break up, it was just... it was his mistake.

“You don’t know how miserable I am without you beside me. How much tears I shed up because I always think of you. There’s no place in this world for me if I’m  without you, Siwon. You don’t know how I’m dying and breaking into pieces day by day because I’m not without you. I’m incomplete without you, Siwon. I even forgot about my games and I would sleep if I don’t have any schedules. I couldn’t stay awake if I’m without you Siwon because then at least I can see you in my dreams. Every second is never left without me thinking of you. You are my world, Siwon. There’s no one there except you and me. If you leave me, I will be alone there. I will die little by little. How could you ask me to be your dongsaeng when I’m dying because of my love for you? I’m suffocating Siwon! ” Kyuhyun wipes the tears on his cheeks harshly. ‘It won’t work, Kyu’

He then steps even closer to Siwon, his fingers playing with the buttons of Siwon’s sweater.

The older, who’s still shocked by everything that just happened, spaces out for a couple of seconds before blinking a few times and shifting his gaze to Kyuhyun who is still busy playing with his buttons. It happens so fast. He got slapped and then Kyuhyun was blabbing out his feelings for him.

“K—kyu, yo—“

“Shut up! You just need to listen to my words and don’t you dare to interrupt my words and my acts. Do you understand, Siwonnie?” Kyuhyun cups Siwon’s face and smirks when he sees him obediently nodding his head.

“Good. I’ll show you how much I love you. And I’ll make you realize how much you love me. So be a good boy, honey” Kyuhyun smiles sweetly and pulls out Siwon’s sweater making him even closer to him.

Siwon’s body is tensing. He did not expect this move either. Where’s the weak Kyuhyun from just now? Siwon’s eyes pop out when Kyuhyun’s lips touch his. He can see Kyuhyun’s eyes close and soon he’s drowning in his touch. He wants to pull away but he doesn’t know why his eyes are closing as well. He’s enjoying the overwhelming, sweet and intoxicating feeling.

Kyuhyun starts to move his lips, nibbling on Siwon’s bottom lip as he asks for more than a sweet kiss. He needs more than this. Their kiss is becoming passionate but Kyuhyun is dominating this time. His hand is on the back of Siwon’s head as he presses on it to deepen their kiss. He can feel Siwon’s cavern still tastes the same as the last time they kissed.

“Mmmhhmh, S—siwoonh.” Kyuhyun moans when he feels Siwon kissing him back before he adds “I l—love yo—u”

They don’t know how long they’ve kissing but they have to break it when they’re both out of breath. Kyuhyun doesn’t want to pull away but he doesn’t want to die. Siwon as well, is unwilling to pull away and he now realizes that HE MISSES KYUHYUN SO MUCH! He still doesn’t get why the hyung-donsaeng relationship even popped out in his mind, assuring himself that he can live like that as long as he is with Kyuhyun. That is totally wrong because it will break him and torture him until the end of his life… Because he loves Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun loves him.

He looks at Kyuhyun who is smiling sweetly with his pink cheeks. The maknae is stronger than him. Siwon is the loser here. How lucky he is that he was able to win this amazing guy’s heart.

“How was it? You do know that I’m madly in love with you, don’t you? Okay, maybe I should leave then. Because it’s getting colder than I expected”

Kyuhyun his own arms and walks toward the door, but before he can reach the doorknob, he feels someone pulling him into his embrace. He can feel the warm breathe against his nape… Comfortable. There is where he belongs.

Suddenly, he feels Siwon’s body ceasing up and down while his pajama is getting wet and he has to turn away to face him.

“I’m sorry, Kyu. I’m an idiot. I love you baby. I love you so much”

“No. It’s okay. Sushh. Yeah, you are my idiot, my lovely idiot. I love you too, Siwonnie” Kyuhyun kisses the top of Siwon’s head while his back.

***

“Siwon, you should promise me that you won’t leave me and Super Junior”

“Huh? I won’t. WHAT!!! How could I leave you and Super Junior? It will never happen. How could you think that way?” Siwon is so shocked as he looks at Kyuhyun in disbelief.

“EUNHAE!!!”

***

THANK YOU for reading my weird story :D

I'll be happy if you don't mind to leave comment ^3^

SiwonnieFan, ABUNDANCE OF THANK'S again .. eumh you know that I love YOU, right? :p

and sorry for troubling you so often -____-