Dear nobody,

                Today when I go Visiting, Seokjin tells me some bad news. I think he meant for it to be good news but I can only take it as bad.

                “Hey Taehyung! How are you feeling?”

                “I’m okay. And you?”

                “Tired as usual. Look, why don’t you take a seat? I’ll get you something to drink.” He places a warm cup of tea beside me and a plate of cookies.

                I Remembered cookies. Warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies made with someone in a yellow apron. Strangely, I smell strawberries. There is flour being thrown into the air and someone drops a plate because they have burned their fingertips. I put the slim fingers into my mouth and I cool it down. I taste blood and chocolate. The fingers are jerked away. There is silence in the air before the fingers slip behind my head and grab my hair. I feel warm skin beneath my fingers. I taste chocolate and strawberries.

                Seokjin makes small talk but the wait is killing me. “Where’s Sunny today?” I ask.

                He doesn’t meet my eyes and takes a large drink of his tea. He burns his tongue and the tea dribbles down his chin. I reach out and wipe it dry with my fingers. It has cooled down and the liquid runs down my hand. He grabs a tissue and cleans his face. He gives me another so I can clean myself.

                “Sun Ah can’t make it today. She’s out of town for a bit. She told me to say sorry to you.”

                “Out of town? Where did she go?”

                “Just...Just out. She’ll be back by next week, don’t worry. In the meantime, I thought I’d bring you to another place. You haven’t been outside much, right?”

                “I am Outside.”

                Seokjin laughs gently. He ruffles my hair. “Silly, you’re indoors right now. I mean outside where there are trees and flowers.”

                “I’m not allowed to.”

                “Right, right,” those words were mumbled to himself, “But we’ll make a special exception. As long as you’re with me, we’ll be okay. I already had someone bring your coat over so we can get going.” He throws me my coat. While he goes to grab his jacket, I put my fingers into my mouth. They taste like tea.

                I am asked to put on Mask again because there are even more bacteria floating around Ooutside. Mask is brought up over my eyes. I am guided by Seokjin out of his room down one flight of stairs and a long, long, long hallway. We stop a couple of times and people greet Seokjin. I remain silent because I don’t know where we are going. Seokjin told me that as long as I was with him, we would be okay.

                There is the creak of a door and a cool blast of air hits me. We are outside. We are really outside outside. I take in a deep breath and I remember the smell of rotting leaves and rain. My mind tells me there was a storm last night. The crunch beneath my shoes tells me that we are walking across the field I see so often outside Hallway Window which I pass on my way down to Seokjin’s room. The sound changes and my shoes are now thump thump thumping on something harder. It must be concrete. I remember that word. It is very hard and a dark grey colour. It’s what lies outside a house with bright flowers and a swing set. Seokjin stops me.

                “Taehyung, stay here for a moment. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

                I obey his words. The wind rustles through my hair and I resist the temptation to throw my hands into the air. I want to feel the summer breeze lift me away. I want to see the colours of the leaves with my eyes. I want to be free.

                But I am not.

                I stand and just let the wind come and go. I allow myself to imagine what it would be like if I were. There is a new sound that comes from the right; it rumbles and throws a nasty smell into the air. The sound of a door, hard and metallic, reaches me and there are footsteps. Seokjin speaks to me again, “Come this way, Taehyung. Watch your step. Lift your foot higher, higher... Okay good. Bring it down now and step up.” I enter the rumbling machine. Then I am locked inside.

                Mask still sits on my face as I shift in the machine. Every so often, my body decides to turn left and right by itself. “Seokjin hyung, where are we going? Where am I?”

                I hear his low chuckle from in front. “We’re going to a special place. And I’m driving you right now. Sorry for making you keep your blindfold on but...” his voice faded away. It didn’t come back until a second later. “Ahem. Yeah. We’re in my car.”

                Car. I am in a car. A dim image flashes across my mind and I see a machine with four wheels. It is black and tall with sleek doors that open and close with a push of a button. My heart beats as I Remember feeling warmth in that car. My fingertips tingle as soft skin brushes across it before there is a scream. My body hurts.

                I don’t ask any other questions and we spend the rest of the time in silence. Sometime in the middle, Seokjin has the radio and I hear a soft acoustic guitar. There is a soothing voice singing in accompaniment to it. It sounds very nice.

                After an unknown period of time, Seokjin stops the car and we walk out. He continues to lead me until the autumn air is out of my face and we enter someplace indoor. It is then I’m allowed to take Mask off. The bright indoor lights blind my vision momentarily before my eyes adjust. I am in a new building with a blue ceiling. Clouds have been painted across it; rainbows, butterflies and flowers decorate more of the walls. There is shrill laughter in a nearby room. I turn and look at Seokjin.

                “Follow me,” he smiles kindly. I return his smile. I like smiling back at him. It’s reassuring. I walk through the stranger hall and into a smaller carpeted room. Inside, there are tiny girls and boys. There are children looking up at me. Their attention span is brief before they return to their games. There are trucks, dolls and many other sorts of flashy toys strewn across the room.

                “Seokjin-ssi,” a female voice greeted us. It is lower than Sunny’s and not as warm. I look for whom this voice belongs to. A smiling woman walks up to us. Her lips are pulled tight across her teeth in a wide grin but it confuses me. Her voice is cold. Her voice is not friendly. But her lips and face are. Her voice is dead. “You must be Kim Taehyung.” I bow.

                Seokjin takes my hand in his and squeezes it. The small action comforts me in this stranger place. “Yes, Principal, this is my good friend, Kim Taehyung. I decided to bring him along to play with the kids. Then perhaps after...”

                Principal nodded. Her lips move to tell something to Seokjin privately but her voice is too loud so that I can hear everything. “As long as you keep him beside you, I’ll allow it.” Seokjin agreed to her wish.

                When we were alone again, he walks towards the children all the while talking to me, “I come here to volunteer sometimes. These kids are young but some of them live extremely painful lives. I just want to come and give them love and warmth. Would you care to join me?”

                Warmth and love. I want to give someone warmth and love. I want to show someone I cared and loved them.

                I nodded.

                The rest of the afternoon, Seokjin and I played with the children. I wasn’t very good at playing, however so I ended up sitting out. It was very interesting seeing Seokjin running around the room like a child himself. He had on a very pure and content smile.

                I lean back and suddenly notice a small figure at the table beside me. He sat looking at the other children in the room with a pout on his face. In his chubby fingers, he gripped a red crayon tightly. I watch him for a while with the weird expression on his face. He looked like he longed to do something but couldn’t bring himself to accomplish it.

                “Annyeong,” I greet gently. The child looks at me with big round eyes. I am taken aback by how brown they are. “Annyeong,” I repeated.

                The child continued to stare and so I stared back. Strangely, the action didn’t make us uncomfortable. Instead, the longer we stared, the better I felt we connected. I didn’t do anything to break the silence.

                “Why are you here?”

                Baffled, I looked around when I heard the words. However nobody was near me except for the child. I inspected his lips. They were closed and didn’t look like they had moved. I searched the child’s eyes for an answer.

                “Why are you here?”

                The voice came again. I blinked several times but still I could not find the source of the words. The child’s head had been bent down, drawing red circles on the piece of paper. They ranged from hollow large circles to small coloured dots. When he caught me staring, the child looked back up. This time, I really looked into his eyes.

                They were too old for his age and carried a burden. They were tired but wise. They were alluring but dangerous. It scared me but intrigued me.  

                Seokjin came up to me not long after and told me we were leaving.

                Mask sits with the others on my new shelf. The Important ones are starting to pile up more and more.