The outing was a success as far as Jonghyun was concerned. He was able to set aside his feelings and spent time with friends, all of his friends, Kibum included. Before his feelings had developed into its unhealthy stage, they were roommate and best friends. And it was Kibum's friendship that he treasured. It was his roommate that he had owe many nights of silent comfort and a shoulder he could always depended on. And it was his roommate and friend that he had fallen in love with. 

However, there were moments when he felt like he didn't know Kibum as well as he should, not that he ever bothered to go a background check when his roommate had shown up out of the blue and tossed his hormones into a chaotic mess. And tonight was a good reminder of just how much he didn't know.

Jonghyun stared in bewilderment as a group of guys approached them. They didn't look friendly. Kibum wasn't fazed by their presence; he simply faced them, eyebrows rising in mock horror. He wanted to do something, to be the one to protect Kim Kibum, but the boy merely gave him a cold look, one that clearly said: "leave this alone."

So he watched as Minho's eyes darted between the group of trouble makers and Jinki, keeping the conversation at a constant flow so he could provide a distraction to Jinki, who had his back to the scene. His face still bright as he conversed with Minho - but Jonghyun could see his eyes had hardened. He sensed trouble.

"Well well well...if it isn't the Almighty," one of the guys had sneered before Kibum took them aside to talk privately amongst themselves. Jonghyun knew that he was mixed up with the wrong crowd before, but to see it first hand was still shocking. Kibum's face definitely dispeled any illusions of innocence; it was still hard to match him up with these scenes. It was even harder to watch because he didn't seem out of place, in fact, he fitted right in as if he had been a thug all of his life. His sharp features seemed like razors, and his eyes shone like hard diamonds in the dark. The gleam of his smirks dimmed the rest of his face, made him look more dangerous.

He flowed so effortlessly from one character to the next. He played the perfect role of the caring best friend who was always by Jonghyun's side. He was the perfect "mother" whom nagged and nagged until things were done his way. He sometimes even met a kid's maturity level and kicked and screamed until they ordered his favorite dish for dinner. Just who was Kim Kibum?

Jonghyun didn't know nor did he care. So he watched, for any signs of distress, for any signs that he was needed. But of course, he wasn't needed. No sooner had he given in to the need to interrupt them, Kibum was already walking back towards their table, and a smile lit up his whole face.

"Sorry about that," Kibum took his old seat in between Jonghyun and Jinki.

"Are you okay?" Minho asked, perceptive eyes studied the latter. "Need...help?"

"I got it."

"You know, Key," Jinki mumbled, "seeing you like that is scary." He voiced all of their thoughts. Kibum simply laughed as he ruffled Jinki's hair.

He thought that his past was buried deep, but it only took a few douche bags to resurface the old Kim Kibum - the one he so desperately wished would stay dead. But that didn't matter, what happened had already happened. That was the old him, and he would not let his mistakes dictate who he wanted to be. 
 

--

"I wish you'd talk to me about it," Jonghyun said, he was leaning on Kibum, constantly switching channels.

"And I wish you'd stop asking," Kibum replied, "I just did some stupid stuff. But my parents came to my side and pulled me out. Family pulled me out. That's all."

"If you are so close to your family, why don't you visit them more often?"

"It's...complicated, okay?"

"Talk to me, Kibum," he moved so that he could face his best friend.

"It's Key. We'll compromise then?"

He didn't like the look on "Key's" face, but he nodded slowly.

"You tell me what really happened with your girl friend," his best friend said slyly, "and I will answer your question."

Jonghyun knew when he was defeated, so he mumbled inherently to himself and turned back to the television. He tried to ignore Kibum's smug grin but secretly wished he could strangle the lovely boy sitting next to him.

"You know..." he felt a hand on his shoulder and was so very afraid to move. He sat still as a statue as he felt Kibum inching towards him in a painfully slow motion that made him want to scream. He felt Kibum?s beath on his neck, teasing him ever so slightly. The scent of peppermint caught him in a choke hold and he desperately wished for some fresh air.

"Next time, fall in love with me so you won't get your heart broken."

Jonghyun clenched his hands into tight fists and rested them firmly on either side of his thighs. Had he heard right? He didn't dare to move - to even breathe. He knew how fragile this moment was and he didn't want to do anything that would ruin it. He wasn't even sure if this was truly happening. Logic had escaped him at the moment, and Jonghyun wasn't even sure if he was sitting down.

"W-w-what?" He managed to stammer.

Kibum's chuckled sounded far away and foreign to his ears. They were so low he wasn't sure if he heard them.

"Calm down, Jjong." Kibum moved away from him, taking away the warmth that was choking him. "I was just trying out a line from a drama.? Suddenly, Kibum shuddered. "I don't know how people can say these lines - so cheesy!"

Jonghyun's heart stopped, or at least he thought it did. It was pounding so hard before that he was surprised it didn?t burst out of his chest. So now it completely stopped, and he could feel it contracting. That terrible heart clenching feeling that was so painful he had to fight back tears.

"Jjong? Are you okay?"

He wasn't sure what the expected reply was, so he tried to smile.

"Jjong? I was kidding." Kibum's face was full of worry. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so close."

"What?"

"Oh you know..."

But whatever Kibum wanted to say was suddenly cut off as the door swung open with a bang. He frowned in annoyance at the disturbance. He prayed that the wall wasn't damaged from the impact with the door.

Jinki shuffled into the foyer and gave him an impish grin, followed by Minho, and then?

"Taemin?" He asked, surprised.

"Oh, I ran into them on the way up to your apartment," Taemin explained. "I just wanted to ask you a quick homework question. Can...I stay?"

"Of course, come on in."

"We're here to party!!" Jinki announced, holding up a box of fried chicken. His face was flushed from the cold, and there was snow melting on his hair. The light bounced off his brown highlights, illuminating his whole features. He chuckled when he saw Minho struggle with the bags of groceries.

"Weakling."

Minho glared at his roommate, "stop hugging that chicken box and help me."

"I'll take it," Jonghyun spoke up for the first time, his soul just returned to him. He led the way into the kitchen, Minho and Jinki followed suit.

"What's your question?" Key asked once they were alone. Taemin, however, wasn't paying any attention. His gaze was directed at the kitchen, and there were stars dancing in them.
 

--

The party turned out to be a lot more comfortable than Jonghyun had expected, though he never really knew what to expect anymore. The little scene with Kibum completely shook him out of his wit. Throughout the evening, all he could focus on was Kibum's voice and the way his breath felt when he was mumbling those nonsense into his ears. Those words of nonsense that grossed the other boy enough to actually make him shudder were like music to Jonghyun's ears. Ironically, for someone who hated saying such tasteless drama lines, Kibum delivered them effortlessly. Though Jonghyun knew he was fooling himself into thinking the joke was more than just a joke.

He sighed as he leaned back on the armchair and watched Minho kicked Jinki?s at some video game. Kibum and Taemin were huddled together; working on what he presumed was Taemin's homework.

Jonghyun smiled at the pleasant scene displayed before him. He hadn?t known the closeness of family while he was growing up, but his friends had made up for it. His eyes wandered to Key who was silently cursing high school calculus as he was glaring at the book before him. One friend in particular had filled up all the missing pieces, he thought, and realized he was too dependent again. Too dependent upon one single being. Jonghyun scowled, it was stupid to become attached to one single being. And he, Kim Jonghyun, was stupid. 

When the party ended, both Jonghyun and Minho were equally surprised when Kibum growled at the tall doe-eyes boy. 

"You don't deserve him," Kibum had said with a slight glare. "So you'd better take good care of him!"

Jonghyun watched as Taemin blushed a deep red. Jinki cranked his head so that he could see everyone's faces better, so Jonghyun knew he was confused by the way he kept glancing from one person to the next. Minho looked confused at first, but then realization dawned on him and he took Taemin by the waist and smirked at an angry Key.

"I'll walk you home," Minho muttered in his soft deep voice. 

Oh sh*t, what happened while he was in his own little world? Jonghyun wondered but he was happy for Minho and Taemin - at least some people were happy. One sliver of hope for himself.

"So, Minho and Taemin?" Jonghyun asked once he shoo-ed the last person out of of the door and slammed it firmly shut. He was tired.

"Hmpff, he just waltzed in and stole my innocent Taemin!" Kibum exclaimed, fiery eyes fixated on the coffee table. "The nerve of that kid!"

"He sure...works fast."

"UGHH!" 

Jonghyun smiled at his friend's shriek. It was shrilly enough to wake up their entire building.

"But anyways," Kibum sobered up and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean anything by it. I know you don't like people being so close to you, so I shouldn't have..."

"No, really...it's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Jonghyun faked a laugh, "you were just kidding. I can handle a joke. I'm going to head to bed, good night."

"Night," Kibum called after him. 

Jonghyun laid in bed, and studied his ceiling. 

I didn't mean anything by it 

It was funny how much words could hurt. He was used to writing lyrics, and he knew the power of words. They could conjure up a whole range of emotions. But he had never thought they could be used as a tool to stab at someone's heart. What was worse was that the boy who yielded the weapon so well didn't know what he was doing.