WE DID IT!

Hi guys! Thank for so much for sticking by Insomnia.
I hope you've had a blast reading, because I did writing.
 

It felt weird, sitting in the middle of Kibum’s apartment and across from him so casually. It was as if they hadn’t just shared the chaotic last few hours. Though, Jonghyun felt it now more than ever – the years they spent together, the years they spent apart. Had Kim Kibum been so integrated into his life for so long that he no longer noticed? The other was just simply a part of him now, something as natural as air. And yet, they had spent most of those years by themselves, pursuing their own lives. There was still so much he didn’t know. 

“That night,” Jonghyun spoke up, his voice filling the space, “why did you leave?”

“I found out they were after me.” Kibum raked a hand through is hair, “I knew it the moment we first ran into them. But…then something suddenly hit me…and I knew I had to leave.”

“What’s that something?”

Kibum turned away, “you. Your feelings. I kept thinking it was odd that you were always avoiding my touch, or that you kept your girlfriends away from me. And then the way you just…reacted to me in general. Once I knew that, I couldn’t stay.”

“Why?” 

“Why? Jonghyun, a whole gang was after me. I wasn’t safe. You weren’t safe. I didn’t have any power or money to protect us. What if I had stayed and told you I loved you? We would hug and rejoice for a day before The Lockets turn us to dust.

“There was nothing I could do then. So I left, went back to school, got all my degrees and took over my dad’s business. Then I got the whole Seoul’s police department behind me…and so I figured it was okay to maybe meet up with you guys. I didn’t know, I swear I didn’t, that they would come after you guys like that. But when I found out, I just had to work with it. I had to bait them…by using you guys. I thought I could keep you safe, but – “

Jonghyun stayed silent as Kibum rambled on, getting more hysterical every second. The younger boy had none of the air of adulthood that he portrayed on T.V. None of the cold mask he sometimes slipped into. He was just Kibum now, distraught, but still just his Kibum.
He winced at being called “bait.” Truthfully, he had never thought about what would happen if Kibum had stayed. He had been so blinded by the hurt of it all, he couldn’t think of the alternative. If it things had gone the way he selfishly wanted them to, what would happened to those he loved? To Jinki, or Minho, or even Taemin? 

“It must’ve cost you…to walk way,” Jonghyun mumbled.

Kibum’s eyes softened then, “you guys were worth it.”

“Kibum…”

“It’s not over, Jonghyun.”

“But if you say you have all this money, why are we still playing this game?” 

“Everything I have now is only temporary protection. We can hide, Jonghyun, believe me – we can run all around the world. But that’s not the life I want for us. This is our time to fight back now, so don’t do anything stupid, you jerk.”

Kibum broke down then. All the fear, all the torment of thinking what would happen if he had been too late. The image of Jonghyun in that fire – pain grasped his chest as hot tears streaked down his face. How long had it been since he had cried for someone? He couldn’t seem to stop. His whole body was vibrating from it, his breathing came in gasps. It felt as if his whole body was being torn apart.
Jonghyun could only gather the small frame of the one he loved into his arms, and cried alongside the one who was doing so much when he couldn’t return anything. For years, Kibum had planned this – had planned for their future. For a moment, Jonghyun could only take comfort in having his whole world in his arms.


..


Jinki scanned the busy street, so many bodies that there was no room to maneuver. But it was exactly how he preferred it, it was harder to pin point two single bodies in a crowd this big. So he moved along the sea of people, hang clasped tight with Taemin’s smaller ones, the other on his cell phone. He didn’t want to miss it if Minho or Kibum called.

It had been hours and still nothing. He was tired, and he knew Taemin was tired. But they couldn’t stop. 

“JINKI!” Someone called to him, and he quickly whipped his head in the direction. One of his old friends was waving at him, and he silently debated if he should stop.

“Hyung, couldn’t we just get something to drink?” Taemin’s face decided it for him.

Jinki nodded and pulled the younger with him, towards the café where his friend had waved to him.

“Boy, I’m glad to see you,” Joon said when he was within earshot, “I lost my girlfriend somewhere in that mess. Think you could help me? She won’t answer her phone.”

“Oh, I don’t –“

“Of course!” Taemin piped up, elbowing him, “hyung, we should help.”

“Great, let’s split up,” Joon suggested.

“Okay!”

Jinki grabbed Taemin’s hand again, “no. Taemin and I will stay together.”

Joon shrugged, “sure. Call me if you see her, okay?” He showed both Taemin and Jinki a picture of his girlfriend and ran out of the café, waving to them as he went.


..


Taemin rolled his head to the side, it was throbbing. The pain was spreading slowly, dull and heavy. He tried to move but realized his wrists were bounded, Taemin frowned; he was tied to a chair. His wrists and ankles were strung with ropes, impossible to move. Beside him, he felt someone stirred and knew it was Jinki. He blinked back his tears. 

Not long after they were separated from Joon, Jinki and he had walked along the sidewalk, still keeping to the busy part of the streets. He wasn’t sure what was going on, something about Kibum’s old gang, but no one had told him anymore. Taemin had seen someone who looked like what Joon shown them, and had followed her. For a second, he lost sight of Jinki. Then he felt it, that unmistakable sensation of being watched. Someone hidden by the sea of people that had hid him and Jinki earlier, and no matter how much he tried to blend into the crowd, it hadn’t worked. Someone had snatched him up before he could even scream. He wasn’t sure how Jinki had gotten caught but he knew it was because of him – because he had foolishly wandered off towards the girl.

“Hm, Taemin…”

“Hyung, what’s going on?”

Jinki chuckled, “don’t be scared. Kibum will save us. Don’t you worry.”

“Hyung, what the hell…I’m not a kid anymore.”

“I know,” Jinki sighed, “you grew up, Tae-ah.”

“So tell me.”

“I am guessing we are being held hostage by The Lockets – Kibum’s former gang. I should have gotten you away…when Kibum first left five years ago, he hinted to me that we should move. But at the time, Jonghyun didn’t want to leave that apartment. And you were so stuck on Minho…and Minho didn’t want to move away from Jonghyun.

“Now we are all in a mess,” Jinki sighed again, a deep inhale and long exhale, recalling every detail, talking to himself more than to Taemin. “You were still a minor then, too, and you parents never would have approved…”

“What do we do now, hyung?”

“We…”

But Jinki never finished because someone walked into the room. He was hidden mostly be the shadows. Only his perfectly white teeth gleamed in the almost dark room, the only light was streamed in from the outside. Taemin hadn’t realized it was dark before. The man was well built and tall, he towered over the three other men that flanked out beside him. They brought in something that smelled like jasmine tea, and Taemin’s throat was suddenly dry – he wasn’t sure if it was from fear or the realization that he hadn’t drank anything.

“Let’s play a game to motivate Kibum along,” the man sneered, his voice an ugly slur of vowels and syllables. “In front of you, two cups of tea. One laced with Wolfsbane. The game is fifty-fifty. Who will live?” 

“Which one has the Wolfsbane?” Jinki wanted to know, his voice steady. “Give that to me.”

The man chuckled, “what fun would that be?”

“What difference does it make to you which one of us lives?”

The man shrugged, and laughed again, “you’re right. Do as he wishes.”

Before Taemin could protest, the cups were jammed into their mouths, porcelain against teeth. Taemin could feel the blood from his mouth mixed with the tea with each gulp. He supposed it didn’t make a difference if he drank or not, tears flooded his eyes. From his peripheral, he saw Jinki’s adam apple bopped up and down as he drank the poisoned tea. 

“Hyung…” he said meekly after everyone left and they were alone once again.

“That wasn’t so scary.” Jinki replied cheerful, his breathing changing, “you okay?”

Taemin nodded, his throat clogged up with so many tears that he couldn’t talk. How long did they have? One hour? Two? How long would it take for Minho or Kibum to find them? For Jinki’s sake, he could only hope for the best.


..


Kibum cursed when his phone went off. Wolfsbane, he calculated the time from when the video was sent and cursed again. He looked at his watch, made the necessary calls, one to Minho. He grabbed his jacket that was hanging by the door and ran out – with Jonghyun not far behind him. They were running out time. Jinki was running out of time.


..


It was so hot. His lips and mouth were so hot, and his throat felt numb. He couldn’t talk. Breathing was so hard now, a labor that he had to concentrate on. He tried to sit up, but his body felt so weak, almost like a fluid. There was nothing to do now but wait. The world turned a weird shade that he couldn’t describe, and through the numbness of his pain, he heard someone constantly weeping. He wasn’t sure if it was Taemin or himself.


..

“Did Jinki hyung eat?”

Minho frowned, “what? I don’t know…maybe earlier?” Why was Kibum asking him this over the phone? Didn’t they have more important things to worry about?

“I’m going to text you an address, meet me there.”

“You think Taemin and Jinki are in danger?” Minho asked quickly, his eyes focused on the road, but he couldn’t see anything.

“They’re already captured. Jinki hyung is poisoned.”

Saying nothing, Minho simply let out a strangled sound.

“I’m sorry, Minho. If we don’t make it…”

“I’ll never forgive you.”

“I know.”

The phone connection cut off then, and Minho had to remind himself that he had to stay alive in order to save Taemin and Jinki. He blinked back the tears that were stinging his eyes and focused on the road once more. Pushing the gas pedal as far as it would go, he raced towards the direction that was sent to his phone the second Kibum hung up.


..

Jinki heard it. Taemin perked up beside him as voices filled the other side of their door. Kibum’s unmistakable voice filtered through their room like a light in an endless darkness. Words were exchanged. Then the deafening sound of gun fire went off. The room shook as Taemin could do nothing but whimpered. They were in the middle of the small room, still tied to their chairs. There was no protection. Beside him, he could feel the light seeping out of Jinki’s body with his breath. He knew, just as he had known since Jinki first drank from the cup, it was too late

The searing pain cut through him, that undeniable moment when the world turned a blur shade of white, when sounds dulled in the background, intercepted by sharp peaks of a sudden raise in decibels. In the end, though, there was no moment of life’s flashbacks, no feelings of regrets or happiness – in the end, there was nothing. He smile as the last sound infiltrated his mind – police sirens from somewhere far away. 

Taemin was safe…


..


Taemin sat with his back supported by the wall, movements all around him. Someone’s strong arms wrapped about his frail body, pleading with him, warmth trickled down his face and neck. It was so unbearably hot, more so by the person who held him in a death grip. Jinki’s body, once full of life, vibrated with energy, lay a few inches away from him. The body was hard, cold, slumped over in a way that would not be comfortable if he were still living. A puddle of sticky crimson and other fluids were slowly spreading out of his body, seeping into the crevices of the floor. He didn’t know how long he had been sitting in this very spot, unafraid to move, unable to return to his own reality. 

“Hyung,” Taemin’s hoarse voice choked out at last, lips dry. His throat was parched. He couldn’t scream anymore, couldn’t fight against himself and those around him; he was simply tired – detached.

“Taemin-ah, please,” Minho begged once more, pain clenched his chest so that he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t continue. He needed to make sure the one he was holding in his arms was okay; he had to make sure Taemin was still there. The younger didn’t give him any assurance. The body he held still breathed and was warm with life, but the eyes that looked back at him held no trace of recognition. Minho could only take comfort from the empty shell and hoped for the best – whatever it was.

Endless questions, endless statements, flurry of bodies moved about their business. Tapes were put up around the crime scene, shackles-bound bodies sneered as they were led away into the back of a police’s van. Two forlorn figures stood in each other’s embrace, neither spoke directly to each other – only to answer the questions posed by the policemen around them.

“Jonghyun,” Kibum murmured first, once they were finally left alone. “Jonghyun…I’m – so sorry.”

Jonghyun shook his head as his arms fell to his sides, “What we needed to do for us doesn’t justify Jinki hyung’s life.”

“Nothing ever justifies another, it is just how it is,” Kibum locked his arms tighter; he wasn’t sure when it would stop, this onslaught of pain that was taking over his whole body. “Life doesn’t take excuses, life doesn’t do fair trades.”

“Kibum, I…”

He watched as Kibum’s eyes closed, fresh tears covered the dried trail left by the last bout. Kibum’s mouth, once his haven, softly shaped the word that made it possible for his body to kick into gear. 

"Go."

“Kibum, you don’t understand,” Jonghyun looked at the younger’s man weary eyes, “do you think I’ll walk away after everything?”

“But I…Jinki hyung, it’s my entire fault.”

“He didn’t die for you,” Minho piped up, his words curt and simple. “He could have stayed away but he wanted to protect the person he loved most, too.”

Kibum didn’t have to ask who to know the answer, and his heart wept for the boy still sitting in Minho’s embrace. “How can you all not hate me?”

“Because Jinki hyung would never allowed it. He trusted you, Kibum.” Minho smiled bitterly. 

Those words cut deeper than any scar or wound could, and Kibum knew Minho had intended it to be that way. One friend he lost to The Locket, and he was about to lose another. He looked at Taemin’s frail body and hoped he would not lose one more before this whole situation was over.

“We already lost too much,” Jonghyun pulled Kibum against him, “and we’ll have to pay for today for the rest of our lives – don’t make it worse, Minho.”


..

Life returned to normal – though everyone tried to grief, there was no helping the currents of everyday. Soon, they were all swept away with it. It didn’t get easier, just as it never would, but they’ve learned to deal with the agony that was always just a thought away. And whenever the memories took them by surprise, they simply allowed the sensation to come: the clenched heart, the tears, and the lethargic moments that came after their hearts tore in two and tried to mend again. But the seam never healed – it was constantly reopened. 

Scars were often that way. The world never seemed to notice, but the person carrying them would always know and be reminded of their presence. 


“Jonghyun,” Minho settled himself down next to his friend, who was tapping his foot slightly to the melody only he could hear, Jonghyn’s mouth shaped words that only he knew; he only acknowledged the other’s presence by a mere nod.

“Taemin saw Kibum today. They had a long conversation.”

Jonghyun glanced at his friend then, “Taemin?”

“He’s doing better, every day I get back some more of the person I love,” Minho smiled at his hands, “Kibum?”

“He’s doing better, too,” Jonghyun rubbed his eyes; tiredness came over him, “looks like we’ll be fine.”

Minho patted his back and jerked his thumb towards the doorway; Jonghyun followed and saw Kibum studying them, eyes wary. 

“I…want to say I’m sorry,” Minho spoke first. “You were a victim, too.”

Kibum crumbled before neither one could reach him, but he simply shook his head when they offered to help.

“Thanks,” he mumbled quietly, still folded within himself.

“I’ll…give you two some space,” Minho announced and stepped out of the apartment. “I can’t leave Taemin for too long anyways.”

“He’s still scared,” Kibum said when the younger man left. “Taemin is still fragile…but, he’ll be okay.”

Jonghyun came closer and tried to smile, “you talked to Taemin?”

“Yeah, I’m glad. Jonghyun?”

“Hm?”

“I…I apologized to Taemin. And he said it wasn’t my fault.” Kibum sighed.

“It’s not, Kibum. You need to forgive yourself – for the motorcycle guy, for your past gang, for Jinki hyung. Just let go, Kibum.”

For the first time, the words made sense. It was time to let go. He had been carrying around the burden of the past for so long that he couldn’t imagine how to live without it. But he knew, without any doubt that the person who was with him right at this moment would help him through, without any hesitation. It was time to rely on someone else, to not hide in the back alleys; it was time he faced life head on instead of making plans to go around it. 

He didn’t think it was possible for a person to change so much. It hadn’t been a short time – but he had felt it, the change within him that came a little at a time. He had felt it during the two years that he had lived with Jonghyun. 

The change became more prominent once he knew what he wanted. Once he decided to fight for it instead of running away, forever checking behind him. After Jinki hyung’s death, he wasn’t sure if change was a good thing. What had he done? Why did he come back into their lives? 

But nothing could or would change the past. And Kim Kibum was damned sure he didn’t want the past to control his future.
In a swift mode, he crushed his lips to Jonghyun’s and felt that instant love that always came so naturally to the other, the overwhelming love that always seemed to pull him under, leaving him breathless. 

“I love you, Kim Jonghyun.”

“Good, remember that next time I leave the dishes out.”